Week 2 in the West End: further thoughts

Hi guys, I'm coming towards the end of my second week in this West End production and as promised, I am sharing a few more thoughts from the world of professional theatre. Now firstly, I think I am still settling into my role here and I feel I really need to relax and stop trying to impress people. It seems really odd I know, for an actor to have to stop trying to impress people - after all, isn't that what acting is all about? Performing well so as to please the audience and hopefully get plenty of applause?

Actually, no. Guess what? It isn't! It isn't that bizarre when you think about it - when you participate in a professional production like that, the director tells you, "here's the script, this is what I want you to do for this scene and it has to be like this". Upon receiving those instructions, you do as you're told. Isn't that the same as any other job, in any company, in any industry? I think I felt this frustration because there are only so many things I am asked to do within this production and I feel I am not being challenged enough - I keep trying to bring new things to the show, only for my suggestions to be shot down time and time again. Everyday, I am saying, "but I am do this for this scene, I can do this on top of everything I am doing..."

A big part about working in theatre is teamwork - it's not a one-man show, as in like a stand up comedy routine. I have to constantly resist the urge to be the star of the scene and outshine or upstage my fellow performers (tempting as it may seem). Such is the nature of teamwork - ironically, in an office environment, this isn't always a problem. A boss may be extremely happy with the employee who tries to prove himself to be better than his colleagues, thus raising the standards in the office - but when you're trying to get a scene to work on stage, that requires everyone in the team to be pulling in the same direction and I am learning to listen a lot more carefully and attentively to my fellow actors when working with them.

I suppose the time for trying to impress was really the auditions - I've gotten through that, have earned my rightful place in the show and perhaps it's now just time to relax a bit in my role, not try too hard, listen a bit more to those around me and have faith in my abilities, whilst resisting this urge to 'impress'. I guess that can be hard for me, it requires me breaking the habit of a lifetime - I remember when I was a student, growing up in Singapore, I was often insecure. I often felt the need to let others know about my accomplishments or achievements - I was worried that if people wouldn't like me if I didn't impress them. I guess I was a rather insecure kid by that token.

I remember being very insecure as a child. 

But then again, I have also found out that there are different ways to impress others. For example, we finished very late tonight and my friend Jessica was very worried about missing her last train - she lives way out in some South London suburb and the journey home would've been a lot longer and more complicated by bus if she'd missed her last train. So I told her, "look I live within walking distance, you can sleep in my living room if it helps - I don't want you to spend 3 hours trying to get home tonight." So in the end, I ran with her (yes we RAN all the way, we didn't walk, we RAN) to the station and I made sure she got on the last train. That way, I knew that if she'd missed the last train, then she could come back to my place. She has just sent me a text that read, "Thanks - it's friends like you who make it worth doing this show, chivalry isn't dead!"

So yes, I did impress Jessica - not by trying to tell her all the things I have achieved in my life, but simply by showing that I cared if she got home safely tonight. I'm beginning to realize and work this out in my head: why do we want to impress people? Because we want them to like us. But what if there is another way to get them to like us, such as simply by being nice to them?

Do you feel the need to impress your friends?

Oh and another point I wish to make is this: when you come into a project like this, you can't expect to get along with everyone. I know whom my good friends are in this show: Ken and Jessica - they are the two people I get along stunningly well with. Ken and I are just somehow on the same wavelength artistically and we have had some brilliant moments doing some wonderful improvisations during the rehearsals. We are scene partners as well and we always manage to have fun, trying to do our scene a little different every night, trying to push the boundaries, challenge ourselves and the audience - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but we're not afraid to try and explore the dynamics between us as scene partners. Our director doesn't micromanage every single scene anyway, so we are encouraged to explore within reasonable limits slightly different ways to do the scene and discover organically what works with the audience.

Then there's this actress called Monica - good grief, she takes it all so seriously. I did something in the scene which she observed and felt it didn't work, she pulled me to one side and went into this big speech about how she respected my talents and what I bring to the show but she just felt that what I tried didn't work. And I was like, good grief, just tell me it didn't work - it's not the end of the world. If Ken did something that didn't work, I'll just tell it to him to his face without that big speech. Some actors take their craft very, very seriously whilst people like Ken and I just want to have some fun with it.

Is Monica taking it all too seriously? Or is it me who's having an attitude problem by not taking it seriously enough? I don't know - there is something to be said about taking pride in one's work. Let me give you an example, Sabrina an actor I do another scene with was totally upset the other night when she was about to perform and she found a stain on her shoe. I took a look at it and I was like, oh don't be silly, no one can see that stain. Yeah it was a streak of mud-like substance on her shoe but I didn't think it mattered. But she said, "But I know it's there!" Now I honestly wouldn't mind if there was a small stain on my costume, I'll still gladly perform knowing that most people won't see it - but it was refreshing to see the way Sabrina took so much pride in her costume for the performance. Clearly, she took pride in what she did in a way I clearly didn't. For her, it was her dream to perform, to act, to be in a production like this - whilst for me, it was something else to do on top of everything else that goes on in my crazy life. She chose to take pride in what she did - pride is something you actively choose to invest in your work, perhaps I can learn a thing or two from her on this issue of finding pride in the work that I do?

Anyway, the fact is, in life you can't always get along with everyone. I am polite but not really that chummy with Monica or Sabrina, I guess I just don't have that much in common with them. Whereas with Jessica and Ken, it's not like I have that much in common with them - but rather, we click simply because we're on the same wavelength when we communicate. There's also some members of the crew I get along with and find them extremely approachable - whilst there are others who are simply on a different wavelength. What can you do? I guess I simply accept that I am not going to click with everyone because everyone's on a different wavelength and our mission in life is to seek out those on the same wavelengths as ourselves whilst trying to get along with those who are on different wavelengths.

Can you find friends who are on the same wavelength? 

And hey, when you do find people who are on the same wavelength as yourself - hold on to them, be nice to them, make the effort to hang out with them and get to know them better. I am already planning a special Chinese New Year lunch with some of my cast members whom I get along very well with - I intend to invite them over to my place for a late lunch before the show one day. Well, I am halfway around the world from my family and it's Chinese New Year, so I am going to celebrate it with my new friends.

Happy Chinese new year to all my readers, gong xi fa cai!