Sex, love and money - the bizarre world of Tunisian love rats

Hello everyone, merhaba. I have been busy studying Arabic and reading up about Tunisia in preparation for my trip there and I stumbled upon a rather bizarre website - Tunisian Love Rats. Out of curiousity, I had a look and it is about good looking (well, mostly) young Tunisian men who look for older white women, either via the internet or in chatting them up in Tunisia for love, money and most of all, a ticket out of Tunisia. I found some of the stories rather bizarre and beyond belief - like if you are an older, fat English woman on holiday in Tunisia and a 21 year old handsome young local man chats you up on the beach, surely you should know that something is not quite right there.

Beware of love rats?

I remember when I was in Asia - I have seen my fair share of (much) older white men with (much) younger Asian women and no one seems to bat an eyelid. From Bangkok to Bali to Shanghai, it seems fairly accepted for this kind of pairing to happen. In fact if you were to see an Asian man with a white girlfriend/wife, people would do a double take as that would be rather unusual. Likewise in Africa, South America or anywhere else in the world, it seems like it is taken for granted that yes, there are older white men who finds much younger local girlfriends and that's the done thing. Oh but when that pairing is reversed, these white women kick up a big fuss and create this website to name and shame the "Tunisian Love Rats". I rolled my eyes in disbelief as I read the stories on that website.

Hmmm... Am I the only one who is bothered by these double standards? Okay, I can see some differences in the two cases, most men tend to be motivated by sex, most women are motivated by emotions like love - for the older white man in Bangkok or Bali with a much younger lover, both parties are aware of what is going on here - it is no more than a financial transaction and the young Asian woman is trading her nubile young body for the white man's money. The Asian woman knows exactly what the older white man is looking for when he turns up in somewhere like Patpong and there is a mutual understanding. But in the case of Tunisia, these white women aren't necessarily looking for love or sex - they are just there on a holiday. For these young Tunisian men to seduce them, they need to appeal to what these white women desire most: love, not sex. Hence someone who looks like Susan Boyle can experience romance with a gorgeous Tunisian stud at the right price, but make no mistake, you have got to pay for the romance you desire.

Many hearts have been broken in Tunisia...

Tunisia is a poor country - it may be one of the richest countries in Africa but compared to Europe (which is painfully close at just 155 km to the closest point to Sicily, Italy), it is still very poor in comparison. There is a big Tunisian diaspora in Europe, spread throughout countries like France, Spain, Italy, the UK and many Tunisians are looking for a way to move to Europe and get a better life there, but tighter immigration controls mean that only those who are highly skilled and educated can get a work permit these days. So if you're young Tunisian man who is good looking but not very highly educated or skilled, well, seducing an older European woman seems to be a route that they are willing to use to get to Europe. Desperate people resort to desperate measures.

Don't get me wrong - this doesn't disturb me. What two consenting adults get up to is their own private affair, it is none of my business. If a fat, older European woman wants to hook up with a 21 year old Tunisian guy, what they get up to is strictly between them and nobody else's opinion matters. But when that same fat, older European woman turns around and claims, "I thought he loved me, he was just using me!" There's a part of me that wants to go, "Really. What were you expecting? Are you really that naive? Weren't you using him as well? Aren't we all part of this world where everyone is using each other to some degree to get what we want? What did you want from this young man?"

"I thought he loved me and wanted to marry me!"

Ironically, because Tunisia is an Islamic country, the women tend to be very conservative and would usually dress very modestly and veil their heads. Thus they would simply not be a position to try to seduce an older white tourist as they are conditioned by their culture and religion to behave in a modest manner. However, men in Tunisia do not seem to be that bothered by such conventions - thus you do not have the female equivalents of 'Tunisian love rats'. Furthermore, for an Islamic country, they produce a lot of wine, spirits and beer locally and there is in fact a drinking culture there - the locally produced Tunisian wine is apparently very good indeed.

Perhaps as a very experienced traveler, as an older man who has experienced a lot of life (and I've blogged about it), I am hardly naive when it comes to things like that. When I am traveling in poor countries, I am usually very cautious and suspicious of the locals who will always try to find some way to make you part with your money. So if some young 18 or 19 year old falls prey to some con whilst he is abroad for the very first time, then fair enough - the teenager is naive, inexperienced and not very wise. But if a much older person falls prey to a con, then I do expect the older person to be less naive and a lot more streetwise when traveling abroad. But then again, traveling is expensive and not everyone can afford the luxury of holidays abroad, so some people are simply more experienced travelers than others and those who fall prey to such cons when they are abroad are those who have never had the chance to travel abroad much. 

Are you careful when traveling abroad?

And in my most recent trip to Greece and Albania, I could spot the British tourists who haven't been out of the country much a mile away, then you can spot the experienced travelers who know what they are doing. These very inexperienced travelers do tend to draw attention to themselves by asking very stupid questions in English. They are the ones buying loads of overpriced tacky souvenirs from the gift shops. Furthermore, the price of international travel has plummeted in the last ten years with the explosion of budget airlines and last minute deals, people who never dreamt of holidaying abroad back in the 1990s are now doing it regularly because it has become so very cheap. That means older people who have barely ever traveled in the past are now making their way to places like Tunisia, totally unaware of what they may encounter. That does set these people up to be duped when abroad.

For example, a common trick that one may encounter in Tunisia (or Mexico, Morocco, Turkey etc) is when a young man will stop you in the street and say, "hello, remember me? I work at your hotel! It is my day off, can I show you around?" It may seem like a fairly harmless, friendly gesture but if you engage him, then he becomes your unofficial guide of the day and not only is he expecting a fee for his time, but he will get commission for all the money you spend in the shops or restaurants he brings you to. Those of us who are fairly experienced will simply say, "No. I have never seen you in my life before, leave me alone please." But you will be surprised at just how many gullible tourists will fall for this.

Hey remember me? I work at your hotel!

I have even experienced this myself when I was in China - I was once in transit in Shanghai and had about 12 hours between my flights. So I hopped on the high speed Maglev train from Pudong International Airport into town because I didn't fancy spending 12 hours at the airport. Now let me explain, I was experiencing jet lag as I had just flown in from London, I badly need a shower and a few hours of sleep but instead, there I was standing in Nanjing Lu at rush hour, near the Bund. It was sheer adrenaline that kept me going - I must have looked a mess at that stage. As I stopped to read a road sign, this young lady came up to me and said in very good English, "hi there, you look a bit lost. Can I help you?" I couldn't resist this offer of help as I didn't fancy getting lost whilst I was on a tight schedule in Shanghai - I wanted to make the most of the stopover without missing my connecting flight. So we got chatting and she was keen to practice her English with me, but she came across as more than friendly, it was evident that she was flirting with me. I thought, hang on a minute, who would want to flirt with me when I am looking this awful? When she asked me for my email address and phone number, I politely made my excuses and left her.

When I told a local Chinese friend what had happened, he explained, "Notice that she approached you in English, if you had responded in Mandarin and turned out to be a local, she would disappear in less than a second. Think about it - why did she ask you in English and not Mandarin, despite the fact that we are in Shanghai? She was testing you, making sure you were a rich foreigner, not a local - that's why she spoke to you in English rather than Mandarin. People like her exist - they want to get out of China but simply don't have the means to get a work permit or pay to study abroad, so this for them is a last ditch attempt to try to find a foreigner to marry, to get out of China. They are not part of the new rich Chinese middle class, but probably from poorer families. But if what they are doing didn't work, then they wouldn't even try. You can't blame her for trying. She tried, you walked away, she failed and she will try again."

I was shocked to be chatted up in Shanghai.

One of the basic rules of economics 101 is this the basic correlation between supply and demand. If older European women are not falling for these young, handsome Tunisian men, then these Tunisian men will not try to seduce them. It is a financial transaction, it is not love and if these older women were a little bit wiser, then they would realize that and for them to complain after they have been duped rather than accept responsibility for their poor judgement - I just think that's a bit silly. What do you think? Perhaps I am being rather harsh to judge these older, naive European women who genuinely fall for these Tunisian men - but there's another part of me that thinks, what were you expecting, honestly? Aren't you kinda old to be this naive about love? Do leave a comment below please, many thanks for reading.