Tuesday 14 April 2015

Do people change as they get older?

Hello everyone. I've just turned 39 today - that's right, one more year before the big 40. And on this day, I am going to talk about a silly question that someone has asked me recently - perhaps it is not as silly as I thought it was hence I'll like to run it by you my dear readers. Recently on Facebook, I ran into someone I had not spoken to in years and he asked me a series of questions along the lines of, "do you still like _________? Do you still do ____________?"
A photo with one of my birthday gifts today - meet Hans!

And those questions puzzled me to say the least. Why would I change what I like and dislike? How could I become someone else just because we haven't spoken in a while? How could I stop enjoying the activities that bring me so much joy? Let me give you a simple example of why I found his questions strange - I like mangoes, it is a delicious fruit and I've always been very fond of mangoes since I was a child. Can I ever envision a time when I would wake up one morning and decide that I hate the taste and smell of mango? No, how can a change like that ever happen? Likewise, I grew up listening to the music of ABBA (thanks to my older sisters who were very fond of ABBA), I do enjoy their music and it brings back fond memories - even if I get interested in other kinds of music (such as K-pop) as I get older, I don't stop liking the music of ABBA just because I now listen to other bands doing music from other genres.
I think back upon the time I was in VJC back in 1993-1994, there were a few things that I remember well from that era. I did a lot of gymnastics, TSD (theatre studies & drama) consumed a lot of my time and energy and I enjoyed Japanese food very much. I remember taking the bus to Takashimaya/Ngee Ann City after rehearsals or gymnastics training, just to get sushi from the Cold Storage supermarket sushi counter. My habits have hardly changed in 2015 and I am still doing a lot of gymnastics, I am still acting and I still enjoy sushi today. Not only do I still like the same things in life, I now have greater freedom to do the things that appeal to me in life. I guess the only thing that has changed is the fact that I'm balding - but apart from that, little of my character has changed.

So why did my old friend expect me to change? I suppose it is not really easy staying the same person you are - let me give you an example: I know these friends from my university's gymnastics club: Max and Hannah (not their real names). They met whilst at university and got married a few years later - I was at their wedding. Then Hannah got pregnant and basically, they disappeared from the social scene as they fell into the pattern of parenthood. I see pictures of them and their children on Facebook once in a while, but we've not spoken in years. I knew Hannah quite well at university and she had a wide range of hobbies and interests from gymnastics to foreign languages (she is multilingual like me) to dance. But between holding down a full time office job and being a mother to two children, she has virtually no time for herself. Don't get me wrong, she looks very happy with her two lovely children - but the old Hannah that I knew from university is gone and she has well and truly changed. If you asked Hannah today, "do you still do gymnastics?" She would probably tell you that she used to years ago but no longer has the time to do so.
But then again, even in Hannah's case, not having the time to do the things she used to enjoy back at university is not the same as no longer liking the same things. Likewise, when I lived in Singapore, I used to enjoy jackfruit (nangka) all the time; now that I live in London, I hardly ever see it and sure you can find it in Chinatown sometimes, but it is so expensive. As a result, I hardly ever eat it in the UK (not unless there's some kind of sale promotion on) because I'm just not willing to pay a lot for a very small portion of jackfruit. But does the fact that I don't eat jackfruit regularly these days doesn't mean that I don't like it anymore - I still do and when I am in Singapore, it is one of the first things I look for. Thus our circumstances in life may change over the years, but do our likes and dislikes change?

My conclusion is that as we get older, we probably still like the same things we did when we're younger and even if we discover new things along the way, you could probably draw some kind of connection to the kind of things we already like. I enjoyed catchy Euro-dance music from the 1990s and 2000s and the kind of K-pop dance music I like today actually does have the same kind of vibe. I have taken to skiing in a big way, but then again, I was already ice skating and rollerblading back in the 1990s and hence I could see how I took to skiing quite easily and quickly. By that token, we are creatures of habit and even if we do change over the years, the way we change would be fairly predictable.
Or I could be completely wrong. What do you think? Do people change much as they get older? Or are we just older, grayer (in my case, balder) versions of our our younger selves? How much have you changed as you got older, or are you still pretty much the same person at heart? Let me know your thoughts on the issue, Many thanks for reading.


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10 comments:

  1. Di Talasi14 April 2015 at 18:10

    I am still tickled that we share the same birthday. As for changes --- I am pretty much the same except being more weary and jaded. I still like ABBA (Gimme, gimme a man after midnight! Help me chase those shadows away ...). Still love Barry Manilow. I am going to his Vancouver concert in May! Still love seafood, hate other meats, would never touch beef or lamb, and drinks tea daily. Changes --- I no longer have to have branded goods. I buy quality and value rather than brands. That means I'd rather pay $148.00 for a Roots purse than $1500.00 for a Louis Vuitton. My home is now an utter mess because I work and parent. Ok, also because I am less fastidious than in my youth. I think I am, overall, an older version of myself in different circumstances. I do care more about world issue than before. I am more passionate about politics and social problems. Essentially, I am still high maintenance and a little spoilt (youngest of 9 children!). Either you get me or you don't. Love me or hate me. I do not have 500 friends on fb. I barely have 100 fb friends! However,those I am close to, I love them dearly.

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    1. Limpeh Foreign Talent14 April 2015 at 18:35

      Well, Di, you do realize Manilow is gay...?

      But do you see my point about how we don't change - our circumstances change and we may not have the same opportunities to enjoy the same things. What I would do for an authentic bowl of LAKSA but alas, it is not to be found in the UK. Nope, I have tried, it doesn't exist at all - certainly not in the authentic form, sadly. But the fact that I don't eat laksa regularly doesn't mean that I don't love it.

      Or do people really change as they get older? What are your observations amongst your friends Di?

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    2. Di Talasi14 April 2015 at 20:16

      Barry MANILove is gay?! Shut your face! He wrote the songs that made the young girls cry! Hahaha. Yes, I was in denial for decades, but last week, it was announced that he married his manager. It's ok. I was never into his looks. I loved his songs because he understood me when I was in my troubled teens. Now, Roger Federer, Hugh Jackman, Colin Firth, and Viggio Mortenson, and ... those ones are fine specimens of men!
      I think people change in their priorities and perspectives due to life experiences and circumstances. Personality-wise, I think most people stay the same. A short-tempered child would probably grow up into a short-tempered adult. My friends from Singapore think I am exactly the same because they have the idea of me in a time-capsule. I am actually a lot more deep and globally aware than the younger me. My current friends did not know me from way before, so they have nothing to go by.
      To say that one changes compeletely would be extreme. To say that one hasn't changed ONE Bit is also extreme. I think we are fluid and works in progress while maintaining a constancy in nature.
      I would say one thing about my Singapore friends --- they hold pretty much the same views as when we were younger.
      As for laksa --- my issue is mee siam. I have not found a single place that sells mee siam in Vancouver!

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    3. Limpeh Foreign Talent15 April 2015 at 02:06

      Thanks for your insight Di. I think that I have changed a bit and the bits which have changed are for the better - ie. I think I'm wiser, more sensible, more able to handle stress, better with people etc. I'm still me, just a slightly better version of me I guess? I do look back at the way I behaved as a teenager and sometimes I am mortified at some of the childish crap I came up back like when I was 16 - but then again, I'm sure we all can look back at our teenage years and split hairs. So by that token, I guess I did change (but for the better) over the years - it would be shocking if I didn't at all, right?

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    4. Di Talasi15 April 2015 at 07:04

      If we could talk to our younger selves, we would have plenty to say. I'd say, "Girl, you have got to think with your head and not your heart. Be a better sister, aunt, and daughter no matter how they treated you. Let go of the anger. Set realistic goals. You are not stupid. You can do it. You do not have to measure up to anyone but yourself. Oh, and wear that polka dot bikini while you can!" If only I could go back ... Well, I can't, so I can only focus on the now.

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    5. Shanester15 April 2015 at 07:32

      Hi Di, Alex, good morning / afternoon / evening. I don't think people stay in a time capsule. Perhaps they do not change very broadly but certainly the priorities will change over time as we pick up new hobbies, meet new people and encounter new experience. With so much distractions, we are apt to assign different levels of preferences. Maybe the interests did not change per se but it just becomes of more or less importance. E.g. I enjoy a game of tennis and also baking but after the knees and ankles took a beating post an accident, tennis went further down the priority ladder and Great British Bake Off and Mary Berry simply rekindled a new obsession in churning out baked goods and French pastries :)

      Sorry, really "sua ku". Barry Manilow gay?? Ok I can't even recall his songs honestly, not my cup of tea hehe. Now Roger Federer and Hugh Jackman - much more dishy but happily married. The Swiss skater Stephane Lambiel on the other hand..... dishy and openly gay. And I am pretty sure most folks gay, straight or bi will love someone gorgeous like Brian Joubert.

      And fortunately, laksa and mee siam is readily available here but I really think the dish I was really craving for when living down under was fried chye tow kuay (white version!) and dried mee pok with extra chilli! I seriously doubt that such preferences will change much :)

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  2. choaniki15 April 2015 at 14:43

    I realise we don't change ourselves so much as we change our focus and how we spend our limited waking hours. When I was younger and still single, i focused my spending on myself entirely and lived to entertain myself all day everyday.

    Now that I'm married I basically save my money to buy stuff for the missus since she is technically unemployed (running small family business but hardly drawing a livable wage). Also i focus more time on earning money so have less time for entertainment (or even sleep) these days.

    Similarly i have many married friends who basically focus every waking on their children (or wives for the more henpecked ones). So we hardly ever see each other now and I have to find a new batch of friends from who are either non-henpecked or divorced or childfree.

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  3. Kevin Jang15 April 2015 at 16:54

    Di's remark about former classmates or friends living "in a time capsule" when it comes to their knowledge of her reminded me of something which I watched on Eat Your Kimchi. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsTMi70vDSk

    Martina was basically speaking to her "younger self" to remind herself that as people grow up, former friends whom you used to hang around might even become alienated from you, and sometimes evolve into your 'frenemies' or people who dislike you, because their values change a lot. I myself found that over the years, I find less and less of a point in keeping the people whom I used to hang around with more than 2 decades back. Not only did my time in Canada and elsewhere mold me into a different person, but the things and values which I hold dear to myself have never been the same as them to begin with. For example, they see money, getting married or attached romantically as a superficial (or should I say facile?) sign of success, the level of salary earned and so on to be more important than ideals such as contributing to society or whatever, while for me, I view life differently as developing your strengths and finding joy in your passions regardless of what others do or say about them. A friend who is a social counselor told me this himself that it is perfectly easy to drift apart if someone back in high school actually told you right from then on that "friends are stepping stones" (!!!!!) , because values are basically different to begin with. Time probably made it more obvious about the differences.

    Physically, I probably evolved for the better, thanks to the wonders of modern cosmetic science and exercise (I do not mean cosmetic surgery, at least not yet, thankfully, but just grooming, fashion style and etiquette, and well, K-fashion/American fashion). It is good that most of my former classmates from high school no longer recognize me mostly when I do visit Singapore to see my family, and anyway, I do not think that living in the "past" in that sense of being trapped in the bubble is ideal for oneself in terms of personal growth and development anyway. I have not been more tired as a person despite age, but I think that I get more easily stressed and edgy and so, have to learn new methods to cope with all of these, since I never had to think about all of these (stressors and stress) for my teenage years.

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    1. Limpeh Foreign Talent15 April 2015 at 18:27

      I am glad we are both fans of EYK!!

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    2. Kevin Jang16 April 2015 at 03:42

      Part of the reason why I like them is also because they are a Canadian couple from Toronto. I recognized that accent the moment I heard it(the Torontonian-Ontarian accent is quite distinctive although I am not sure how to describe it). But they really say like nobody does, in lieu of the propaganda machines in South Korea which state how good Korea is compared to elsewhere. You need a balance for both to have what Simon and Martina say about South Korean society.

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