Week 8: More thoughts and follow up

Hi there - it is the end of week 8 and this week, I had a bit of a rude shock on Friday when the post from week 7 went viral and I had a rush of comments from people who clearly did NOT read my article but were accusing me of all kinds of horrible things. I like nothing more than a bit of controversy that brings with it a big spike in traffic to my blog, but for crying out aloud, please at least read what I wrote, don't make up bullshit and accuse me of things that I have NEVER said, done or blogged. It was so frustrating that I decided to take the post offline because I didn't welcome those kinds of readers. How do I begin to even reason with them when they are starting with such ludicrous lies about me?

Look, I have my core group of readers, many of whom are in Singapore and they have followed my blog for a long time. They take the time to read what I write and I usually offer a very uplifting, encouraging message when relating stories that happen to me. I am a genuinely optimistic and passionate person who lives life to the max and seeks out new experiences that challenge myself. That is why I am currently holding down a day job in finance whilst performing professionally as an actor in a play 6 evenings a week - this is the kind of experience that few people would have had and hence that is why I am keen to share my stories with my readers.

Would you like to be on stage rather than in the audience?

As far as I am concerned, the racist joke incident is over - it is history. It happened last week, it has been dealt with, a line has been drawn in the sand and all parties involved have agreed to move on. This is why it really pisses me off to get all these comments from people who are trying to tell me what I should do, as if the incident has only just happened this minute and I haven't had the chance to react yet. Newsflash people - it happened over a week ago. I did what I did and I stand by what I did. So please, do not try to tell me what to do etc as there's nothing I can do now and we can't go back in time to change what has happened. Not unless you have a time machine - which you don't.

Take for example the idiotic woman who accused me of trying to get Calvo and Ziege fired for this racist joke incident. For crying out aloud, when did I do that? Never. I was merely phoning around, speaking to various people to find out where I stood in terms of the law when it comes to racism in the workplace and trying to find out what happened in other cases where others were subjected to similar kinds of bullying. I was told by three different people that in serious cases, it has led to dismissal if the parties involved were found guilty of bullying behaviour (be it for racism, sexism, homophobia, religious discrimination etc). I shared that information to explain to my readers in Singapore how the law in the UK deals with bullying and discrimination in the workplace - since the law in Singapore is far less robust on the issue. To then insinuate that I was trying to get Calvo and Ziege sacked (when I clearly didn't - I simply accepted their apology and agreed to move on), now that's just bullshit. I don't even know where to begin to reason with idiots like that who make up such bullshit.

Argue with me if you must but don't make up bullshit and lies about me!

Another accusation they levelled at me was that I had behaved like a kid in a primary school playground who went crying to the teacher the moment I experienced a bad joke - again, I refute that allegation altogether. I had found myself in a situation where two colleagues were not only indulging in racist jokes which I had found offensive, but they were trying to encourage the others to do the same (without success, as the others told them that they couldn't and shouldn't make jokes like that which are potentially very offensive). Ultimately, I was employed as an actor for my acting skills and my linguistic skills (I use several languages including Chinese in this play) rather than my HR skills to resolve difficult situations like that. That could be said about anyone - whether you're a nurse, accountant, teacher, engineer or chef - the company's management has a responsibility to help you deal with such issues.

Now I see myself as someone with reasonably good HR skills - I have managed staff before in my day job over the years and modesty aside, I am reasonably popular amongst the cast and crew in this show. I have made many great friends and this week, I had the pleasure of inviting some of my best friends from the show to my flat for a meal before the show. Even if I do have the right HR skills, should I be expected to resolve this situation myself when it is not in my job description to have to do so? Despite having reasonably good HR skills, I  wasn't sure if I could solve this situation I found myself in. What about someone who may be incredibly shy and simply doesn't have the kind of people skills to resolve such a tricky situation? Would they expected to try (and fail) to resolve this themselves? Of course not - we all have a right to ask for help from our employers when we have problems with people we work with. That is a right, not a privilege. We're talking about colleagues here - not a squabble amongst friends.

Do you know what rights actors have at work?

At the end of the day, there is a huge difference between friends and colleagues. With friends, we can simply ignore them, unfriend them and even block them on Facebook if they have done something so awful that you don't want to know them any more. But with colleagues, we don't have that luxury of ignoring them if we have to work with them on a daily basis. The nature of that kind of interaction is really dependent on being able to maintain a good enough working relationship, so the quality of the work that is produced is not compromised in any way. Indeed, if these had simply been friends rather than colleagues who made that racist joke, I would have simply chosen to ignore it, unfriend them on Facebook and then never speak to them ever again without kicking up a fuss. That option simply wasn't available to me, that was why I had to seek help from my employers to let them know that they had crossed the line and it had affected our working relationship quite adversely.

I could go on about it - but I really don't want to go over an issue that in my mind has been settled last week. We have only a week left of the show and I just want to keep the peace and finish the show. Perhaps one thing that people found very perplexing are how Calvo and Ziege (NB. not their real names obviously) could get work as actors despite being clearly not particularly intelligent (not my words, the words of many of the other cast members who have been working with them). I could tell you some of the more cruel things that have been said about these two, but it suffices to say that they have become unpopular and have few friends in the show. I guess on reflection, in showbiz, the casting director is looking for someone to play a part and the role is cast based on just how close you are to what the casting director is looking for. Roles are not given out to the most talented or intelligent actors out there - hell no, that is not how the industry works. So much of it depends on your looks rather than your brains.

So much of showbiz depends on having the right look. 

Thus over the years, I have met extremely intelligent actors (many of them with masters degrees) from the top universities in Europe and North America and I have also met some who have not completed their high school education. It is probably the one industry where you can indeed get away without a degree or even any kind of formal education as long as you have luck on your side. By the same token, I have met highly educated actors who have done little acting work because they simply have been unlucky. There is clearly little correlation between intelligence and success in showbiz - where luck does play such a big factor in whether or not you get picked for a part.

So - the question is whether or not I should be more patient and forgiving with those who are clearly not as intelligent as myself and have made silly mistakes (such as the badly misfired racist joke)? I guess the jury is out on that one - whilst I believe I should always be gracious, it doesn't change the fact that they still have the power to make me feel extremely offended and uncomfortable in my place of work regardless of how intelligent or not they are. Does being highly intelligent mean that you have no right to get offended or upset because you have to forgive everyone who is less intelligent than you for making mistakes? How far do you want to go with that argument? What about someone who is intelligent but incredibly shy and wouldn't be able to handle a situation like this?

Does having a high IQ mean that I have to forgive all who offend me?

Let me share with you a little something from the show so you get the idea of how this works in practice. Now I believe strongly that Calvo is autistic and has Asperger's Syndrome - that means it is very hard for him to empathise with others and try to see things from their point of view. In the show we use a lot of technical equipment and props,  most of the actors always help put everything away after use - if we just leave it on the floor, then the crew will have to pick it up and store it for us. I believe it is just good manners to help out, I treat the crew with the greatest respect and if I pitch in and help, they will get to go home a few minutes earlier as we all finish the task together faster. I don't expect anything in return for helping out - I do it because it is the right thing to do, not because I hope that people will like me more for it. I guess that was the way my parents raised me - you have my parents to thank for that.

Calvo never helps. Why? Everyone says that he is selfish and inconsiderate - he could help, but he chooses not to. He walks away despite the fact that he can see others like me always helping out. He is unable to see things from another person's point of view - helping out for him means work that he can otherwise avoid, it means delaying his break or going home a few minutes later. He simply cannot understand the value of helping another person - he only sees the short term gains of avoiding helping out. Such behaviour is very much frowned upon in the world of theatre - most people hate him for that. I am just being brutally honest about it here (without revealing his identity, of course).

I don't make a big deal as I explain his behaviour in the context of Asperger's Syndrome - it doesn't make it right, but it does explain why he is like this. In the words of Whitney Houston, 'it's not right, but it's okay'. But as for the others, they just label him selfish, inconsiderate and unhelpful. So today, Calvo couldn't find part of his costume and as he ran around the dressing room screaming bloody murder - there was a giggle that spread throughout the room. People were laughing at him instead of helping him. It was clear that not a single person in the room was willing to help him as he had never lifted a finger to help the crew over the last few weeks.

He asked us to help him find his missing piece of costume and one by one, everyone made their excuses. "I have to make an important phone call to my boyfriend before the show starts." "I have to go to the toilet now." "I have to put on my make up and get my hair done now - there's no time." You get the idea. Eventually after about ten minutes, one of the guys 'helped' Calvo find his missing costume (it was under Calvo's bag) - but oh boy he was furious. Calvo claimed that someone was playing a prank on him but the rest of the people in the room looked at him as if he was crazy and said, "Oh come on, it's so obvious that you've put your bag on it, stop talking nonsense - you've been careless and you want to blame others? Don't be ridiculous."  Then when Calvo stormed out of the room, it was clear that someone had hidden his costume deliberately to wind him up as a number of people burst out laughing. Someone had folded it up the 'missing' item and had hidden under Calvo's bag as he was getting dressed, so it was made to look as if Calvo had carelessly put his own bag over his costume. Almost everyone in the room had been in on the 'joke' - I wasn't as I had been out buying sushi for a naughty pre-show snack when it was planned.

Did I say anything? No - why should I? Calvo was merely reaping what he had sown in having acted in such a selfish manner.  I can guess who was behind that prank and I know that him and Calvo have had many problems over the last few weeks. Now I would not pull pranks like that to try to resolve any kind of working relationship problems (I've already seen a stupid joke that had gone badly wrong), but I have to admit - I did feel a sense of Schadenfreude when Calvo genuinely looked confused and said to me, "I swear I did look under my bag earlier! It wasn't there!" I just shrugged my shoulders, shook my head and didn't say a word.

I guess some people had imagined Calvo (and indeed Ziege) to be stupid but kind hearted souls who were terribly misunderstood. Well I have news for you - life isn't really that simple, society is far more complex than that. Are we conditioned by simplistic movie plots - where evil people tend to be incredibly intelligent and hatch incredulous plots to take over the world (pick any villain from any James Bond film) whilst stupid people tend to be sweet, innocent and kind hearted (Forrest Gump comes to mind). Sure we can have heroes who have super powers and can save the world (Spiderman, Superman, X-Men etc) but what a villain who is kinda dumb? No, that kind of character just wouldn't make a good movie - we have come to expect our baddies to be quite formidable, otherwise they wouldn't be a threat to begin with and they need to match the heroes in terms of their abilities, intelligence and prowess.

Script writers would not create a character with no redeeming values as the audience would simply not be able to identify with the character . But in real life - people like that (with hardly any redeeming features) do exist: they are probably not exactly smart, riddled with flaws and disliked by practically everyone around them. That really does describe Calvo to be blunt and hey, whilst I may be an actor, I blog about the shit I encounter in real life and the kind of people I have to deal with in our ugly world. This is not some Hollywood film where even the dim-witted character has a heart of gold - no sir, this is real life where I look at someone like Calvo and struggle to find any redeeming features. Calvo was no Forrest Gump. This is real life, not some Hollywood film.

This reminds me of the reaction of some of my readers when I blogged about my nephew who does have Asperger's Syndrome - my family has faced many difficult challenges coping with his condition. I know that many of my readers had very good intentions and wished to encourage me - but what they said was so ridiculously unrealistic I had to tell them that they were plain wrong. Most of them treated autism as if it had to come with some kind of secret power - like one day, my nephew would discover that he has the brain that can process the most complex mathematics and he would become some kind of computer genius who will develop a software that will sell for billions of dollars. Oh yeah, that kind of story - how can I take any of that seriously? Newsflash people: not every cloud has a silver lining and not all disabled people are blessed with some kind of special talent to compensate for their disability - there isn't a 'god' making sure that life is fair and that people who are disadvantaged are somehow compensated. Have a look at the predicament of the refugees in some of the world's worst conflicts - where is their god? Who is going to compensate them for their suffering? Welcome to the real world - it ain't pretty, there's no justice and life isn't fair.

I guess some people this notion that there is a 'god' to begin with and this 'god' is somehow keeping score and making sure that life is fair. So if this 'god' curses this poor child (or man) with something like Asperger's Syndrome or just sheer stupidity then 'god' will make sure the child (or man) is blessed with some other redeeming feature - like a special power (eg. a talent for music or sports) or even just a loving, kind, sweet nature that will make this person appeal to those around him.  Why do we want to believe in this notion, despite the fact that we see evidence to the contrary everyday? I suppose it is because many people cannot put right the things which have gone wrong in their lives - thus they are hoping for a higher power to right the wrongs they cannot deal with. Maybe this is why some people find it so hard to believe that someone like Calvo has so few redeeming features that all I can offer him is sympathy based on his undiagnosed Autism. I am already being incredibly generous compared to the others.

Many older adults with autism remain undiagnosed throughout their lives.

Rather, people would rather believe in the kinds of stories fabricated by script writers and TV producers - take the uplifting story of Choi Sung-Bong in South Korea. Oh yes, life has been so horrible to him, he is homeless and has had to struggle all his life, but 'god' has not forsaken him, 'god' has given him a wonderful voice and now he has the chance to turn his life around after having had such a traumatic childhood. You see, this is the kind of feel-good factor that our generation has so gotten use to in our modern media - so much so that they expect real life to imitate the highly artificial world of modern entertainment.

Well, if you're after that kind of entertainment - you've come to the wrong place, as an actor I may be an entertainer but as a writer, I blog about real life. Here's the famous Choi Sung-Bong clip for you below anyway if you haven't already seen it. That's all from me for now, it's the end of week 8. I have just 6 shows left, one more week. I have had enough and all I want to do is to finish the last 6 shows in peace so life can go back to normal. I am so tired working in the day and performing at night. It's been freezing cold and snowing in London this week and I guess the weather does sum up how I feel about the situation. Spring is late and we can't wait for the weather to get warmer - it is the 24th March lunchtime now in London and it's -1 and snowing out there and it is set to remain this cold for the coming week. Many here can't wait for the winter to end, I can't wait for the show to end.