Reality Check: the knocking on doors BBC story

I have stumbled upon a story on the BBC today which seems to tie into a lot of the themes that we have explored on this blog of late about trying to get ahead in life when the odds are stacked against you. The BBC presented a feel good story about Reggie Nelson, the young black guy who lost his father when he was a teenager. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, he went knocking on doors in Kensington trying to find out from rich people what they did to become so rich in the first place and how he could learn from them - he managed to get himself a mentor in the form of Quintin Price who gave him some work experience which led to an apprenticeship. Despite the fact that he went to an utterly dreadful university at the wrong end of the league tables (Kingston University, ranked a staggering 95th out of 131 universities currently), he still managed to get a job in financial services and managed to carve a successful career for himself. I didn't quite like the way the BBC presented this story because there were moments when I thought, yeah right, that's not how it works: but nonetheless, I will run the story they presented through my reality checker and let's see if we should all start thinking about knocking on the doors in Kensington, Chelsea and Mayfair and asking random rich people for help.

Do you recommend doing what Reggie did? 

No, I don't. Absolutely not. Yes he got lucky in that he met someone who was willing to help him, but there was absolutely no guarantee that he would have found any kind of help. I am not sure how I would react if someone just turned up at my front door, asking for help like that. I would be suspicious to say the least if someone just showed up like that, in this day and age, I'm sure we're all extremely worried about identity thefts, hackers and online scams - my Instagram was hacked recently. Even on my blog, I have to filter the comments because of the huge volume of spam.  Therefore we are naturally cautious because there is a good reason to be careful given the number of threats out there - so when a stranger comes out of the blue asking for help, I think most people would tell him to go away because they don't know who he is and they are scared he may come with some malevolent motives. Are these rich people just bad, selfish people? No, they're just afraid: imagine if I asked one of my rich friends, "hey, I know this kid, he's just lost his father and he's in a bad way. He could do with a mentor to help point him in the right direction, would you be so kind as to spend a bit of time just talking to this kid to see if you can help?" Then of course, with an introduction like that, sure it is easy to say, "yeah, sure, let me see if I can help". But without that introduction, most people would get suspicious and just back away. And of course - if they don't know you, they won't feel obliged to help you and they won't feel bad for saying no.

Is London such a grim and unfriendly place? That wasn't the impression I got from the film.

It is grim! You have to understand the context of London - now I remember this incident from a while back. I was meeting my friend at Kings Cross train station, that's a very big train station in London and my friend was late. Whilst I was waiting for him, this lady came up to me crying, claiming that her purse had been stolen and everything including her wallet and phone were in there, she had no way of getting home and if she could have £20 to buy a train ticket home. I didn't give her the money as I was more focused on the fact that she told me she had been robbed, instead I tried to call over the nearest policeman whom I assumed would be able to help her lodge a crime report about the theft of her purse and get her home at the same time. The moment the policeman came close, she panicked, bolted and ran away from me. The policeman then told me, "oh yeah, we see that woman here all the time. She does that whole crying routine with kind looking people, usually the elderly. Sometimes she manages to get money out them and is abusing the trust of good people." Such is London for you, even when you're just minding your own business, waiting for your friend at a busy train station, somebody will try to scam you of your money and usually, it is only the gullible tourists and the elderly who are not used to this that will fall victim to fraud like that. The irony was that this crying lady was so convincing that I actually believed her for a moment, but I also know that involving the police was probably the best thing to do if she was genuine.

Let's move beyond the people who approach us with criminal intent: do you know just how much junk mail I get on a daily basis trying to flog me stuff I don't need? I have access to my company's info@ email account and good grief, the amount of unsolicited emails we get on a daily basis is unreal. We also get cold calls in the office from people trying to sell us everything from accounting services to recruiting services to new office furniture to anything a company could possibly need. Even when you're just walking down the street, you're likely to be harassed by anyone from homeless people begging you for spare change to 'chuggers' asking you to commit to a direct-debit donation to a charity to someone trying to shove a flyer in your face for some warehouse sale or it may be a menu for a new pizza restaurant in the neighbourhood. This naturally makes us very suspicious when a stranger approaches us in London - let me give you an example. I was making my way home one evening when this somewhat drunk woman approached me with two tickets, I then immediately assumed that she was trying to sell me the tickets and I was already going to say, "no I don't want them". Then simply because I was trying to find the right words to be firm but still polite, I was paused and let her talk first. Turns out that she wasn't trying to sell me the tickets, she had been at a music festival nearby and she had to get the train home, but the festival was still going on all night and she was about to give me her tickets for free - she was quite drunk but she was really being generous. So yes, I had totally misjudged the situation, but such is London for you.

Is it unusual for the Price family to help someone like Reggie? 

Yes and no. It isn't unusual for rich families like that to show generousity, sometimes great generousity when it comes to being charitable towards those who are poor. When George Michael passed away, many of the tributes paid to him were by total strangers whom he reached out to help out once he heard that they were struggling and needed financial help. However, such random acts of kindness are actually fairly rare, it is far more common for the rich to channel their charity through well-established organisations who to their credit, do a great job. In the UK, about 320,000 people are employed full time in charities with many more giving their time, expertise and efforts for free. It makes complete sense to have a well-organized charity sector like that - it is easy enough to help one individual who needs help, but how do you organize a concerted effort to take on the long term challenges of improving the quality of life in a deprived inner-city ghetto? I compare this to baking bread: yes you can do it, yes some people bake their own bread, but isn't it so much easier to leave it to the professional bakers and just pay them for their skills and buy a loaf of perfectly baked bread especially if you neither have the time nor skill to bake bread? So it wouldn't be utterly unreasonable for a rich family to turn away someone like Reggie and say, "I'm sorry we're not going to help you, we have already done a lot to contribute to quite a number of charities both locally and internationally. We are not in the best position to help you, but there are plenty of charities out there who do support young people like you and I suggest that you go approach those charities. I don't have any experience at all supporting or mentoring young people myself, but they have plenty of experts at hand."

So why can't Reggie seek help from a youth charity set up specifically for people like him then?

Yes he could, but just how much help they can give him is another matter. The problem with charities is that they are often overwhelmed with a lot of people are in pretty desperate situations - we're talking about kids from broken families who end up doing drugs, they might be suicidal, they may have been sexually abused, sometimes they get caught up with gangs, prostitution and an insane amount of vices that you thought only existed in movies. Reggie wasn't a messed up kid - sure he was poor, working class and had lost his father, but he still had a loving mother and a stable home; in terms of priorities, he was never going to be on the top of the list. Let me give you an analogy: I once broke a bone in my left ankle at gymnastics and I remember waiting to take an X-ray at the local hospital. I was marked low priority as my life wasn't in imminent danger even though my ankle was broken and I was in pain. Then an ambulance arrived with a woman who had been knocked down by a car, she was seriously injured and the doctors just dropped everything and rushed over to her - she was top priority. And in such situations, of course the professionals are always going to give priority according to need, not whom turned up first at the hospital. I was in pain of course but sure I could have waited another few hours if necessary; in contrast, that woman needed surgery urgently to save her life. People with relatively minor injuries like mine were always going to be at the back of the queue at the A&E, the same way people like Reggie are always going to be at the back of the queue at these youth charities - he really isn't that messed up at all, in fact he is very sensible. And yes, I agree that it is unfair and silly to penalize 'sensible' young people like that in the charity system.

So what will happen to people like Reggie if they never got the kind of mentoring he got? 

Well, we're answering a hypothetical question here so here's my hypothetical reply: probably nothing that dramatic. Too many people only focus on the two extremes: either you become super successful and incredibly rich or you become a drug addict, end up in jail then die a painful and untimely death. Actually a lot of people end up in the middle ground, that's where average people do average jobs and lead very average lives. They are neither rich nor poor, they are okay and they are right in the middle of the spectrum. Life isn't too bad, they don't starve, they are not worried about making ends meet, they have a steady income but by the same token, they are never going to enjoy the luxuries like rich people. For them, life is average, it isn't great but it isn't terrible. They are not enjoying themselves nor are they suffering. I have a friend who works in a supermarket and he does seem to fall into that category: he's just Mr Average. It almost seems unkind to try to find fault with people in this category for most of them, they are hardworking, gainfully employed and do seem perfectly content. The problem is that charities never focus on helping people like that in the middle because they're still doing alright, it is the most desperate people at the very bottom of the food chain who get the most help - like if you are severely disabled or if you're a refugee who has lost everything. So average people get little or no help: they are expected to fend for themselves. Reggie isn't stupid, he isn't disabled, he would have been alright but without a good mentor like Quintin, he would have probably ended up as Mr Average, rather than the successful young man he is today.

Is this the curse of mediocrity, of being kinda okay and average rather than terrible? 

Yes indeed! You've heard the saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Let's put this in the context of a classroom where teacher is faced with a mixed ability class - the teacher would naturally gravitate towards the dumbest kids who need the most help, just to pass the exams or perhaps the most disruptive, badly behaved ones as well. Perhaps if there are some kids who are particularly brilliant at the subject, now they would be able to impress the teacher thus getting the teacher's attention. But alas, the kids who are in the middle, who are plain average, they are most likely to be ignored - heck, I remember being teachers who struggle to remember even the names of some of these 'average kids' even after months of teaching them, unfortunately they're just ignored. Of course, this is hardly a fair process: it seems like you have to stand out from the crowd by being so brilliant you are impressive, or you're so pathetic that people start getting concerned and worried about you. But if you're from a rich family, if you have caring parents, then no matter how average you are, then your parents will make sure you get all the help you need in order to achieve as much as possible at school before you enter the working world. But as in the case of Reggie, he lost his father at a young age so he was never going to get that kind of special help that kids from rich families get. So even if he is quite sensible, smart and resourceful, he was always going to be at a massive disadvantage without a mentor-type father figure like Quintin to help him get ahead.

What if he had knocked on the door and my friend Marcus opened the door? 

Now my good friend Marcus is an extremely nice guy who is always helpful and kind. I know him from gymnastics and he is a very successful architect. He earns a lot of money, he's extremely rich and lives in a very nice house in an affluent London neighbourhood. Hypothetically speaking, let's say Reggie chose that street where Marcus lives and knocked on Marcus' door - being Marcus, he would be kind enough to speak to Reggie and he would say, "well, I am an architect, I design buildings. I'm good at my job, people pay me a lot for my services, that's why I am rich. Do you want to become an architect?" Now even if Reggie thought, yeah that'll be nice - does he have the talent it takes to become an architect? It is an extremely highly skilled job that takes many years of training and a certain eye for design, not everyone has what it takes to become a highly skilled architect. Imagine if Marcus opened the door instead - would Reggie then try to become an architect whether or not it was suitable for him? Now another rich person who lives in Kensington is the violinist Vanessa-Mae: imagine if she had answered the door and told him, "Hello, I'm Vanessa-Mae. I am ridiculously rich because I am a world famous violinist." Would Reggie then start trying to learn to play the violin, bearing in mind that Vanessa-Mae is a rare prodigy when it comes to the violin. In short, even if Marcus and Vanessa-Mae wanted to help Reggie, there's probably very little they could do for him, even with all the best intentions in the world if Reggie simply didn't have the requisite talent to pursue what they excelled in. So many people learn how to play the violin, just how many are as brilliant as Vanessa-Mae and how many can actually earn as much money as her performing the violin?

What happened prior to that fateful day? 

Yes we know he wants to earn more money and have a brighter future. But it seems like the BBC producers presented him as if he was a blank canvas, a painting that was still yet to be created and that the story really only started when he knocked on the door of the Price family home. We are not told anything about his life prior to that fateful day - what was he like in school as a student? What were his hobbies and interests? What was his favourite subject in school? Did he do any sports or did he have an interest in music? Who were his childhood friends? Who were his role models, who did he look up to? The short BBC report gives us absolutely no information about that apart from the fact that his father died and we still don't know anything about the circumstances of his father's death - did he have a good relationship with his father? Was he a good father figure to Reggie when he was a child? Did his father offer him any kind of direction or advice when it came to young Reggie's aspirations? There are so many unanswered questions - Reggie was about 17 when he met the Mr & Mrs Price, surely by the age of 17, you would have had plenty of ideas about what you would like to do with your life, what your aspirations are, what your interests are and what your ambitions may be. Granted none of these are set in stone, particularly at such a young age, Reggie still couldn't have been a totally blank canvas prior to knocking on that door in Kensington that day. I feel this is perhaps a rather unfair portrayal of Reggie, as a somewhat lost black kid who didn't know what to do until this older white mentor came along and set him on the right path to success.

Can we talk about diversity in financial services, as discussed in the video?

Oh my goodness me, yes we can. The financial services industry in London is primarily dominated by white, older, upper-middle class men who have come from privileged backgrounds. I am not just of an ethnic minority, I came from a very working class family, I am openly gay and I am an immigrant - good grief, I am as different as they come when it comes to working in this industry. Really, apart from my gender, everything else about my background suggests that I would have problems fitting in but somehow, I was blessed with enough self-awareness to adapt to the environment and clearly, Reggie is blessed with that same skill. The irony of course is that I am autistic, being good with people doesn't come naturally to me: I can be a real moron when I fail to read people properly and I get myself into trouble when I make stupid assumptions. Yet somehow, people like Reggie and myself are able to have enough awareness about ourselves and our environments to be able to thrive as minorities in this environment. Another minority which isn't mentioned in the video are women - this industry is still dominated by men. I do go to quite a lot of industry events and the ratio of men to women is always skewed, there will always be about 60 - 80% men in the room but I usually play 'spot the non-white person in the room, like a version of 'Where's Wally'; it isn't uncommon for me to find that I am the only non-white person in the room at some events and when there are ethnic minorities, it would usually be Asians (like Indians and Chinese) rather than blacks. So yes, I do know exactly what Reggie is going through, but it really doesn't bother me that much.

Can you account for this lack of diversity then? 

The reason why there is such a lack of diversity in financial services is because of two factors: firstly, these are very well paid jobs, oh yeah - if you wanna be rich, then this is probably the one sector where people can potentially make insane amounts of money. Go to any fast food restaurant in London and you'll find plenty of diversity amongst the staff there but they are paid so little. Secondly, this is a very old and traditional industry (the Bank of England was founded in 1694); so if we go back a hundred years and looked at what banking was like in London in 1918, then it wouldn't surprise you that it was an industry controlled by a group of privileged, rich, older white men. Fast forward a hundred years and that aspect of the industry hasn't changed much at all, with few women and those of ethnic minority reaching the very top of the industry. It is not like nepotism is that rife, not at all, but these rich, old men have made sure that they have prepared their children with the best education money can buy, they attended the best universities, got the right internships and work experience so by the time they turn up at a job interview, they know exactly what the companies are looking for and are far more successful at getting the good jobs out there. For people like Reggie and myself, we were at a massive disadvantage as we didn't have the right parents who would be able to give us any kind of help to get the right jobs. Compare that to these rich parents were armed with plenty of industry knowledge, they have all the right connections and a lot of money to ensure that their children got any qualification of training they needed to get ahead. My parents couldn't help me even if they wanted to. Life is incredibly unfair because the rich kids have a massive advantage, whilst poorer kids like Reggie have to chance upon a guardian angel like Quintin Price to even get a taste of that wonderful privilege.

In sharp contrast, let's take an industry like crypto currencies or anything else that is cutting edge technology, then the rules are quite different. Nobody knew what a Bitcoin was when it was launched in 2009 and for the first few years, few people were using it before it became massively popular and the price rocketed. So many people who have made their fortunes with Bitcoins and other crypto currencies have never even heard about it just ten years ago; hence in sharp contrast to the very traditional, conservative banking sector run by old, white, privileged men who turn up to work each morning in a suit and tie, there is no 'tradition', no 'rule book' as such in the crypto world and people are making the rules up as they go along. So if you are a very bright black kid from a working class, deprived background, then you will probably be more attracted to an industry where there is far less fuss about rules and traditions and far more focus on just creating value and making money. Indeed you will find a lot more diversity in the high tech start up world than in more the traditional financial services sector. But of course, it is a lot harder to become successful in a small start up that may be struggling to get off the ground compared to simply getting a good job in a huge investment bank that is already a global name - that is why a lot of people still prefer to go for the much safer option because they have a mortgage to pay.

Quintin Price talked about the "ignorance and prejudice" that exists, can you address that? 

I wish that Quintin had more than a few seconds to talk about this subject as it was impossible for him to do such a complex issue justice in that short amount of time. Yes of course there's ignorance and prejudice but it is not just on the basis of Reggie's skin colour - it has a lot more to do with his social class as well. A white, working class teenager from a poor family would have just as tough a time as Reggie trying to make a living in the financial services. The richest black person in the UK is Mo Ibrahim, who was born in Sudan, Africa. He has three children and to be the children of a billionaire means access to the kind of privilege that we can only dream about. His children are of course, black but their skin colour really is inconsequential when daddy's one of the richest men in the country. So the problem is not really with skin colour per se, it is about the quality of your upbringing, whether or not your parents are able to help you get a good job. Take my parents for instance: they were primary school teachers who paid for my education in my younger days (before I scored three scholarships, but they still paid for other stuff even when I was a scholar, so let's not take that credit away from them), but they were not in any position at all to offer me any kind of career advice since I didn't want to become a teacher and that was really all they knew about. So for me, the problems and challenges stemmed from my parents and upbringing; thus by that token, a whiter than white working class person with very blonde hair and blue eyes will face exactly the same problems and challenges that I did trying to get a job in financial services here in London. 

So really, the prejudice is more a case of the rich vs the poor, a battle of the social classes rather than a straight forward black vs white case of blatant racism. Ignoring the complex ways that such ignorance and prejudice can manifest itself simply doesn't do the topic justice: I do find it hard sometimes to reconcile this. On one hand, as an openly gay, Asian immigrant in the UK, I can clearly see that it is not your skin colour, nationality, sexuality or religion that matters - the only thing that really matters is if you're rich and if you have used that wealth to create a lifestyle that would make you acceptable to the elites. On the other hand, I see so much of the left still going on about 'black lives matter' and talking about white privilege - that is only going to further alienate the poorer white working classes people who have all the odds stacked against them in life anyway and goodness me, when the liberal left push them too far and they retaliated by voting for Brexit and Trump. I am naturally quite left wing, but even I feel that the left have really messed up this time and both sides are further away from any kind of reconciliation than ever. This BBC piece isn't making the situation any better - it almost paints Reggie as a lost black kid who needed a white guardian angel to help him after his own father died, it didn't give Reggie much credit for his success, apart from being willing to get off his sofa and go looking for help in the richest part of London. Upon much closer scrutiny, this supposedly feel-good piece isn't that well scripted or inspirational.

Instead of knocking on the doors of rich people, what should you do instead? 

I definitely would not recommend knocking on the door of random rich people in London, probably because it would be the most depressing experience. People would not want to talk to you, never mind try to help you. Because I work from home sometimes, I do get people knocking at my door in the middle of the day and they range from people doing surveys to representatives from political parties trying to drum up support to people trying to spread religion. Sometimes I feel sorry for the people trying to do survey and I would give them my time - they would tell me how people would chase them away, treat them with suspicion and "go away, get off my property or I will set the dogs on you". This is London, unless they are expecting a delivery, most people won't even open the door to speak to you. So instead, look even if your parents are totally useless when it comes to giving you any kind of career advice, you have friends and they have parents, uncles and aunties - that's a good place to start. Speak to them and maybe one of them could put you in touch with someone who would be able to offer you some useful career advice. You also have some neighbours and relatives you can turn to, surely some of them would be able to help you or at least know someone who could help you. These people do know you and probably are far more interested in helping you than a random rich stranger who may not even want to speak to you if you go knocking on their door at 4 o'clock on a rainy Tuesday afternoon. Turning to random strangers should be a last resort, after you have exhausted every single existing relationship and friendship you have.

So that's it from me on this topic, I hope you have found this useful. Don't get me wrong, this is not a criticism of Reggie. I think it is brilliant that he was very proactive in trying to take charge of his situation and find new opportunities when he didn't have one. That is so admirable because many people in the same situation would just wallow in self-pity and become miserable and bitter. But what do you think of Reggie's story? Have you ever had a mentor or guardian angel who helped you out in the past? If a random young man knocked on your door tomorrow, would you be willing to help him? What would you tell him? Let me know what you think please, do leave a comment below. Many thanks for reading.