Should camp gay people tone it down?

Hello everyone. This is my draft for my podcast which you can listen to by clicking here. Today I'd like to talk about being gay and camp - so as you will know, I'm currently enjoying my 15 minutes of fame as 007: Road to a million season 2 has just been released on Amazon Prime and whilst it is less rare these days that they have an openly gay contestant on such programmes, I do feel the weight of expectations representing the gay community because of this whole issue of being camp. Now cards on the table, I know I'm camp and that's a certain kind of flamboyant behaviour associated with some gay men - I don't think I'm a 10 out of 10 on that scale of camp, but I probably around a 7 or 8, it is something I can dial up or down depending on the situation of course. Now I'm not here to talk about what happened on 007: Road To A Million S2, I encourage you to watch it if you're a fan of James Bond or if you just love competitive reality TV shows or if you want to see what I do in this series but the bottom line is my gayness hasn't gone unnoticed by some of the other teams and it will be interesting for you to see as the viewer how some of them have reacted to it, so you can compare your own reaction to what you've seen in the programme. I have also found quite a lot of hatred online directed at me but I can deal with that - when you put yourself out there like that, you must accept that you can't control what others think about you and I'm actually fine with that because we live in a world where everyone thinks that their opinion ought to matter on social media and of course, not everyone's voices would be heard in such a crowded space so some people resort to using negativity to try to attract attention online and I just think, if you're that desperate to get your voices heard, why not do it properly by starting a Youtube channel or going on a reality TV show? Why rant anonymously on some obscure forum about reality TV shows if you're that desperate for others to hear what you have to say? Instead of being so negative about someone else, how about telling us something positive about yourself, like something awesome which you have done this week? Why is it that these people have only such negativity and hatred to offer the world then? 

Anyway, that's as much as I'll say about the show, go watch it and be the judge of it - but I'm going to talk about someone else who has been in the news in the US: this gymnast Jackson Harrison is also very gay but extremely good as well especially on floor exercise. But if you read the comments on social media, there is a mixed reaction. On one hand, many have praised his truly exceptional tumbling - he makes difficult skills like a double twisting double layout look easy but on the other hand, many have also said that his coach should have taken him aside and asked him to 'tone it down' because Jackson comes across as quite gay, flamboyant and camp. So let's just take the way he salutes the judges at the start and at the end of his routines, yeah there's no doubt that this gymnast is gay when you watch that and for me, I'm delighted as I know he is a brilliant gymnast who will be judged on his skills but others feel like this kind of public display of his sexual identity shouldn't spill over into professional sports and this has no place in gymnastics. 

Mind you, it's not this outright homophobia directed at Jackson, but that he should keep his sexuality in the bedroom and he can do what he wants with whomever he wants in his private life, but when he is competing, he shouldn't "flaunt" his sexuality. Ironically, there has been a rule change in men's gymnastics recently which has introduced an element of artistry in men's gymnastics in order to break up the monotony of tumbling in the floor exercise event and to make it a little bit more creative and fun for the viewers as well as the gymnasts performing. Therefore a lot of what Jackson is doing does fit beautifully into this new rule change and he's not the only one doing it - another gymnast from Australia Heath Thorpe has also included some incredibly creative and beautiful dance elements to his routine to fulfil this new artistry requirement but it has not gone down well with some gymnastics fans who think that it should only be the women who perform such elements, not the men. Mind you, Jackson and Heath were not the first openly gay gymnasts to have ruffled some feathers in the gymnastics community, if we go back to the 1990s, there was this incredible Greek gymnast called Ioannis Melissanidis who dominated the decade when it came to the floor exercise event, including winning the gold medal in the floor finals at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. He was also an excellent vaulter as well but he is mostly remembered for the artistry and creativity in his floor exercise routines. This was back in the 1990s and the world of gymnastics was a lot more homophobic back then - despite the fact that he was clearly one of the best tumblers in the world, many argued that he should be penalized for his gay and effeminate mannerisms when performing. Well thankfully, the judges disagreed but mostly because there wasn't any kind of provision in the rules to penalize a performer for that. So Ioannis was a controversial gymnast who had many fans as well as haters at the same time, but the fact is, he still won that gold medal at the 1996 Olympics because in gymnastics, you're in an environment where you are judged for your skills and the routine you have performed, rather than your personal life. This is why as a gay man who never felt like I really fit in, I like this aspect of gymnastics and it is also reflected in other areas of my life as well. 

I built a career in sales upon graduation - I never really planned to work in sales but I kinda just fell into it by default because I needed a job and it was something I could do with my many languages. In a sales environment, it is very competitive, everyone wants to be the top salesperson of the month and in order to motivate the sales team, the bosses would offer extremely attractive prizes to reward the top sales person of the month. I've seen openly gay and lesbian people thrive in his environment, why? Because the only thing that matters is your current sales figures - if you're great at selling then the bosses love you and will shower you with gifts and nice prizes. But if you suck at selling, then you will be in trouble with the bosses. It was really that simple - they only cared about one thing, how good you are at your job and if you're brilliant, then your sexuality isn't an issue at all because the bosses need people who are really good at selling. Allow me to contrast this to a very different kind of work environment: I would like to talk to you about my life in the army - I spent 2 years 4 months in the army when I was back in Singapore. It was conscription, I didn't have a choice in the matter. In such an environment, you got paid a stipend according to your rank rather than your work performance. So even if you went out of your way to perform your job extremely well, you would still be paid exactly the same as the person who barely did enough to avoid punishment. Thus under those circumstances, there is a far greater compulsion to conform, to be like everyone else and not stand out. In the army, you wore a uniform, you were part of a team, you didn't get the right to make your own decisions or take any kind of initiative, instead you just had to follow the orders you were given by your commander. The only appropriate response is "yes sir" and you're not allowed to question that authority or ask any kind of questions at all. So being in that kind of environment made it harder for me as a gay man to stand out and I have seen gay men make that mistake before! There was this quite effeminate gay man whom I shall call Lee, he stood out so much in that environment and drew a lot of attention to himself because of his mannerisms. It didn't win him any friends and at times, I even feared for his safety because of the homophobic environment in the army. 

In that context, Lee couldn't gain the favour or protection of his commanders by being an exceptionally good soldier since there was no mechanism in the system to reward those who do their job well - there was no real way to measure or quantify how well you performed especially if most of the tasks that the soldiers had to do were carried out in teams rather than as individuals. You see, in sharp contrast to the examples I had previously given from the world of gymnastics and the world of sales where you would be ultimately judged on your performance, that aspect just doesn't exist in some other environments like in the army and thus people like Lee were left with no other choice but to tone it down, try to fit in the best he could and avoid drawing attention to himself. Fortunately I was only in the army for 2 years 4 months before I was let back out into the civilian world where I could seek competitive environments  where I would be judged on my performance, but there are a lot of gays who simply do not thrive in that kind of competitive environments and would end up in more working class jobs where there isn't any kind of mechanism for them to outperform their colleagues in their workplace. I have experienced both kinds of environments and I remember what it was like to feel the need to conceal my sexuality, to feel that pressure to conform and fit in given that I had really no other alternative. Fortunately for me, I knew that I had a limited amount of time left in the army so it was not like I was gonna be stuck there for eternity. But I felt sorry for Lee because he was a really flamboyant kind of gay - like he wasn't trying to do it to annoy or offend anyone, that's just the way he was, like he was super effeminate. I recall how he got really angry with me once when I suggested that he should tone it done, he didn't expect that coming from a fellow gay, I think he had expected a bit more empathy or support from me but didn't get it. So he had this really massive outburst at me and boy, he was really angry with me, he took it really personally and whilst I knew we were never going to become good friends, I would never go out of my way to pick a fight with anyone in the army like that. I thought, this is temporary, we're not stuck here forever, I just hope you can find a kind of job where you can really excel at in the real world out there once you become a civilian again so people will love and respect you for how brilliant you are, then your sexuality or mannerisms wouldn't be an issue at all. 

As for where Lee is today, I have no idea, I never tried to keep in touch with him and we don't have any mutual friends but I wish him all the best because gays like that don't have a lot of choice. You could go down the route of becoming one of those rich, successful fabulous gays like Elton John, Neil Patrick Harris, Ricky Martin, Anderson Cooper and Sam Smith where your wealth and success is the first thing people notice before they even think about your sexuality. Okay these are pretty extreme examples of really successful gays who are also super rich celebrities but at least for people like myself, I'm not a celebrity but at least in my world of corporate finance, once again, nobody cares about my sexuality and they are only interested in how useful I am to them in the industry. So once again, I'm judged by my abilities and accomplishments rather than my sexuality. Now the worst case scenario for someone like Lee is to end up in a very working job situation which is terribly similar to what we experienced in the army together, where you simply have no element of performance related pay and everyone is  more or less just doing the same job for pretty much the same pay. Of course, I'm not saying that such a situation will automatically lead to a catastrophe, I have gay friends who are in those kind of jobs but they often admit to me that they are dependent on their employers having the right kind of policies in place to protect them in the workplace from any kind of homophobic bullying. And these are my British friends in the UK, can you imagine what it must be like for Lee in Singapore where there is absolutely nothing in the law to prevent homophobic bullying in the workplace, where it is completely legal to discriminate against an employee on the basis of sexuality? Of course, if Lee was so smart, so highly skilled and so useful to his employers then he would have absolutely nothing to worry about. how he is treated in the workplace - but if he was just a worker ant in a massive team of worker ants, then his position is a lot more precarious and that is an unenviable position to be in. I know because I have been there, I have tasted what life is like in those circumstances when I was in the army with Lee. The key difference is this: I know I can earn my seat at the table when I'm dependent on my skills to prove my worth, whilst my gay friends with working class jobs are dependent on the kindness of others - when faced with such a choice, I would much rather depend on myself and not others. I'm afraid that is just the harsh reality that gay people have to face in this world. 

So just to broaden the topic, everything I said about what it means to be a loud, camp gay man can be said about so many other groups of people who feel like they are different or a minority. So I have a friend who is a hijab-wearing Muslim woman, let's call her Layla. She is a top fund manager in London and has a fantastic reputation, however as a Muslim and a woman, she does stand out in her industry which is dominated by middle and upper class white men, but of course, nobody minds or care, they only want to see how well her fund has performed in this month. Layla earns an insane amount of money and is widely respected by her peers for being so brilliant. Her personal life, her religion and anything else really doesn't matter in this world. But for a moment, imagine if Layla was working in my local supermarket and I've actually heard a story about how a Muslim lady had a really hard time working in a supermarket here in London. Her colleagues and managers were accusing her of skiving off when it was prayer time (she has the right to request that by law), they accused her of making excuses when it came to handling products which contained pork or alcohol - there were even customers who would be condescending towards her and ask her questions like, "do you speak English? I'm looking for linguine, it's a type of pasta, do you even know what that is?" Clearly, if you want to be a hijab-wearing Muslim woman in London, then you're clearly a lot better off if you are a highly skilled specialist who commands the respect of your industry rather than someone who does a very working class job in an environment like a supermarket. So ironically, Layla and I share that aspect in common, we have both managed to place ourselves in environments where we feel a lot more secure not so much because people are a lot more open minded or accepting of minorities but because we have earned the respect of our peers in our industry with our expertise. But then again, is the grass greener on the other side of the fence? Am I throwing a pity party for myself here as a minority when people who are part of the majority also face their own battles and challenges? Well, that's probably another topic for another day for another long podcast, but my conclusion here is that if you are a minority, then the pressure is on for you to become so good at what you do that your minority status will no longer be a factor at all in your life and that will at least be one less thing for you to worry about in life. Thus I know that Layla and I have been very lucky, but how many minorities out there have been as fortunate as us?