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| Am I an FT alien? |
OK, let me lay out a few facts for you since you're clearly a fucking idiot. I am not an alien in the UK, I hold a British passport, not a Singaporean passport today. London is home for me, I have lived here for many years before deciding to cut off my ties to Singapore by taking up British citizenship and renouncing my Singaporean passport at the same time. Ironically, I had no problem whatsoever returning to Singapore to work as a British expatriate for a short stint in 2011- that just goes to show you that I can have the best of both worlds should I ever decide to work in Singapore again, I don't need a Singaporean passport given the PAP's open door policy on foreign talents.
Am I an alien in my country, the UK? To answer that question, we have to first understand the question. Now I have written a piece a while ago about my experiences working in Prague, in the Czech Republic where I had encountered migrants from China who speak neither Czech nor English. Certainly for them, it was a terribly lonely, alienating experience to face such a linguistic barrier, being trapped in the very small Chinese speaking community in Prague, unable to communicate with the rest of the Czechs in the city. Indeed, most of them are on limited work visas tied to their jobs in the Chinese restaurant trade and without a decent command of the Czech language, few of them have any hope of gaining any form of permanent residency in the country. For those Chinese migrant workers in Prague, of course it they feel like aliens in someone else's country.
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| My rhino Zim in Prague |
I look at the experiences of many of my Singaporean peers who have chosen to spend their adult lives in Singapore and whilst alienation may not be the best word to describe their experiences, they do often complain that they are treated like second class citizens in their own country. Where do I begin? How about the way scholarships have been given out generously to PRCs like Sun Xu and Malaysians like Alvin Tan whilst deserving local students are passed over? How about the way Singaporean men have the burden of national service followed by years of reservist liabilities whilst having to compete with foreign workers who have neither NS liabilities nor CPF payments to meet? Or how about the way the governments pays no heed whatsoever to the people's wishes and do what the hell they want on the issue of the population white paper? The sense of frustration is palpable and the reason why they all put up with being second class citizens in their own country is common. "My parents are here, yes life here sucks but what can I do? I hate it here but I have no choice but to be here."
I get the feeling that many of my peers remain in Singapore by default, rather than by choice. There is a very big difference between the two options. Some of them are luckier than others in that they do enjoy a warm, loving relationship with their parents and their other family members, giving them a very good reason to want to remain in Singapore - but not everyone is so lucky and for those who don't, I really don't know why they stay on in Singapore since the government has long jilted them like an unwanted ex.
Choosing to spend your adult life in the country you were born does not guarantee happiness or help you with any of the factors listed above. It doesn't make a difference whether you choose to live your entire life in Ang Mo Kio or if you have done what I did and have lived and worked all over the world in my adult life - if you want to make somewhere 'home' then you need to invest a lot of effort to make enough friends, develop meaningful relationships, find your place in the local community... Are you ready for the litmus test?
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| Do you know who your real friends are? |
Imagine if you have had an accident and you sprained your ankle - who would you be able to call to take you to the hospital for an X-ray? Would you have a number of friends who will drop everything and come and help you?
What if you encountered a difficult situation at work and needed someone to talk to and give you advice - do you have people whom you can totally trust and will be there for you, even at one in the morning?
If you found yourself in financial difficulty, would you have friends who wouldn't hesitate to lend you money to make sure you could pay your bills and not go hungry?
Or take what happened to me this week for example - I have some legal documents to look at arising from a tenant. You see, I have a flat which I rent out - I let that flat out through an estate agent and there have been some problems with the contracts. I needed a lawyer to go through the contracts to check if what the estate agent had done was legit - so I texted a few of my lawyer friends and David was the first to respond. He said, "just come over any time, what do you need?" I jumped on my bike and got the documents to him the same afternoon - he sorted it all out there and then. Those of you in Singapore - would you be able to get free legal advice like that amongst your network of friends? I know I can both in Singapore and London because I have plenty of lawyer friends in both London and Singapore. Actually quite a large number of my former VJC peers have ended up in law...
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| Would you be able to find free legal advice or would you have to pay for it? |
You know, one thing I do when I catch up with my old VJC friends is to talk about what everyone else is doing, "have you heard about Jane? Where is she working these days? Is she married? Do you talk to her on Facebook?" You get the idea. It was through this grapevine that I heard about how someone from my cohort killed himself a few years ago. Let's call him VJ since he was from VJC. Now VJ was always a bit of a loner, he didn't have many friends - he simply seemed more interested in studying than making friends. When the rest of us were playing basketball or just chatting, he would simply be sitting in the corner, alone, reading a book. Nothing out of the ordinary - we just thought he was shy and left him alone. That was how he spent his two years at VJC.
The first sign that VJ was unstable was when we got our results for our JC1 exams. He did reasonably well, I thought, but clearly he wanted to do a lot better. He argued with the teacher over the grading of his essay in quite an aggressive manner, making the teacher feel quite uncomfortable. I remember her saying, "Please calm down, we can always talk about what improvements you could make in the future but I cannot go back and change the grade and it is not for you to challenge my judgement." He then threatened to complain to the MOE about the issue and started crying hysterically. That was when the rest of us thought, good grief, this is just an internal exam? Aiyoh.
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| Most of us had friends at school, VJ didn't. |
You get it, his studies were the focus of his life - in the absence of any friends, his relationship with his grades was quite different from the rest of us. There was no doubt that he was academically brilliant, but he clearly lacked the kind of skills to make friends. During lunch breaks, he would always been seen on his own and we thought, well he wants to be left alone and none of us really made too much of an effort to approach him. Friends who knew him back in his secondary school told us that he was like that too back in his secondary school.
VJ disappeared from our radar when I enlisted in the army and I never heard anything about him until fairly recently. It seems he had a really terrible time in the army, because it was the kind of environment where you really needed to get along with those around you. Without the need to study and the validation of good exam results, his raison d'etre was lost - he didn't know what to do with himself or how to get along with those around him. He was constantly bullied throughout his army life and it was the dream of going to university that kept him going. He did go to university, graduated with flying colours and then the same problems persisted as a working adult. I found out that he had a difficult boss who made life difficult for him and well... one thing led to another, he was passed over for a promotion despite being far more qualified than the rest of his team. He tried to argue with that boss in the same aggressive manner he argued with our teacher in JC and he hit his boss. His boss made a police report and rather than face the music, VJ killed himself as he simply couldn't cope with the situation which had spiralled way out of control.
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| Without studying and exams, VJ felt very lost. |
Yes it is a very sad story, but this is about a Singaporean man who remained in Singapore all his life but did not make the effort to invest in building meaningful relationships with those around him. That was why he felt so isolated when life got difficult - he had no one to turn to, no one was going to come to his help and he was effectively an alien in his own country by that token. You reap what you sow, VJ didn't bother sowing any seeds of friendship and he paid the price.
As for my life in London, I am very content thank you and it is not a question of luck or the UK being a nice country - quite simply, I am reaping what I have sown. I have many friends who are always there for me when I need help (and I am always there for them by the same token). Even in a tricky work environment, I am able to find allies and friends to guard me against my enemies. I have worked hard for my company and my employers have rewarded my loyalty financially. I am financially very sound and can afford to retire tomorrow if I wanted to - but I still have many more dreams to pursue and am in a position to hold down my day job whilst still pursuing other interests in the arts. I lead a varied social life with my friends, am active in two sports (springboard diving and gymnastics) and am very fulfilled in my relationship. I'm not saying my life is perfect - right now, I am left with ambiguous instructions from my boss on our latest project and I'm like, what exactly does he want me to do with this marketing campaign? I don't want to spend ages doing this only for him to tell me it's all wrong later. Groan.
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| I'm having a good time living in Europe, thank you. |
No, my life isn't perfect - far from it - but it doesn't change the fact that I am very happy, very satisfied with where I am right now. There is still ridiculous, downright stupid assumption on the part of some Singaporeans that Singaporeans who move abroad will face a sense of isolation and feel like an alien in the new country - but let's look at this more closely. My dad doesn't speak much English (well, he has a smattering of very basic English), so when he came to visit me in London, he was terribly suspicious of everything and everyone. Take for example, the prices we were paying in the restaurants: he would often accuse the waiters of trying to cheat us, despite having been presented with an itemized bill clearly stating the cost of every single item - but he didn't understand enough English to read the bill. Clearly, someone like him would feel very alienated in the UK given his inability to speak English well enough to function in British society. Would he acknowledge that? No, not in a million years.
In sharp contrast to my dad, I speak English as a first language and am fluent in Welsh on top of that. Well, I am a linguist. My second language is in fact French, not Chinese and I do use French regularly at work. Well, to be honest, my conversational Mandarin is probably a bit better than my French, but I read and write far better in French than in Mandarin. But just to irk my dad, I would always tell him that my French is better than my Chinese. Given there are no linguistic barriers for me in the UK, I am then in a far better position to start making friends, finding my place in the local community and pursuing my ambitions.
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| My languages helped me assimilate quickly and easily in Europe. |
You know, I realized one thing a long time ago. You stop seeing the ethnicity, nationality or skin colour of the person you are dealing with pretty quickly and you start treating them as an individual when you get to know them as a person. Did I learn this experience whilst working around the world? No, I learnt this is my primary school in Sembawang Hills back in the 1980s - I had friends who were Chinese, Malays and Indians. I didn't choose my friends on the basis of their skin colour or ethnicity - I basically chose the people whom I liked, who were nice to me. I gravitated towards those with whom I shared common interests and it was this process that I still use today in seeking new friends. Is this rocket science? No, it was such a basic principle about friendship that I managed to figure it out at the age of 7. This is why I was appalled that an adult like Tang Jon can make such ridiculous assumption based on the perceived notion of being an alien in another country just because I am of a different skin colour- how utterly ludicrous is that.
So there you go. I am disappointed that Singaporeans who grew up in a multi-ethnic, multi-lingual, multi-cultural, multi-religious society can still emerge so ignorant and make such bloody stupid assumptions about this issue. I sincerely hope such idiots are in the minority and most Singaporeans would have benefited a lot more from having lived in a multi-ethnic environment. Peace out.
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| The grass on the other side of the fence is what you make of it. |
*hugsies* - I totally know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteHi LIFT,
ReplyDelete> Limpeh is FT alien in limpeh's country
What Tang Jon meant by the above is ambiguous to me.
It could mean:
1. As you have taken above. That you are an alien in UK (i.e. "limpeh's country" refers to the UK). OR
2. As in the 2011 period when you worked as a "foreign talent" in Singapore (i.e. "limpeh's country" refers to Singapore).
Cheers, WD.
Hi WD, crikey, I had posted that draft before I had added the graphics, videos and links. All sorted now.
DeleteUnless he read my blog in detail, he wouldn't have known that I had worked for a short stint as an British FT in Singapore - hence I am assuming that it is the former not the latter.
I thought I'd just share some of my own experiences in Singapore on ethnicity and diversity. When I was growing up, I was ethnicity-blind (at best. At worst, I was averse to even talking about it). In day-to-day interactions, it did not really matter to me what someone's ethnicity was in Singapore as long as the subject was not brought up. So, I never really bothered to understand and appreciate my friends' backgrounds, cultural or historic. I just felt uncomfortable doing it. I guess I didn't want to offend or maybe I was afraid someone would come down hard on me if I offended. We can only speculate on the source of those emotions. It is entirely possible I am just an uptight person by nature.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, in spite of what one reads in the papers or watches from Hollywood, individuality and diversity is generally celebrated in America. People (even random ones) want to know where you came from, what your cultural background is like. They will fearlessly tell you what they think they know of your culture. They are apologetic when they find out they were misinformed (chewing gum is a popular one in my case :)). They correct you, but put you at ease when you are misinformed about them. Diversity is celebrated, and everyone seems to generally understand that your culture is a part of you but does not define you. We all enjoy a good laugh at each others' cultural quaintness (my friends' favorite jokes would be on the caning - and I'd constantly joke about sending them or their children to Singapore for some). Meanwhile, I'd be joking about borrowing their "rubbers" and staying at their "flats". At the same time, we are also more aware of what might be sensitive topics and if things are awkward, we say so. Frankly, I am far happier a member of the minority here than I am a member of the majority back in Singapore.
Hi there Wai Lee, let's put it this way.
DeleteI think we're fortunate in that we speak English as a first language and therefore have the linguistic and social skills to assimilate quite easily in the west and make loads of friends, which enable us to make anywhere feel like home on the basis that we have a network of friends whom we can rely on locally.
Someone like my dad (*who doesn't speak English!) doesn't have that luxury and with that huge language barrier, he cannot do what we did in the west and hence by default, has to stick to Mandarin speaking environments in order to 'feel at home'. But my point is that even if you are in a place where you do speak the language, you need to invest so much time, effort and energy into cultivating good relationships with those around you, so as to be able to create this network of friends you can rely on.
Heck, I know of people in Singapore who barely speak to members of their own family and they don't get along - being in close proximity to your family doesn't mean getting along with them.
And as for being race blind in S'pore, I thought that was what our generation had cultivated given that we have the lingua franca of English for us to communicate with our Indian and Malay friends! That was a luxury our parents didn't have and hence I am appalled to read an ignorant comment like that on Facebook today.
LIFT, I can totally feel your sense of anger and frustration at such stupidity. People back in Singapore always used to ask me, "I don't know how you can bear to be a 2nd-class citizen in a country like Canada." O well, that was when I used to live and study in it, and honestly, just like Chee Wai, I see nothing wrong with being a minority(which, by the way, is really a large minority, if you mean Asians). Now that I am in Japan, and on a contract which will expire next year (Japanese contracts for foreigners are never that long as you might guess), I get asked how I survive. The thing is, you never really just not survive. Admittedly, I feel very lonely at times, because of my handicap in Japanese, but even with learning Japanese, I doubt that I can really use that much in the long run when my work does not allow for any use of it in the future and when I am planning on a career change. Like you, I really feel that life does not necessarily equate a bed of roses even if one stays in one's country of birth. It really boils down to so many factors. Why that Singaporean made that remark about you is totally baffling.
DeleteHi LIFT,
DeleteI don't think that it is just a matter of language or a generational issue. IMHO, it also depends on an individual's attitudes.
As far as I remember, my late-paternal grandfather was ethnic-blind. He treated customers of all ethnicities fairly at his provisions shop. He would bring us (as curious young children) to visit India Hindu temples to observe their festivities and he stopped by a mosque (and explained about the holy nature of the place of worship, their rule of no-footware inside, although he also explained that I couldn't go in because of the "no females allowed" rule). Of course, we ate food from all the different ethnic groups. Even as a young child, I found it strange that my mother (one generation younger than my paternal grandparents) seemed extra fearful when I (as a young child) tried to speak to adults of other ethnicity. Thus, in that sense, I inherited my late paternal grandfather's attitudes towards diversity, but as far as I know at least 1 sibling absorbed my mother's.
So it is not just about language or generational gaps, although being able to communicate and the changing inter-generational norms help. Just my 2 cents.
Sidetrack a bit: Unfortunately, I realized that I have grown less ethnic-blind as an adult. More so since working with some foreigners in Singapore who pass themselves off as "talents". Logically I recognize that it is an individual's mentality that drives his/her behaviour, not his/her ethnicity/nationality. But when one sees certain behavioural patterns being widespread amongst people of certain ethnic groups (and/or countries of origin), one cannot help but to reckon that their ethnic/cultural/nationality background nurtures such behaviour.
Cheers, WD.
Hi WD, there is a middle ground somewhere between the two - and I am sure you will find it. As we understand a the culture of a country, I am sure we will use that information to try to aid our understanding of a person we know, that's natural - but we should always treat them like an individual. That's the only way ahead really.
DeleteOn the controversial issue of national stereotypes, I know from experience that I have to ignore those - having worked with PRCs, I have made some incredibly good friends with 2 co-workers (one from Shanghai, one from Dalian) and have had some blazing rows with other PRCs including one from Shenyang when we had such a shouting match that other colleagues had to separate us - yeah that bad.
Likewise, during my theatre stint earlier this year, when Calvo drove me up the wall, it was two other Spaniards who went out of their way to be nice to me - including the guy whom I talked to at one in the morning. I messaged him on Facebook and he called me back cos he knew I needed to talk. I don't know if they did it because they felt embarrassed that their fellow country man behaved so badly in London ... or if they were just incredibly nice people anyway - the latter certainly is 100% true and I felt lucky to have them as my co-workers.
Hi bro,
ReplyDeleteI used to study in VJC too. Which batch you from? I am from the 97 batch.
Wondering who is the guy who committed suicide. Care to share?
My blog is SG Web Reviews (www.sgwebreviews.blogspot.com).
I can be contacted at sgwealthbuilder@gmail.com.
Keep in touch.
Thank you.
Hello, just had a look at your blog and I thought, damn if only you got in touch when I was working in Singapore - we could have had plenty of cross-synergies in what we were doing!
DeleteI am older than you lah, batch of 93 so it is unlikely that we'll have any friends in common as you're my grand-grand-grand junior, too far removed - we wouldn't have rubbed shoulders in Marine Vista back in the day. By the time you started at VJC, I was waiting to ORD and get the hell out of Singapore already.
As for the guy who committed suicide, I think I've said enough already lah. I meant the story as an anecdote to make a point that it doesn't matter where you live - whether you choose to remain in your home town where you grew up, or if you move halfway around the world - you still need to make a genuine effort to build up a good network for friends to rely on for we all need friends. There are personal friends as well as professional friends (we're talking Linkedin here) and friends who tick both boxes of course.
Such is the problem with the Singaporean system - now we're talking both the schools and the parenting. We're convinced as kids that if we study hard and get good results, everything will be fine. Little or no emphasis is placed on getting along with people and making friends and we're just somehow expected to figure it all out. I am lucky in that I grew up with 2 older siblings, so I owe it much to them as they have taught me a lot about friendships and dealing with people. But also, I think I figured out a lot myself along way and I always learn from my mistakes - hindsight is 20-20.
As for the identity of the guy who committed suicide, I may have said too much already. Let's leave it at that please.
Dear LIFT,
ReplyDeleteThanks for bringing up the litmus test. I will be returning to Singapore after a long time in the US. Although I am looking forward to it at a personal level I am worried about returning to a work culture I am probably no longer accustomed to. Reading your article reminds me that no matter where one is, it is always a good strategy to surround oneself with like-minded people as a buffer against the vagaries of life. However, I would like to make the observation that diversity in the US is celebrated differently in the different regions, and as with anywhere, only if the minority remains a minority and ultimately plays along to the native scheme of things. Anti-PRC sentiment I have encountered here can be pretty appalling too.
Hi there XM, thanks for your comment. Yes the litmus test was one that tests emergency situations - but let me add another test to the list: can you run into people in public? If so, then that means you have plenty of friends. It can happen to me a lot in London but I knew I was settling nicely back into Singapore in 2011 when I started running into people as well in places like Food Courts. When I first returned to Singapore for that work stint (which sadly ended in nov 2011), I reached out to old friends from school but by the time I had left, i had made so many new friends. I think it is a lot easier to make friends these days, thanks to social media and you will meet friends of friends etc.
DeleteAs for the work culture in Singapore, it depends on whom you work for and whom your colleagues are - I think a lot depends on being able to adapt to new situations and learning to get along with people you have to work with. Even when you are in a hostile environment, you need to be able to identify good people, enemies, frenemies, people you shouldn't trust, people you should keep a guarded distance from and people you can rely on. Let me give you an example from a project I worked on a while ago - I defied the director's instruction and decided I had a better way to present a proposal. I had two colleagues on the team - Maria and KW. I didn't want to tell Maria anything as I knew she might probably tell the director if she knew I was defying his instructions, whereas i told KW exactly what I was doing and he just said, "oh yeah, I am sure your method would work better, you know what you're capable of." It wasn't like Maria was a bad person per se, i just didn't trust her the way I trusted KW - and I knew KW trusted me in a way which meant that he trusted my judgement when it came to work matters.
I met up with an old friend from Singapore who is now working in Switzerland. He had never worked in Singapore since his graduation from poly and had spent his adult life in Australia and Switzerland. He asked me what it was like to live & work in Singapore in 2011 and I told him I totally loved it - but then again, I was in a well paid job, no CPF, no reservist (i was in Singapore as a British FT), lovely serviced apartment, nice pool, generous expenses account, trips around the region to places like Bangkok and KL and decent work hours, plenty of chances to see my friends etc. If he could get a job with such conditions, he would enjoy working in Singapore too ... but then again, it was the job and the perks that made my time there good, not the city per se. So yes, so many factors apart from the city per se.
All the best with your move back to S'pore.