Week 5 notes from London's West End

Woah. So much has happened this week - let's pick up where we left off at the end of week 4. Basically we ended week 4 with Calvo verbally abusing a fellow performer live on stage, in front of the audience. When we returned after having had Sunday off, on Monday he was on his best behaviour. He had apologized to the performer he had insulted and I was informed that he had been taken aside and 'dealt with' by the company. As much as I was curious as to what 'dealt with' actually meant (A warning? A reprimand?), I know it is none of my business so I resisted the urge to ask anyone. There's a part of me that's curious of course, but there's another part of me that realized how the company dealt with him would be kept confidential and it was was best not to be a complete kaypoh in this case.

I had a chat with the German actress he had verbally abused to make sure I gave her the kind of emotional support she needed to deal with a situation like this and that's as far as I'll get involved. I had the chance to speak to the other Portuguese actress who was there at the point and saw everything and this was what she explained to me, "You know, that (German actress) is such an easy going person. She rarely lets you know she is upset or stressed, she just takes it all in her stride and that can be a good thing or a bad thing. For example, in this case, it was just the last straw that broke the camel's back - Calvo had been winding her up for ages and she doesn't let him now how upset she is, so he cannot read her emotions. She can't bring herself to say 'back off, you're annoying me, don't talk to me' - for her, that would be impolite to do so. She would rather put up with it than be impolite."

Do you know how to deal with difficult colleagues at work?

"Hence people like that get taken advantage of, I think that (Calvo) is simply oblivious to just how much he was annoying her - there's such a big age divide, he's like 20 years older than her. He's Spanish, she's German, they have so little in common yet he is trying to be her buddy - that is just not going to work. Sure I think that letting things go, not bearing a grudge, being easy going is good... otherwise we let all the stupid crap in life annoy us endlessly. However, there is a balance to be struck of course, as we don't want people to take advantage of our good nature. As for (Calvo), I am willing to forgive him - I think he was stupid, he acted in a childish manner... but I still have to work with him at the end of the day. People who make mistakes deserve second chances I think."

I'm still on the fence on that one - obviously this Portuguese actress is such a sweet, kind person that she was all too ready to forgive Calvo and move on, but I don't know. Certainly, he doesn't need to apologize to me per se when it wasn't me he verbally abused - but the fact that he treated a fellow performer this way in front of the audience has made me lose all my respect for him as a fellow actor. Serious actors simply do not do that and after that episode, there is just no way I can treat him as a serious, professional actor. No way. I have been cold to him... formal but polite. We used to chat, I used to practice my Spanish on him - I've stopped doing that and switched only to English. Am I being harsh? Should I follow my Portuguese colleague's example by forgiving him?

Should I be friends with Calvo again? 

I spoke to another colleague who has actually done a production with Calvo before and this was what she told me after I updated her on the details of what had happened. "Oh it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that he's like that - in the last production, he was a social pariah. Everyone avoided him like plague and his scene partner couldn't stand him - the fact that he is able to even get work at all as an actor is beyond me. He really isn't that talented and I don't really know what the hell he is good at. Don't feel bad about avoiding him - heck, I've known him from that last production and supposedly, I've known him for over a year, much longer than you! Yet I still very successfully avoid him and I intend to continue avoiding him for the rest of the March, until we get to the last show on the 30th March. I've even blocked him on Facebook. Such is the nature of showbiz, you can't expect to get along with everyone, you don't have to like everyone. I'm sorry you have to do two scenes with him - oh my. There's something about him... he comes across as unhappy, that's right, dissatisfied  unfulfilled, frustrated -  like he just can't be happy with what is going on at the moment in his life and he projects this frustration onto those around him and he blames them for the problems in his life. What can you do with someone like that? Avoid him, that's all."

On a completely separate note, I got a bit jealous this week when my Mauritian colleague was interviewed by the arts correspondents from both French and English newspapers in Mauritius. They were making a big deal about "local Mauritian girl makes it big in the West End of London". She played it down and was very modest - "Mauritius is not a big country, so they must be desperate to find news that day, that's why they interviewed me." That just left me thinking - Limpeh is from Ang Mo Kio, I'm on stage in the West End of London too in the same production, but no Singaporean journalists are interested in interviewing me? Damn. I'll need to do something even more significant next time then!

But let me end by telling you about a short conversation I had with an usher - like all theatre productions, we have ushers who direct the audience and I usually make an effort to chat to them. There are all kinds of people who end up as ushers - some are students who need a part time job in the morning, some are actors who are doing this whilst they cannot find acting work, some are older retired folk who want a fun job that isn't too demanding... There was this Chinese student from central China who was studying at one of the universities in London and she was doing this as a part time job in the evening - she had a keen interest in theatre. All the ushers get to watch the show of course and she loved it. This was what she said to me when I asked her what she thought of the show.

"When I saw the show, I thought, okay this is just full of white people again, but when I saw you appear on stage, I was amazed. Okay, so there are Chinese people in this production! Then I saw the Japanese actress and the other Chinese actress and I thought, wow - they do employ Asian people in this show, that's great. You know, coming from China, I always knew about theatre in the West End - shows like Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, Cats, Mamma Mia, We Will Rock You... and unless it's an Asian-theme show like Miss Saigon or The King & I, I just don't expect to see an Asian face or Chinese face on stage. It just never happens, at least not in my experience and I've seen loads of West End shows. Where are the Chinese actors? Where are the Chinese faces on stage?"

I'm one of the few Chinese actors active in London.

"I think it's great that you're doing this show, you're brilliant when you perform and I am so glad the audience gets to see a Chinese actor performing when they come to this show. I hope you go on to do other shows, other musicals in the West End as I think there should be more Chinese faces on stage in the theatre world. I hope other young Chinese actors who are just starting out will come to see the show, so they can see you perform and they will then think - if he can make it and get nice parts in shows like that, then I can do it too. You will inspire them, be a role model for them."

I didn't agree with her but as she was very polite and so sweet, I didn't have the heart to tell her so. I thought, why do you need to see some other Chinese person do something before you give yourself the permission to believe it is indeed possible? Sure you don't often see Chinese faces on the West End stage, but so what? It's not like there are that many Chinese actors in the UK to begin with - we number just 0.8% as a minority, we're not even one percent of the entire population of the country. Amongst this 0.8%, just how many actors are there? Do the maths and you'll work out why you don't see many Chinese actors around to begin with, it's just a function of numbers and statistics. When you have very few Chinese people in the country, it is only logical that there are very few Chinese actors in plays.

I have done far more TV and film than theatre. 

And in any case, even if I achieve success as an actor, so what? How does that impact on other Chinese actors in the UK? Would I somehow open the doors for other Chinese actors? Hell no. The only person I am opening the door for is myself because what I do does not reflect on other Chinese or Asian actors - I represent myself and no one else. Why do we need role models anyway? Why can't you have the self-confidence to do something that no one else has done before? Why do you need someone prove to you that something is possible? Why can't you be the one proving it to others instead? Why wait for someone else to be first when you could be the one who's first?

I guess it boiled down to whether one takes a passive stance in life or a more active stance - it's evident that I am the latter whilst my usher friend from central China is clearly the former. Anyway, I didn't argue with her - I merely thanked her for her kind words and I changed the topic. We talked instead about her life at university. I could've gotten had this conversation with her and shared my feelings I suppose... but I didn't. So please my readers - never ever deny yourself something you want to do just because you don't know anyone who has achieved it yet. If you wanna do something, just go for it and if that makes you the first to do it, then good for you. It's great being the trailblazer, it's great getting to the summit before everyone else scales that mountain. Have a look at the photo below - this was taken in Brussels.

"He who doesn't have imagination doesn't have wings." 

So that's 6 weeks down, 4 to go. The last day is the 30th March and I think I can just about see the light at the end of the tunnel now... Gosh, I am exhausted to say the least. Cheers everyone, thanks for reading.