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| Was 3Kia trying to be popular or was he merely kiasu? |
Now I can't figure out 3Kia, he is an extremely polite guy, very pleasant to work with but there were a few things that made me wonder if we have really become friends or if he is simply afraid of offending me. Let me give you an example, I have told you guys about an incident when I tried to teach a fellow dancer some Hungarian words on the minibus. 3Kia was actually sitting within earshot of the whole incident and later on, he took me aside and warned me that my tone was a bit condescending and intimidating. "I know you were trying to be helpful, but you know, you don't want to upset anyone when you are on jobs like that. You did sound impatient when he mispronounced those Hungarian words. Who knows, you may have to work with that guy again in the future. Or perhaps one day, he may know of a job that you may be perfect for and you want him to like you enough to want to recommend you for that job. Haven't you recommended your friends who roles that you can't do personally, but they can?" That is actually quite true, I did recently recommend a good friend Sally for a role which I couldn't do (they were casting for a female gymnast) - but I was happy to recommend Sally without expecting anything in return as she is a dear friend.
But then again, I told 3Kia, "I get the vast majority of my work through my agent, I've got a very good agent and tend not to get my work through word of mouth like that. Though once in a while, yes I've heard of casting via friends like that but those instances are rather rare. I don't pretend for a moment that I am going to become good friends or even friends with everyone I have ever worked with. I think you're spending a lot of time and energy trying to please some people whom you may never ever see again after you leave Hungary. Don't get me wrong, there are some incredibly nice people amongst the dancers here in Hungary whom I'd love to get to know better, but that's like what, a small handful out of 22 of us here? You could waste a lot of time and energy trying so hard to be everyone's best friend - by all means, be nice to everyone if that's the kinda wonderful person you are, I just don't think you're going to get much in return from some of these dancers here. I'm sorry if that makes me sound horrible but I'm just being honest here."
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| I had a lovely time sightseeing in Budapest. |
I don't doubt the sincerity of 3Kia - he was extremely nice to me throughout the entire trip to Hungary, the same way he was extremely nice to everyone we worked with. Now you could say, "oh that's because he must be one of those lovely people who's nice to everyone, right? You are lucky to have made a friend as nice as 3Kia." But I could sense that for 3Kia, it was just a form of investment. He's willing to be nice to 22 people and even if one person turns around and helps him in the future, that's a good enough return on his investment. It's like buying 22 lottery tickets and even if you win some money with just one of those lottery tickets, then you have recouped your original investment. That's probably why 3Kia thought I was foolish in not buying 22 lottery tickets the way he has on this trip - he saw this trip as an opportunity to network with other professionals in the industry who are doing pretty well, in the hope that this kind of networking would lead to more work in the future. But as for me, I tend to make friends with people whom I genuinely like - rather than those whom I believe will be able to help advance my career: therein lies the difference. And if I thought that the odds of this "22 lottery tickets" were good, I might have done what he did - but clearly, I thought the odds were very low. Yes, I did do a quick cost-benefit analysis in my head before reaching that conclusion!
There's probably nothing wrong with 3Kia's approach; my approach was slightly different I spent a lot of time with the local Hungarian crew whom we had worked with, speaking to them in Hungarian rather than English. And after I returned to London, I emailed them, telling them that if they ever needed a Chinese-looking actor who speaks some Hungarian, then you know where to find me! I've made a pretty good living being the Chinese actor who speaks various European languages and that has led to work in so many European countries over the years - I was keen to add Hungarian to the list of languages I can work in and return to Hungary not as a dancer, but as an actor. So unlike 3Kia who was keen to be everyone's best friend, I was quite focused on exactly whom I wanted to network with and impress whilst in Hungary with my languages. I did achieve exactly what I had set out to do and I'm happy about that.
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| I made an impression with the right people in Hungary. |
3Kia messaged me on Facebook a few days ago - he was trying to get the address of the casting director of the project. He wanted to send her a thank you card for having chosen him for the project. I was like, actually that decision making process is probably quite a bit more complex than that - yes she probably had some influence in the process, but the client paying for the ad probably had final say in whom they wanted to use for the ad and they have their own creative agency as well, so it was probably a group decision and I estimate that there are at least four or five decision makers. Was he seriously going to thank every single one of them? This is why I thought he had a bit of a kiasu, kiasi, kia-shadow attitude: when I do a job (not just in showbiz, but in any of the industries I have worked in before), I have this chutzpah - "you are so lucky Limpeh is working for you because I am the very best in the business. 내가 제일 잘 나가!" Rather than, "thank you so much for giving me a chance, I am so very grateful, I promise I will work very hard and I will never let you down." Well, such was the difference between 3Kia and me - I thought we both got chosen, amongst the many people who auditioned for the ad because we were the right people for the part. I just hinted that he ought to thank his agent as well - which of course, he has done so already.
Let me illustrate another point about 3Kia's kiasu behaviour: when I met 3Kia at the airport in London, I told him my bag was very light as I intended to go shopping and fill my bags with Hungarian goodies. He then told me that he had packed enough clothes - even sweaters. And I was like, dude, the weather forecast predicts highs of at least 30-something everyday and lows of around 23 or 24 degrees every night. This is like the weather in Singapore I swear. Why are you packing for cold weather? And he was like, oh you never know, there's no harm in bringing extra just in case the weather changes or if there's like really cold air-conditioning somewhere. When we got to Budapest, we arrived in the early afternoon and didn't have rehearsals till the next morning. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful day: it was very hot and all of us were excited about being there. Some guys wanted to go out shopping, some wanted to go to a spa, some wanted to go for a meal - none of us wanted to stay in the hotel, except 3Kia. He said he wanted to stay in the hotel to make sure he is well rested for the rehearsals the next day and was going to order some room service. I was like, have a nap by all means but surely you wanna come out for dinner? Nope, he wouldn't change his mind: it wasn't like he wasn't interested in being a tourist (like me!) but rather, he reminded me of the good student who refused to go out with his friends the day before the important exams and chose to stay in and revise. Kiasu?
Now, I've been acting for a long time and I am very professional about my work, I turn up on time - even early, always ready. I would make sure I would always learn my lines and choreography and have a good attitude when it comes to my work. But there are some actors like 3Kia who take it to an extreme (and I've seen plenty of others like him in the industry) - 3Kia would spend ages warming up. I'm talking about actors who spend ages doing all kinds of vocal and physical exercises to get the "into the right frame of mind"for performing. Now as a gymnast, I know how important it is to warm up and stretch before doing any kind of exercise - but actors take these warm ups to a ridiculous extreme to the point when I can only describe it as fucking pretentious bullshit, a product of those stupid drama schools (how else are they gonna justify charging you that much in school fees?) But I get the feeling actors who have been to that kind of drama school feel the need to go through such rituals in order to feel good about themselves. I'm like, you've already got through the audition, you're already being paid to be here, why do you need to psyche yourself up to perform today? As a gymnast who has competed all over the world when I was younger, I've witnessed just how relaxed some of the best gymnasts in the world are when they are at major competitions. Their ability to perform well comes from their training and hard work - they don't need to go through long 'rituals' to get them in the mood to perform. That's why when I see 3Kia go through his very elaborate warm up 'ritual' routine, I roll my eyes: either he has been convinced that he can't perform without doing all that crap, or he is actually quite pretentious.
We were quite lucky, our shoot schedule was actually changed because heavy rain was forecast for the last day of the shoot. So everything was brought forward by one day and we had an extra day off. So our wrap party was brought forward by one day - we had a lovely dinner in a Hungarian restaurant on the Danube. Then as it approached midnight, the restaurant closed and some of us headed back to the hotel and the rest (including 3Kia) went on to a club to continue partying. Now I was already exhausted by the shoot and decided to call it a night mostly because I wanted to be up at a decent hour the next morning, in order to go sightseeing and shopping. I found out that 3Kia was at the club till the very end (at about 5 am) when the last person left - I was just a little surprised because I knew he was already exhausted from the shoot as well, I didn't think he had the energy to dance till 5 in the morning. But sure enough, he told me he was not drinking or partying, but networking all night every anyone and everyone from the cast and the crew. As a result, he slept till dinner time on our day off and didn't get to see Budapest at all whilst I was out all day (in the rain) and had a great time exploring Budapest. Perhaps he wasn't interested in being a tourist, perhaps he thought 'networking' was far more important. Well, I decided not to say anything to him, it was none of my business.
Am I being too critical of 3Kia? Perhaps. But here's something I found out about him - whilst making small talk with him, I asked him what he had been busy with this year and goodness me, he has been doing a lot of acting. Then I realized that a lot of these were unpaid, amateur, mostly student projects which will at best be put up on Youtube. I did wonder why he was bothering with all these amateur projects - his justification is that he knows he is going around kissing frogs and if at least one in a hundred turns into a prince, that would be worth it. "Perhaps one of these amateur film makers will one day become a big shot Hollywood director and when s/he is directing a big budget Hollywood blockbuster, s/he will remember me from the work I've done for free." I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders - I didn't want to contradict him, what was the point? Even big shot Hollywood directors are under a lot of pressure to cast big names in their films to ensure that audiences will flock to the cinema to see their favourite actors in their next film - they are hardly in a position to repay the actors like 3Kia who worked for free for them a long time ago. Besides, the whole casting process is probably outsourced to a casting specialist - so the director doesn't even really get that involved in the casting decisions. Surely 3Kia can't be that ignorant about how the industry works? But then again, I didn't take it upon myself to 'educate' him about how things really work. It's just easier to say nothing.
So there you go, that's 3Kia for you. Perhaps you may have met someone like him before? He has been extremely nice to me throughout this trip and it was a pleasure working with him - the only thing is that I don't quite know where I stand with him: at least with people like Nigel (as discussed in Magyar tales part 3) he doesn't like me and I know where I stand with him. Now I don't know if 3Kia really likes me as a friend or if he is merely nice to me because I am potentially a useful work contact and that he is merely "networking"? Since he is so very nice to everyone at work, how do I know how he actually feels about me? Have you actually worked with people like that? Quite frankly, I think he is way too kiasu when it comes to his approach to work and I wonder how many people would actually turn around one day and help him in return? How many people are actually in a position to help him advance his career? Am I actually in any kind of position to help him? It seems unlikely to say the least - but if I do hear of a role that would suit him, then yeah I suppose I would be happy to recommend him now that he has made an impression on me. But the fact is I am at best competition for him, at worst I am not even relevant. After all, I am simply not a decision maker in showbiz.
That's it from me on this issue. I hope you have found my stories from Hungary interesting. Thanks for reading!
Let me illustrate another point about 3Kia's kiasu behaviour: when I met 3Kia at the airport in London, I told him my bag was very light as I intended to go shopping and fill my bags with Hungarian goodies. He then told me that he had packed enough clothes - even sweaters. And I was like, dude, the weather forecast predicts highs of at least 30-something everyday and lows of around 23 or 24 degrees every night. This is like the weather in Singapore I swear. Why are you packing for cold weather? And he was like, oh you never know, there's no harm in bringing extra just in case the weather changes or if there's like really cold air-conditioning somewhere. When we got to Budapest, we arrived in the early afternoon and didn't have rehearsals till the next morning. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful day: it was very hot and all of us were excited about being there. Some guys wanted to go out shopping, some wanted to go to a spa, some wanted to go for a meal - none of us wanted to stay in the hotel, except 3Kia. He said he wanted to stay in the hotel to make sure he is well rested for the rehearsals the next day and was going to order some room service. I was like, have a nap by all means but surely you wanna come out for dinner? Nope, he wouldn't change his mind: it wasn't like he wasn't interested in being a tourist (like me!) but rather, he reminded me of the good student who refused to go out with his friends the day before the important exams and chose to stay in and revise. Kiasu?
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| I went out sightseeing - 3Kia stayed in his hotel room. |
Now, I've been acting for a long time and I am very professional about my work, I turn up on time - even early, always ready. I would make sure I would always learn my lines and choreography and have a good attitude when it comes to my work. But there are some actors like 3Kia who take it to an extreme (and I've seen plenty of others like him in the industry) - 3Kia would spend ages warming up. I'm talking about actors who spend ages doing all kinds of vocal and physical exercises to get the "into the right frame of mind"for performing. Now as a gymnast, I know how important it is to warm up and stretch before doing any kind of exercise - but actors take these warm ups to a ridiculous extreme to the point when I can only describe it as fucking pretentious bullshit, a product of those stupid drama schools (how else are they gonna justify charging you that much in school fees?) But I get the feeling actors who have been to that kind of drama school feel the need to go through such rituals in order to feel good about themselves. I'm like, you've already got through the audition, you're already being paid to be here, why do you need to psyche yourself up to perform today? As a gymnast who has competed all over the world when I was younger, I've witnessed just how relaxed some of the best gymnasts in the world are when they are at major competitions. Their ability to perform well comes from their training and hard work - they don't need to go through long 'rituals' to get them in the mood to perform. That's why when I see 3Kia go through his very elaborate warm up 'ritual' routine, I roll my eyes: either he has been convinced that he can't perform without doing all that crap, or he is actually quite pretentious.
We were quite lucky, our shoot schedule was actually changed because heavy rain was forecast for the last day of the shoot. So everything was brought forward by one day and we had an extra day off. So our wrap party was brought forward by one day - we had a lovely dinner in a Hungarian restaurant on the Danube. Then as it approached midnight, the restaurant closed and some of us headed back to the hotel and the rest (including 3Kia) went on to a club to continue partying. Now I was already exhausted by the shoot and decided to call it a night mostly because I wanted to be up at a decent hour the next morning, in order to go sightseeing and shopping. I found out that 3Kia was at the club till the very end (at about 5 am) when the last person left - I was just a little surprised because I knew he was already exhausted from the shoot as well, I didn't think he had the energy to dance till 5 in the morning. But sure enough, he told me he was not drinking or partying, but networking all night every anyone and everyone from the cast and the crew. As a result, he slept till dinner time on our day off and didn't get to see Budapest at all whilst I was out all day (in the rain) and had a great time exploring Budapest. Perhaps he wasn't interested in being a tourist, perhaps he thought 'networking' was far more important. Well, I decided not to say anything to him, it was none of my business.
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| The sights of Budapest blew my mind. 3Kia wasn't interested. |
Am I being too critical of 3Kia? Perhaps. But here's something I found out about him - whilst making small talk with him, I asked him what he had been busy with this year and goodness me, he has been doing a lot of acting. Then I realized that a lot of these were unpaid, amateur, mostly student projects which will at best be put up on Youtube. I did wonder why he was bothering with all these amateur projects - his justification is that he knows he is going around kissing frogs and if at least one in a hundred turns into a prince, that would be worth it. "Perhaps one of these amateur film makers will one day become a big shot Hollywood director and when s/he is directing a big budget Hollywood blockbuster, s/he will remember me from the work I've done for free." I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders - I didn't want to contradict him, what was the point? Even big shot Hollywood directors are under a lot of pressure to cast big names in their films to ensure that audiences will flock to the cinema to see their favourite actors in their next film - they are hardly in a position to repay the actors like 3Kia who worked for free for them a long time ago. Besides, the whole casting process is probably outsourced to a casting specialist - so the director doesn't even really get that involved in the casting decisions. Surely 3Kia can't be that ignorant about how the industry works? But then again, I didn't take it upon myself to 'educate' him about how things really work. It's just easier to say nothing.
So there you go, that's 3Kia for you. Perhaps you may have met someone like him before? He has been extremely nice to me throughout this trip and it was a pleasure working with him - the only thing is that I don't quite know where I stand with him: at least with people like Nigel (as discussed in Magyar tales part 3) he doesn't like me and I know where I stand with him. Now I don't know if 3Kia really likes me as a friend or if he is merely nice to me because I am potentially a useful work contact and that he is merely "networking"? Since he is so very nice to everyone at work, how do I know how he actually feels about me? Have you actually worked with people like that? Quite frankly, I think he is way too kiasu when it comes to his approach to work and I wonder how many people would actually turn around one day and help him in return? How many people are actually in a position to help him advance his career? Am I actually in any kind of position to help him? It seems unlikely to say the least - but if I do hear of a role that would suit him, then yeah I suppose I would be happy to recommend him now that he has made an impression on me. But the fact is I am at best competition for him, at worst I am not even relevant. After all, I am simply not a decision maker in showbiz.
That's it from me on this issue. I hope you have found my stories from Hungary interesting. Thanks for reading!
I had an ex-ex-colleague like that once. None of us liked him. We gave him the nickname thau mo di di (hokkien for head hair straight straight). He was always very nice to everyone but too straight-laced none of us could stand him.
ReplyDeleteWell here's the difference. You didn't like this guy - maybe he has yet to give you any good reason to like Modidi - but as in the case of 3Kia, I still don't know whether he really likes me or if he is just being nice to me in the name of 'networking'. I don't like the ambiguity of the situation. I like to know where I stand with people.
DeletePersonally, I would keep him at arm's length until he shows whether he values your company or is a user.
DeleteHmmm but I must say, he's not done anything 'bad' to me yet. In fact, he's been extremely nice to me thus far - it's just that I am unable to figure out whether he is sincere or not.
DeleteI'd say that you are an astute reader of people. The fact is, if you haven't been able to figure out whether he is sincere is probably your gut telling you that something is wrong.
DeleteHi Herman, I don't think I'm thaaat astute when it comes to reading people. I have made several costly errors of judgement in the past (but haven't we all) and I actually don't have that much faith in my judgement. See lah, it's not like we've become best friends and are seeing each other all the time. We're just friends on Facebook and we say hi once in a while - that's kinda it for now.
Delete3kia seems to have low self-confidence. Such an individual are always trying to please people and are cautious about screwing up. Chances are, he is not your friend once you are not important to him anymore because he could possibly be using you to boost his self-esteem.
ReplyDeleteAnd speaking of how the best sportsmen are always relaxed at major competitions, it reminds of Usain Bolt. He was lazing around in his room, watching television and eating chicken nuggets on the day of his world record sprint during Beijing 2008 Olympics.
Well, whilst what you said is probably 100% spot on, 3Kia hasn't actually done anything wrong to give me any reason to dislike him ... But you're right about his low self-confidence/self-esteem. I've seen people like him before.
Delete