Sunday 15 January 2017

Please allow me to share this with you

Hi guys, allow me to share this little piece of news with you. You know how I say my parents take no interest in my life - it's instances like this which illustrate how alienated from them I feel. Even if I told them what has just happened, I doubt they'll even begin to understand the enormity of it and what it means to me to have even gotten this far in the process. But thankfully, I have my dear readers to turn to. So here goes, it's something interesting that I have done this week. You're going to see a few trailers and clips from my favourite French films as that's the theme of the week.
I got an email from my agent a while that they want to submit me for a French film to be shot in Paris later on this year and they wanted to confirm that I am totally fluent in French. No, we're not talking competent or being able to speak French to a high standard, they only wanted to consider actors who are totally fluent at near-native standard. So I assured my agent that I studied at a top French university, I have lived in France, both as a student in the 1990s as well as returning there to work some years back. French is indeed my second language and I am able to function in an English-free work environment. My agent said, well it's a long shot but there's a very big budget French film - a thriller - with a multi-ethnic cast and there's going to be an international cast but the film is in French, so everyone has to speak French fluently. I gave my agent the links to some of my Youtube multilingual clips, so the casting director in Paris can gauge the standard of my French. I was nervous - my French is fluent, but is it fluent enough for a French film?

On Friday, I got an email with a script (in French, of course) - the casting directors do think that my French is good enough and I have been invited to audition for the part. It is a lead in a "who dunnit" thriller and I felt extremely honoured to be even invited to get to audition for such a big part. You see, there's no shortage of Vietnamese and Chinese people in France given their links to former colonies in Indochina - I had benefited from a near total absence of Chinese-looking, German-speaking actors in Germany, hence I was able to get work there as an actor. But France, well, this is truly something I've always wanted to do and I can't tell you just how very excited I am about this opportunity. I read the script eagerly last night and spent most of last night and today memorizing my lines. Then on Saturday evening, I went round to my French buddy Emmanuel's house and we recorded the audition in their living room with him and his wife. They were so happy for me and couldn't have been more eager to help me. We recorded the audition three times - by the third take, I felt I couldn't have done it any better and decided that was good enough.
What will happen next is that I will record a short introduction in French for the audition tape and then send it off to my agent on Monday morning - they will then forward that to the casting director in Paris who will then view it. At this stage, I am competing against every Chinese actor in Europe who is fluent in French and I have no idea just whom I am up against or how long that list is. It is nice to know that because of the language requirement, the practically all the British-Chinese actors I am usually competing against will not be able to audition for this part. Incidentally, one of my Polish actor friends who is also fluent in French is also up for a part in this film as one of the deadly Slavic femme fatales, so I am going to help her record her audition later in the week. Given the very international nature of the script, they have decided to cast in several major cities in Europe to find the right talent and I'm pleased to know that I've made it this far in the process. Even if I don't make it any further, I'll just be glad that a French casting director does consider my French good enough to play such a character and hopefully, they will bear me in mind for future roles.

Some of my readers will know this story - I have only started studying French at the ripe old age of 18 when I was in the army. I had just gone from doing my A levels to an environment where nobody required me to use my brains at all. I needed stimulation, I didn't want my brain to turn to mush during national service, so I got hold of my sister's old French textbooks and started learning French on my own before taking some courses at l'Alliance Française. I took to French like a duck to water - I remember watching so many French films at the library of l'Alliance Française in Singapore as well as at my university. It was a way for me to train myself to understand French and I always tried to watch the films without subtitles. There was a part of me that has always wanted to be in a lavish French film. I've achieved that in Germany but it was French that I had chosen to adopt as my second language, it wasn't German.
Now, why do I want to keep this from my parents? Firstly, I don't think they have ever understood how difficult it is to learn a foreign language to near-native fluency, especially as an adult. Secondly, they have absolutely no idea what French means to me - to them, it's just something I use to annoy them. I always declare that French is my second language, I can't bloody speak Chinese, I love French and hate Chinese etc. But for me, the two languages which I have mastered to a very high standard as an adult are Welsh and French - for me, they represent a form of intellectual victory, to triumph over the challenges of picking up a foreign language and to be welcomed by native speakers of those language as 'one of us' by nature of my linguistic prowess in their languages. My parents will never understand that - the way I am totally accepted by the French with open arms. For them, I am already from Singapore - why do I need to jump through such hoops of fire just to be embraced by people from another country so far away?

Sigh, they also have no idea how the casting process works: my parents think that I only get cast when they need a token Chinese character. I have screamed and cried at them, I was mortally offended when my mother said that and I yelled obscenities at her because I was so fucking angry at her for daring to insult me like that. There are so many Chinese actors in London, why do I get selected for major roles in German film and TV and not the others? Oh could it be because I have special skills, such as the ability to speak German, that the others don't have? And why aren't they auditioning for this lead role in this French film then? They have no concept of the amount of skill it takes to get through the casting process - perhaps some pretty young actress can depend on her good looks to get cast as the lead in some film. Well as a balding, ugly 40 year old man, I don't have any good looks to speak of - I have to rely on my brain instead. Some acknowledgement that my brains and skills have served me well will be nice, but no. My parents have never ever acknowledged any of my more major achievements, why should this be any different then?
There's a part of me that thinks: why tell them? If you tell them and they don't even acknowledge that it is a fucking amazing achievement, then you will be disappointed. Heck, that's why I don't want to tell them anything and sometimes I wish I could just tell such things to my sisters without having to share that information with my parents. At least my sisters are going to be thrilled for me, the same way I know my readers will be. I think the only way I can save myself from ever being disappointed in my parents' lack of interest in me is by simply not talking to them about anything important ever again. They never ask me what I am doing anyway, so why should I bother? In fact the only way I can spite them is by refusing to take any interest in what they do by the same token, but how can the mundane, monotony of their routines in Ang Mo Kio ever compare to the adventures that I have in my life? I have fresh, exciting stories to tell every week whilst my parents have gone out of their way to avoid doing anything new or interesting with their lives. I suppose this is no big deal at the end of the day, I probably won't get the part. So I shall spare myself the disappointment by not telling them, but at least I know I can tell my dear readers. Many thanks guys, merci beaucoup.

17 comments:

  1. Hi, I read that you've started learning during NS and I am please to say I am doing so and have 15 more months to ORD. I am just curious did you manage at least achieve a B1 level in French by the time you ORD? If so, where did you find the time to do so? For my case, I have about 2-3 hours of admin time. Also, I find that one special aspect about French films is that almost every film has explicit nudity, which is only seen in R films in the States. May I know how did this aspect arise in the French film industry? Is it because of the portryal of the French concept of liberty of love?

    I always wanted to master French because I wanted to pursue my studies (Psychology) in France either during undergrad or postgrad. I am really inspire by how French culture demonstrates their definition of liberty, equality and freedom. I reccommend the French film "Qu'est qu'on fait à Bon Dieu".

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    1. I'm sorry I don't know what you're referring to by 'B1' it has been ages since I've taken an exam. Kindly clarify.

      As for French films, have you ever been to a beach in France in summer? French people have a very relaxed attitude towards nudity and the body in general - it's not considered obscene to be naked. Imagine my shock the first time I was on the French Atlantic and I saw these older, fat French women sunbathing nude, not a sight I enjoyed.

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    2. B1 refers to being able to communicate in French and understand French texts independently and confidently.

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    3. Hi LFT, from what I know, the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages (CEFR) uses the grades A1, A2, B1, B2, C1 and C2 as guidelines to assess one's language proficiency in the applicable European languages. In his case, it's French. A1 is conversational level; A2 is slightly beyond conversational level; B1 is when you'd be considered fluent and you can live in a French-speaking area without issues; B2 is when you're fluent enough that you're qualified to use the language in a professional setting; C1 is native-level of proficiency; C2 is state of mastery.

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    4. Thanks for the clarification. I think B1 came a bit after ORD - you see, I had a gap between my ORD and starting university, so what I did was I went to summer school in France and then traveled around France with two friends. I was so bored during NS and needed the mental stimulation from some kind of studying, so I got that from French - but there is no substitute I'm afraid from interacting with native speakers who will not use English with you.

      I would place myself somewhere between B1 and B2 having worked in an English-free professional setting. The only problem is that I do live in London where I only get to speak French a few times a week, so my French is unlikely to improve quickly. If I really wanted to make my French any better, I have to really live in France again. I hope that helps, thanks.

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  2. Contiuning from I commented from the previous post, I would like discuss another perspective of the French language.
    - What do you think are some important differences between French and English, aside from gender nouns?
    - Which one do you think requires more number of hours to learn - French or German?
    - How do you think a typical Singaporean/Brit would view French culture or its language?
    - Why do you think a Dutch/German/Nordic would have a better command in English compared to a French?
    - Do you have any tips do get a grasp of memorising the gender nouns and memorising when to use the subjunctive verb conjugation in French?

    Merci beaucoup

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    1. I'm sure you can find some post somewhere by a linguist happy to split hairs and analyze languages. It's Sunday evening and I am tired so I shall pass on the first question. French is definitely a LOT easier than German. The third question makes little sense as it treats a huge group of people like a monolithic entity - by that token, I shall not bother to try to answer. As fpr the fourth question, already blogged about it http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2016/02/why-dutch-speak-english-so-incredibly.html

      As for tips - you need to spend more time with a native speaker and converse in French.

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  3. What really puzzles me is that, by your own admission and based on your past experiences, your parents won't ever change, yet you continuously try in vain to change them, get them to understand you better, gain their approval and validation, and want them to empathize with you. You know it's going to happen, yet you beat a dead horse over and over again and refuse to accept your parents the way they are.

    Why? What would that achieve? Is it because you're somehow ingrained in the "family is family"/"no matter what, they're my parents" mentality? Or do you want to have your cake and eat it too, i.e. have an emotional support system conveniently available to you (as I can't possibly fathom what other benefit you can derive from them at this stage of your and their lives) and still be able to eliminate their flaws? You can't have it both ways. Or are you trying to avoid the lifelong regret of not spending more time with your parents as they approach their twilight years?

    Enlighten me, if you will. They're not going to change. Period. You yourself acknowledged that time and time again. Complaining about them, analyzing their actions, coming up with psychological theories to explain their behavior, etc. isn't going to improve your relationship with them. So why do you do it? Surely you have better things to do with your time and energy?

    Like you, I have a difficult relationship with my parents; I always have. It's impossible to talk to them beyond ten minutes without everything devolving into a shouting match. So I simply avoid them and cut them out. Talking to them hasn't improved anything, neither party would budge from their positions and try to empathize with the other party, and any further communication or contact will only lead to more misery and unhappiness on both sides. So why persist in maintaining the relationship?

    Which is why we don't!

    I suspect that, as disagreeable as we are, my parents and I have both independently come to this conclusion: that we are better off without one another in our lives. And guess what? Everything has been fine and dandy since. The total communication whatsoever that we had in the past three years is probably less than two hours (and that was probably nostalgia getting the better of them more than anything else). And we have all been merry and joyful for years now leading our separate lives.

    We weren't going to artificially force some semblance of civility and camaraderie just because we carry the same genetic material. That makes no sense whatsoever. I can assure you that, if it were two friends who behave the way your parents behave, you would have long cut them out off your life. Nobody needs that shit. Life is too short to put up with toxic people.

    Perhaps my approach is sociopathic, some might even label me an ingrate. But it's for the best. And I suspect maybe, just maybe, that your situation could use the exact same remedy. Cut them off, save your effort, and lead happy fulfilling lives away from each other, separately, permanently.

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    1. Hi Hmong, all I can say is that you're right. As it's Monday morning and I've got a ton of work to do, I can't elaborate. But you're absolutely right. Thanks.

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  4. I would say congratulations! Even getting to audition is no small feat especially since you are competing with all the potential French speaking, Chinese looking people in the world. You should feel proud even if you end up not getting the part. This doesn't mean you are not suitable but there are more talented people suitable for the role than you.

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    1. Hi and thanks. Let me address an issue you raised in your comment: it's not a question of them giving the part to the best or the most talented actor or even the actor who speaks French the best. It's got nothing to do with that at all.

      Let me tell you about an interview the director did for one of his previous movies: the lead character is 'Rose' and they auditioned hundreds of actors around the world for the part and when this actress walked into the room and did her lines, that's it. Call of the search. Rose has arrived. They weren't looking for the most talented actress but the one who best matched the character they had created.

      You see, already at this stage, they have the script, they have a character in mind and the character I am auditioning for is 'Mr Chen' - they probably have a very clear idea of what they want Mr Chen to be like. Now they gave very little away in the brief and all I have is the script to work with and I am always hoping that I am similar to the 'Mr Chen' they have in mind.

      In German TV debut, I did a terrible auditioned in the first round but there was something about me that made them think, okay that was a terrible audition but he looks the part. That was what got me through to round 2 whereby the casting director guided me, helped me with the German and told me exactly what to do to 'become' the character the directors had in mind.

      I have a feeling the round 1 audition would be based mostly on looks, now that they know I speak French to a reasonably high standard.

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    2. Yikes two typos:

      1. Call OFF the search. Rose has arrived.

      2. In MY German TV debut, I did a terrible audition

      PS. At this stage, it's not about trying to show off how my talents, there's still an element of luck... of chance, when your looks play such a big factor. Cinema is such a visual art - it's not like radio where you just have to sound the part and you can manipulate your voice as a good actor. Well, I guess the make up department can do wonders these days, but really, I have no idea if I even look like the 'Mr Chen' they have in mind. For example, I'm balding, are they okay with that? Or will they prefer Mr Chen to have hair? Or if my audition has some other quality that they like, would they be glad to cast me and then give me a wig? Who knows?

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    3. Haha, always nice to peek 'Inside the Actor's Studio.' I'm curious about your preparation, as in do you do specific warm ups? How do u go about memorizing the script? Do u write a back story for ur character? etc etc

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    4. Hi Chen, I remember some years back I was in a play (I wrote a whole series on my experience http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/summary-of-my-theatre-stint-2013.html ) and there was this Dutch actress who had the most elaborate warm up routine. Like she would arrive soooo early, earlier than anyone else and do her ludicrously long warm up routine whilst me and my Danish buddy would sit around and talk crap, gossip, tell jokes and basically do zero warm up. The Dutch actress used to look at us like, "you guys are not serious actors" but I think it's a question of habit. I remember in my gymnastics days, some gymnasts had really long rituals they had to do before they felt ready to train (never mind compete) whilst others like me used to just fool around and talk crap, tell jokes ... You can see what my personality is like.

      As for memorizing the script, it's just something you have to do the hard way. You do it line by line - as a student, I used to memorize vast volumes to texts, like even for English literature, you had to quote from the book, so even just to take an exam, you had to memorize so much of the book word for word. After a while, it becomes a bit of a game. Like I memorized Gangnam Style for fun, I don't speak Korean but I wanted to know i I could memorize the lyrics and I did.

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    5. i admire performers/competitors because u can work like hell and can't guarantee a grade or a paycheck or applause at the end
      pity theres no short cut for memorizing something verbatim! Would be a useful trick for any line of work.

      that said, when it comes to most things, i believe many people, myself included have tendency to over prepare, as a way of soothing one's anxiety, and 'feeling' productive - which is ain't!
      Overprep becomes such a natural habit u dun realise its ridiculous, until u see people perform even better.. with constructive but minimal prep!

      Interesting how u can 'switch on' the performer/competitor in you.
      Perhaps this is the 'secret' to success!




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    6. Chen, mate, there's nothing admirable about the process unless you know you can get some form of pay off (certification, money, fame etc) in the end. Otherwise, you're just like the weirdo who has some kind of hobby you do in the privacy of your bedroom - when does a hobby become a career? When you get fame & money. I never bother with acting stuff unless I know it comes with fame & money because the opportunity cost for me is quite high - given that I also hold down a career in finance. However, I have blogged about this friend of mine who wants to act full time and he goes round kissing a lot of frogs: http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/magyar-tales-part-4-kiasu-vs.html

      In any case, yeah my Danish buddy and I used to drive our Dutch colleague nuts because we don't believe in 'warm up' - we used to just go on stage with zero preparation unlike her. For me, it's because I've done gymnastics for years so I know how to flick that switch in my head just like that.

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    7. hmm i never thought of it that way..
      Now u remind of 2 people i know:

      1) My ex colleague, an accomplished dragon boater, he made a switch to track and field and was attempting to break into the national team
      - frankly an impossible goal since he started so late in life. Nonetheless i thought his effort was something to applaude

      2) An acquaintance of mine secured a leading role in a Jack Neo film a few years back
      After his '15mins of fame, he turned down other lucrative projects claiming he would be
      'selling out.' So hes busy with a project here and there, but really hes paying his bills with odd jobs.
      Hes got no spare money, and crucially for him, that means no money to pay for more acting classes (which he knows he needs)

      A career = Money & Fame
      or its ultimately just a hobby..
      Good point, will keep this in mind



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