3 questions about education from a concerned parent

Hi guys, it has been a stressful period after the whole Brexit episode. So, let's get back to a topic that is less controversial: education. I like talking about education. One of my readers Veron has asked my three questions, for her children. It is nice to see her making a genuine effort to do the research for her children's future.

Q1. Whilst I know you think tuition are pretty useless in the greater scheme of things for a kid's brain, what do you think are essential skill sets the kids should be exposed to or pick up when young?

A:  Oh yeah, I do have strong opinions about the tuition culture in Singapore. The problem with education in Singapore is that the entire system neglects the whole area of 'soft skills'. Kids are deemed to be obedient and very 乖 if they spend hours sitting down in their bedroom revising for their exams or doing their maths homework. If children are seen playing in the park with their friends, they are perceived to be naughty and disobedient, because they really should be at home studying. The result is that you bring up a generation of Singaporean students who with great results but suck at human interaction. This becomes evident when they apply for jobs and totally suck at their job interviews: they are inarticulate and lack basic communication skills. They have this expectation that "I've kept my part of the bargain by studying so hard all these years, I've got the good results expected of me - now will someone please just reward me with a well paid job?" It doesn't work like that in the real world and I blame the parents for their crap parenting skills. 

What is the best method to nurture young students?

It seems that most Asian parents have no clue how to deal with the issues of sex and sexuality when their children hit puberty in their early teens - so instead of sitting down and having a frank discussion about the birds and the bees, they think that they can continue treating their children like prepubescent students. Asian parents follow this simple principle that if their children are at home studying, they are not out there, hanging out at the malls, going clubbing, getting drunk, meeting people for sex and taking drugs. There is a huge difference between having a healthy, normal social life (which involves basically just having a big enough number of friends) and becoming a drug addict as a result of excessive hedonism. I refer you to the story of the Singaporean student who suffered from loneliness at university, because she realized she simply didn't know how to make friends at all because that aspect of her development had been neglected throughout her childhood. Well, at least in this case, she had the good sense to come to me for advice and didn't turn into another case of Ouyang Xiangyu - an obviously brilliant scholar but was suffering from a lifetime of pent up frustration she didn't know how to deal with and ended up turning to murder. Yikes. 

I am going to speak more specifically about developing these soft skills. I think it is important for them to spend time doing social activities - I don't mean arranging 'play dates' which are clearly for infants. Play dates are unstructured and whilst I am not in principle against them, I don't think children get that much out of play dates. I like the idea of group activities - such as basketball, volleyball or something like taking part in the Scouts, where children have to work together. They are simply not challenged enough in the school environment to pick up team work and communication skills, such as learning to make your voice heard in a discussion, trying to get along with others in the group, resolving conflicts, challenging someone who doesn't agree with you and persuading your friends to listen to your case. In any case, given our increasingly sedentary lifestyles, it is very important to make sure that your child is not sitting down in front of a computer all day - such activities will get children out of the house and exercise, keeping them healthy. 

Is your child staring at a computer all day?

Also, I think it is important for children to interact with a range of people from different backgrounds. I'll use my dad as an example: he speaks some English though it isn't great but let's just say it is functional. He is a retired primary school teacher and had to use English to communicate with his colleagues who didn't speak Mandarin or Malay (he's from Malaysia, hence totally fluent in both Mandarin and Malay). I have heard him speak English with his Indian and Filipino colleagues and students, but the moment you put him in front of a white person, he freezes up and refuses to speak any English (and would ask me to translate for him). I remember years ago, we were in a carpark and this white guy asked us for directions to the nearby tennis courts and you should've seen the panic in my father's face. For a moment I thought he was literally going to run away, rather than have to talk to this Angmoh. I was shocked at how a simple situation like that could have left him in a state of utter total panic, but this example epitomizes the problem with a lot of Singaporeans. It's not like they lack the skills to handle the situation, but since my father's social circle is very limited and local to those who have a very similar background to him, the world outside what is immediately familiar to him fazes him in a big way. Thus children need to be exposed to people from a wide range of social, cultural backgrounds, preferably of different nationalities to prepare them to deal with the wider world. 

Q2. Using the logic of developing the kids based on their talents or intersex, What if the kids love Maths and advanced readers but not so keen on everything else? What can we do to turn that into an edge above others in the Long run if that's any use at all? 

A: Have you considered programming? That is so popular right now and kids as young as 6 or 7 have been introduced to programming. Children grow up with this technology and they are not fazed with the challenges of picking up programming - even if it is not something you are familiar with, simply enroll your child in a class and leave the teaching to the experts. People who are good at mathematics will be able to pick up programming fairly quickly for it is all about following formulas and applying them - the similarities are there, I do think that programming is a lot more fun than mathematics. Well, advanced mathematics can get interesting at the later stages but we're talking about university level mathematics. At primary school level, it is so basic that it is anything but interesting - it doesn't stretch gifted children at all. So rather than challenging gifted children to attempt more advanced mathematics that is normally taught to much older children, the teachers keep them at the same level and turn them into these calculating machines that do not make mistakes under an exam condition. I can't stress this enough - the Singaporean education system is so bloody awful and have no idea what the hell to do with gifted kids. I would rather challenge a gifted child in an environment that inspires creativity and imagination, then to bludgeon them through the Singaporean system just to make sure they score an A at the exam. So, at least programming would give them that outlet for their creativity and develop them in a different way. Give it a go - it is becoming so popular these days, your older child might like it?

Q3. What do you think about Singaporean students going to UK for boarding school after secondary school? Might it be a disaster, might the student encounter discrimination? If it's a good idea, any recommendation on a moderately good boarding school - co-ed and in a good Neighbourhood? I'm thinking of the Belfast area. My children are 6 and 1. 

A: In principle, I think that the UK education system is vastly superior to the Singaporean education system, but then again, I have such a very low opinion of the Singaporean education system that you can pick any country in the West and I would think that they have a better education system than Singapore's because there are just so many problems with the Singaporean education system. Don't even get me stared on how utterly screwed up it is. I am thinking about the wider picture: what is the point of education? Is it to simply teach students how to score As in exams, or do you want to prepare them for adulthood, to make that transition to working life successfully? For the former, the Singaporean education system is better, for the latter, the British education system is vastly superior. Tuition teachers are very rare in the UK and they are usually only brought in when kids are really struggling to pass - most parents are simply not kiasu. Though ironically, it is only in the Chinese, Indian and Jewish minority groups where smart British kids get tuition anyway. However, the world we live in is changing fast and straight As no longer guarantee you a good job as employers are changing the way they are hiring the right people for the job now - it is all about having the right aptitude, some companies go as far as to refuse to look at the degree or any results of the candidate to avoid being influenced by it. This is why I feel that the Singaporean system is so out of touch with the modern world. 

Let me address the issue of discrimination - please be assured that you have absolutely nothing to worry about in these quality schools. I think it is always hard for any student to change schools and to find new friends in a new environment. Now it boils down to how good your child is in adapting to a new environment and making new friends: some kids can be dropped off in a school halfway around the world and become the most popular kid in class within a week. And then you can move a child from a school in Hougang to a school in Yishun and after two years, the child still hasn't made any real friends. No two children are the same in this aspect, so it is very hard for me to give you a 'one size fits all' answer without having any more information about your child. These boarding schools are actually full of international students, so it is highly unlikely that your child will be the only non-white student in the class.  Rather, s/he will be one of many and how fast s/he integrates into the new environment and makes new friends is really down to your child. The more outgoing and sociable kids find this aspect very easy as it is second nature for them to make new friends - the shy ones will find this a total torture and hate having to talk to strangers. So you know your child - is s/he sociable or shy? Being in such an international environment would do wonders for your child's social development. 

Would you know how to talk to strangers and make friends?

In any case, these schools charge a lot of fees and in exchange, they take their duty of care very seriously. There are good schools in the UK and there are bad ones. If you were to dump your kid in some state school in some impoverished neighbourhood in a British inner city, then chances are, there will be all kinds of problems on top of discrimination: from petty crime, alcohol and substance abuse, unsafe sex and truancy. There are horror stories coming out of some of the worst schools in the country, including a teacher who was murdered by one of her students. But allow me to point something out: it costs money to run good schools and state schools get a limited amount of funding from the government - it means that they can handle normal pupils who are willing to study and get an education, but when they have very disruptive children determined to cause trouble, that is when they really struggle to cope. Imagine the poor maths teacher trying to deliver a lesson when there are two naughty students at the back of the class talking, being disruptive: if the teacher stops the class to discipline the two naughty students, then the rest of the students don't get to learn. It boils down to resources, the teacher to student ratio is critical in this aspect and clearly, the more expensive boarding schools have much smaller class sizes compared to the state schools. 

When you pay that much in school fees for a British boarding school, your child will get an excellent education and any such problems such as bullying will be dealt with swiftly. It is bad for business if children are unhappy because of such issues in the school, so there are dedicated members of staff whom the children can go to should they encounter any issues of bullying or discrimination of any form. In short, you get what you pay for, as we say in Chinese, 一分钱一分货 - these boarding schools are expensive and you do get a quality premium service. So whilst you don't have to worry about discrimination or bullying because they will take such good care of your child, I question whether you should send your child abroad after secondary school - why only after secondary school? In my opinion, the sooner you send your child abroad, the less damage the Singaporean education system can do to your child, the sooner you can remove your child from the very toxic Singaporean environment and put him/her in a more conducive environment for learning away from Singapore. I don't know how old your child is, but if you are serious about doing this, you should do it as soon as possible rather than wait even a minute longer. The only key issue is money: this is a painfully expensive option (at about £30,000 to £40,000 a year), but if you are very rich and can afford it, then what are you waiting for?

Luxury education in the UK is big business.

Here is a list of the best co-ed boarding schools in the UK. May I caution you please to avoid seeking the opinion of one person and making decisions like that - always refer to league tables which will rank the schools according to a strict list of criteria and those league tables are far more reliable. I do wonder why you are fixated on Belfast - do you have family there or is there any other reason why you like Belfast? I am not particularly fond on Belfast. Surely you should be picking the best school for your child and that should be based on the quality of the school (as reflected in their ranking on the league tables). These league tables take into all aspects of the students' education - so if you pick a school that is ranked near the top of the league table, then you have nothing to worry about. Quality, high-end education is big business in the UK, these schools are not cheap and are treated like a luxury product for the rich who can afford it - by that token, that means that the quality of the students' education and schooling experience is extremely important to the school because they want to make sure they can continue to attract students and charge them these exorbitant fees. The moment they slip down the rankings, then that's bad for business and so they do everything they can do their best the students and they do have the financial resources to do so. I only wish my family was rich enough to send me to such a school for my secondary education, but we were too poor to afford it. 

I hope this answers your questions, let me know if you have any other thoughts on the issue. My readers may have other ideas when it comes to a private education at these very expensive boarding schools. Many thanks for reading.