Bonjour and hello, I'm back from my trip to Vienna and Bratislava, just in time for this latest episode in Paris. If you want to see the photos and videos from my most recent trip, please click through here to my Instagram account and follow me there. This is the 16th time TAR US has been to France and France is the most visited country on TAR US. They were last in France just one season ago in S37 and they've visited Paris many times as it is one of the most popular tourist destinations in Europe. Now I have a special connection with Paris - firstly, I studied at Paris-IV Sorbonne University back in the day as an exchange student in 1999 to 2000, then I went back to work a stint at Google France in Paris back in 2014. So yes, I used to study, live and work in Paris - that is why I am completely fluent in French. It will never quite match my English which is ultimately my first language, but it is a close second, a very close second and Paris is probably the city I feel most at home in after London. So yes, once again I'm in a great position to guide you through this episode in Paris. But we are left with a cliff hanger as we don't know which is the final team that made the finals, but I'm sure you'll agree with me that Izzy & Paige were about to be eliminated as their last destination before the pitstop was a lot further than Joseph & Adam's - so based on that assumption, here are my provisional average rankings after this leg.
Provisional average ranking after leg 11 in Paris
- Jas & Jag 1.81
- Joseph & Adam 4.36* (provisional figures based on my prediction)
- Izzy & Paige 4.72* (provisional figures based on my prediction - probably eliminated)
- Kyland & Taylor 4.91
The reset button was hit for this leg.
All players were on the same flight to Paris so at least the teams at the back of the pack weren't at any kind of disadvantage, but immediately they had to jump into a taxi and that totally randomized the order of the teams arriving at the Moulin Rouge. Again, I don't like it when teams use taxis like that because they are completely surrendering control of the situation - if they get there quicker than the other teams, then that's just down to good luck. If they get there last, that's just sheer bad luck. I'd rather have teams use public transport or drive themselves so that way, at least they're relying on their navigation skills rather than just completely depending on a random taxi driver. More on taxi drivers later.
Do you actually think your taxi driver cares you're in a race?
Why do players tell the taxi driver that they're in a race for a million dollars? If I was the taxi driver, I would turn around and ask them, "okay so if I help you win, will you send me say $10,000 for the part I played? No, you won't even remember me, so why should I care if you win or not?" Racers have an ample budget for each leg of the race, so they should take out the cash right there and then and make the taxi driver an offer like, "if you can get us to this place before the taxi in front, I'd give you 50 euros in cash." So what I do on 007: Road to a Million S2 when I had to deal with taxi drivers? Well ironically, there was only one taxi ride in that whole season for me and that was in Vienna in E3. I was speaking politely to the taxi driver in German and not giving away too much, but I didn't once mention that I was in a race for a million pounds. Like why the hell should he care? No, instead I offered him a nice fat tip if he could drive extra fast. Let's get practical, reality TV contestants really need to come down to earth and realize that your random taxi driver really don't give a toss at all what race you're on. They are only driving you because they are making a living to pay the bills.
How hard was the dance challenge at the Moulin Rouge?
Oh that Can Can routine was crazy hard, not only were there an insane number of steps, bu*t the music was so fast. It was not a matter of doing the high kicks, splits, handstands or cartwheels but simply memorizing a very large number of steps and performing them in time to a very fast piece of music. Eve though Jas & Jag wouldn't strike you as great dancers, they knocked that challenge out of the park with ease and once they left the Moulin Rouge, they had already built up such a huge lead they were untouchable for the rest of the leg, paving the way for their 6th win this season (7th if you include the one that they gave away to Natalie & Stephanie). You can't expect anything easy this close to the finale.
Wait, there wasn't a detour on this leg in Paris.
With only four teams left at this stage, they just didn't bother with detours. There wasn't one in last week's episode as well. This could be a cost-cutting measure, they already have a loud, colourful and very French dance challenge at the Moulin Rouge; it would be hard to create another side to the detour to match something as interesting as this challenge.
The Braille roadblock was equally hard.
Oh I immediately guessed it was a Braille challenge when I saw where they were going - the word 'aveugles' means blind in French. This brings me back to my teenage years when I was learning French and I would translate the lyrics of the American pop songs I was listening to into French in my head to see if I had the vocabulary to do so. I looked up the word 'blind' because it featured in the song "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio in 1995, the line was "tell me why are we so blind to see". Yup, that was the moment I picked up my French dictionary and learnt the word for blind in French. I could see why they made them type out the poem "The New Colossus" as it related directly to the Statue of Liberty and the scramble coming up. But I felt that they were missing a trick here - they could have increased the difficulty of this roadblock by making them type out a passage in French instead of English. It was such an unforgiving task - one mistake and you had to start all over again. I loved it, this was the kind of task that had the potential to really change the order of the teams and unfortunately, I think Izzy did crumble under the immense pressure she was put under when she made quite a few mistakes, dropping her team to last place. I really felt for her as she was under so much pressure to deliver.
How cringe worthy was the acting by the Braille teacher and the judge?
Oh dear, why did they even try? It was pointless and they were just awful. What were the producers thinking?
Do French people speak English?
Oh you'll be amazed. There is a myth that French people simply can't and/or won't speak English with foreigners including tourists. That was true way back in the 1990s when I lived in France - I remember turning up in a small town in Brittany in north-west France way back in 1997 and there was absolutely no way any of the locals would even utter a word of English with me. But that is no longer the case with the younger generation in France today who grew up with social media and they consumed a lot more English-language media through sources like Youtube and TikTok. Back in the day, French people would dub everything - if you went to see a film at the cinema, the American movie would be dubbed in French. In fact all American TV programmes would be dubbed in French before they were broadcast on French TV channels and so it was like there was a conspiracy by the French government to prevent their citizens from hearing even the slightest bit of English language when enjoying TV and films from abroad. French people just went along with it back then and it didn't bother them that they couldn't speak English - they mostly didn't need English anyway if they were only dealing with French people in their daily lives. So back then, if the French lady in the bakery or the supermarket refused to speak to you in English, she's not being xenophobic or racist, no it is simply a case that she probably couldn't speak any English at all having been shielded by the language by their government. But a lot has changed since the 1990s, thanks to the internet, the younger generation of French people grew up consuming English language media and thus anyone under the age of 30 would speak English really well, those 30 to 50 would get by in English but most French people over 50 would be unlikely to speak much English. However, speaking English is also associated with higher education - so when I studied at a French university, the students regularly used research materials in both English and French and the lecturers just expected everyone to be able to understand English-language materials used in the course, even if the language of instruction was French. Hence there is also a social class divide, with well educated professionals far more likely to be fluent in English compared to those like the taxi drivers that the racers encountered in this leg. Overall, there has been a massive shift in attitudes towards speaking English in France over the last few decades, especially so with the younger generation who have well and truly embraced English.
What would have been the best possible combination for this Paris scramble?
For this, we have to look at where the teams started after they completed the roadblock, the three locations along with the pitstop location. Let's look at what the four teams did and what Google maps would suggest to be the most efficient route to complete this scramble - do also bear in mind the fact that the teams had no idea where the pitstop would be at the beginning of the task, so there was also an element of luck built into that set up. I am deliberately translating the French place names into English for my readers who are mostly American, so as to make it easier for you to understand.
Jas & Jag: Roadblock, Grenelle Bridge, Luxembourg gardens, Museum of Arts & Craft, Pitstop
Kyland & Taylor: Roadblock, Luxembourg gardens, Museum of Arts & Craft, Grenelle Bridge, Pitstop
Joseph & Adam: Roadblock, Luxembourg gardens, Museum of Arts & Craft, Grenelle Bridge, Pitstop
Izzy & Paige: Roadblock, Luxembourg gardens, Grenelle Bridge, Museum of Arts & Craft, Pitstop
So as you can see, two teams (Kyland & Taylor and Joseph & Adam) picked the same route and let's work out the distance traveled by each of the teams and compare it to the most efficient way to do this. Bear in mind this is just a Google maps estimate based on traveling through Paris mid-afternoon, times will vary depending on local traffic conditions but this will still give you a good idea of what difference the choice of routes made. The taxi driver may pick a longer route if there is heavy congestion on the shortest route, but here are the results of my calculations and yes, I did double check the results! Taking a faster route can make such a massive difference - just take a look at my calculations.
Route 1 (taken by Jas & Jag): 22.2 km (13.8 miles), 102 minutes
Route 2 (taken by Kyland & Taylor and Joseph & Adam): 15 km (9.3 miles), 69 minutes
Route 3 (taken by Izzy & Paige): 27.5 km (17.1 miles), 124 minutes
Now it is clear that Izzy & Paige are eliminated in this leg (hardly a cliffhanger then), as they took a much longer, slower route compared to Joseph & Adam - in fact route 3 is nearly twice as long as route 2 and consequently takes twice as long. They were already in last place leaving the roadblock, so for them to have any kind of hope of surviving, they needed to have taken a faster route than Joseph & Adam but once they made picked that route, they were doomed. The fact is route 3 makes little sense, you start off going east to Luxembourg gardens, then you go back on yourself to go west towards the Grenelle bridge than you go back on yourself again by going east to the Museum of Arts & Craft, before heading back west towards the pitstop at the Trocadero. The only person that this would make any sense to would be the taxi driver as they get to maximize the fare charged by taking the longest, slowest route possible. This is why I keep telling you guys, don't tell the taxi driver you are in a race for a million dollars as they really don't care whether you win or lose! I can't stress this enough! You need to bribe them with a big fat tip in order to pressure them into taking the fastest possible route - Izzy & Paige were taken on the longest possible route with the combination of the four stops because that is exactly what dishonest taxi drivers will do to foreign tourists. Even if they had taken the exact route as Joseph & Adam, they probably would have still lost as they were already behind. But there is one more possible combination that wasn't used that would be to go east to west, start at the Museum of Arts & Craft, then the Luxembourg gardens, Grenelle bridge, finishing at the pit stop. Now that route would be 17.8 km (11.1 miles), 93 minutes. So short of Joseph & Adam's taxi literally crashing into the river Seine, there's just no way Izzy & Paige could have survived this leg given the route they have taken. This is just down to dumb luck as the fate of the racers are in the hands of their taxi drivers and two teams got lucky, two teams were unlucky - Jas & Jag had such a huge lead that they got away with their poor choice of route and I'm afraid this was the worst possible time for Izzy & Paige to encounter such a terribly dishonest taxi driver.
Any surprises with the results of this leg?
Yes actually. Well we all knew Jas & Jag were going to win in style again, given that the only team that could have possibly challenged them (Tucker & Eric) has been eliminated. But Taylor & Kyland's very strong performance in Paris did both surprise and impress me. As for Izzy & Paige's elimination, I was surprised too as I thought Joseph & Adam had been struggling in the last few legs and Izzy & Paige had been more consistent - but sadly, Izzy crumbled under pressure at the roadblock and they had such bad luck with taxis in Paris. I think the "dishonest taxi driver" factor played a huge role in their elimination as they did perform reasonably well in Paris, but at this stage with so few teams left, you can't afford even the smallest mistake or any bad luck and they had both in Paris unfortunately. Thus the only way to keep yourself safe in this process is to ace all the tasks so even if you do encounter a bad taxi driver then you will still be safe.
Are taxi drivers in Paris really that dishonest? Are they all crooks who hate American tourists?
I wouldn't say that this is strictly a Paris thing or a French thing but this applies to all taxi drivers everywhere in every city, every country in the world. Things have improved a lot with ride hailing apps like Uber, Grab and Bolt as you can leave a dishonest taxi driver a bad review and the price of the ride is set before you commence the journey, so there is no taxi meter involved and the taxi driver would then have every incentive to complete the journey as soon as possible. But if you were to simply pick up a random taxi driver in the street the way the racers did, then of course you are going to encounter very dishonest taxi drivers who will just drive you around in circles to make more money out of you as the price of the journey is calculated by the meter in the taxi - it is a system that is set up for exploitation and rewards dishonesty. I don't like it, I think it is unfair to the racers and thus I would much prefer either making the racers use public transport or drive themselves given how I don't like dishonest taxi drivers can have such a huge impact on the outcome of the race. I want the outcome of the race to be determined by the skill of the racers, not whether or not they are lucky enough to pick a decent taxi driver and avoid the evil ones who just want to get as much money out of you as possible.
Boy you really hate taxi drivers, don't you?
I wouldn't necessarily say I have a special hatred for them. But let me give you a simple example of why taxi drivers are dishonest and this is an example from just last month. I was going to an event at a hotel near the town of Slough in England, this hotel wasn't on the public transport network - we had to get a train to the nearest station and then take a taxi from there. There were a bunch of taxis waiting outside the station and so I asked a taxi driver how much it would cost to get me to the hotel. He told me, "about £10 - depending on traffic, I have a meter and we use the meter, it will be about the same or cheaper than an Uber but I am right here ready to go, if you call an Uber you will have to wait." I then checked on Uber, it gave me a price of £9.90 and I said it's okay I'll wait for the Uber. As my Uber arrived, I noticed a man approach that taxi driver I had just spoken to and sure enough, we were both heading to the same hotel. I didn't know that man as I would have offered him a ride with me in my Uber, but as we entered the hotel, I asked him how much he was charged for the taxi ride and he told me, £14.50. I rolled my eyes and thought, phew I had dodged yet another dishonest taxi driver. I am sharing this story because I was able on this occasion to compare two prices for an identical journey. I wouldn't have minded if the taxi driver had been honest about being more expensive than an Uber, but he blatantly lied to me and I wasn't going to fall for it. For them, it's just a game they play, they don't care if you spend more.
Are we sad to see Izzy & Paige go?
I am surprised at the amount of hate they have received online, especially directed at Izzy. A part of me thinks it is clearly homophobic, but another part of me suspects that it may have something to do with what she did on Big Brother. I think they are a strong team and I would have liked to have seen them in the finals, but they just had a bad day in the office. There are times when I felt that Izzy was inarticulate and blurted out something stupid (or if I may be generous, something I'd chalk down to a bad choice of words) but I have watched myself again on 007: Road to a Million S2 and I did think, I can't believe I said that - under pressure, unrehearsed and spontaneous, I said some rather bizarre things that I would have never said under normal circumstances. But what you see of Izzy here is such a manufactured, edited product: she has been given the villain's edit here. I cried twice on my race, once during a U-turn vote when I felt so bad about my decision and another time was when I thought I had made such a huge mistake that it was game over for my team. Neither of those scenes made it into the final edit, much to my relief as it wasn't pretty seeing me cry on camera. I don't think it would have been flattering so I am only too aware of the power of editing in this process, so the producers did me a favour by not including the crying scenes in the final edit. Thus I think that Izzy has been treated quite unfairly by the producers in the editing suite and this is probably part of the reason why she has received so much hate online.
Can we predict the results of the finale next week?
The teams are headed to New York next week for the grand finale and of course Jas & Jag are going to not just win, but by a country mile. Based on their good performance in the second half of the series, I am going to call it and say that Kyland & Taylor will finish a respectable 2nd with Joseph & Adam in 3rd place since they have not been performing as well. But it is all a moot point anyway, as Jas & Jag are going to win regardless and congratulations to them in advance. I have further thoughts about Jas & Jag but I'll leave that till next week as I do a full review of the entire series as a whole - the one thing I want to say though is that whilst I respect them as worthy winners and a super strong team, I want to point out that the casting process has been utterly terrible this season with the focus on bringing some very big personalities and characters from the Big Brother franchise rather than trying to create some semblance of a level playing field as there were really only two super strong teams, a bunch of joker teams who were simply terrible and had no hope in hell - then you had a gaggle of mediocre teams in the middle of the pack who were never going to challenge Jas & Jag or Tucker & Eric. This is why I think the casting team did a terrible job and shame on them. After all, fans of TAR deserve better and we want to see a level playing field with a cast of equally matched teams and please, no more 'joker teams' in the name of diversity (like bringing a very old grandmother who has no hope in hell of doing any of the very physical challenges) or a minor celebrity who has no clue what to do on the race. I only have love and respect for the cast but I will judge the casting team very harshly, for having made so many awful, dumb mistakes in the casting for this season.
Don't spit into the well you drink from Alex...
Oh yeah, I had my share of joker teams on my season of 007: Road to a Million (no I am not going to name names but if you had watched that season you'd have a pretty good idea) and I had gone into the leg in London super confident, having just won the last leg in Vienna and I had a terrible day in the office. I made one awful mistake after another, it was a mixture of bad luck and crumbling under pressure (just like Izzy in Paris come to think of it). But fortunately for me, it was still early enough in the process that there were at least some joker teams left then so we got away with that really bad performance. If the casting had been for a more equally matched set of teams, there would have been no way I survived that leg given that my performance was terrible in that leg - so the casting of joker teams in the name of diversity did benefit me personally then, though it does feel very different from the point of view of a hardcore TAR fan.
Okay guys, that's it from me on this episode, we're nearly at the end of S38! As always, thank you so much for reading.
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