Dealing with a difficult colleague

Hi there, I've had a tricky situation today and I thought I'd share my thoughts here - I find it always good to put thoughts to paper (or online like this) when I am confused so I can figure out exactly what I am thinking. Let's call this colleague of mine Calvo - that's Spanish for bald and my colleague is bald and Spanish.

As my regulars will know, I am in West End Production now and I'm at the end of my rehearsals - we open on Monday the 28th January. So naturally, everyone is really stressed out at the moment and Calvo was struggling today - you see, there is a segment of the show where the aerialist performers need to be moved into position via a system of rope pulleys and it was Calvo's responsibility to do that. I had done this before and was familiar with it, but there are a total of six ropes to pull to manipulate three performers and you have to know which rope to pull and in what combination to move each performer a certain way. It's not that complicated once you learn the patterns but there is a certain element of trial and error at first when you first look at those 6 ropes.

As Calvo was really struggling, being the busybody I was, I stood next to him and gave him instructions. But maybe I wasn't really helping that much because other people were getting impatient with him as well and barking instructions at him... Or it was more like, "Wrong rope! Wrong rope! She's going the wrong way! She needs to go left!" And being me, I was giving him instructions in both English and then repeating them in Spanish - thinking that he would understand the Spanish instructions better. "No, no es esa cuerda! Usted tienes que tirar esa aqui!"

Anyway, it got to the point where Calvo just shouted at me, "Will you shut the fuck up already?!" I thought, ooh that's what I get for trying to help you figure out the rope system. I simply said, "I'll leave you to it then."

Later on, I told him very calmly, "Calvo, you need to try to communicate with me in a calm manner during the show without losing your cool. I realized you were stressed but I don't want you to talk to me in that manner ever again."

To my surprise, he turned around and said, "Why are you being so sensitive about it? I talk to all my friends like that. I don't think any of them would object to words like that - it's no big deal, why are you taking offence?"

"You don't know me well enough to take that liberty!" 

I then replied, "You don't know me well enough to take that liberty. We are work colleagues but I don't know you well enough for you to take liberties with your language like that. Please respect the boundaries and don't assume that I will allow you to get away with language like that. The right response would be for you to apologize, explain you didn't mean to cause offence and that will be the end of the matter."

I guess Calvo didn't want to let me have the last word on the issue - he said, "Please don't tell me what my right response should be, I will react in whatever way I want. But I understand how you feel about the situation."

I then gave him a way out and told him, "Please, in the future, can you try to communicate with me without losing your cool and avoiding language that may cause offence?" He said yes. I then ended with, "Very good. Thank you very much. That will be all, eso es todos, muchas gracais."

I had to somehow get the last word in...

Some other people then walked into the room at that point and the topic of conversation. To my surprise Calvo then asked me out for a drink since we were done for the day and added, "Come on Alex, I'll buy you a drink." I hesitated for a moment because I thought okay, he is showing... contrition and offering to make amends with the offer of a drink and we have to work together after all. Yet there was a part of me that thought, "I've been seeing your face all day and now it's time for me to go home - I really have no desire to have to spend even another moment in your company in the pub." Okay so he couldn't bring himself to say sorry, but he wanted to make things right with me. Heck, it's free to say sorry but a drink will cost him £2 - £3 and I might just order champagne. I'll take that as a compromise and accept that gesture, but I said, "no thanks, it's been a long day and I need to rest - we have another long day tomorrow too."

I didn't want to make it look like a snub, but I felt it was clear - I don't like Calvo, I don't need him to like me either, but I do need him to speak to me in a manner which doesn't upset me or cause offence if we are to work together. I didn't want to go running to the director like a kid in primary school saying, "teacher, he said naughty things and upset me!" Hell no, I wanted to deal with it myself and sort it out and I guess I did reach some kind of understanding with Calvo.

Calvo did offer to buy me a drink...

When you do contract work - you never know who you are going to meet and what kind of people they are. They could be nice, they could be awful and Calvo is just one such character whom I would probably never see ever again after this production. We have nothing in common and I just found him rather strange - the fact that we both spoke Spanish didn't bring us closer together in any way either. He seemed to represent the kind of actor I hated. Oh I found him pretentious. He would rehearse every little detail, down to the fingertips and I'm like, come on, who's gonna see your fingertips. I'm a gymnast, I'm all about big moves, big tricks, big entrances - I'm bored with minute details that no one is ever gonna see. Have a look at the video below of Olympic and World champion Kohei Uchimura performing and you'll see how being a gymnast renders me impatient with actors who make such a big fuss about a tiny act like walking across the stage. Duh. If you're doing a triple twisting back somersault, then let's talk about the details but if you're just walking, who gives a shit, really. Duh.

Previous attempts at conversation with him had been strange at best, if not downright difficult and I have just stopped trying to be his friend until today when I felt compelled to step in and help him out. I think I have made my boundaries clear and that's all I can do - the fact that I don't like him probably doesn't bother him and I am not going to let the fact that he doesn't respect me bother me either. Life is not a popularity contest, I really don't mind if some people like Calvo don't have a good impression of me - that's fine by me.

I'm half wondering if I should have kept quiet about Calvo's rude comment or if I had every right to make my feelings known. Was it worth my while given that I'm only working with him for 9 weeks more? How would you dealt with such a situation? Leave a comment, let me know, thanks.