Wednesday, 13 July 2022

Part 3: Fuck off Boris, now what UK?

Hi guys, welcome back to the third installment, my perspective from London as we tell Boris to fuck off. I can see from the statistics that you guys are clearly interested in this topic and so I'm going to answer a few more questions in part 3. 

Q: Boris Johnson is no newcomer who came out of nowhere to run for the top job in the UK, he has been a politician for a really long time. He started out as an MP way back in 1999, then became mayor of London twice before entering the cabinet and then working his way to the top. The fact is, he is no stranger to British politics and so like seriously - what took you guys so awfully long to realize he is so despicable, dishonest, corrupt and all that? You all had over 20 years to know what Boris is like! Did you not notice anything all this time?

A: For the record, I hated him from the start. I never voted for him when he ran for mayor for London and I thought he was a terrible mayor. He is a good campaigner, he knows how to drum up support for his party by telling his supporters what they want to hear. So the narrative he told poor, working class people about Brexit was that it wasn't their fault that their lives are shit and they are so freaking poor - no, it is all these Eastern Europeans coming to take their jobs so we can blame the immigrants. Rather than admitting to them the truth behind why the working class here are so poor: the education system has suffered from chronic under-funding for generations. Rich people are not affected because the rich parents can buy their way out of any problem by sending their kids to expensive private schools, but the working class have no alternative but to send their kids to the terrible state schools where they get a lousy education - whose fault is that? I say that's definitely the fault of the government for failing to facilitate any kind of decent route to social mobility for those who are working class. On top of investing in education, you need to give young people proper training, internships, opportunities to get work experience and career guidance so they don't end up in poorly paid work - all that's a lot of effort so it's just easier to blame Eastern European migrants stealing your jobs. Uneducated voters want a simple solution, these are simpletons who want a simple story line, not a complex twelve-step plan to improve social mobility and Johnson knows what buttons to press with such uneducated voters. He lied to them all to get them to vote for him. 

Q: Yeah I get that, but surely he has to follow through with those promises and deliver what he said in his manifesto? Wouldn't his voters hold him to account all these years, checking his track record?

A: Well-educated, politically astute intelligent voters like me certainly do that but you have to realize that the majority of the people in this country are for want of a better word, stupid. They are not that educated, certainly they never went to university and they are probably doing some kind of working class job where they don't have to use their brains. There was a cake shop near the office where I used to work in Mayfair, there was always that same young man at the counter serving the customers. You tell him which cake you wanted, he asks you if you're having it there or to take away. If you are eating it there, he puts it on a plate. If it is for take away, he puts it in a box. He then scans the bar code, tell you the price you have to pay and takes payment from you. It is extremely routine and repetitive, he doesn't have to use his brain. The boss of the bakery would never ask him, "so which cakes are more popular and which cakes do the customers like?" No, instead the boss thinks, "you're a uneducated idiot and that's why I'm paying you as little as possible to do this kind of work." If I may be cruelly blunt, do you think he would be doing a job revolving around very repetitive, simple tasks if he was capable of doing something more challenging or complex? Thus how do you expect people like that guy from the cake shop to understand politics and do any meaningful evaluation of Boris Johnson's track record vs all the rhetoric he has spouted during his campaigning? So for them, the choice to support Johnson and vote for him is based on, "yeah I think he looks friendly and he tells me things I like to hear." It is really that simple and shallow with this type of voters. 

Q: You're just being mean to working class people now. I get it, you're more educated than them but you're not being fair to them. They represent the majority in this country and politicians need to court their vote. 

A: Allow me to put things in perspective for you this way: I went to work today, I am currently working on an advertisement this week for an American client. I was picked up from my home in the morning by my driver who took me to the studio in West London where the ad was shot. I met loads of people on the project from the technical crew handling the sound, lights, camera, costumes, make up etc to the catering staff who kept us all very well fed. When I finished work, I was driven home once again by my driver and as I was exhausted, I fell asleep in the car. So for all of these people I encountered, we were all very busy today doing our jobs. The key factors that affected our work (whether we had a fun day or a difficult one) didn't come from the government, rather it was from the people immediately around us. So for example, there was one scene where I had to stand very close to some lighting equipment and it was very hot. The temperature hit 28 degrees in London today and it was like a sauna in the film studio but the crew were really understanding. They were like, "Alex, you can sit down away from that heat source until we're ready to shoot. Let me get you a cold drink in the meantime - would you prefer a diet coke or an iced coffee?" Yeah, my day was very pleasant not because of anything the government did but because of the kindness of the crew who took such good care of me. So when I got home, I told my husband I had a wonderful day and I was treated like a VIP on set. My point is simple: whether or not I had a good time had work was thus directly related to the people I was working with and how they treated me rather than what the government is doing for me today - what the government is doing is so far removed. 

So let's put yourself in the shoes of a working class woman who works in a supermarket - if she has a difficult day at work, say a child vomits in the middle of the supermarket, then her manager demands that she cleans up that mess and even after she does that, some of the customers complain that there is a really horrible smell in the supermarket so the manager berates her for not getting rid of all the mess quickly enough. So she can blame a number of people for her horrible day: she can blame the child for throwing up, she can blame the parent of the child who allowed this to happen inside the supermarket instead of taking the sick child outside, she can blame her manager for making her to the horrible task of having to clean up that mess. But she is far more likely to blame the people who participated directly in her horrible day at work rather than the government for having created a social system which condemned working class people like her to lowly paid jobs like that, for denying her social mobility. Note that she would be far more likely to blame the child or the parent of the child because quite frankly, that was just bad luck, it was a one-off and unlikely to happen again. As for an uncaring and unsympathetic manager, she knows she can always go work for another supermarket. But if she confronted the fact that the Conservative government is only interested in helping the rich and doing absolutely nothing for the poor, then oh boy that's a depressing thought as she can do absolutely nothing about that situation. She would choose to avoid blaming the government even if this government has done absolutely nothing for people like her. 

This is why a lot of very poor, working class people turn to religion, especially in third world countries. Imagine if you're living in a tiny little shack in the shanty town, you have neither electricity nor running water yet you have a big family to feed. I visited Panama recently and the amount of poverty I saw there was staggering. Your life really sucks, the suffering is real as you must work from dawn to dusk to barely put enough food on the table. Some people in this situation might think, what have I done to deserve all this suffering? If there is a god or divinity, then I am being punished for being evil in my previous life. But no, these people would go to church every Sunday and pretend that their god loves them; because when life is so fucking awful, you need to pretend that you have a big brother (in the form of a 'god') who is actually on your side because in reality, there's nobody on your side, not even the government. But hey, inventing an imaginary benevolent friend in the sky helps give them the moral support to get them through the hard times. Now if you think that's pathetic, well the working class in the UK are doing the exact same thing with Boris Johnson - they believe that he is doing everything he can to help them when all he has done was made the rich richer (especially when it comes to his close friends and inner circle) and kept the working class in the gutters. But the working class go to sleep better at night believing that Boris Johnson is their best friend, it's a fantasy that's completely false but when life is so fucking awful for the poorest in the UK, they need to cling onto that fantasy or else they may as well just commit suicide now by throwing themselves in front of the next train as their futures are so freaking bleak. Yeah life is very cruel, but you knew that. 

Q: But surely not all working class people like Boris? 

A: Thankfully no. Don't forget, Boris Johnson represents the Conservative party and there is a whole generation of working class people in the UK who grew up bitterly hating Margaret Thatcher. Thus by association, they don't trust Boris Johnson because of what Thatcher did to the working class here in the UK a generation ago. Oh she well and truly fucked them over. But my point is simple: you need to have a decent understanding of the operations of the government before you can evaluate if a government is doing what they are meant to do and unfortunately, a lot of working class people simply are not educated enough to do that and so they are focused on far more basic matters like how they are being treated at work by their colleagues and managers whilst often just giving the government the benefit of the doubt. 

Q: Will all this political chaos affect daily life for ordinary British folks? 

A: Life goes on as per normal. I went to work today like so many others in the country - my plans didn't change because of what happened in the political world and that goes for practically everyone in the country. Unless you actually worked in politics, this whole episode is no more than just something to chat about with your friends and colleagues - we're interested but it doesn't affect us directly. The government doesn't actually micromanage every aspect of our life, so I have running water, electricity and internet in my home because the various departments responsible for that are functioning just fine. This is quite unlike a country like Lebanon and Sri Lanka, where they don't have does basic provisions as the governments in those countries have totally fallen apart. You see, there are the politicians who have to think about the next election, then you have a massive team of civil servants, these people never have to run for office, they are simply employed to do their job in the various departments, They are not high profile like the politicians but they keep the lights on in the country. Thankfully, this country is quite well organized and things will never get too bad for us. 

Q: Given his popularity with the electorate, could Boris still stage a comeback at some stage? 

A: Oh thankfully, this is highly unlikely. Hell no. Whilst he still commands quite a lot of popularity from within his core supporters, don't forget we have witnessed a revolt that was unprecedented from within his own party to oust him. He managed to fight his way to the top by being a part of the Conservative party which has given him a lot of credibility. We certainly have no shortage of outsiders who run as independents in British politics but very, very few of them have ever won an election - the list of those who managed to do that and win as MPs in modern times is very short: just seven since 2000 and they're adding both the Greens and UKIP to that list, which means that these politicians are from smaller and not mainstream parties. This means that the real number of truly independent candidates that ran and won as MPs is just four since 2000 - that's a tiny number and these people never made it to more than anything else. Now the only one who stands out on that list is Caroline Lucas who is the UK's most successful politician as a Green party MP so she has been interviewed a lot for anything to do with the environmental issues and climate change but this has been done in other countries. Emmanuel Macron - he was young, good looking, a relative unknown and when he formed his brand new party En Marche, he was seen as an outsider who gave the country a brand new alternative and thus he appealed to those who were so sick and tired of the same old parties dominating French politics. He stormed to power and won his bid to become president in 2017 by a massive landslide and has just won a second term as president. So never say never, Macron did prove to his critics that he could storm his way to the top as an outsider, outside the main parties. 

As for whether Boris Johnson can do the same, it seems very unlikely. Macron benefited from the fact that he was relatively unknown and thus was presented as a radical, fresh, new alternative to those who have been disenfranchised with the usual politics in France. Johnson is a spent force is British politics, whilst Macron was a relative unknown at the time he was running for president for the first time, Johnson's name has been dragged through the mud in the last few weeks and even people from countries very far away have been reading about his political career ending in a catastrophic car crash. Macron is older today but still has his good looks whereas holy fuck, Johnson is so fucking fat and ugly. Macron has been able to use his looks and charms to his advantage whereas Johnson's morbid obesity is nothing short of gross and allows him to be subject to ridicule. Oh this is not just me being shallow, in politics your image counts as it is a popularity contest. In desperation, he could turn to people like Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson for some kind of alliance of the far-right. After all if the right-wing Conservative party has shunned Johnson, it may force him to reach out to the far-right to find any allies at this stage and those on the far right would welcome the fact that Johnson still has a band of hardcore supporters who will listen to him. Such an alliance is unlikely to yield much results in the polls though as British politics has always been dominated by the main parties and those on the fringes rarely get any real power without even winning as an MP. Even if Johnson ran as an independent candidate or a far right candidate at the next general election, then he would probably lose, especially if he is up against a very strong Conservative candidate. 

Q: Could we look at what Trump is doing and see if Johnson might try the same route? 

A: Right, that's a good comparison. Trump is counting on the fact that his core supporters will simply come back to him after a term of Biden in office and that he will present the Republicans the best hope of a victory at the next election in 2024. Like Johnson, Trump will always have his core of die hard supporters who will never desert him no matter what he does but that's never enough. But Trump's challenge is that when he ran for president the last time, like Macron, he was presented as an outsider, an interesting alternative as a businessman who is not a politician - someone who can radically change the system for the better. Like Johnson, he has had his chance to prove himself in the top job and he did such a bad job that he lost the next election to a rather uninspired Biden. Trump never thought he could lose and even when he did lose, he refused to accept the election results. Now what might be a more plausible route for Johnson is to hope for the Conservatives to lose the next election (unlikely if they pick a good replacement but let's run with this hypothesis for now), then we have one term with Keir Starmer as a Labour prime minister but Starmer does a bad job (again, another big assumption but let's run with it for now). So by around 2027, that's when Johnson can try to come back and say, "look how you lost power to Labour, now let me help you get back into power. I was the last Tory PM who won an election by a considerable margin. and I still have plenty of supporters." It may seem a bit far fetched for all those events to happen but it does remain true that Johnson did win the 2019 elections with a considerable margin. Would Johnson be patient enough to wait five years or would he just jump into bed with the far right within weeks of leaving office? Of course, there is always also the possibility of someone else bright, intelligent, likeable, charming and popular coming along by 2027!

Q: How soon will we have a new prime minister? 

A: The 5th September - that allows Boris Johnson to stay in power for another eight weeks. A lot of people are not happy about that but it is already a bit of a compromise as Johnson at first wanted to stay on till October. Labour, like so many in the country, want Johnson gone ASAP but the Conservatives want a bit more time to select their new leader. I am hoping for a faster transfer of power, the final two candidates will be known by the 21st July so do we really need to give them from the 21st July to the 5th September to do their campaigning? That's like six weeks. Good grief. Slash that down to four or even two weeks and everyone will be a lot happier. We all can't wait to get rid of Boris Johnson: just fuck off.

Q: You grew up in Singapore where something like that can never happen. How do the two systems compare? 

A: In Singapore, I was brought up to respect authority and that was the culture there - if you disrespect authority be it your teacher, your parents or the government, you were seen as a trouble maker and can expect punishment. But that begs the question, who is going to punish those bad teachers, parents and politicians when they fuck up then? Singaporeans don't have an answer to that question, they often just sweep it under the carpet and give those in authority the benefit of the doubt. That's why when I look at countries like China where they simply have no democracy and no way to challenge the people who are in charge, that allows them to indulge in all kinds of corruption with impunity and that's wrong. That's not the kind of society I want to live in. Singapore is weird as they seem to have a western democracy but in reality, no one ever challenges the authority, thus it is far more like China than the UK and that's a terrible mistake. I can't stress that enough - that's a serious mistake on the part of Singaporeans. This is why I think the world can learn from Sri Lanka, it's a shame that President Gotabaya Rajapaksa has finally agreed to resign - I want to see him dragged through the streets by a bloodthirsty mob and executed publicly in the most medieval way possible. I would love to have seen that happen to Boris Johnson as well. There is a special place in hell for the corrupt politicians.  

Q: The situation in Sri Lanka is different as it has been the months of protests in the streets that finally brought down the government there, whereas Boris was ousted by his own party - it is quite different, isn't it?

A: Yes and no. Johnson's colleagues revolted against him not because they had suddenly developed a conscience that alerted them to all his corruption and wrongdoing - fuck no, they're all as bad as him. However, they realized that enough of the voting public are sick and tired of Boris Johnson so if they supported a corrupt PM like Johnson, then by association, they would become toxic and lose the next election. So it was entirely in self-interest that they threw Johnson under the bus as quickly as they could once they realized the tide was turning against him. So whilst the anti-Boris protests in London were limited and cannot be compared to what we have witnessed in Sri Lanka, it was clear that any Conservative politician who still supported Boris Johnson would be severely punished by the voters if they didn't chuck him under the bus. The irony of course is that a major reason why Johnson is deemed so corrupt is because he often abused his power as PM to protect those who were nearest and closest to him in the party when they were guilty of wrongdoing. He probably expected them to return the favour and protect him at a time like this - instead, they were lining up to sacrifice him. It goes to show that Johnson had badly miscalculated all this: he could have hung onto power a lot longer if he had been only too happy to chuck anyone under the bus for their wrongdoing in order to appear righteous to the public, but instead tried help them get away with all their terrible misdeeds. That shows that Johnson isn't that intelligent; this is politics and he is a politician, he doesn't understand how it works and this was a huge miscalculation.

Q: Do you think the UK would learn its lesson or would you end up with another Boris again? 

A: Oh I don't know, never underestimate how bloody stupid the British public is. Would America elect another Trump? Would we have another Boris Johnson? If we were stupid enough to make this mistake once, then oh yes, we are most certainly idiotic enough to make that mistake again. No, I'm afraid I really don't have that much faith in the British public. 

Q: "Why don't you take over if you think you would do a better job?"

A: I have actually seen this comment on Youtube. Someone left a comment condemning Johnson and I am not sure what the motivation of this person is (is he a Boris supporter, or is he just trying to stir up some trouble and pick a fight?) but the reply to that comment was "why don't you take over if you think you can do a better job?" I certainly think I would do a better job than Boris! His downfall was down to a three big events: firstly, Pincher-gate. He placed a sex predator in an important position then claimed that he had no knowledge of all the allegations made against Pincher, then claimed that he had plain forgotten that he was ever told. Anyone with a bit of common sense (including me) would have never appointed Pincher in any kind of role if there were all these serious allegations against him. Then there was Party-gate: I have news for you - whilst Boris broke all Covid rules and partied away in his office, like most people in this country, I did follow all the rules. Then there was the Owen Patterson scandal when he tried to change the rules to prevent his old friend and colleague from being suspended for wrongdoing - I would have had the common sense to through Patterson under the bus to save my own skin rather than break the rules to save a friend. It wouldn't take a genius to have avoided those three big mistakes but that's the point: the public expects an honest PM to follow the rules and do what the rest of us honest citizens would have done. Johnson keeps breaking the rules because he thinks he is above the law, so I do think I could have done a better job than Boris Johnson, given that it is not actually that hard to do better than him. 

But can I just walk up to number 10 Downing Street and politely ask them to let me take over even if I clearly think that I can do a much better job? No, because Boris Johnson had fought his way to the top by manipulating so many people, telling so many lies and making so many promises he had no intention of ever keeping. He made politics so ugly that he has disenfranchised a lot of people and that's his legacy - politics ought not be so ugly but Johnson made it especially so. Gosh, there are still some honest politicians out there and Keir Starmer is one of them. He is frightfully boring, lacks charisma and sucks at public speaking but at least he isn't a liar like Johnson. I'm afraid Trump has proven that you can just tell lies and get away with it if you're telling people what they want to hear. The reason why Boris Johnson has been ousted from the top job in the country is because even his own party has had enough of his deceit and lies. Anyone who challenges me to take over from Boris Johnson if I think I can do a better job clearly doesn't understand how politics works: the real question is how did such a corrupt and incompetent liar get the top job in the country? Why is our current system so rotten and corrupt that it has allowed this travesty to happen in the first place? What needs to be done to reform this system? Why do you still assume that Boris Johnson is the best man for the job when he has just been forced out of office by his own party in such a disgraceful manner? Johnson most certainly didn't become the PM because he was the best man for the job, but because the current system is desperately corrupt and really needs to be reformed. 

Allow me to compare this to something that happened way back in 2010. The event was streamed live on the internet by the Olympics Broadcast Service - the gymnastics community was aghast at how utterly awful the commentary for the gymnastics event was. There was this American guy called 'Kent' who knew absolutely nothing about gymnastics and was spouting rubbish - undoubtedly he must have been selected because he was white and spoke American English; but he was still paired up with a local Singaporean (some suspect he is Indian-Singaporean based on his accent) who also lacked knowledge about gymnastics and they did such an awful job, they were mocked by the gymnastics community online for some of the really stupid shit they said. So I complained and one Singaporean guy online attacked me, "if Alex Liang thinks he can do a better job, then why didn't he volunteer to do it?" Well firstly, this is the OBS, they don't ask for volunteers - they are supposed to pay only highly qualified professionals who can do the job properly to do an excellent job, but the OBS fucked up by pairing up American 'Kent' with his Singaporean Indian friend. If the OBS had reached out to the Singaporean gymnastics community, I would have gladly volunteered and I can think of quite a few others who would have been great for the job. But no, OBS fucked up. They didn't ask Singapore Gymnastics for help, they appointed two total idiots for the job. This Singaporean guy who attacked me made the assumption that these two idiots were the best people for the job and that was completely untrue. Of course I could have done a much better job but OBS never asked me. Thus the wrong people get appointed to the job when the system is so corrupt and not fit for purpose.. 

When we get exasperated at someone doing a really bad job, it is not unreasonable to expect the system to have appointed a competent person to do that job properly. Let's take my nephew's experience doing A level economics at a local JC, he had a terrible teacher and when I found out just how awful she was, I took matters into my own hands and gave him private tuition and so if anyone wanted to say, "if you think you can do a better job, why don't you teach your nephew yourself?" Well, that's exactly what I did in that case. However, it is reasonable if we go see a doctor at the hospital, we expect the doctors to know what they are doing. When we buy a plane ticket, we expect to get on that flight and land at the destination at the expected arrival time (or as close to it as possible). I could go on, but when things do go wrong, when the people who are supposed to do their job totally fail at delivering, as in the case of my nephew's teacher or Boris Johnson as PM, as much as we might want to "take over and do the job", in most cases, we simply want the person in question to do their job properly and if it is evident that this person is unable to deliver, then let's get someone else in who is indeed capable to do that job. We need to recognize that yes the system can fail, it can be corrupt, in the case of the OBS, a totally incompetent American was given a job he was not qualified to do probably because he fancied a well paid holiday in Singapore. Thus I wasn't trying to tell the OBS to give me a job, I was merely holding the OBS to account, to be a lot more careful about hiring the right people who are qualified to do jobs like that. 

Q: Why do people react like that then?

A: Now there's a reason why people react so negatively when I try to criticize and point out a major fault in the system: they are embarrassed by it. Let's stay with the story from Singapore hosting the Youth Olympic Games in 2010 - it was a huge source of pride for many ordinary Singaporeans as they really wanted the event to showcase the best of Singapore to people from all over the world who would tune in to watch the event. But of course, many of these Singaporeans weren't actually involved in the preparation or organization of the event, some may have gone as far as to have purchased tickets and were spectators but that was it. Most probably just watched the event online or on their TVs at home so when I criticized this problem that had occurred as part of the event, they were probably thinking, "no shut up, even if you did spot a problem, how dare you complain publicly like that? We want the whole world to have a good impression of Singapore as the host country of the event, but now you're drawing attention to problem that occurred. We're just going to attack you instead and pretend that the problem doesn't exist, so people might think that you're the one at fault rather than the organizers." It's not that they disagree with me that a problem has occurred, but quite simply they weren't interested at all in watching the gymnastics event so this wasn't a problem that affected them and they would rather the world looked back at the 2010 Youth Olympic Games in Singapore with fond memories and a very good impression of the host city. Thus that's why they desperately want to believe that the event was free of any problems.

Q: Go on, you're going to demonize the working class again?

A: But we've been talking so much about working class people who support Johnson so allow me to use a real story to make a point about people in that kind of situation. I know all three people in this story so I have changed their names: I knew both Kim and Maria from gymnastics, they used to train together when they were young and thus had been best friends for many years. Some years back, Kim met Gordon and they got married - it was at that time when Maria was looking for a new place to live so Kim had an idea. "I'm pregnant and the baby is due in the summer, why don't you move in with us and you can be a part of this wonderful experience. I certainly could do with a bit of help around the house and we have a spare room - it's meant to be the baby's nursery but I'm sure we can stick the cot in the living room for the first year then you can have the spare room instead." So Maria moved in and everything was great for a while - then as Kim was nearly ready to give birth, Maria saw Gordon kissing another woman in the pub. When she confronted Gordon about it, he simply said, "so what? This is none of your business Maria. Do you think Kim is going to believe you if you told her? She's due to give birth any day now. Here, let me give you something else to tell her." He then took off all his clothes and asked Maria if she wanted him to make her pregnant as well. Maria was so horrified but he calmly told her, "Kim thinks that you're this sad loser who is jealous of her? She is married and pregnant, she is a wife and a mother whilst you're single and left on the shelf - you're a lonely old spinster, unloved, unwanted, unfucked." Maria then ran out of the house.

If Maria moved out just as Kim had given birth, Kim would sense that something was very wrong. But I told Maria that after Gordon had exposed himself to her, she wasn't safe in that house - she couldn't stay there any longer, not even for a day. Maria was forced to choose between her friendship with Maria and her safety, I told her that she had to choose the latter. Kim was very angry with Maria when she moved out suddenly, "how could you abandon me like that just when I need you the most? I am about to give birth and you move out just like that?" Maria had no choice but to tell Kim the truth and sure enough, Kim didn't believe Maria. Kim confronted Gordon who claimed that Maria tried to seduce him and he rejected her advances, so now she feels very awkward and wants to leave for that reason. Thus you might wonder: why would Kim choose to believe her husband instead of her best friend? She has just given birth to her daughter, she wants to believe that Gordon will be a good  husband and father for the sake of the family and that desire for everything to turn out fine has compelled her to turn a blind eye to his behaviour. I have only met Gordon a few times but I instantly believed Maria when she told me her version of the story as he did come across as the kind of man who would be capable of that kind of betrayal. Kim never spoke to Maria again, she is still with her husband now and he is probably still sleeping around all the time, with Kim turning a blind eye to it all whilst putting up a brave front for the sake of her daughter - all Kim wants is for her daughter to have a happy childhood but what at price would she have to pay for that?

You might think that Kim's situation is quite pathetic and she has exercised some really poor judgment when she married that scoundrel but the moment she became pregnant, she felt that she had run out of options and she had to make her marriage work at any cost - even if that meant turning a blind eye to her husband cheating on her and pretending that everything is great in front of her daughter. Kim did not have many options, if she had chosen to leave Gordon, then she would really struggle to bring up her child on her own. Kim herself was brought up by a single-mother after her father had walked out on her family, so she was determined not to have the same fate happen to her own daughter. Kim's rather sad story is a good example of how people who are trapped in a bad situation simply make everything seem okay by choosing to ignore all the problems that are staring at them in the face. Imagine Kim's daughter asking her, "mummy, where is daddy? Why aren't we having dinner with him tonight?" Kim would have to keep a very straight face and make an excuse like, "oh he texted me earlier to say that he had to work late tonight, but he wanted me to make sure that you finished all your homework and he  said he will be checking when he gets in later." What's the alternative then? Admit to her daughter that her father is out having sex with someone else? No, Kim has become so used to pretending that everything is alright for the sake of her daughter and I can just imagine someone like Kim telling her daughter that the prime minister Boris Johnson is taking very good care of the country. Yeah right. The lies she has to tell herself just to be able to sleep at night as a young mother and maintain the illusion she is presenting to her daughter: it's quite sad really. 

Okay, so that's it from me on this topic. I'm off on holiday this Friday so I needed to get this out before I fly off! Who do you think will be the next PM of the UK then? Do you think it will be Rishi Sunak? If you wish to speak further about Boris Johnson's demise, please feel free to leave a comment below and let me know what you think. Many thanks for reading. 

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  1. The thing that I don't understand about Kim (and the Hilary Clinton example does seem relevant thus) is that she came across as attractive, confident and intelligent. So why she would have chosen such a scoundrel to be her husband - well there was a moment when those of us who knew her were like, Kim you could do so much better but you're a grown woman, it's your choice and your mistake. We can't stop you from marrying him and now we are having this 'I told you so' scenario. Maria tried to warn Kim so many times but Kim's reaction was, Maria is just jealous as she is single, unloved and unfulfilled - I'm going to a wife and mother, I'm going to be a wonderful mother and that's all I have ever wanted. I think financially, Kim would be capable enough to support herself and her daughter, they may not be fabulously wealthy but they'll be fine. But the problem for Kim was more a case of how she was going to explain it all to her young daughter, "mummy is leaving daddy because he has been a real shit, you're going to get used to life without daddy in the picture but we'll be just fine." Kim caused the problem in the first place by painting daddy to be this hardworking man putting in super long hours to support the family, some kind of hero of a father/husband whilst we all know that he is out looking for sex with other women when he is out late. I bet you in about 10 years when her daughter is in her late teens, her daughter will realize what Kim went through and would scream at her mother, "mum, what the hell were you thinking? What made you think that was the right thing to do?" But whilst her daughter is still young, Kim is maintaining the illusion of a very happy family.

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  2. At that point when Maria first brought this to Kim's attention, Maria believed that Kim already knew that her husband was cheating on her. It wasn't the first time she realized something was not quite right - yet she chose to let him get away with it and so he realizes, okay she is not going to confront me, I'm going to keep on doing what I do as there are no consequences as long as I put in a bit of 'daddy time' and play my part as the father now and then. The story focused on that moment when Maria confronted Kim and Kim went into denial - that was about 8 years ago. Kim has been in denial for the last 8 years and is still married to Gordon but when you look at her social media posts, it's all about what a proud mother she is, celebrating every little thing her daughter is doing whilst her husband is still there, making the odd appearance in some photos but I contrast this to my friend Kristina who is also married with a child, but she is singing praises of her husband and talking about how much she loves her husband in her social media posts. Huge contrast, but such is Kim for you. Let's not focus on her pregnancy, it isn't a one-off cheating, he is with a different woman every night of the week and that has been going on for over eight years. And Kim is not ignoring a one-off, Kim is ignoring an ongoing situation that is not coming to a stop anytime soon.

    I am a lot older than you Sandra and oh boy, the number of cheating spouses I have encountered, the number of miserable failed marriages I have seen where the couple are only staying together for the sake of the children - it makes me roll my eyes and think, you guys are not happy are you? What makes you think having a family would make you happy in the first place?

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  3. Y'know regarding the cheating spouse situation, love is complicated. Kim must have loved some parts about her cheating husband even though he's got shit parts of him too. Never underestimate the ability for people to develop a blindspot for things they're attached to. I mean you see it with parents who let their adult children take advantage of them financially only because "in the beginning it was good." I mean I myself was in denial for ages about an ex who spewed a lot of classist things, whom all my friends hated. My friends told me "thank god he broke it off, else I think you would have tolerated his bullshit for years." Likewise there are black and hispanic people who are Trump fans, for example Kanye West(they're personal friends). Kanye may not agree with Trump not caring about the black community in general, but he certainly loves low taxes because both of them are billionaires.

    Intelligence just doesn't seem to apply very much when emotions are involved... In your case I can clearly see you have zero emotions when it comes to politics. You measure each politician in an unbiased way based on their ability to make good policy. On the other hand, one can see that there are clearly voters who pick politicians simply based on how they make them feel through the words they say and how comforting it feels. On the campaign trail I didn't get it when Biden would say things like "I care about the soul of America" because it's irrelevant to me whether he does/doesn't, and only about whether his policies are good/bad. But to many voters it did matter because he had to say things like that to be likeable, and not just be all business.

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    1. As for what Kim saw in Gordon, I don't know - he was a part of the gymnastics community as well that's why I sort of knew him, but not as well as I knew Kim and Maria. I trained with Kim waaaay back in the 1990s as she was one of the first friends I made in London through gymnastics and I got to know Maria very well when we worked together some years later, so I knew back then, before the pregnancy, they were best friends and woah how it all fell apart. As for Kim loving Gordon the cheater, my theory is that he changed and this is what I observed - it is a story that is familiar with other men as well (men can be such bastards). When Kim and Gordon first became romantically involved, they had what we call in Chinese an "er ren shijie" - that literally means two people world, like you're in your little bubble and that's your whole world, nothing else and no one else matters. They were so dedicated to making each other happy with romantic gestures then the one big change happened when Kim got pregnant, she went from this sexy lady to a pregnant woman having morning sickness, complaining that her back hurts, not in the mood for sex etc and there was a sense of "I'm going through all this because it's your baby and I expect you to take care of me!" A good husband would say, "duty calls, I must take care of my wife now." Gordon was like, nah fuck this, I wanna have fun, Kim is a grown woman and can take care of herself. If she won't have fun with me, I'm going to go into town and find people I can have fun with. Things got even worse in that department when Kim gave birth and Kim stopped making any effort whatsoever to be nice to Gordon and if she is going to buy a present, it will be for the daughter. If she was going to cook something nice, it would be her daughter's favourite dish, she would do nothing for her husband as Gordon had stopped doing anything for her. At least Gordon would make some nice gestures for his daughter like buy her nice toys and spend quality time with her, but he takes one look at Kim and feels disgust: he sees a woman sliding into middle age, not interested in doing her hair and make up, no interested in pleasing him whilst she looks at him and thinks, "I know what you're getting up to, I don't love you anymore, I don't care, as long as you continue to be nice to our daughter that's all I ask of you." The way I've presented it may sound very sexist - like how it is the woman's responsibility to sustain the husband's interest through pregnancy and this transition to motherhood, but with people like Gordon, he tapped out at the worst time and said, "not interested in Kim anymore, have you seen her recently? She looks like shit. But damn, bad timing, we now have a daughter"

      So it's not intelligence per se, in their case, it's more than just staying together for the sake of the daughter - they both love their daughter (even if they have stopped loving each other a LONG time ago) and they want the daughter to believe that she is growing up in a happy family. Oh they are going to great lengths to maintain that illusion for their daughter. But that's the one thing I needed to correct you: you thought that Kim still loved her cheating husband but I don't think she does. She's not that irrational but she has a determination to provide the most stable environment possible for her daughter to have a happy childhood. I suspect she would leave her husband by the time her daughter turns 18.

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    2. I have a friend Colin whose parents separated when he was 16. They had originally agreed to stay together until he turned 18 and he was the one who said, you two are so miserable together, I don't want you two to be like this and it is clear to me even as a teenager to understand exactly what is going on so please, just go ahead, get divorced and I'll be happier when I see the two of you getting on with the rest of your lives away from each other. Colin gave his parents the permission to do that at 16 and they could wait to get away from each other. Kim's daughter is now only 8 and is too young to do something like what Colin did but I am hoping she might do that in the future for Kim's sake. Is Kim's daughter really going to be better off growing up in a family with a mother and a father? That's the question we must answer as Kim and Gordon are certainly not happy together, they don't love each other anymore. If Gordon loved Kim, he wouldn't treat her like that and cheat with a different woman every night of the week (he pays for prostitutes, she doesn't allow him to have sex with her anymore as she fears getting STDs). Needless to say, Kim barely tolerates his presence in the house, she treats him more like an ex-husband visiting their daughter but in front of the daughter, she is putting up a brave front to maintain the illusion of a happy family. I think once her daughter is old enough to realize what is going on, she would be like "Mum?! What the hell were you thinking?"

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    3. Sorry typo: "they could NOT wait to get on with their lives away from each other". ie. 16 year old Colin told his parents "will you two please just get divorced NOW? I am literally begging you, for my sake, just divorce already, please! Don't stay together, get a divorce!"

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    4. Oh gosh Kim and Gordon's relationship was just built on pillars of sand. I think they didn't have a very realistic idea of what a relationship would be like. If Gordon wanted someone to devote 100% effort into romance then he shouldn't have had kids, or at least had kids with a rich woman who delegates child-rearing to a nanny. But oh well, relationships and people aren't perfect. Yeah I agree it's a case of Kim wanting to be the best mother possible which is why she's putting up with Gordon for the sake of her daughter.

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    7. I think we're talking about the story of 'Kim' from very different perspectives: I speak about her as someone I have known for a long time whereas you're offering a woman's perspective about how a woman might function in a relationship. From what I do know about Kim's family, especially her parents, they really put a LOT of pressure on her to get married and have kids before she got too old and would be considered an old maid, a left over spinster that no man would want to marry. She was already past 30 when she married Gordon and her parents were like, "quick, that man wants you - he's not perfect but if you say no, you may never ever get married, so what the hell are you waiting for? Plan the wedding already!" So Kim was under a lot of pressure from her parents to marry Gordon even if she wasn't madly in love, but she wanted to be a wife and mother quickly and he wanted to marry her then - as for what he thought married life was going to be, who knows. I don't know the guy but I think that he had unrealistic expectations of how Kim was going to behave as a wife and mother within that marriage. I feel sorry for Kim and I think she's making a terrible mistake, but what can I do? She refused to believe Maria, her best friend so I just kept my distance and said nothing. I'm not saying Kim is stupid but her behaviour has been irrational.

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    8. Y'know Alex this makes me feel that people who never intend to have kids are extremely lucky in that they can just wait for the right person to come along, even though it does shrink the dating pool by quite a bit because most people do want kids. I do have a friend who was so in a rush to get a baby by 25 she dated and married an absolute asshole after undergrad. Her husband is basically Gordon except he prefers men instead of women. Personally I do get the feeling of desperation or "missing out", but after what happened to me in recent months I appreciate friendships a lot more and don't put love on a pedestal anymore. It's hard work, and finding a working healthy relationship is worth waiting for. But then again I'm still in my 20s, so the clock isn't ticking as bad as it was for Kim when she met Gordon. And I don't even know if I want kids yet. I never thought about it much growing up, so I think I'd be fine if I didn't have them because I have so many other time consuming hobbies anyway.

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    9. I think it is sad that women like Kim believe that they need to become a wife and mother to become "complete". In Kim's case, she was doing it to gain the approval of her very traditional parents who really wanted grandchildren and I'm like hell no, Kim you're intelligent, you can make yourself proud by having a successful career - why do you feel the desperate need to please your parents by having children? Look how well that's turned out, duh. Okay, her marriage has been nothing short of a total catastrophe and dumpster fire disaster but that's what happens when women are forced down that path in the name of tradition and family values. Oh Amanda, you're definitely doing the right thing by focusing on your career and yourself.

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    10. See, I don't quite get the pressure from parents to marry and have a baby since neither of my parents ever wished that for me. My parents didn't have a happy marriage, so for them, marriage and family didn't necessarily equate to happiness. I think its quite selfish to force someone to be a parent to gain your approval, as much as it is selfish to force them to work in a high flying career for the same attention. Both are hard work and require a little luck.

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    11. You say that Amanda, but my parents aren't happy either - my father is so autistic and socially awkward, he was never going to date a popular, attractive and charming woman. Instead, he picked someone even more socially awkward like my mother who would say yes to him and they have been fighting since the day they got married in the 60s, they are still fighting today. Are they happy? Hell no. Do they want their kids to get married and have kids? Yes they still do. Why? Because it is set against the wider context of their culture, their society, what their friends and relatives do. They don't know how to think for themselves, they only default to what their cultural norms are, what their society expects of them. Yeah that's kinda sad that they don't have a mind of their own, but they are hardly unique in that aspect. Kim can be like that too - look at what a catastrophe her marriage turned out to be. Did she do what was expected of her? Yes she did. Did it make her happy? No, not at all.

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    12. Oh well I suppose since my father is wealthy and derived plenty of happiness from his friends and career (even if not his marriage), he preferred to tell his kids to focus on that instead. But in the case of your parents they have no friends and their careers are not fulfilling at all, so I suppose they don't even realize how unhappy marriage makes them because there isn't much else to compare to. I don't think they really want to admit how unhappy they are about everything in life, not just their marriage.

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    13. In the case of my parents, you have to look at the context of what poor working class people tend to do - they have a strong desire to fit in and gain acceptance by the society around them. They do this by fulfilling certain roles that they are supposed to do, such as becoming parents and raising a family. They do this in the hope of gaining the acceptance and approval of those around them, not because they actually believe that this is the best path to true happiness. I think they're mostly clueless, they have no idea what the hell they are doing and if it will work out well or not but since they don't know any better, they then simply default to these norms that society dictates, such as "get married, have some kids, start a family".

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    14. Ahh yes, the human instinct to "fit in" and not be ostracized by the group. I suppose when people have more power and agency in life do they question whether fitting in necessarily makes them happy. But if someone is so focused on survival they don't question. Like in your case you may have grown up working class but having good grades makes you feel empowered to make your own choices. Also are your parents religious by any chance? I always found it weird the church encourages poor uneducated people to have as many children as possible, instead of warning that more mouths to feed does not mean more money to provide for them.

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    15. Exactly, I'm gay and I can tell you that it takes a lot of confidence and self-belief to accept that you're gonna be different from the vast majority of people around you who are straight and that you're confident enough to be different. I have heaps of confidence in myself and my social skills, so when I am the only gay and Asian person in the company, I can say, "yeah I'm different but that doesn't matter because I'm great at what I do and you will like me despite the fact that I'm nothing like you." Contrast that to my parents who lack that confidence, all they can hope for is to blend in, lie low, escape the scrutiny of others because they are just like everyone else - it's called fitting in and I've done that when I was in the army. But fitting in is not the same as getting others to like you, fitting in only means keeping your head done and blending in, not standing out - it still doesn't guarantee that others will like you, even if they accept that you're just like everyone else there.

      As for religion, it's a very tough question to answer as it is complicated. Very complicated. Simple question but super complex answer. Can I park that aside and visit that in a later post please?

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    16. Yes exactly, fitting in does not equal to being liked. At most it just means not being hated, because not fitting in is a very easy way to be hated. I'm straight but it doesn't mean I'm automatically happier or more successful in society compared to a gay person. I would characterize your parents as just "settlers" I suppose. Just doing the bare minimum, or whatever is most convenient in the moment.

      Yeah I've always been curious about religion during your childhood because you said you used to be Christian but are now an atheist. I've always wondered what poverty and religion is like, because I've only experienced what wealthy religious people are like. And for wealthy people it almost feels like they're religious out of vanity, to feel like "oh I'm rich because God blessed me since I'm just so special of a person, therefore I have to donate money to receive even more blessings." Also it's near impossible to convince wealthy people to have more children, so the wealthy churches just don't even try.

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    17. Settlers like my parents are not just doing the bare minimum because they're settling out of choice - rather, that's the very best they are capable of. It's like you looking at a chicken which can fly a few meters at best, they have wings and if they are desperate to get away from a predator or if they're trying to get over an obstacle, they can fly over it but their flight ability is very limited compared to say an ospreys which migrate over extremely long distances from season to season. So you can't look at a chicken and say, why are you so lazy, why can't you fly thousands of miles like an osprey - why are you limiting your flight to just a few meters? The answer is simple: a chicken cannot fly like an osprey, they are limited by the kind of wings they have. I hate to be very cruel but my parents have extremely low IQ and are mentally handicapped by their extreme autism. They are not 'settling' because they are lazy but doing the bare minimum is already a massive achievement for them - kinda like a chicken which manages to fly over a high fence being a massive achievement for that chicken. It is unfair and unreasonable to put a chicken and an osprey in a flying contest the same way it is quite unfair to compare my parents to normal people with average or above average IQ.

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    18. As for religion, I will answer that question now. I think creating a post out of it will come across as a really cruel attack on my parents and others in that same position. The answer is yes my mother goes to church regularly but her IQ is so low, she is so autistic that she doesn't understand the sermon. I've been to that same church and the pastor who delivers the sermon doesn't try to dumb it down and make it easy for you to understand: instead, he is a very intelligent man who challenges the congregation in a very academic way to try to get them to think about their relationship with god, church and the wider society. In short, it is no walk in the park; it is not about going to church, singing a few feel good songs about how great god is and how much love Jesus has for everyone and listening to a simple feel-good message. No two churches are the same, no two pastors preach in a similar way and I think the only way my mother is ever going to understand Christianity is if she attends a class for pre-school infants where they have very simple books explaining the gospel to young kids with loads of pictures, breaking down the message in a way that even a 3 year old kid can understand - that's what my mother needs if she even wants to become a Christian. But no, instead she goes there every Sunday and attends the service like an adult - she sits through a sermon she can't understand at all: it's like her watching a play in German without subtitles. She sees everything that's going on but she doesn't actually understand what is being said by the actor on stage.

      As an elderly lady, people treat her with respect: she enjoys going there because people at the church are nice to her. They don't say to her, "Mrs Liang, what do you think about today's sermon? By the way, there will be a Bible quiz later and if you don't get at least 75% on the quiz, you will have to wash the dishes in the kitchen later as a punishment." No, they probably realize that will make her feel very uncomfortable, so they make shallow conversation with her like, "Would you like some cake? Mrs Tan brought some traditional nonya kueh today, do you like kueh or do you prefer the vanilla sponge?" She would end up talking about kueh vs cake as opposed to 1 Corinthians 6 : 13-15. My mother has never read the bible, she doesn't understand it - like I said, she needs a version of it written for very young infants to understand it. She clutches that book in her hand despite never having read it and thus not understanding any of its content.

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    19. So therein lies the key question: can you consider someone like my mother just because she goes to church even though she has never read the bible, she doesn't understand the fundamental concepts of how salvation works in Christianity and she certainly doesn't practice any of the basic principles of Christianity? One of the key principles of Christianity is kindness and I can get you loads of quotes from the bible about being kind to others and how god doesn't want you to be wicked and cruel to others - thankfully my mother is a social recluse but she goes out of her way to make life hell for her husband and picks fights with him; when we used to have an Indonesian maid, she would falsely accuse the maid of trying to seduce my father and after my sister caught her once hysterically threatening the maid with a knife, we thought that's it - you're not allowed a maid any more as you're fucking insane. Firstly, you're abusing the maid and secondly, you claim to be a Christian yet there's nothing Christian about your behaviour: you go out of your way to be cruel to your husband and maid and according to the bible, you're a really wicked and cruel person, you have a one way ticket to hell for your kind of wickedness! So by that token, how do we qualify if she is a Christian or not?

      It depends on how high you set the bar: if being Christian involves attending church every Sunday, then she meets that criteria. If you make it a more academic question of understanding the bible and the fundamentals of the religion, then she fails miserably and when it comes to morality and conduct, then she totally fails because she is a very wicked, cruel and selfish person in her personal life - we can't even trust her to have a maid. I can't stress this enough, I expect Christians not to be hypocrites: you can't go to church and talk about how pious you are and praise god, then come home and abuse your maid. My mother is a wicked hypocrite and thus hell no, she is not a Christian. She's a nasty hypocrite who goes to church with a one way ticket to hell IMHO.

      Part 3 coming up, the other side of the argument.

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    20. The other side of the argument is whether you can medically exempt my mother from understanding the bible based on the fact that her IQ is very low and that she is essentially retarded? I remember in that church, there was one woman who had a disabled son Joe (not his real name) who was mentally handicapped, like the lights were on but no one's home. He didn't have the power of speech and clearly, there are several medical issues afflicting the poor boy. However, everyone in the church showered Joe with so much kindness and like there was no question of whether he would receive salvation as a Christian - he was 'medically exempt' from difficult bible study classes and was always told how much god loved him. Joe is far more severely handicapped than my mother, but could we try to consider the idea of putting my mother in the same category as Joe and grant her an exemption? What does the church think about mentally disabled people like Joe in terms of considering them 'Christian'? After all, Joe doesn't have the mental capacity of understanding what religion is all about, his mother just brings him along to church every Sunday because the people there are so nice to her and there will always be kind people there to take care of him for a few hours whilst she can relax - it was probably the best day of the week for Joe's mother as she felt so loved and supported there. Nobody was ever going to question whether or not Joe was going to hell because he didn't have the mental capacity to attend bible study classes - he was medically exempt. My mother was also 'exempt' from bible study classes, she tried to attend them years ago but then couldn't understand a thing and stopped going; the people at the church were too nice to say, "you can't be a real Christian unless you attend these bible study classes regularly, so get your ass back in there and try harder! This is important and you're being so lazy." No, they are quite happy to let her just come every Sunday and listen to the sermon (without understanding a word) then stay for fellowship (which usually involves some nice food).

      Thus Amanda, do you consider someone like my mother a Christian given that a) she doesn't understand the bible, hasn't even read it, doesn't understand how her religion works and b) she certainly doesn't act like a Christian being such a wicked, cruel and nasty hypocrite. My take on it is harsh: no you're not a Christian for those two reasons, she can try to fix things by actually learning about her religion if she wants to take it seriously and she can stop being such a wicked, cruel, nasty hypocrite to the people in her life. Her church's stance on the issue is more like, "only god can judge, the door of our church is open to anyone who wishes to attend, so we suspend judgment and leave that to god. We will always welcome your mother if she wants to come worship with us."

      Part 4 to leave you some food for thought below.

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    21. So what is your opinion on that Amanda? I don't think it's a straightforward issue of whether or not my mother is religious or not or if we can even call her a Christian given that she doesn't fit the definition of a Christian. Allow me to compare this to an experience I had in a Chinese restaurant in London: they had a "Singapore laksa" on the menu and I said okay I'll try the Singapore laksa please. But what I got was a bowl of noodles in a curry sauce which didn't resemble what a laksa was at all in Singapore, so I ended up talking to the restaurant manager who admitted that she had never ever been to Singapore but this recipe was inspired by something she had seen on the internet. I felt misled: when you tell me that you're serving me a laksa, I expect to be served a laksa according to what we understand a laksa to be. It has to contain certain ingredients, it has to look, smell and taste like a laksa. I don't expect a perfect replica of a laksa I would get from a hawker center in Singapore but it ought to at least bear some resemblance to it and if it comes out so totally different to the point where it is nothing like a laksa at all, can you still call it a laksa just because you think it sounds like a nice name to use for that dish? By the same token, my mother would like to think that she is a Christian, she would like to think that god loves her, that Jesus loves her and she has a big brother in heaven looking after her, yet she doesn't even fulfill the basic criteria for a Christian. So it's like the 'laksa' definition situation - if my mother doesn't even do any of the basic things that we expect a Christian to do, can we even classify her as a Christian at all? I don't think we can, but what do you think? I told you this was a very complex issue without a simple answer.

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    22. Lol bible quiz! Oh I'm not surprised that religious people can be wicked and totally ignore the morality demonstrated in the bible or whatever holy book. Is your mother Catholic or Protestant? One thing that actually surprised me after reading about the history of religion is that Protestants believe one only needs to believe in God to go to heaven, and only needs to not believe in God to go to hell. Morality points don't matter to them, because according to Martin Luther "God's love is infinite", but of course it was known since Judaism that God is a jealous one. Actually Protestantism developed because many people hated how the Catholic church told everyone they were going to hell unless they donated money to them to cancel out their hell points. I dunno which corruption is worse, believing one goes to heaven regardless of being good/evil, or selling tickets to heaven.

      See this is why I'm a deist and find it very hard to believe in the moral side of religion. Because it seems we try to interpret books written 1000s of years ago which are never straightforward in their teachings, and the people interpreting them are priests who are out of touch with the masses and nobody can criticize them like in a democracy. Priests/theologicians aren't elected after all. So they can say all they want about how women should behave, or being against homosexuality, and claim "the bible said it so it must be true." One theologician I particularly hate is John Calvin, he believes that Jesus died on the cross only for some people and not all, so he believes God has predestined some people to go to heaven, and others to go to hell. So no matter how wicked/good each person is, or whether they even believe in God, their fate is sealed from the moment they are born. Why would someone even believe this? Hell if I know. John Calvin lived a comfortable life as a priest in Geneva, it wouldn't affect him either way. But yeah, if even the priests believe wicked things, it doesn't surprise me that your mother can threaten a maid with a knife and still feel God's love.

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    23. I just finished watching a European series about how a team of investigators from three countries tracked down a nasty mafia boss who killed and raped so many people along the way. The mafia boss was a narcissist - he believed that he was so powerful and successful in his crime empire because he was favoured by god and thus there were many scenes of him in church praying, thanking his god for the blessings and help before he goes back to doing all the evil things he does. A lot of narcissistic people invent their own version of religion whereby their god blesses them, loves them, protects them without asking for anything in return. Now anyone who has actually read the bible and has attended some serious bible study classes (like me) will know that the Christian god asks for a lot from Christians - there are so many rules to follow, the ten commandments to begin with. My mother probably couldn't even name more than two or three of them since she has no knowledge of any of the rules she ought to be following if she claims to be a Christian. Now my mother 'claims' to be protestant but I doubt she even knows the difference between being Catholic and being protestant. But in the absence of any proper knowledge of Christianity or the bible, my mother just makes stuff up as she goes along - she is effectively creating her own religion whereby she is at the center of it all. She has a god who has infinite love for her, accepts all her faults, forgives all her transgressions and doesn't mind at all when she does shit like mistreat the maid or gives my father hell just to pick a fight with him. Trying to follow a real religion is just too much hard work for a person like my mother, imagine having to read the bible and follow all the rules - nah, my mother prefers to just make it up as she goes along. After all, she experiences no love from her own family; you know how I feel about her, her marriage is a dumpster fire and besides me, she has two other children who at best feel sorry for her and want to save her from her own stupidity but certainly don't love her. Holy shit, no one loves her at all. That's why she has invented this 'god' in her head that has infinite amount of love for her.

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    24. This is why I found it hard to answer your question: you asked me if my mother was a Christian and I had to answer that with another question - that depends entirely on what you consider to be a Christian. Do we have a list of characteristics, like a check list, for Christians and if there are ten items on that check list, how many of the ten do we need to fulfill before we can say it fits the description? Do we need ten out of ten? Or maybe 7/10 or 5/10? Who gets to decide where we draw the line?

      I used the example of the laksa noodle dish I encountered in London. Allow me to use another example: imagine if you have met someone who claims, "I am a gymnast." I'll be like, oh how interesting me too! But I will then start finding out if this person is really a gymnast. I'll ask questions like, are you still training? Which gymnastics club do you belong to? When was the last time you trained? What skills are you working on now? How often do you train? Who is your coach? How long have you been doing gymnastics? Are you able to do a Tsukhara vault? Who is your favourite gymnast? There are tons of questions I can ask but what if it was a person who had some classes over 20 years ago when she was a child and hasn't done any gymnastics since - could this person still claim to be a gymnast? I would say that this person did some gymnastics a long time ago but as she hasn't done any in recent years, she has to use the past tense, "I was a gymnast" not "I am a gymnast". And what if we found out that this person did 5 gymnastics lessons 20 years ago, didn't like it and quit - can this person then claim to be a gymnast (whether using the present or past tense) when she only did 5 lessons back then? And what if she did only one lesson? At what point do we draw the line and say, "no you can't claim to be a gymnast, you're nothing like a gymnast. You weren't back then nor are you now. Gymnasts by definition do gymnastics, you need to be able to do gymnastics now or some point in the past to be able to claim that title of a 'gymnast' otherwise you're simply not a gymnast."

      By that same token, I think we can easily draw up a list of criteria to define what a Christian is. But stay with me for a moment on that - what if I claimed to be Muslim? You would then ask me, oh when did you convert? When did you embrace Islam? Are you regularly visiting the local mosque where you live? Are you taking lessons in the Koran to learn more about Islam? Have you totally given up pork, alcohol and other haram food/activities? But what if I then said, "actually no, but I got interested in Islam after watching an inspiring Youtube video about Islam. I've yet to do anything about it." At which point, you'll probably say, "then you can't claim to be a Muslim, you're merely interested in Islam that's all - there's a difference." So by that token, even if my mother claims that she is a Christian, if we are to be harsh, can we accept her claim or do we have to say, "no you're not really a Christian. You have so much more to do to become a Christian before I will accept that you're actually a Christian. You can claim all you want to be a Christian, but you don't get to actually bend or distort the definition of what it means to be a Christian."



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    25. So by that token Amanda, what do you think? Would you accept my mother's claim that she is a Christian? Or would you be more harsh like me and say, "nah, she's not a Christian - not yet anyway."

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    26. This is actually a very interesting discussion about religion. I myself took 3 philosophy classes in undergrad, one was called "Magic, science, and religion" where they tried to define each one. Anyway, for religion some scholars believed it's what people believe happens to them when they die, and others say it's whether people believe in a higher power that dictates life on Earth. But everyone agreed that there is too much diversity within religion because it is so deeply personal, like even within Christianity you have many different sects and schisms and wars between Christians. I would say that your mother is Christian if she believes in some God according to the Protestant principle of infinite love. But it's only because the definition of religion is so loose in the first place.

      I myself have never understood why people feel the need to believe in a God, even the ancient Greek Philosophers were atheists and I tended to side with their arguments. I used to believe in God when I was a child, but at the time I also believed in ghosts, demons, fairies, and monsters like bigfoot. Over time I realized the other supernatural things didn't exist, so probably God didn't either. But anyway, your point about how nobody loves your mother and hence she feels the need to invent a God provides a very compelling reason to believe. Everyone could use a bit more love sometimes, but I always felt I had enough from Earthly sources like my friends and family. But for someone like a Mafia boss who is probably hated and hunted everyday, or just some social outcast like your mother, love is extremely rare and therefore more valuable, and plenty of religions offer it in the form of their God(s). For me, a religious person telling me that God loves me and to accept me into my life will have a very hard time competing for my attention and money with actual people who do love me. But for your mom, there is no one else competing for her time haha.

      By the way, as a side note I have this one friend who has been getting scammed on Tinder lately. He keeps swiping on women who ask him to download stock trading apps or donate to sketchy looking charities in exchange for a hookup, in which they never even show up after he parts with his money. All my friends are just like "why does this guy even swipe on these profiles or talk to these women?" and the answer is because he's desperate since he can't find a girlfriend despite trying for years. He has bad social skills and doesn't have the patience to consider someone else' needs aside from his own, so nobody wants to date him. Like he even talked to a scammer who texted him out of the blue just because they said they have a female name, like he didn't even need to see a picture! When I think of how easy it is to scam him based on just a few words, it makes me think of how some people can easily believe in religion without much arguments. Some religious people are actually good people who have plenty of love but turn to religion and study it in great detail because they are curious about questions science can't answer, and I highly respect people like that. But there are religious people like your mom who don't even read the bible yet have taken one aspect of Christianity (infinite love) and ran with it. This is why I don't think religion is bad per se, but that people are bad and they will twist words into however they see fit. It's like how you have good lawyers who try to interpret the law in a good way to save innocents and convict criminals, or bad lawyers who want to twist the law in whatever way benefits themselves nevermind who it hurts.

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    27. I think we have definitely enough material for a post on religion. Akan datang. I'm still writing about another issue from my time in Germany but once I am done with that series, I will do something based on our discussions here. Many thanks Amanda.

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    28. Hi Sandra shalom! I don't mean any disrespect to my Jewish friends but I have spoken about this with my Jewish friends before and this is what I was told: the Jewish community feels a desperate need to assert themselves in terms of numbers because they had been subjected to so much persecution over the centuries by people trying to wipe Jews out - so that's why they have a far more relaxed view about including Jews who are not practicing or reform/liberal. I remember this company I worked for years ago and there was this couple there: the wife is Jewish, the husband is Catholic and the son they had was practically an atheist, like to maintain the peace between the in-laws, they decided not to push the son into either religion and thus he didn't have any religion as he grew up but I do wonder if some Jewish people would gladly include that boy in their numbers of Jews in London just to make the figure bigger despite the fact that he doesn't practice any of the religious rules that we have come to associate with Judaism. Anyway, enough from me - I am writing something about whether or not one can define someone like my mother as a Christian. Can she just declare "I'm a Christian" despite never having read the bible or understanding anything about the religion? There's a lot discussed about gender identity these days, on forms I'm asked whether I identify as he/him, she/her or they/them without asking me if I am biologically a man or a woman. It seems like I can have the body of a biologically complete grown man but identify as a woman these days and society is supposed to respectfully address me 'madam' - thus perhaps it is in that spirit that anyone can claim to be anything as long as they claim "this is what I identify as". Roll eyes. If that's the case, if my mother can identify as a Christian, then fine - I identify as a unicorn because I'm as much of a unicorn as my mother is a Christian.

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    29. Aaaah but Sandra, my mother isn't baptized! O

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    30. Sorry I clicked "publish" too soon. My mother isn't baptized because her church doesn't believe in baptizing anyone who asks for it. I know some churches are a lot more relaxed about this whole baptism thing but not that church (which I used to attend back in Singapore). There's a long process of committing to bible study classes and passing an internal exam before you are deemed ready for baptism - which is fair enough, thus that process is a lot more meaningful and that baptism is taken a lot more seriously. Many people like my mother simply go to the church to worship week after week without being baptized, they are encouraged to go through this long process to finally get baptized but some people actually start the process and drop out when they realize how difficult it actually is. So it's not like anyone has ever given her an ultimatum, "get baptised by the end of this year or you won't be allowed to attend church anymore with us." No, they encourage her to do it but she has so far resisted for a simple reason: my mother is an old lady who is quite stupid, she is terrified of exams as she is convinced that she will fail them. I remember going on holiday with her to Thailand in the 1990s, I learnt some basic Thai words to greet and thank people there but my mother simply refused to even attempt to learn as she was convinced that she would get the Thai words wrong and people would mock her for being stupid. So if I can't even persuade her to say "kob khun kah" (thank you) in Thai, how's anyone going to persuade her to start the process of bible studies to become baptized, knowing that her knowledge of Christian doctrine would be scrutinized and examined prior to them saying yes to baptizing her? Thus now you know she is not baptized, would you still consider her a Christian then Sandra? Is she a bad Christian for refusing to get baptized or is she by definition simply not a Christian then?

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    31. BTW I am so glad you mentioned the issue of baptism because anyone can attend a church service - churches are very welcoming like that, but at what stage does a person go from being a church goer to a Christian? And what about people who tick the box 'Christian' for their religion in a census because that's what they were told by their parents to identify as but don't actually do any Christian things like go to church on Sunday or even pray to a Christian god? At what stage do we actually draw the line then?

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    32. Don't feel sorry, that's what I've been saying all along. I don't see my mother as a Christian at all, my sister once screamed at her, "you're not a Christian, you're just one big nasty hypocrite! You're a hypocrite!" A hypocrite is someone like my mother who claims to be Christian but then does all kinds of evil shit, that Jesus and the bible most certainly frown upon. For me, the baptism doesn't matter because I certainly feel that it is her conduct, her morals and her fucked up behaviour that matters more. Imagine if she was at a church with lower standards and she bribed the corrupt pastor to baptize her in exchange for a nice donation to the church - the pastor then takes the bribe and immediately baptizes her in a private ceremony, then what? I think such a baptism is meaningless, even an insult to Jesus, god and the church if it takes place under such dodgy circumstances. So whether or not my mother is baptized, well that's a moot point for me - it's more the fact that she is cruel, unkind and does a lot of evil shit, that's what makes me refuse to acknowledge her as a Christian. Like my sister, I see her as a nasty hypocrite on the basis of her immoral behaviour, rather than the issue of her refusing to get baptized.

      As for her claiming to be Christian - look, nobody gave her permission to do that, she didn't seek any kind of permission from the church elders or the pastor to call herself a Christian without getting baptized. My mother is an uneducated, unreasonable woman who is too stupid to follow rules. She is also a liar and frightfully dishonest, she is so morally flawed in so many ways - so the fact that she goes to a Presbyterian church is a moot point again because she isn't following their rules at all! The problem is not with the church Sandra, the problem is entirely with my mother being corrupt, dishonest, evil, narcissistic, hypocritical, cruel and seriously fucked up in so many ways. I know that church, they are made of good people who have every intention of following the rules of the bible - my mother is a fucking evil person who has absolutely NO intention of following their rules but has created this fantasy vision of religion where she gets to make all her own rules and her god still loves her regardless of how much evil she does in the world.

      I warned you my mother's seriously fucked up. The issue here isn't even whether she's baptized or not - it's all the nasty evil shit she does on a daily basis.

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    33. Y'know Alex, you kinda expect too much of religion and religious people to be moral. I know because I'm the same and that high expectation is part of why I'm mostly atheist/agnostic, aside from incompatibilities with evolution and aliens. People use the bible to justify hating LGBTQ people and women. At the end of the day religion is not good/bad, but how people interpret it. It's just like how the government claims to be good all the time in public(same as churches), always serving the people, when behind the scenes we had someone like Boris Johnson or Trump in charge. So it doesn't surprise me when I encounter bad people who are religious. It's just a believe/worship in God, it doesn't mean someone is necessarily a good person or does good things. There was no exam asking them to be kind to everyone to be religious. Same goes for politics, you don't have to enjoy public service to be a politician, you just have to get votes haha.

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    34. Well Sandra, that's your stance and I can see how there are a lot of religious hypocrites who are members of a religion and then go out there and do all kinds of evil shit. For me, it's personal. I don't think you understand what it is like to have a mother who does evil shit to the point where I really struggle to even bring myself to talk to her without screaming at her the way my sister has over her evil behaviour. This is why I live in the UK and don't talk to my mother. For me, it isn't a question of following the rules or semantics - it's a moral struggle. I once met someone whose brother was convicted of murder and we had a long, interesting conversation and we gave each other a lot of empathy as we understood what it is like to have a family member who does evil shit. My mother is guilty of doing a lot of evil shit and that troubles me so much to be the son of a woman who is doing that. You don't understand what it is like to be related to someone so evil and believe you me, be thankful, be grateful that no one related to you is guilty of being that evil. Be thankful that you don't understand the moral anguish I go through being my mother's son as that's a terrible predicament I don't wish upon my worst enemies. You don't understand what I feel and that's actually a good thing, because I'm suffering and I don't want you to suffer like me Sandra over this.

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    35. On a separate note, I have two other members of my family from my father's side who have done a lot of evil shit - my uncle (ie. my father's younger brother) and my grandmother (ie. my father's mother) are both evil people. When you are confronted with evil people guilty of doing a lot of nasty evil shit, their religious status no longer matters in the face of the crimes they have committed. For me, this is intensely personal to see at least three members of my family guilty of this kind of evil deeds, to be classed as pure evil. Sandra, you don't know what I've been through and what I have had to deal with and believe you me, that's a good thing that your family members are not evil.

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