Week 6's Thespian letter

Let's begin this week's letter by talking about an aspect of theatre that we usually ignore - the front of house team. You know, they're the ushers, the people who deal with the tickets at the door and help the audience find their way around the show, direct them to the nearest toilet etc. The front of house team have a difficult time, they are powerless to deal with really nasty, drunk members of the audience who are downright disruptive. This week an usher confided in me, "We really want to evict some members of the audience who are obviously troublemakers, but we have been warned that if we are seen to be heavy handed or if we receive any complaint, it is highly likely that the management will take the side of the audience and we'll be blamed. If that happens, not only would we be fired, but we'll probably never work as an usher again in any theatre production in London. So by that token, it's easier just to look the other way when it comes to a difficult member of audience than to take a risk by intervening."

Gosh, by that token, I do feel sorry for those in the service industry - we're talking public transport, food & beverage outlets, hotels, any job where you have to face random members of the public, yikes. This makes me grateful that I don't have to do what they do!

Ushers actually have a really difficult job but are poorly paid. 

There was an incident this evening that left me feeling like I had stepped back in time to my JC days and it felt like a scene out of the movie Mean Girls. There's this guy in my show - let's call him Choc for reasons that will become obvious. Now Choc is a nice guy, genuinely friendly, always offering his fellow actors chocolates (hence my choice of nickname for him!) Now, he is aged somewhere between 45 - 50, he's quite fat, balding and dresses... awkwardly. Like he has no fashion sense whatsoever and would wear the oddest things. But hey, that doesn't bother me and I am happy to be his friend.

Now Choc has a crush on this much younger, extremely beautiful actress. She is tall, blonde, beautiful, 26 years old and let's call her Supermodel as she looks the part of a Supermodel. Choc has been buying Supermodel loads of different kinds of sweets and chocolates and has finally found the courage to ask her out on a date, she made an excuse and said she was busy. He didn't take no for an answer and just kept trying, oblivious to the fact that she is clearly not interested in him. Okay, yes there is an element of 癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉 going on here.

癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉 = an ugly man trying to woo a beautiful woman

We have to report to the venue 45 minutes before the show starts, but if you're not in the first scene, you'll normally just sit around in the dressing rooms eating, drinking or chatting with your fellow actors. I had my box of sushi and I sat there with Supermodel along with three other actors who are also above average in the looks department and they were all around 25 to 30, maybe early 30s. Supermodel was complaining to the rest of us about how Choc kept giving her gifts and how awkward it was, she showed us the chocolates he had just given her and she said, "You know I can't eat chocolates like that, it's full of fats and sugar. I have to watch my figure, yet the guy can't think of anything else to give me but these fattening snacks. Who wants these chocolates? Take them."

The other three started teasing her about how Choc was asking her out and they started imitating the way Choc spoke (he had a very distinctive accent) - Supermodel found it hilarious and joined in the mocking. "Hey, I bet he wants to spread melted chocolate and whipped cream all over my beautiful breasts so he can lick them off?" They then made fun of just how unattractive Choc was and that he was probably a virgin - that he would never get laid unless he paid for it. It all felt quite cruel - I felt I had to say something having eaten Choc's chocolates on many occasions in the last few weeks. "Come on. He is a really nice guy, you know." Supermodel looked at me with a quizzical expression on her face. "We're not disputing that, of course he is - but look at him, he'll always be the ugly best friend at best, he needs to find a girl as unattractive as he is then they can stay in and binge of fatty chocolates together."

Choc obviously had a very sweet tooth and a fondness for candy. 

I felt transformed back to my VJC-TSD days, when us teenagers would sit around and speak about others in such a bitchy way but we were childish teenagers then. Yes I had noticed that Choc was physically unattractive and socially awkward at times - but I didn't feel that it was something that I should talk about in public for it would be simply impolite to point out the shortcomings of others like that. Calling Choc ugly wouldn't make me any more attractive - it would simply make me a really mean person. As for those four who made fun of Choc tonight, ah well - what could I say? Should I have berated them for making fun of Choc? I suppose I was a coward, I didn't want to risk being labelled uncool by Supermodel and her equally good looking friends. Yes it is body fascism - many actors are indeed good looking and those who do not have traditional good looks are discriminated in the industry. At least they're doing this behind his back and not to his face, I suppose...

I don't know if I have encountered this kind of behaviour in finance - but it sure brings me back to my student days. Let me give you another example. Remember my colleague Calvo whom no one likes? Well after the show tonight, he popped into the dressing room and asked, "Hey is anyone going for a drink? Who wants to go to the pub with me?" Everyone started making excuses.

We're usually a bit more subtle when it comes to ostracising our colleagues. 

"It's late now, I don't want to miss the last train."
"I'm very tired after the show today."
"My boyfriend is waiting for me at home."
"I'm not feeling very well, I have the flu."
"I need to go home and take my medicine."
"I need to go home to feed my dog."

You get the idea - he got the message and left. One of Supermodel's good looking friends walked to the door and checked that he was gone and then she turned to the rest of us and said, "Alright, so which pub are we going to? I want to go somewhere where they do pub food as I am starving..." And the rest started talking about where they wanted to go - oh that lot were definitely going out, they just didn't want Calvo to join them. But there you go - now unlike Choc who is a nice guy, Calvo has managed to offend practically everyone in the cast. Gosh, as an actor, you are always going to move from project to project, so you have to learn to get along with people. You may not like everyone you have to work with but you should avoid becoming the social pariah like Calvo.

"We're going to the pub without you so fuck off! Don't follow us!" 

I don't go out drinking and partying with my younger actors, but then again, I am so diplomatic and get along with everyone. I guess after the rough start I had with the theatre company, I wanted to make sure I gave no one a reason to dislike me - so I am careful with people and watch what I say. Mind you, I have already found good friends amongst the cast - so I just hang out with them without trying too hard with everyone else.

Are all actors nasty bitches and mean girls? Not necessarily. I saw on Facebook today that one of my fellow cast members just found out that her grandfather had died today. I didn't quite know what to say, it wasn't the kind of thing you could just leave a Facebook comment. When I turned up at work, I saw her in the corner of the room with my Mauritian colleague and she was crying. I decided it was best to leave them alone and I didn't really have the chance to talk to her until during the show when quite by accident, we found ourselves waiting together for a few minutes due to a technical delay (long story, but I will not go into the cause of that delay as I want to focus on my friend).

She was blowing her nose and I asked her if she was alright and she said, "yes I'm fine." I then said, "Look I saw your Facebook status update today and I know how hard it must be for you to come here tonight and do the show." She then turned to me and you could see that she was already choking back the tears. I opened my arms and merely said, "May I?" She then collapsed into my arms and cried - I felt like crying too as I could feel her pain. She then told me that she felt so bad about not having been able to seen her grandfather before he died because she was in London doing this show. She wanted nothing more than to get on the next flight to go be with her family at this time, but we still have another three weeks before the end of the show and she would even miss her grandfather's funeral. I told her that we could try to get compassionate leave for her to go for her grandfather's funeral but she said, "I don't want to be a bother, I don't want them to think I can causing a fuss."

It was at that moment that I was called to perform and I had to pull myself away from her. I pulled a chair out and told her to sit down, then I rushed onto the stage to perform. It was over way too soon - later on, she put her hand on my shoulder and whispered the words "thank you" as she left. I was glad that I was able to offer some emotional support at what was obviously a difficult time - I understand what it is like to be working in London far away from one's family. We make our own families, from within our friends and we are there to take care of each other. She made me think about the time when my grandmother died some years back and as I cycled home tonight, I thought about my late grandmother and began to miss her. In the world of theatre, the picture below sums up the way I feel.

Yes, I feel like I have an angel and a devil sitting on my shoulder - one is asking me to do angelic deeds, like being kind to my friends especially when they are having a very difficult time, winning their trust and respect in the process. Be kind to others and others will be kind to you. The devil is saying, there are losers and idiots amongst you in this show, you should go out of your way to make them feel bad about themselves - everyone else is doing it already so you should just go ahead and join in, it'll be fun. It'll be like being with the Mean Girls at an American high school making fun of the geeks and the losers, I am already accepted in the cool gang anyway by virtue of the success I've had with my TV career. The angel hears the devil and says, "no you must not do that Alex, for you gain nothing from being mean like that. You must be nice to the losers too and be gracious, never kick a man when he is down." The devil replies, "By all means, be nice to the people who have been nice to you like that poor girl who has just lost her grandfather - as for the losers, who gives a shit about them? They're adults, they can defend themselves if need be. In the meantime, they can be butt of the jokes of the cool gang."

Oh I swear, this brings me back to my student days. I feel like a 17 year old teenager all over again. 3 weeks left of this madness to go. Just 18 more shows to go.