Sorry if I offended you by defying the odds

Hi guys. Once in a while, I get hate mail. Oh we're not talking about the stereotypical kind of hate mail where someone threatens to kill me or tells me to fuck off and die. I am talking about the people who would rather I go away, disappear and stop blogging. So I recently got a series of comments from a Singaporean called Penny - she said in her comments that I am exaggerating about my acting achievements and that the reality is probably not as glamorous as I have claimed it to be on my blog. She even goes as far as to claim, " we all kinda know isn't as great as it's made out to be!" Ironically, I've dealt with people like her before so many times so I feel the need to respond with a proper post.

That's so me.

I don't fit the mould of what you would consider an actor. Now when you guys think about East Asian actors, someone like Lee Min Ho comes to mind: he's tall, handsome, extremely good looking. I am quite the opposite, I am short, balding and never claimed to be good looking! Oh let me be the first to admit that! In fact, I had been told point-blank that I am too short, old and ugly for mainstream Chinese TV - so imagine my surprise when I actually did get my first part for mainsteam Chinese TV last year based on my fluent Mandarin.  Likewise, when I worked on the Mr Bean in China Snickers series, I was initially rejected for my looks then they changed their minds and got me for my kungfu skills instead. So yeah, you don't need to tell me that I'm not good looking enough, because the industry constantly reminds me. Yet once in a while, this ugly looking, balding older man still somehow manages to get well paid modeling work. Such is the craziness of this industry. I'm not saying what I do is easy - in fact, I often complain more than I boast on my blog when I talk about acting work. Once in a while, someone like me  who refuses to conform and manages to defy the odds despite not fitting the mould - and that drives people like Penny mad.

Now I never claimed to be a big shot actor - heck, I'm not A-list, I'm a Z-list celebrity at best but least I have somehow managed to keep getting well-paid work as an actor over the years. Every so often, I do a high profile role, I get my 15 minutes of fame, then I disappear back into obscurity and that's fine by me. Is my glass half empty or half full? But allow me to tell you a little story please. Once upon a time, I worked full times in banking doing sales for investment products. My priorities were different then. When I was younger, I aspired to enter the banking industry in London and was told that I couldn't do it because I didn't fit the mould of your typical British banker (who was usually posh, white and upper class - I'm none of those things). But when somebody tells me I can't do something, I react by deliberately trying to prove them wrong - I was determined to succeed. Instead of trying to fit into a mould I could never fit, I played to my strengths, found my niche through my ability to speak so many foreign languages and excelled in sales. 

Let me tell you about my friend Lance (not his real name) who also worked in sales in financial services. He isn't exactly what I would describe as the smartest guy in the company (he went to Brighton University, ranked 90th out of 127 UK universities) - yet he oozed charm and is very handsome indeed. He was from a rich family and was undoubtedly very posh - he dressed very well and looked the part of a banker. Most of his clients were equally posh British people who trusted him with their money because he was of a similarly privileged background. I once got into a conversation with him about a certain product he was dealing with and I was shocked at how shallow his product knowledge was - but at the same time, I was even more shocked that he managed to get away with it for so long. Most of the time, he simply wined and dined his rich clients, talked about all the wonderful things rich people like him did with their money. I can just imagine him saying, "Tuscany is simply gorgeous at this time of the year, my sister went sailing there last week and had a lovely time - my brother-in-law has just bought a villa near Livorno." And his client replying, "oh Lance, please don't bore me with the details, it is all just numbers; daddy trusted you and of course I trust you."

Lance makes a pretty good living by simply being posh and yes of course I am jealous, I could never do what he does. So I had to reinvent myself as a Asian-geek who speaks ten languages and I won my clients' trust by being the guy who speaks their language - that usually least gives me a chance to get my foot in the door when I speak their language and I then have the opportunity to start to earn their trust. Lance is monolingual as well and doesn't even have to try half as hard as I do to make the sales - but regardless, my knack for sales was spotted by an American hedge fund manager who had a far more global vision in terms of sales (rather than focusing on the rich elite in the UK - who were Lance's core target market) and I ended up working or him for many years. Now am I going to tell you that what I did was easy, glamorous or fun? No, it's not as great as you think - working in sales was very stressful and difficult. You can spend so much time and effort on a client only for them to turn around and say, "nah sorry Alex, I've changed my mind, maybe another time." I would never advice anyone to go into sales, knowing just how bloody difficult a role it is. It is an easy and well paid job for my friend Lance, but it was a ridiculously hard one for me - Lance didn't defy the odds the way I had to in order to succeed. Life doesn't always present you with a level playing field. 

I was nothing like my friend Lance, I didn't fit the mould.

That's always been a feature of my character - if you tell me I can't do something, it makes me all the more determined to want to do it to prove you wrong. I remember when I was 15 and wanted to train a Tsukhara vault. I have to remind you that this was 1991 (it was considered difficult back then but standards of gymnastics in Singapore have improved a lot since) and back then, it was considered too difficult for me. I remember my coach advising me against it as he didn't want to see me injured. Most people would have just heeded the coach's advice to train an easier vault, but being me, that was all the motivation I needed to train the Tsukhara. Sure enough, by 1992, I was competing the Tsukhara vault against all expectations (I was the first person ever from RI to have competed that vault in 1992) and then others followed suit. They realized, oh if he can do a Tsukhara vault, then maybe I can do it too, it can't be that impossible. Sometimes in life, it takes a very stubborn person like me to break the rules, defy the teachers/coaches and be the first to do something before others will follow suit. Here's my Tsukhara vault for you:

Likewise, when I decided to become an actor - it was done on a whim really. I knew that I would be once again defying the odds by trying to make a living in a particularly unforgiving industry - even people who have the odds in their favour can find it hard to succeed as an actor. Gosh, I had initially given myself a deadline of two years to prove that I am not wasting my time - if I didn't manage to get some decent results within the first two years, then I would have gladly said, "okay I tried, let's move onto something else. At least you can say you gave it your best shot." But that two years deadline came and went ten years ago and I've been acting for a good 12 years now and thanks to a really good agent, I've managed to stay in this industry, doing something I really enjoy and I feel extremely lucky especially since I know that every time I get an acting job, I have defied the odds which are undoubtedly stacked against me.

Indeed there are people like my friend Lance who have succeeded by playing to their strengths and then there are people like me who go against the grain and for some crazy reason, decide to try our luck by doing something outside our comfort zone where the odds are stacked against us. I do feel that each time I challenge myself like this - I grow more as a person, I learn so much and I mature a lot, I become a better person. How much could I possibly learn if I never took myself out of my comfort zone, if I never ever challenged myself to do anything difficult? I think I am lucky in being able to try new things in life like that - my father never had that luxury. He had three children to bring up so he stuck to the same one job he did all his life until he retired, working very hard to earn enough money for his family. Sure he made plenty of sacrifices for his family, most of all, depriving himself the opportunity to try new experiences in life. Now the practicality of having to pay the bills and other financial commitments means that most adults will end up doing what my father did - they'll get a career and stop trying anything new by the time they are in mid-20s. My father really couldn't afford to take risks once he started a family. By that token, what I am doing is highly unusual indeed.

Well I never claimed to be some kinda superstar actor who's as famous or successful as say Matt Damon, Lee Min Ho or Brad Pitt. I'm simply someone who's incredibly lucky enough to do something I enjoy and I find rather fun for a living, whilst being paid quite a lot of money for it. Now I compare that to my friend Josh (not his real name) who is married with two kids - Josh hates his job and wishes he could quit. But with a mortgage and a family to support, he has no option but to grin and bear it, no matter how miserable he feels at work. I feel sorry for him but what can he do, really? I think there's something to be celebrated about actually enjoying what you do for a living. Now I have kept in touch with many of my former classmates and friends from VJC - some have gone on to achieve great things and others have opted for a more low profile adult life. I have a former classmate who has gone on to become a teacher - this surprises me somewhat as he was an outstanding student and I thought he would have been a lot more ambitious than settling for teaching. But the bottom line is, he is very happy doing what he is doing: his finds great joy in teaching and who are we to judge him for his choice of career? Yeah there's a part of me that thinks that he is a great talent who's wasted in teaching but I have seen too many people like my friend Josh who are so unhappy in their adult lives. I say, if you enjoy what you do for a living, then let's just celebrate that - happiness is so underrated!

I do wonder why people are so incredibly judgmental about the careers of others - I have no idea what this Penny person does for a living, but she thinks she is in a position to pass judgement on what I do. I wonder if she has ever tried to find a job in another country? Or if she has ever tried to get work as an actor? Or if she has even tried to make a sale in her life before? Or if she has even had a gymnastics lesson in her life before? I get the feeling that she has never ever tried to do even half the things that I have achieved in my lifetime. I'm guessing that she's probably quite young as well. You see, I can tell you from experience that the most successful people I have met in the fields on gymnastics, acting and sales are those who are also the most humble. They would be the last people to pass judgement on others. Often, it is those who have no idea what the hell they are talking about who are the ones who are the quickest to rush to judgement - they are also often the ones who usually jump to the wrong conclusions too.

Don't rush to judgement, take a moment to think.

I remember a few months ago when I was training in my gym and in walked Commonwealth Games gold medalist Steve Frew. He said hello and watched my training - I thought, oh my goodness me, he's going to think that I am terrible because he's just so much better than me. Instead, he couldn't have been more encouraging and helpful when it came to coaching me. He set me new targets and said that when he saw me in the gym next, he wants me to achieve those new goals. And I was like, wow. This guy is such a great gymnast, a Commonwealth Games gold medalist - yet instead of putting me down for not being as good as him, he was so incredibly nice to me. It is probably because he completely understands how hard gymnastics is. That's why USA Today journalist Nancy Armour offended so many in the gymnastics community when she passed judgment on the 'mediocre' US men's gymnastics teach who only finished 5th at the 2016 Rio Olympics - enough for veteran gymnastics journalist Amanda Turner to write a scathing piece in response to Armour's article.  Many felt that Armour had crossed the line in trying to pass judgement on a sport she didn't know enough about and as a journalist, she could have consulted the opinions of experts rather than express her own opinion in that piece. So by that token, what does this Penny know about the world of actors in the UK, I ask you? Sure she watches TV and movies, but does she really know anything about this industry? 

The problem with Singaporean culture is that it stresses conformity in a way that drives people like me mad. Follow the rules, do as you're told and you will be rewarded by the system - that's the Singaporean mentality. Those who have the nerve to dare to think outside the box and follow a different route can at best hope for silent disapproval from the others, but outright hostility is what they usually get. In East Asia, this is especially the case in showbiz. Just look at all the K-pop singers with their perfect figures, perfect skin and supermodel good looks - that's why I thought Psy was epic when he managed to go global with Gangnam Style. He's overweight, much older and hardly fits the mould of your perfect K-pop star, yet he is phenomenally successful. Mind you, I'd like to see a female version of Psy become just as successful in South Korea. There are those who succeed by conforming and there are those like Psy who succeed despite not forming to the norm set by society. Well, I identify with the latter, not the former. Indeed, I find that those who succeed against the odds have far more interesting stories to tell than those who succeed by conforming.

Allow me to talk about one of my favourite gymnasts at the Rio Olympics - Dipa Karmakar of India. She has managed to make a final in the women's vault event and even though her chances of a medal are rather low, she is still one of my favourites because she has defied the odds to make it this far in the sport. She is the first Indian gymnast who has qualified for the Olympics and for her to have made the finals has made me so overjoyed. You'll think that Indians should be proud of her - but she struggles to get support and even funding back home in India. You see, in Indian culture, people look at her and think that she is wasting her time with sports. How many Indian gymnasts are there at previous Olympics? None. Many Indians actually think that she should either studying hard to get a degree so she can get a good job, or considering settling down and getting married, now that she has turned 23. You'll think that Indians would be proud of her achievements in sports, how she has inspired so many young Indian gymnasts to aspire to the Olympics - but oh no, Dipa is guilty of breaking the mould of the perfect Indian girl who studies hard and then prepares herself for marriage. The odds were stacked against her yet she persisted and did well. If Dipa conformed, she wouldn't be where she is today, at the 2016 Rio Olympics. And that my friends, is enough reason for some haters in India to attack her on social media - go figure. Personally, I think Dipa Karmakar is awesome and truly inspirational.

If I had conformed, then I would probably have been working some boring job in Ang Mo Kio where I grew up. Mind you, that's exactly where my sister is working today - she and I are quite different in character, she is far more of a conformist than me. Yeah, when I visit Singapore and return to Ang Mo Kio and visit my parents, I do feel very much at home there and sometimes I imagine what life would have been liked if I had stayed in Ang Mo Kio and not ventured halfway across the world to pursue my dreams. I would have blended in, been quite low-key and my low profile would not have offended people like Penny (whom I suspect, has probably conformed that way and leads a pretty low profile life in somewhere like Ang Mo Kio too). You know, her mentality reminds me of the behaviour of my classmates in primary school - I remember this girl who took great joy in running to the teacher to report anyone who didn't follow the school rules. She wasn't even a prefect, but her reasoning was basically, "if I follow the rules, then so must everyone else and if they don't, I will report them to the teacher as it is not fair". Mind you, she would have made a good prefect, but back in my primary school, only the students with good results were made prefects.

Or perhaps it is something a lot more basic than that. Maybe Penny likes her stars to be glamorous and handsome like Lee Min Ho or Tom Hiddleston. A short, balding 40 year old 'uncle' like me from Ang Mo Kio couldn't be further from her image of a successful, famous actor. But then again, acting isn't a popularity contest, nor is it a beauty contest. Actually, it is a lot more basic than that. It is about getting paid work - as much of it as possible, trying to earn a good living from it. And by that token, the king makers in the industry are the very small number of casting directors who decide who gets the big parts - the fans and viewers like Penny actually have no influence at all over that process. Perhaps that's the part that frustrates Penny the most - her opinion doesn't count for anything. She can send me as much hate mail as she wants, but she may be better off sending letters of complaint to the casting directors who keep giving me good parts. "Dear Sir, I am writing to complain to you that you have cast that ugly, fatty Alex Liang in this TV programme. I can't stand him, he is bald, old, fat and ugly - why didn't you cast a younger, fitter and more good looking actor for that part?  I shall boycott your films and TV programmes if you continue to cast old, fat and ugly actors like him in your shows." There you go, I've even given you the draft for your letter of complaint. Make sure you send it to the casting director rather than the director, okay?  Ironically, Penny seems to have a problem with my appearance when I am pretty happy with my body at the moment. Hmmmm. What does this tell you about her, then?

Yes I'm 40 and bald - but I'm also having fun and making loads of money.

And finally, you may ask why I feel the need to share my story here. Isn't it enough for me to simply have a good life - earn loads of money as an actor and have loads of fun traveling the world? Why do I need to write about my experiences on a blog like this then? Well, there are plenty of people who have dreams but they worry about pursuing those dreams because they do not quite fit the mould of others who have succeeded in this field. In demonstrating that I can be an oddball who can do all these things out of my comfort zone, halfway around the world from where I was born and brought up, I wish to send a simple message that yes you can pursue your dreams as long as you believe in yourself. Don't let others discourage you or tell you that you can't follow your heart and pursue your dreams because you don't conform to society's narrowly defined norms and expectations. If you truly wanna do something, then just fucking do it already - you won't know if you will fail unless you actually give it a go and try. Don't be afraid of failing, never be afraid of failing - only be afraid of not being given the opportunity to try and sometimes, you have got to throw caution to the wind and give yourself the permission to try even when the odds are so stacked against you.

I stand by my message. Don't give a fuck about what negative people think. Don't worry about conforming, don't worry if you choose to take a different path from your peers, don't worry if your choices in life do not conform to what is otherwise expected of you by your parents or society, don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. The only thing you have to worry about it lying on your death bed with a heavy heart, full of regret, that somehow you had allow other negative people (like Penny) to have discouraged you from doing the things in life that you really wanted to do. There are so many negative, pessimistic people (like Penny) out there, you may see my blog as rather arrogant or boastful in nature - well, I'll like to think that I am sending out a very positive message of encouragement to those who do not fit the mould and wonder if they can succeed in the pursuit of their dreams. Thankfully, I've met more positive, encouraging people in my life than negative, pessimistic ones - I've been incredibly blessed and lucky by that token and I only hope to pass on the good karma by being just as helpful, encouraging and optimistic through my blog. Sometimes in life, we have to defy the odds if we wanna make our dreams come true and my message is simple: don't ever be afraid of defying the odds. Be bold and live your dreams. As they say in Hungarian: hajrá! Or as they say in Korean: 화이팅! If this fat, old uncle from Ang Mo Kio has the balls to defy the odds, then all of you can do the same. 

I am trying to be positive and encouraging in a see of pessimism.

So that's it from me on this issue. I know I have been accused on so many occasions of being boastful and arrogant - but how am I supposed to share my story if I leave out the details of my accomplishments? How do I share a story about how I had defied the odds without somehow divulging what I have achieved against all odds (and thus fall into the trap of 'boasting)? Or is this simply a question of Penny having a problem with me not conforming to her idea of what an actor should be? How can I be encouraging without falling into the trap of being arrogant? A special thanks to my regular readers who have also responded to this Penny. Let me know what you think, many thanks for reading.