It's not easy to do the right thing.

Guys, let me just get this off my chest okay? I think I did the right thing today but I still don't feel 100% good (or right) about it. Writing about it here allows me to organize the thoughts that are bouncing around in my head. I was at an audition earlier today for another pretty high profile role - if I get the part, it would be for a lot of money and the shoot would be in Spain. I really did want the part, so I prepared well for it. I was sent a script in advance which I memorized and rehearsed many times, so I could arrive at the audition feeling totally well prepared.

When I arrived at the building, there was this guy (let's call him Mr H) who said hi to me as I entered the office building, telling me that we had met at a previous audition. I had a vague recollection of having met him there but was so preoccupied, running the lines in my head that I barely acknowledged his presence. When we met the casting director at the reception of the office on the third floor, he asked us, "so, did you guys memorize the script we sent you?" I said yes, Mr H looked in total horror and asked, "Script? I am sorry, what script? Was there a script to learn?"

It turns out that his agent had not forwarded him the script for the audition and the casting director said, "okay, don't worry, Alex will go in first and here's a copy of it, you can work on it whilst Alex does his audition." So I went in, did a pretty good audition and when I came back out, I realized that Mr H was sitting there with sheer panic written all over his face. I noticed that he had been simply reading the script over and over again whilst I was doing my audition and I thought, that's not how you memorize a script, you have to put it down and test yourself.

So when the casting director asked Mr H if he was ready, Mr H just said no he wasn't. At the same time, another actor had arrived for his audition so I suggested that the other actor (who had memorized the script) can go first whilst I sit down with Mr H and I would help him memorize the script. So in the next 20 minutes, I ruthlessly drilled Mr H with the script, making him perform it as many times as possible with me - I started by taking the script away from him, forcing him to do it from memory and I would prompt him if he got a word or phrase wrong. I actually got him to memorize it and perform it with some confidence by the time he had to go in and do it - in the short time we had, I really helped him a lot.

Memorizing scripts is an important part of acting.

He shook my hand and thanked me. He was genuinely grateful and he really wasn't expecting me to go out of my way to help him. I then left the building thinking, "shit, if he gets the part because I helped him, then what the hell do I get out of that?" I felt rather sheepish, thinking I had just sabotaged my own career in being nice. I then had the time to think about the situation since and would like to share a few of my thoughts.

Now if I were to get the part, I want to get it because I was the best actor in the audition and I had blown the casting directors away with my brilliant acting skills. There was a bilingual improvisation section in the audition and I thought I did a pretty awesome job of it. Mr H was unfairly disadvantaged - his agent really should have emailed him the script with a reminder to memorize it. That didn't happened. I suppose I was only leveling the playing field as Mr H should have had the opportunity to memorize the script (the way I did) before the audition - he had to do it under immense pressure in the waiting room whilst I had the luxury of about 24 hours to do it. I didn't want to 'win' because I was given an unfair advantage over Mr H. Of course I wanted to win, but I also wanted to win fair and square.

Should I have just taken the unfair advantage that fate had dealt me?

I was reminded of this story from back in the early 1980s - this was at a gymnastics competition in America. A Chinese gymnast had a serious problem during warm up on high bar - he had broken his leather hand guards (used to protect the palms of the gymnasts as they swing on the bar, an activity that generates a lot of friction). This was the one-touch warm up right before they were due to compete, not the general warm up so the Chinese gymnast literally had one minute to find another pair of hand guards and for some reason, he didn't have a spare pair and was in a blind panic. An American gymnast noticed what had happened and proceeded to lend the Chinese gymnast his hand guards so that the Chinese gymnast could compete. The Chinese gymnast accepted the American's kind gesture and competed, using the American's hand guards and went on to win the gold medal. When interviewed later, the American said, "I wanted to win because I was better than the other gymnast, I didn't want to win just because his hand guards broke during the warm up. He got to compete and he beat me fair and square, the better gymnast won today." #truesportsmanship

There was also a part of me that felt sorry for Mr H - now you may hate me for saying this, but I am just going to be brutally honest. I felt he wasn't particularly good looking (okay, he's ugly) and not very eloquent (English is his second language), Mr H was also a few years older than me - I felt that thought that the odds were stacked against him anyway in this industry which favours beautiful people who are usually very articulate. Mr H didn't need things to be made any harder for him today and I felt that in the larger scheme of things, I am blessed with better looks, a better body and the gift of the gab. I have also done loads of high profile projects unlike Mr H. Had Mr H been more good looking than me, had he been eloquent and articulate, I doubt I would have wanted to help him. I guess I gladly helped him because I didn't feel threatened by him. I didn't see him as my equal in the industry, I didn't see him as serious competition.

I was in two minds about helping Mr H.

So whilst  I think have done the right thing, I supposed I only did it because I didn't feel particularly threatened by Mr H at the audition. I'm not sure I would have done what the American gymnast did in the story above, knowing that in helping the Chinese gymnast, the Chinese gymnast could go on to win. Now I have no idea what the casting director's decision is and I do know that he did see a few other actors as well today - in all probability, neither Mr H nor I would get the part, but we shall see. It all depends on how the others performed and I have no idea how their auditions went.

I have said this before - there are two kinds of actors. Those who will go out of their way to help others (like I did today) and those who will never help anyone they perceive to be competition. I would like to see myself as a helpful kind of person and it's a lot easier to help someone who will never be direct competition to myself - but I didn't hesitate for a moment to help Mr H today even though he was auditioning for the same part as I was today. Ah well. What would you have done? Would you help someone who could potentially be your competition? Or was I foolish to help Mr H today, knowing that I am only sabotaging my own career by helping the competition? Or do you believe in karma, that such good deeds will pay off in the long run? What would you have done? Would you have also helped Mr H if you were in my shoes? Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think, thank you for reading.

Limpeh during a filming for C4's The Midnight Beast.