Repealing S377A in Singapore: my very gay personal response

Hi guys, many of my friends have been messaging me all about latest news from Singapore when it was announced that S377A the law criminalizing consensual homosexual sex between men is going to be repealed - PM Lee made that as part of his national day address on the 21 August. There have been so many reports in the news already so I would simply include several hyperlinks to some of the more informative articles out there as well as embed some useful videos from Youtube which offer more insight into the issue. Instead in this post, I am going to offer a more personal response to this piece of news as an openly gay man who had left Singapore back in 1997 and why I am not exactly jumping for joy today at this piece of news. Don't get me wrong, of course it is a step in the right direction but before you start pouring the champagne, I have to remind you that this one gesture isn't going to fix all the problems for the LGBT community in Singapore - so much more needs to be done. I worry that a lot of people who do not understand the situation in Singapore will think that everything's great and perfect now for the LGBT community in Singapore (and no, it is not, far from it), as a gay man who has lived in more progressive countries where we have so many laws protecting the LGBT community from discrimination, I'm in a privileged position to discuss this issue and offer you my response on this issue. 

This is only the first step in a very, very long journey.

Whilst decriminalizing gay sex in Singapore is an important step to send the right message about the country's stance on gay rights, if you were to compare the situation in Singapore vs a country like Taiwan, Canada, New Zealand, France, the UK, Israel or Germany, then you would see that simply decriminalizing gay sex is just the first step in an extremely long journey when it comes to establishing a whole raft of laws and legislation protecting the rights of the LGBT community. Allow me to give you an example of how this works in an everyday situation: as an openly gay man living in the UK, it is illegal for my employer to discriminate me on the basis of my sexuality. However in Singapore, there is absolutely no protection for gay people from this kind of homophobic discrimination thus many gay men in Singapore are very hesitant to let their colleagues know about their sexuality, given that any kind of homophobic bullying is completely legal in Singapore - if a gay man experiences homophobic bullying at the hands of his colleagues in Singapore and reports it to his management, they are not legally obliged to do anything about the situation and the victim is entirely dependent on the goodwill of the employer to do the right thing. This is a far cry from more civilized and progressive Western democracies where there are strict laws not only outlawing any kind of discrimination on the basis of sexuality, but there are also laws that hold employers to account if they fail to protect their employees from this kind of discrimination in the work place. It took countries like New Zealand and Denmark a few decades to get to where they are today and therefore Singapore is still a good 50 years behind these other countries in this aspect, oh there still is so much catching up to do. 

The chicken and the egg situation with S377A

Admittedly, this did take me by surprise as the Singaporean government had defended their stance on S377A all these years by using the rhetoric that Singapore is a very conservative Asian country but we then have a chicken and the egg situation - most Singaporeans are very law-abiding and listen to their government and so if the government claims that S377A has to stay for good reason, then it triggers a very homophobic response on the part of Singapore: "if it is illegal, then it must be a bad thing." I'm afraid most Singaporeans are not educated or intellectual enough to analyze the issue in any greater detail and would simply default to what the law in Singapore says on the matter. In fact, there wasn't even a major event that triggered this huge shift in the Singaporean government's stance on this issue: gay activists in Singapore had challenged S377A in the high courts for so many years and have been knocked back time and time again. But come on, Singapore is not a real democracy, not by any stretch of the imagination. It's almost as if some close advisor to the prime minister whispered in his ear that this would be a good idea and the prime minister simply took that piece of advice - just as well really, because if it had been put to a proper referendum, I'm not convinced that at least 50% of Singaporeans would actually vote to get rid of S377A as it is still a very homophobic society. The younger generation may be more liberal but I wouldn't count on anyone over the age of 60 actually supporting the LGBT cause. It's a moot point in any case since Singapore doesn't do referendums, the government makes all those vital decisions on behalf of the people who do not get a say. Thus I am relieved that the PAP has actually done it this way on this occasion. 

The problematic mindset of Singaporean exceptionalism.

For many years, Singapore has simply ignored the fact that gays in other more progressive, liberal democracies have had a lot of gay rights - there is this ridiculous sense of "Singapore exceptionalism" that makes me shake my head. "Singapore exceptionalism" is when Singaporeans think that whatever happens in other countries in the world somehow has no bearing on Singapore, they develop such big blind spots and become totally illogical. Singaporeans used to justify  S377A because Singapore is an Asian country and all these gay rights are for Western countries. But what about other countries like Taiwan, Thailand, South Korea, Cambodia, Vietnam, China, Nepal, Philippines and Japan which are a lot more progressive when it comes to gay rights? Aren't these countries Asian as well? And then Singaporeans will use the other argument, "we have a significant Malay minority in Singapore, they are Muslims, we don't want to upset or offend the Muslims." Not all Muslim countries are homophobic actually, sure there are places like Saudi Arabia and Iran which are vehemently homophobic but there's Turkey which is 99% Muslim and it is completely legal to be gay there - there are even thriving gay scenes in cities like Istanbul, Izmir and Ankara. Albania is 59% Muslim and yet they have track record on LGBT rights that would shame some of their Eastern European neighbours. Singapore's neighbour Indonesia is the world's largest Muslim country and Indonesian law doesn't criminalize gay sex (with the sole exception of the state of Aceh where they have locally enforced Sharia law). There are other Muslim majority countries from Jordan to Azerbaijan to Tajikistan to Kyrgyzstan where gay sex is legal so this 'it is for the Muslims' argument doesn't hold water. 

Have you forgotten the definition of secularism? 

Singapore is supposed to be a secular country - in the pledge, Singaporeans chat the words "regardless of race, language or religion". So why is the hardcore religious anti-gay brigade given a voice in the debate on this issue then? This is nothing new in Singapore and we already have been dealing with it for decades: allow me to give you a simple case study. It is forbidden in Islam to eat pork, therefore the Muslims are taught in their mosques to avoid pork and to only consume food that is certified Halal in order to comply with their religion. But do the Muslims demand that all pork products are banned in Singapore just because it is forbidden in their religion? No, they Muslims recognize that Chinese people who are not Muslim are free to make up their own mind on the matter and consume pork if they wish. Thus by the same token, if a church wishes to tell its congregation that it is wrong to be gay, I'm willing to put aside any of my own misgivings on their homophobia and recognize that it is indeed their right to practice their religion in whichever way they wish; but why should they get to dictate what the law does in this aspect when the law affects everyone in Singapore regardless of their religion (or lack of)? There is something very wrong when the religious right hijacks the issue to impose their own religious views on others outside their religion despite the fact that doing so would violate the very foundations of the secular society that Singapore has been all these years. If you wanna talk about a harmonious society and getting along with each other, then it means respecting the diverse range of opinions on our society rather than selfishly imposing your point on view on those who clearly do not agree with you. We have dealt with the issue of pork in Singapore with little fuss because we have agreed to be reasonable - can't we address gay rights in the same manner? 

Religious freedom within a secular state

Why does the religious right wing brigade want to challenge the status quo of secularism in Singapore then? Well, it is very obvious: Singapore is evolving very quickly because of the internet - back in the 1980s, the government could censor all the media that Singaporeans consumes. Say if an American magazine ran an article talking about the gay village in San Francisco, then the Singaporean censors could at the snap of their fingers make every copy of that magazine disappear from the shelves of every single bookshop in Singapore instantly. But with the internet, Singaporeans can now access a much wider range of news sources, including those from more progressive and liberal Western democracies which would take a far more pro-gay stance. This has made it far harder for to control the narrative on sex and sexuality for the government in the 2022 compared to back in 1982 - now one way to respond to this challenge would be to seek help from marketing and communication experts. "As a church, how do we make our message appeal to young people on social media platforms like Instagram, Tik Tok and Twitter?" It would take a lot of humility and hard work to rise to such a challenge and these religious zealots are not known for being humble, so instead of trying to win hearts and minds by being engaging and persuasive, they simply want the government to impose their point of view on the national through the law by keeping S377A (and some even advocate the enforcement of it). But would the Singaporean government cave in to such pressures from them and sacrifice this principle of a secular state? 

Being gay taught me not to take anything for granted.

Growing up in a rather homophobic Singapore made me want to leave - there was a sense of "I don't belong here, Singapore doesn't want gay people like me here but other countries don't have a problem with gays." Rather than trying to stand and fight my ground to make Singapore more gay friendly, I just picked the path of least resistance and moved to Europe where I have lived and worked in places like the UK, France and Germany since 1997. It wasn't like I was this good for nothing in Singapore, I was probably every Singaporean parents' wet dream: I excelled academically and was not just a scholar, oh I was a triple scholar. Whilst most people would dream about getting on scholarship, I was awarded three scholarships whilst I was not just the captain of the gymnastics national team then, but I was also a three time former national champion. But moving to a new country as an adult, I had to work hard to build new relationships, make new friends and find my place where I shall call home. I talk a lot about how I am a proud Welsh speaker and how I have been given honorary Welsh status by my Welsh friends given the way I have become 'one of them' because of the way I speak Welsh so well. I have also found my place in the gymnastics community in London and many of my best friends in London were the people I had trained with over the years. I have eschewed the traditional concept of patriotism where you blindly pledge loyalty to the country you were born in, but I have since pivoted towards a concept of rightfully earning your place in a community where you truly feel like you belong. I feel sorry for the Singaporeans who don't ever question if their patriotism is justified or not. Okay so you love Singapore but does Singapore actually love you and it which ways? 

Learning to deal with rejection and coming out wiser about society.

So when I was growing up in Singapore knowing that I am gay, I faced so much hatred, rejection and I always felt like I was not good enough - like if the other parents would be happy if their kids even got one scholarship, I could get three and still not get much of a reaction from my parents. If most parents would be happy if their kid won a bronze medal at the competition, I could walk home with three gold medals and my parents wouldn't bat an eyelid. Ironically, this had nothing to do with me being gay at all; it had to do with the fact that my parents had such a dysfunctional marriage and hated each other so much that they didn't have the energy left to care about their children. My sister is straight, married and has given them a grandson but they treated her just as badly as they treated me. I looked at some of my peers back then and they just took it for granted that their parents loved them, that their country was where they belonged, thus they had the duty to be filial and patriotic - it was a very simple narrative that most kids could relate to. Whilst I did not have that luxury, it taught me to earn my place if I wanted a sense of belonging. Let me give you a simple example: when I went to university in the UK, my parents told me to find other Singaporean students to befriend and I thought, what a dumb thing to do as simply coming from the same country isn't a good enough reason to befriend someone, you may have very little in common. Do you walk down Orchard Road grabbing random Singaporeans to befriend on that basis? No, that would be totally absurd. I knew that I had to prove to those that I wanted to befriend that I'm a good person, in order to make them want to befriend me. So I'll earn that friendship by proving myself, I won't take anything for granted. 

What's behind this mindset in Singapore? Meet Mrs Ang from Houngang.

Thus moving to the UK really helped me grow as an individual, after all, when I first got off the plane at Heathrow airport all those years ago when I first arrived here as a foreign student, I didn't know anyone here, I had no connections, I was a stranger in a strange land. It was a humbling experience but being placed in such a situation taught me the importance of having to prove myself to others and that was probably the best preparation I could have had for the business world. Thus I don't want to say, oh poor me, I've been rejected by my own country and even my own parents - the harsh reality is that it is wholly unrealistic to expect unconditional love and acceptance from anyone without first earning that in the first place. Allow me to share something I stumbled upon on Facebook recently, it was a post by a lady in Singapore, let's call her Mrs Ang (not her real name) and she posted this really long post on Facebook about how much she loved Singapore and the thing about Facebook is that I could easily click onto Mrs Ang's profile - I was curious enough to see the woman behind that post. There was nothing that memorable or special about her if I may be blunt: I was almost expecting to see some enthusiastic PAP supporter on that profile, but instead I saw a rather bored looking housewife who works part time whilst taking care of her two young children. She lived in a HDB flat in Hougang and didn't look particularly wealthy. Her most recent posts included some of her holiday snaps from a recent trip to Kuala Lumpur, her first trip abroad since the pandemic. So Mrs Ang came across a very typical Singaporean. I could also see that she was educated locally in Singapore and had never lived abroad, she isn't in a position to compare Singapore to anywhere else.

Analyzing a particular brand of Singaporean patriotism

I hate to be cynical about Mrs Ang's patriotism though I can't help but notice the similarity between what she did and what my sister did - now my sister is your ideal, perfect filial Asian daughter and she does this on an unconditional basis, meaning she is willing to overlook all the many mistakes my parents had made over the years but here's the thing: we don't get to choose our parents the same way we don't get to choose the country we were born in. The way my sister would deal with this situation is simply accept that those were the parents she is stuck with, she can't change the situation so she may as well make the best of that situation. I think Mrs Ang is in pretty much the same boat - she is clearly a working class woman who would never be able to get into a well paid professional which would in turn allow her to access all kinds of very lucrative expatriate positions in a variety of countries. Thus by that token she is stuck in Singapore and since that's the only country she can live (and work) in, she may as well make the most of it by being super patriotic, rather than wishing she was somewhere else much nicer instead. So whilst I don't doubt that her post was genuinely sincere and that her patriotism is real, I do roll my eyes and think that people like her have to do whatever it takes to make her sleep better at night since there is a total absence of choice when it comes to her choice of nationality. It's a bit like those Christians who convince themselves that their god genuinely loves them. I roll my eyes and think, do you have any evidence to convince me that you're the favoured one? Is there any evidence of this special love you are receiving from you god? This is a very one-sided love where you give a lot, without expecting anything in return. 

The trip to New Zealand analogy.

Now you may be wondering where I am going with this - well my point is that I don't feel that a lot of Singaporeans are objective when they were celebrating the repeal of S377A. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy it has been finally repealed but allow me to use an analogy to make my point: I have already pointed out to you that I had very little attention from my parents growing up as they were just way too busy fighting with each other to pay heed to their children. I remember this incident when my father actually came to me out of the blue and asked me how was my trip to New Zealand - my immediate knee jerk reaction was, "he actually cares enough to ask me, he remembered I went to New Zealand!" Now if anyone else had asked me that question, I wouldn't have reacted quite like that; it would have been perfectly normal for a friend to remember that I had gone on holiday and express interest. In the case of my father, he had been absent for most of my childhood and took zero interest in what I did as an adult so I couldn't help myself feeling pleasantly surprised when he asked that question about my trip to New Zealand. I could have said, "you have never ever cared about anything I have done as an adult, so why are you interested in what I did on this trip?" But no, I cherished the moment and told him about my trip.  By the same token, the Singaporean government has been so vehemently anti-gay in their homophobic stance over the years that many Singaporeans have been pleasantly surprised when they finally repealed S377A. Why are we congratulating the Singaporean government for not fucking up again, for finally having done the right thing, after such a long time and is it normal for our expectations to hit rock bottom like that? 

Is the glass half full or half empty?

Let's imagine if Mrs Ang is actually pro-LGBT and a staunch ally of the gay community. She would certainly be celebrating as if the Singapore government had just done something amazing and she will be suggesting that PM Lee deserves the Nobel Peace prize for repealing S377A. So is this simply a matter of "is the glass half full or half empty"? Are people like Mrs Ang from the half full camp whilst I am from the half empty camp? Allow me to justify my cynicism: PM Lee argued that the time is right to repeal S377A because Singaporeans in 2022 are now more accepting of gay people; however, it was this same government that had gone out of their way to vilify gay people in the media - it is still banned in Singapore to portray homosexual relationships as normal; thus when gay characters are introduced into local TV programmes, they are often presented as perverts, sex pests and predatory. Any foreign TV programmes or movies with positive portrayals of gay people were heavily censored and all of this is built on really ridiculous logic that young people are impressionable and will copy what they see in the media, so if they happen to watch a gay movie like Brokeback Mountain, The Birdcage or my favourite, Priscilla Queen Of The Desert, then they would immediately become gay. That's so fucking ridiculous. So the Singaporean government vilifies gay people in the media, bans any LGBT related content in sex education in schools and then claims that Singapore is a very conservative Asian society to justify not repealing S377A for all these years? The PAP has done more to make Singaporeans hate gays than anyone else in Singapore, thus pardon me if I simply refuse to give the PAP a pat on the back now, as so much more needs to be done. 

In a real democracy people have the right to voice their opinions and have a debate.

Oh you should see how hard I roll my eyes whenever I hear the PAP ministers mention this threat of push backs and whiplash if they give the gays too much rights. So the argument has been that if you're going to repeal S377A, why stop there? Why not give gay people more rights in Singaporean society if you're going to make a stand for equality? The government's response to that is that if you gave gay people any more rights then the conservative and religious groups will push back and there will be conflict ripping our society apart but how likely is that? Again, let's beware of the fallacy of Singapore exceptionalism - we only have to look at other countries from the UK to Taiwan to France to Canada where gays have plenty of rights. Let's talk about the UK for example: do we have consensus on the issue of gay rights? Of course not, we don't - we have various parties with different policies and stances when it comes to LGBT issues, however there is a massive difference between having an active debate on the matter between different factions of society with different opinions and outright conflict which simply descends into civil war or in the case of Rwanda in 1994, a brutal genocide. Are we ever going to see civil wars and genocides over issues such as gay rights? No, we are not and that's because most societies are civilized enough to listen to the other side without escalating it into violence. In a real democracy we have the right to express our opinions. However it seems that the PAP have assumed the worst of Singaporeans, that most Singaporeans are incapable of behaving in a civilized manner to have this debate in a calm and mature manner. Even I don't think that lowly of Singaporeans - I believe they are capable of having this ongoing debate. 

As for marriage in Singapore, you're ignoring this massive elephant in the room.

And as for the measures to safeguard the definition of marriage in Singapore, oh please - allow me to roll my eyes again. Ending the discrimination of gay people isn't going to somehow stop straight people from getting married, that's such a flawed argument. Loads of countries around the world have legalized gay marriage and that's simply allowing gay people to get married like straight people, it doesn't stop straight people from getting married at all. In fact, any attempts at preventing gay people from having same-sex marriage is simply a deeply homophobic gesture. It's a vile, vindictive statement that tells gay people that their love and relationships are not as valid or valuable as those between a man and a woman. Now if you really want to do something to protect marriage in Singapore, the number one enemy is the crazy long working hours. How are couples suppose to sustain a marriage when they spend more time working in the office than at home with each other? I even know of this story of a Singaporean husband and wife who both ended up having affairs with colleagues at work whilst they left the maid in charge of bringing up their only child - yeah, it was a pretty sad state of affairs but still it was completely predictable if Singaporeans are expected to work 70 even 80 hours a week? Blaming gay people for the plummeting birth rate is simply a red herring - Singaporeans are not avoiding having babies because they prefer gay sex, rather they are avoiding it because they are too busy working. You want to do something for family life, then pass legislation to restrict the number of hours Singaporeans have to work and outlaw unpaid overtime work so parents can go home to take care of their children but that's the elephant in the room that everyone in Singapore is just ignoring. It is so hard to change this culture of long working hours, so instead they look for scapegoats. 

So what now? What happens next? 

Sorry guys but I'm not optimistic at all, my guess is very little and if you're hoping that the repeal of S377A to turn Singapore into a more progressive, tolerant society, you would be sorely disappointed I'm afraid. Let's go back to the moment when my father asked me about my trip to New Zealand after having effectively ignored me for decades. It was a kind, spontaneous gesture when he showed some interest in my life. We had a very short and pleasant conversation when I told him what I did in New Zealand. Was that conversation pleasant? Yes, it was. Did it rekindle our relationship as father and son? No, it didn't: things just went back to the way they had been all this time with us being estranged and barely talking to each other. If my father and I started having meaningful conversations on a regular basis, then yeah we could have started to rebuild our relationship even if it did not exist before, but that conversation about New Zealand was a one-off. By the same token, if the Singaporean government did nothing beyond repeating S377A, then it would be the same as that pleasant conversation I had with my father about my trip to New Zealand, it's a nice one-off gesture that goes no further. Ideally, what Singaporean society needs is for the government to decide that they want to be far more like the more progressive democracies like France, New Zealand and South Korea rather than oppressive regimes like Uganda, Afghanistan and Sudan. This transition would take many more steps than just getting rid of S377A, it would have to involve a top-down approach where you put laws in place to shut down any kind of anti-gay discrimination and yes, in places like Sweden, Belgium and the UK, we have such anti-hate speech laws to protect the gay community. So I do hope this won't be a one-off gesture, as in the case with my father and our brief chat but alas I fear it probably will be. 

Would gay people like me return to Singapore in light of this? 

I have been asked this more than once already and my standard response is, "are you fucking kidding me? Fuck off, no fucking way!" I had to include all that swearing in there to emphasize just how utterly stupid that question is in the first place. Gay men like me who have lived in very progressive, liberal democracies would have gotten very used to all these laws that protect gay people from discrimination and to move to Singapore where I would love all of this protection is just out of the question. Simply repealing S377A is far from enough to make Singapore on par with New York, Amsterdam, Toronto, Berlin, Paris, Sydney, London or Auckland - do you have any idea just what you're asking me to give up if you want me to return to Singapore? Holy fuck, it's a massive sacrifice and what the hell do I get in return for making this sacrifice? I think it is only very naive straight Singaporeans who don't realize the extent of the discrimination that gay people face in Singapore - they're probably thinking, "well I am a nice person, I don't go around discriminating against gay people and in fact I have plenty of friends who are gay and lesbian, so it must be okay for them to live in Singapore." Only a gay man with a real martyr mentality would want to go back and fight for equality in Singapore, you could say that I'm a very selfish person in choosing to avoid that conflict: this small gesture of repealing S377A does not change the fact that as a gay man, I'm still much better off in a place like the UK than Singapore. When it comes to respecting the rights of the LGBT community, Singapore still has a very, very long way to go to catch up with the rest of the civilized, more developed world; but I do not expect to those changes happen within my lifetime, even if I am glad that I lived to see this.

Okay I shall end this post here because it is already very long, but as this issue is obviously so close to my heart, I could go on talking about this issue for quite a while yet - so of course, there will be a part 2 where I will address some of the other issues that I have not managed to cover in this first post so akan datang. Please do let me know your thoughts on the repeal of S377A in Singapore and let's have a chat about it in the comments section below. Many thanks for reading.