Welcome to my world. Hold on tight. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
Thursday 23 March 2017
Don't pray for me, please. Do this instead.
Hello again everyone. I had a brief conversation with my sister on Facebook following the terrorist attacks in London - there were two things she said which rather upset me. Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against my sister and I know she cares about me, but here were the two things she said that upset me. Firstly, she said that she was very concerned and worried about me in London - I was like, huh? Funny, I am not the least bit concerned, I'm not worried and today was just another day. Sure I felt some sadness when I read the news as I got more details about what happened yesterday, but I certainly didn't feel in any way unsafe. Heck, I am a cyclist - I get around London on bike as it is by far, the cheapest and fastest way (our public transport leaves much to be desired). You've got far more to worry about when it comes to me getting involved in a traffic accident rather than getting killed by a terrorist in London.
So let's put some figures on it. I will use the 2015 figures as I've not been able to get hold of 2016 statistics, but it is just to make a point. In 2015, there were a total of 1,732 deaths on the roads of the UK and 22,137 serious injuries. In that same year, there were three injuries (one of which was serious) in a terrorist attack at Leytonstone tube station in East London. Yet somehow, my sister didn't worry about me cycling on the roads of London - heck, when she was here, she and her son even went cycling around town with me as we saw the sights by bicycle. Statistically, the chances of getting killed or seriously injured in a road accident in the UK is far higher than possibly encountering a terrorist attack and suffering the consequences of it. Yet the news was so sensational, focusing on the most gruesome and most nasty aspects of the incident that it struck fear in my sister's heart, even though she was 8 time zones away from London. The irony was that whilst I had a very stoic response to what happened, the media did the job of the terrorists by making my sister afraid. And that made me rather angry - how could this have happened?
You know what the second thing that my sister said that upset me? "I've prayed for you." Now firstly, I'm an atheist. I don't believe in prayers since I don't even acknowledge that a god even exists. But on the other hand, I'm not going to challenge my sister's right to have a religion - that's her choice and I respect that. But didn't the people who got killed in Westminster have friends and family who prayed for them? Did prayers save those people? No, they were brutally killed in tragic circumstances - religious people have to realize that you can't ask your god(s) to grant you wishes. Like you can't pray for good results for an exam - if you want to ace that exam and get great results, you have to work bloody hard for it rather than pray very hard about it. I don't believe for a second that my sister's prayers can protect me in any way - what really upsets me is that I know my mother is very religious and prays for her family all the time.
Now putting aside, my cynicism about religion and the fact that I am an atheist - my mother doesn't even bloody talk to me. And because she can't even be asked to talk to me, she has no idea what is going on in my life. Instead of spending so much time praying for me, why not just talk to me (since your prayers aren't going to change anything anyway)? In talking to me, we'll build a relationship, we'll get to know each other better, we would grow to understand each other. Can I hear your prayers? No. Do I know you are praying for me? No. What good would your prayers do me? Absolutely nothing. It's almost like masturbation, it is just something people do to make themselves feel good. Talking to me won't keep me safe - but let me tell you why I'd much prefer that to prayers: at least should I die one day, then you would at least be able to look back upon the many conversations we've had and be able to cherish those memories. You don't build any memories about me through prayers because you're talking with your god instead of with me. If you truly cared about me, then just talk to me. Or use social media - like my photos on Instagram, leave a remark on my latest Facebook status update or just say hi to me on Skype. Show interest in what is happening in my life - ask me how things are at work. Reach out to me and make me a part of your life instead of praying for me.
Okay, that's it from me. I've got to make dinner and then get back to packing. I'm off on holidays tomorrow to the Pyrenees in France. Do reach out to me and talk to me please and whatever you do, don't ever pray for me, okay?
I sensed that might have been your aversion to prayer, so I didn't mention anything about prayer.
I won't argue with you reasoning that the people who died also had people praying for them and died anyway - seems like a solid point to me.
I am ambivalent about religion, my thoughts could probably fill many comments and posts though I don't have a blog myself. When people mention that they are praying for me I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and try to assume good intentions and go from there. Whether or not it would literally change anything I cannot say, but I just appreciate that they are thinking of me and rooting for me and hoping that things work out well.
I do acknowledge that sometimes people say they are praying for you because they want you to change or want something from you. In that case it may not be completely benevolent, but I still try and ignore it.
I get what you mean about family members and hoping they will interact with you in a positive way, I have thought about it a lot myself. That it would be nice if certain of my family members would be able to approach our relationship in a fun, non judgemental way and enjoy each others company and sharing. But if the relationship is already strained, what is an appropriate way to reach out? If someone I already was friendly with liked or commented or tagged me in a photo or status, I would take that positively. But if someone I had a strained relationship with did the same I might (and have in the past) viewed it suspiciously regardless. It's not easy to know how best to break the ice. All the best to you and your family.
Sometimes i feel prayer is a way for people to evade responsibility. Its hard work to really connect with loved ones. Praying for them is sort of a cop-out. All i need is the "gift of time." How rare is it to find people who really listen? And as for praying for peace and good health etc etc i find it nonsense; u want peace? Finish off outstanding tasks. U want health? Work on your diet and get ur lard ass off the chair for God's sake. I personally find places of worship very rejuvenating, even though im an agnostic. So yes pray, recharge and get back to work on your goals
Thank you. I think it's ridiculous that my mother prays for me when she doesn't make any effort to talk to me, because oh she can get to talk to her god on her own terms and have long prayer sessions on her terms - it is a bloody monologue for crying out aloud. Whereas when she talks to me, I do respond and she is afraid of me - sigh, she is so afraid that she will sound stupid, that she will come across as ignorant or uneducated. And I'm like, please lah, I already know you're Singapore's no. 1 moron, you're uneducated and a victim of a sexist, patriarchal, backward, evil culture - just let me save you from your own stupidity and accept that your son already knows you well enough to know just how utterly stupid and autistic you are. But no, she would rather avoid talking to me directly just to avoid 'losing face'. At times, I really have no clue how she justifies this bullshit in her head. Like I can't be any clearer - I know my parents are uneducated and really, really stupid. I just wanna have a relationship with them whereby I can be of help and save them from their own stupidity and horrid culture - but oh no, they wanna be my parents and insist they're always right despite being so idiotically retarded, not to mention incredibly autistic - like my parents are off the scale classic Asperger cases: and you wonder where my nephew got it from? So that's why my mother prays for me and we don't talk. See how fucking ridiculous the situation is? That's why the moment my sister said she prayed for me, I went on militant atheist on her. Which isn't fair I acknowledge - my beef is with my parents not my sister. At least she cared enough to say something, even if it came out wrong - with my parents, we just plain don't talk.
Alex, it is just your sister's way of coping with her concerns. Yes, odds of getting into a bicycle crash are higher than getting killed in a terrorist attack. However, you can be careful while cycling. You have some control. Yes, other road users may still kill you, but you can do your part by being careful. In a terrorist attack, one has little control. Yes, I agree all the news doesn't help either. There is just so much fear these days. When I heard about the attack, I felt uneasy for you too. It is a natural reaction. Just accept it. Bottom line, people cope with worries for loved ones differently. If your sister finds comfort in prayers for you, let her.
You're right, my sister was the only one who said anything and I was way too harsh on her for perhaps having chosen to express her concern and love for me with the wrong words. I did hold my sister up to very high standards and I did think that she was capable of expressing her concerns without mentioning religion. But as L Chen said above, I do think that prayer can be a cop-out for those who are unable to deal with their problems. My mother knows she has a highly dysfunctional relationship with a son who thinks she is a complete moron who needs saving from her own stupidity: what does she do? Does she even talk to me? Nope, we don't talk at all, she has wondered in and out of Skype conversations I've had with my sister but barely uttered a word. Instead she prays for me and I think that's just so lame: God, my son and I aren't on talking terms, please fix this for me, thank you Lord. Yeah right, if her god was so powerful, why aren't I speaking to my mother yet? I think it is pathetic the way some people use prayer as a cop-out to avoid having to confront their problems and solve them. That's why the very mention of 'prayer' upsets me and I really don't like people praying for me when they should be talking to me.
Now that A50 has been triggered and Scotland has just gotten parliament approval for a 2nd referendum, what are your thoughts on a future not so United Kingdom?
Hmmm probably a good topic for a future post! But in a nutshell, it's simple. We're out of the EU, goodbye to Scotland, then with a Conservative government in charge, they will give loads of tax cuts to ensure that big businesses wanna stay in the UK and not flee to the continent - Labour are in complete chaos under a useless leader and the Conservatives have dealt with UKIP by giving the public Brexit (not that enough of us ever trusted UKIP anyway). The pound has shown incredible resilience despite fears of Brexit, article 50 etc and has even risen in value since May triggered article 50.
I picture a future where the UK (England, Wales and maybe with or without Northern Ireland) to be a place where the rich get richer (remember, big businesses need those tax cuts or else they will flee to the continent) and the poor got poorer (without EU subsidies, with less tax money in the coffers of the govt, those who need the handouts most will suffer). I actually had a chat with my friends who work in finance/banking and whilst this is hardly what we wanted, we realized, actually you know what? We're going to be okay, it's the poor who are going to suffer - but fuck the poor and fuck the working classes, they were the idiots who voted for this and they're the ones who are going to suffer, not us rich folks. Screw them. They will have a life time to repent for their folly whilst I rub my hands in glee watching them suffer. Bwahahahaha.
Hee hee heh.. Alex, somehow your last paragraph made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I heard complaints from French businessmen that in France, the gov is taxing business heavily to provide welfare for good for nothing idiots. U have any opinion on this? Is this true?
The French state is a rather socialist one - but it is not as simple as "tax the rich, give out the money to the poor", even rich folks do get a lot of subsidies back from the state. But let me present something to you: when I was skiing in France, I saw school kids having a ski lesson. Now they don't need to pay for this: it's like a PE lesson. Singaporean kids will be lucky if they got a swimming lesson, these French kids get a skiing lesson for crying out aloud in one of the world's most lovely ski resorts. Now the state picks up the bill for it - so if you're a rich kid, you may not be that fussed since your parents will take you skiing anyway during the school holidays or long weekends but if your parents are poor, they will never be able to afford to take you skiing so if the school system didn't make it happen, then well, you may never ever ski. That's the case in the UK because we don't have mountains like that here (well apart from in the Scottish Highlands - but that's so far from say, London). So poor people will never ever ski in their life - it is a luxury that is for rich folks who have MONEY. It is not a cheap activity. You hemorrhage money on a ski holiday (ski pass, ski hire, ski wear, rip off expensive cafes/restaurants, travel, hotels, insurance etc). In France, it could be like 100+ euros a day when you're skiing (about 40 for ski pass, about 20 for ski hire, at least 30-50 for hotel a night for starters, then there's food, travel etc) For me, it's like oh it's fine it's fun I work in corporate finance I can spend the money because I am worth it but for poor folks, imagine a family of 4 trying to go skiing, that's spending 400 euros a day minimum and if they stayed for 4 days that's 1600 euros - when you add travel to the mountains, food, ski wear etc, make that 2000 easily. That could easily be the pay cheque for the month for a blue collar worker in France. And that's meant to last the family for a month, they cannot afford to splash out on a ski holiday.
So the French state says, we have these beautiful mountains in France, every French citizen should get the chance to experience them - so the state schools get the money to bring the kids skiing. The rich kids and the poor kids alike, they get to go. Now is this a good or bad thing? The British state certainly isn't this generous and in light of Brexit, it will become even less generous.
Ah that gives me a broader and more balanced view of things. One thing that irks me here on the sunny island is how people slag the welfare state without caring to know how it really works.
Good luck to the blue collar brits; next thing u know these clowns will be clamoring to Revers-xit and get back in.. probably under stricter conditions :)
I sensed that might have been your aversion to prayer, so I didn't mention anything about prayer.
ReplyDeleteI won't argue with you reasoning that the people who died also had people praying for them and died anyway - seems like a solid point to me.
I am ambivalent about religion, my thoughts could probably fill many comments and posts though I don't have a blog myself. When people mention that they are praying for me I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and try to assume good intentions and go from there. Whether or not it would literally change anything I cannot say, but I just appreciate that they are thinking of me and rooting for me and hoping that things work out well.
I do acknowledge that sometimes people say they are praying for you because they want you to change or want something from you. In that case it may not be completely benevolent, but I still try and ignore it.
I get what you mean about family members and hoping they will interact with you in a positive way, I have thought about it a lot myself. That it would be nice if certain of my family members would be able to approach our relationship in a fun, non judgemental way and enjoy each others company and sharing. But if the relationship is already strained, what is an appropriate way to reach out? If someone I already was friendly with liked or commented or tagged me in a photo or status, I would take that positively. But if someone I had a strained relationship with did the same I might (and have in the past) viewed it suspiciously regardless. It's not easy to know how best to break the ice. All the best to you and your family.
Sometimes i feel prayer is a way for people to evade responsibility. Its hard work to really connect with loved ones. Praying for them is sort of a cop-out.
DeleteAll i need is the "gift of time." How rare is it to find people who really listen? And as for praying for peace and good health etc etc
i find it nonsense; u want peace? Finish off outstanding tasks. U want health? Work on your diet and get ur lard ass off the chair for God's sake.
I personally find places of worship very rejuvenating, even though im an agnostic. So yes pray, recharge and get back to work on your goals
Thank you. I think it's ridiculous that my mother prays for me when she doesn't make any effort to talk to me, because oh she can get to talk to her god on her own terms and have long prayer sessions on her terms - it is a bloody monologue for crying out aloud. Whereas when she talks to me, I do respond and she is afraid of me - sigh, she is so afraid that she will sound stupid, that she will come across as ignorant or uneducated. And I'm like, please lah, I already know you're Singapore's no. 1 moron, you're uneducated and a victim of a sexist, patriarchal, backward, evil culture - just let me save you from your own stupidity and accept that your son already knows you well enough to know just how utterly stupid and autistic you are. But no, she would rather avoid talking to me directly just to avoid 'losing face'. At times, I really have no clue how she justifies this bullshit in her head. Like I can't be any clearer - I know my parents are uneducated and really, really stupid. I just wanna have a relationship with them whereby I can be of help and save them from their own stupidity and horrid culture - but oh no, they wanna be my parents and insist they're always right despite being so idiotically retarded, not to mention incredibly autistic - like my parents are off the scale classic Asperger cases: and you wonder where my nephew got it from? So that's why my mother prays for me and we don't talk. See how fucking ridiculous the situation is? That's why the moment my sister said she prayed for me, I went on militant atheist on her. Which isn't fair I acknowledge - my beef is with my parents not my sister. At least she cared enough to say something, even if it came out wrong - with my parents, we just plain don't talk.
DeleteOh yes and have a wonderful vacation in France! Sounds very exciting!
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm back from France today. V tired. Still a lot of work to catch up with.
DeleteAlex, it is just your sister's way of coping with her concerns. Yes, odds of getting into a bicycle crash are higher than getting killed in a terrorist attack. However, you can be careful while cycling. You have some control. Yes, other road users may still kill you, but you can do your part by being careful. In a terrorist attack, one has little control. Yes, I agree all the news doesn't help either. There is just so much fear these days.
ReplyDeleteWhen I heard about the attack, I felt uneasy for you too. It is a natural reaction. Just accept it.
Bottom line, people cope with worries for loved ones differently. If your sister finds comfort in prayers for you, let her.
You're right, my sister was the only one who said anything and I was way too harsh on her for perhaps having chosen to express her concern and love for me with the wrong words. I did hold my sister up to very high standards and I did think that she was capable of expressing her concerns without mentioning religion. But as L Chen said above, I do think that prayer can be a cop-out for those who are unable to deal with their problems. My mother knows she has a highly dysfunctional relationship with a son who thinks she is a complete moron who needs saving from her own stupidity: what does she do? Does she even talk to me? Nope, we don't talk at all, she has wondered in and out of Skype conversations I've had with my sister but barely uttered a word. Instead she prays for me and I think that's just so lame: God, my son and I aren't on talking terms, please fix this for me, thank you Lord. Yeah right, if her god was so powerful, why aren't I speaking to my mother yet? I think it is pathetic the way some people use prayer as a cop-out to avoid having to confront their problems and solve them. That's why the very mention of 'prayer' upsets me and I really don't like people praying for me when they should be talking to me.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you delete your comment?
DeleteNow that A50 has been triggered and Scotland has just gotten parliament approval for a 2nd referendum, what are your thoughts on a future not so United Kingdom?
ReplyDeleteHmmm probably a good topic for a future post! But in a nutshell, it's simple. We're out of the EU, goodbye to Scotland, then with a Conservative government in charge, they will give loads of tax cuts to ensure that big businesses wanna stay in the UK and not flee to the continent - Labour are in complete chaos under a useless leader and the Conservatives have dealt with UKIP by giving the public Brexit (not that enough of us ever trusted UKIP anyway). The pound has shown incredible resilience despite fears of Brexit, article 50 etc and has even risen in value since May triggered article 50.
DeleteI picture a future where the UK (England, Wales and maybe with or without Northern Ireland) to be a place where the rich get richer (remember, big businesses need those tax cuts or else they will flee to the continent) and the poor got poorer (without EU subsidies, with less tax money in the coffers of the govt, those who need the handouts most will suffer). I actually had a chat with my friends who work in finance/banking and whilst this is hardly what we wanted, we realized, actually you know what? We're going to be okay, it's the poor who are going to suffer - but fuck the poor and fuck the working classes, they were the idiots who voted for this and they're the ones who are going to suffer, not us rich folks. Screw them. They will have a life time to repent for their folly whilst I rub my hands in glee watching them suffer. Bwahahahaha.
Hee hee heh.. Alex, somehow your last paragraph made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I heard complaints from French businessmen that in France, the gov is taxing business heavily to provide welfare for good for nothing idiots.
ReplyDeleteU have any opinion on this? Is this true?
The French state is a rather socialist one - but it is not as simple as "tax the rich, give out the money to the poor", even rich folks do get a lot of subsidies back from the state. But let me present something to you: when I was skiing in France, I saw school kids having a ski lesson. Now they don't need to pay for this: it's like a PE lesson. Singaporean kids will be lucky if they got a swimming lesson, these French kids get a skiing lesson for crying out aloud in one of the world's most lovely ski resorts. Now the state picks up the bill for it - so if you're a rich kid, you may not be that fussed since your parents will take you skiing anyway during the school holidays or long weekends but if your parents are poor, they will never be able to afford to take you skiing so if the school system didn't make it happen, then well, you may never ever ski. That's the case in the UK because we don't have mountains like that here (well apart from in the Scottish Highlands - but that's so far from say, London). So poor people will never ever ski in their life - it is a luxury that is for rich folks who have MONEY. It is not a cheap activity. You hemorrhage money on a ski holiday (ski pass, ski hire, ski wear, rip off expensive cafes/restaurants, travel, hotels, insurance etc). In France, it could be like 100+ euros a day when you're skiing (about 40 for ski pass, about 20 for ski hire, at least 30-50 for hotel a night for starters, then there's food, travel etc) For me, it's like oh it's fine it's fun I work in corporate finance I can spend the money because I am worth it but for poor folks, imagine a family of 4 trying to go skiing, that's spending 400 euros a day minimum and if they stayed for 4 days that's 1600 euros - when you add travel to the mountains, food, ski wear etc, make that 2000 easily. That could easily be the pay cheque for the month for a blue collar worker in France. And that's meant to last the family for a month, they cannot afford to splash out on a ski holiday.
DeleteSo the French state says, we have these beautiful mountains in France, every French citizen should get the chance to experience them - so the state schools get the money to bring the kids skiing. The rich kids and the poor kids alike, they get to go. Now is this a good or bad thing? The British state certainly isn't this generous and in light of Brexit, it will become even less generous.
Ah that gives me a broader and more balanced view of things. One thing that irks me here on the sunny island is how people slag the welfare state without caring to know how it really works.
DeleteGood luck to the blue collar brits; next thing u know these clowns will be clamoring to Revers-xit
and get back in.. probably under stricter conditions :)