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| Like seriously, what was my mother expecting? |
My sister then said that my parents may not agree to that because they were afraid of the cold and they were under the impression that December will be a lot colder than November. Now I don't berate my parents for not understanding the science behind winter weather - so many Singaporeans and Malaysians turn to my blog for answers when it comes to preparing for winter weather. But let me get the geography lesson out of the way first: there is little difference between the end of November and the beginning of December in London in terms of the weather. The temperatures do vary from day to day - so you could get a blast of warmth from the south and it can rise to 22 degrees, then the next day the wind changes direction and it can drop to -5 degrees. Some November days can be a lot colder than December days and it all depends entirely on the wind direction, which can switch in a matter of hours. And certainly, there is no linear progression in terms of the temperature dropping steadily from November to December - the long term averages are not an indication of just what kind of weather you may encounter in that week you are here. Such is weather for you. In short, no delaying your trip by a week or two isn't going to make any difference.
So I'm like, relax, I have plenty of winter clothing to lend you should the weather be exceptionally cold. And my sister was like, yeah but you know mum 很怕冷 (very scared of the cold). I'm like, duh - I'm very scared of hunger, but wait, I've got this ingenious solution. When I am hungry, I eat food and I'm no longer hungry. Wow, problem solved! Likewise, I'm very scared of thirst, but I discovered that when I am thirsty, I drink water and I'm no longer thirsty. By that same token, guess what? When I am cold, I put on winter clothing and I'm no longer cold. No one is going to send my mother to London without the right kind of winter clothing to keep her warm - so what the fuck is she afraid of? Why is she being so fucking irrational? How do you think people who live in cities like Beijing, Moscow, Toronto and Helsinki cope with winter each year? They put on winter clothing and it protects them from the cold - duh. At times like this, I have to remind myself that my mother is not very educated and can be really quite ignorant, so okay, she knows very little about winter weather and winter clothing. OK, all that I can live with, but you know what irks me even more?
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| Yeah, as if it is going to look like that in London in winter... |
Did she think, oh actually, I do have a son who lives in Europe and has been giving thousands of people advice on winter clothing through his blog - why don't I ask him for his advice? Nope. It is like I don't fucking exist, my opinion doesn't matter to her at all - she would rather make fucking ridiculous assumptions based on her ignorance and of course, she is always wrong (don't get me started on how many times this has happened over the years, good grief) instead of just asking me for help or advice. What is it with Asian parents that it would kill them to just ask their children for help and advice? I'm not expecting her to solve her own problems by looking it up on the internet, but it would be nice if she could come to me for help the same way so many of my readers have approached me for help. But no, I think she feels that she would 'lose face' if she admitted she didn't know something and asked me for help or advice. Like, what the fuck? That's the part of her Asian mentality which I think is so totally fucked up. She would rather live in ignorance and be so totally wrong on so many issues than to talk to her own children about them. Good grief. And you wonder why I have this passive-aggressive rebellion by going out of my way to reject my parents' culture, just to irk them by pretending I don't speak Mandarin anymore. Actually, if I may confess, just between you and me, my Mandarin is perfectly fine, my relationship with my parents on the other hand, can be pretty fucked up.
As usual, my sister said don't worry about it - she will sort it out and speak to my parents about it. She is a lot more patient and tactful than I am, at least I have spent the last 19 years living away from Singapore so I don't have to put up with instances like that too often. I can only imagine how many such instances my poor sister has had to put up with, when my parents are totally wrong on an issue but are too proud to admit they are wrong or even contemplate asking for help and advice. Yikes. If they came to me for help/advice, I promise I will be extremely nice about it. It's just their refusal to even ask their own children for help/advice because of the fear of losing face that drives me totally nuts. For crying out aloud, if you can't even ask your own children for help without worrying about this fucking ridiculous Asian fucking stupid bullshit concept of losing face, then who can you ask for help? Okay, I've gotten this off my chest now. Thanks for listening.
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| I fucking love winter - it is my favourite season. |
Hey LIFT, I have read some of your posts and find them very interesting and enlightening. However I would advise against using the F word too much as it can tarnish your otherwise intelligent blogs. I believe your case is not so much generational gap but educational and cultural. I can understand your point of view especially having had an intelligent mind, good education and opportunities to travel and work overseas. Your estrangement from your country and family is disquieting but I can empathise with you given that I have lived overseas for more than 20 years myself!
ReplyDeleteHi Katz, I don't usually swear on my blog unless I am clearly very frustrated, angry etc. I think it may be a cultural thing as well because I live in a country whereby comedians can swear on the BBC and they do so regularly (and no, it is not censored). I think the swearing in this piece (esp towards the end) just showed how incredibly frustrated I was about the whole situation and I hope at least, you could sense that and that was what you took away, rather than "Oh he's so rude and vulgar, such awful language". Over the years, I have worked with people who are a lot more intelligent and brilliant than myself and what makes them so awesome is their achievements, rather than their refusal to use the F-word. Heck, my American boss swears a lot and he's one of the most intelligent people I've met.
DeleteBut I could write a lot more about this. Thanks for the empathy.
Perhaps your mom could be making a point right there..How can you live in a place so cold..not me! Don't get me wrong I do not judge you by your language sometimes I use WTF myself especially when I exploded..just that your writing was good read until the swear words came along and made it hard to read. I wish you the best in your new job and reunion with your mom. Takes more energy to be bitter and angry than to let go and find peace hey! :-)
DeleteNo lah Katz. My mum is probably a case of undiagnosed Asperger's syndrome and she shows many signs of autism (don't get me started) - she is completely incapable of empathy and has never once been able to see things from another person's point of view. It is her view of the world, the world revolves around her and I think that at times, she can just about understand that other people may have a different POV but to try to get her to see the world through another person's POV is nearly impossible. I used to think that she's merely an impossibly selfish, self-centered person, but after I found out more about Asperger's syndrome then I realized, boom - she's a classic case of Asperger's. That is why she would rather rely on her own ignorance then to actually ask her own children for help. The fact that her Asian culture makes her feel compelled to save face by refusing to admit that she is wrong is not helping with the situation.
DeleteDon't even start to defend my mother in this case - you have no idea just how impossibly difficult person to deal with. She is the kind of person who can be totally wrong yet argue till the cow comes home about being right because she is afraid of losing face. She is irrational and unreasonable - if not for the fact that we are related, I probably wouldn't even want to talk to her - that's how awful she can be as a person. We don't get to choose our family members, do we?
LOL...unfortunately no.
DeletePerhaps they think you live in Siberia.
ReplyDeleteEven if I did, so what? You can go to places in Siberia and northern Canada in December and visit, as long as you have the right kind of winter clothing.
DeleteHas she even experienced winter anywhere? She must have pre-conceived ideas which she has refused to let go.
ReplyDeleteShe has in China some years back (complete with snow etc) and she said she couldn't bear it then. I have a feeling she was making rookie mistakes - for example, many people who are inexperienced wear loads of layers but leave their heads completely exposed (no hat?!?!) and the head gets cold. Like you guys say in Canada, get a toque (we call it a beanie in the UK).
DeleteThe fact is I will take such good care of her and dress her up properly when she is here to make sure she is comfortable and I've accepted that she won't ask for help, I will just have to help her. That's fine. But what I don't get is how she would 'live in fear' of being cold here when all she has to do is ask for help - but oh no, asking for help? That's losing face. Good grief. It's not her that I am fed up with at this stage (I'm so long past that and have accepted her for her shortcomings), she is a product of her culture and it's now her culture I am fed up with.
It will be interesting to read all about her visit, should it take place. I can't wait. I shall clear my calendar to read all about your rants.
DeleteHow about she visits in the summer, my dear? Less complicated. I hope she knows you are a good son.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason why she is coming is because her beloved grandson is coming and my nephew asked her to come along and she NEVER says no to him, like ever. Given how ridiculous his academic schedule is as a Singaporean student, he can't come during the June holidays as his holidays would be spent doing a lot of stuff for school - this leaves him with the end of year holidays which, thankfully, is a lot more forgiving. Thus it was really my nephew who orchestrated all this - I have been asking my parents to visit for years and each time it has been a flat no. My nephew mentions it in passing and they say YES immediately.
DeleteThe latest issue is that airline ticket. My sister is paying and they insist on SQ - even if it means flying economy. We tried to reason with them - we can get you business class on another airline and it will be cheaper but they don't trust other countries' airlines. Like European airlines are still okay but they don't trust other Asians and I'm like whaaaat? Like when was the last time you booked an airline ticket or read a review? Exactly you know NOTHING about airlines and you're basing your decision based on ignorance. My sister is dealing with my mother right now who's pretty determined to be as difficult as possible with my sister and I (why she gets a kick out of being mean to her own children I don't know) whilst being so obliging with my nephew. Go figure.
This is more entertaining than Netflix which has nothing interesting for me at the moment. Lol.
DeleteJust let them figure it out, my dear
No point getting agitated. You can't fix her.