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Our friend is dreaming about life in New York. |
I am in a relatively tricky situation. I am currently studying in a polytechnic as an engineering student and I am less than a year away from applying for a university. Considering that my GPA is >3.85 and is more or less stabilized, there is a very high chance that I will be able to enter a lot of the courses that both NUS and NTU offer. I have a huge problem - I am gay and I’d want to move to America to have a chance of getting married and having children. I have two options:
1. Get into one of the above-mentioned universities and leave Singapore once I get the chance to, or
2. Get a scholarship to move to America to study and come back to serve a bond. (I am very aware that scholarships require extra curricular activities, I am working on my curricular points to increase my chances)
The problem with the second option is that my parents are very against the idea of me leaving the country for any reason and are hence not funding for an overseas education. I am also not out to them. I’ve already considered pursuing my degree overseas even before my polytechnic began. Also, the idea of coming back to serve the bond is another stressful thought even though I want to have a feel of the country before I make the big move. I have a few pros and cons of each option:
Local university education
Pros
- No bond to serve
- I may be able to migrate out of Singapore much quicker than the second option
Cons
- I may not be able to have a good feel of where I’d like to migrate to before I move
- I might be pressured to marry by my relatives if I don’t move out fast enough (or my parents if they cause an uproar over my sexuality)
Overseas university education
Pros
- More familiarity with the country before I move (Including friends and connections that I make over there)
- I’ll gain more independence living alone
- I’ll open my eyes to more things at a younger age
Cons
- Possible restrictions imposed by my parents
- I may have to serve a very long bond (which delays my move by a long stretch)
I do have to serve National Service but I’d like to plan beyond these 2 years so that I can still prepare within the 2 years of serving and so that I wouldn’t screw my life over after my time in the army. I really want to move to America despite the discouraging comments from my parents about how introverted I am and how moving to America is really bad for me. The last thing on my mind is to get stuck here without being able to raise children of my own and never getting married.
I’d like to have some advice from somebody who has the experience in working overseas and I would also like to know if a degree from a Singapore or a degree from America is better for a job in America and what I should do to increase my chances of securing a job there (let’s say New York City for instance, with job experience not taken into consideration). It’s been quite a while (1 year-ish) before I was able muster up enough courage to seek help by writing this. I hope that I don’t sound dumb for writing this to you as I’ve always gotten the ”stay in Singapore” advice that many locals I’ve talked to have given me. Thank you in advance for reading this.
Ooh that was a rather long letter, allow me to break it down into several points for you to consider.
1. Scholarships are a lot harder to get than you think (don't hold your breath)
Firstly, you talk about getting a scholarship as if it is a viable option. By all means, I am sure your grades are very good and you can by all means try to apply for a number of scholarships - but what makes you think that you can actually get one? How do you realistically rate your chances? Even if your grades are good, scholarships are not given out simply to those with the best grades. Rather, companies and organisations that offer these scholarships are looking for someone special they can invest in - someone who will become truly outstanding and give them a good return on their investment. I got my three scholarships because I proved that I could get straight As whilst being a national champion gymnast - whilst my classmates were busy studying for their exams, I was traveling to competitions all over the world and I still outscored my classmates in the exams. They are looking for an exceptional individual, not just someone with good grades. If you could tell me in one sentence what makes you exceptional, what will it be?
I laughed my ass off when you wrote "I am very aware that scholarships require extra curricular activities, I am working on my curricular points to increase my chances". I'm sorry to have to break this to you Bram, but if you've not already done anything that's truly amazing enough to make the scholarship board sit up and take notice, then it's too late to try to do anything now that's even going to make them bat half an eyelid. Look, all of the people who apply for scholarships are going to have straight As and extremely impressive CVs beyond their good grades and if you've not represented your country in some capacity, then it is laughable that anything you can do now in your poly in terms of ECAs can make up for the boring mediocrity. At best, you're a merely a student with good grades - but you're not scholarship material; not by a long way. I doubt you actually understand how this ECA thing works, so please let me explain it to you like this.
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With my friend Lim Heem Wei who represented Singapore in the 2012 Olympics |
Let's say you did some sports whilst at school. If you merely participated in the sport as an ECA, then that doesn't count for anything because practically everyone does some kind of exercise or sports, that's nothing special. If you represented your school in the sport, then still that doesn't count for anything because you're only competing against other students locally. If you won something for your school, again, it would hardly impress anyone because all you have done is defeated other students locally but that's at least better than nothing. If you represented your country and competed internationally, then that is when it starts counting for something - but it would be even better if you won at least a bronze medal at an international competition. What about awards then? Anything given out by your school is meaningless, but say something given out at least on a national level by the Sport Singapore (or the equivalent national governing body for the sport), then okay that has some clout. Of course, it would be better if the awarding body was an international governing body for that sport. Hence within this context, you're truly wasting your time because anything you do within your poly is only at such a low level that nobody would be impressed at all - not by a long way. You need to be engaging in something at least on a national level if you want to be even invited for a scholarship interview - so tell me Bram, what have you got that is going to impress the world?
Look, I know I am being harsh but from what you've described, you've clearly underestimated just how very difficult it is to get a scholarship - people who have had their eyes set on a scholarship prepare years in advance to make sure they tick all the right boxes when it comes to getting through the selection process. You're only thinking about this now and you think that by somehow doing more ECAs now you can go against people who have prepared years in advance? How do I put this to you without sounding like an evil bitch - I really don't think you have any chance of landing a scholarship, certainly not a prestigious one to go study at a top university in America. It's a reality check Bram - but having good grades is simply not enough to get a scholarship. It will grant you admission into a course of your choice at a good university of course - but getting a scholarship? That's on another level altogether. If you want to study abroad, you need to find another way and if your parents won't finance you, then I'm very sorry, you can't go.
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Do you even know what it takes to become a scholar? |
2. Get a degree which will facilitate your migration, not one that is useless.
If your aim is ultimately to leave Singapore, then you need to think very carefully about what field you want to go into, what kind of career you wish to have and that will help you decide what kind of degree you wish to get at university. This topic has already been discussed at length in a 3-part series that I wrote earlier this year for another guy in poly who is keen to leave Singapore - and ooh boy, he has no freaking clue what to do in terms of getting himself to another country. Follow the link and have a good read It is good that you're asking these questions now, because you don't want to waste your time at university getting a degree that will trap you in Singapore. Countries in the West have a shortlist of skilled migrants that they need and will gladly grant work permits for - if your career is not on that list, that tough shit, you can't move to the country of your choice. This may mean that you may end up having to choose between something you're interested in and something that will eventually lead you to the West: choose wisely.
3. You don't need to have lived abroad to know you want to leave.
For crying out aloud Bram, we live in the age of the internet. You can gather so much information about what it is like to live/work in another country by simply accessing a lot of information online. Indeed, you can talk to people like me and ask any questions you want. In geography, we learn that there are two kinds of factors involved in migration: push & pull factors. Push factors are what will force you out of Singapore and pull factors are what will attract you to greener pastures abroad. It sounds to me that you have plenty of push factors already in Singapore and after you've had the pleasure of serving NS, I can assure you that it would harden your resolve to get out of Singapore as soon as possible. Mind you, I knew I wanted to leave Singapore from the age of about 12 - I didn't quite know where I wanted to go yet, but the push factors were enough to make me decide I wanted to leave. It was the pull factors in Europe that eventually led me to want to settle here - but that came much later, You don't need to decide where you want to go now, but if there are enough push factors making life bad for you in Singapore - then you will wanna leave. But hold that thought, do NS first, then in 2 year's time, we will talk about how shitty life is for you then, okay? In the meantime, you may want to write down a list of push vs pull factors on a piece of paper to help think this one through, okay?
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Do you understand how push/pull factors work? |
4. You can gain independence whilst living in Singapore.
You can gain independence whilst living in Singapore, no doubt about that. It is a choice you have to make - move out of your parents' home, go live in a hostel at university. Stop acting like a child and start functioning like an adult. Having served NS before I went to university in the UK, I was 21 in my first year whilst my British classmates were mostly 18. I found them quite childish and I really didn't bother hanging out with them - I thought they were going to hold me back when I should be networking with working adults and learning from them. (I suspect you may feel the same way too.) Thus I spent a lot of my social life hanging out with older professionals after deciding that I wasn't interested in hanging out with my fellow university students. I actually know of another NUS law student who did exactly that: she couldn't wait to be an adult, to grow up and so she acted like one, dressed like one and created a social life which involved hanging around plenty of older adults. Whilst some of her classmates are still acting like overgrown teenage children, she was already well and truly an adult by the time she was 19. Gaining independence is a state of mind you achieve, you don't need to leave Singapore to do that.
5. You can deal with your parents and relatives as an adult, not a child.
As for your parents and relatives who want to force you to marry and settle down, for crying out aloud, you are already an adult. You're no longer a child. You still talk as if you're a pathetic little 5 year old kid who needs permission even to go to the toilet. As an adult, you must be able to tell your parents and relatives that you know what you are doing, you will make your own decisions and they have to back off and leave you to it. But this is a two way street - if you act like a helpless little kid, then guess what? They will treat you like a child. Demonstrate to them that you can function like a mature adult, then they will start treating you like an adult. It seems to me that your relationship with your parents has yet to evolve from that of a parent-child relationship to that of an adult-adult relationship, whereby your parents stop treating you like a child and start treating you like an adult. The ball is in your court Bram, time to make that change.
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Do your parents still treat you like a child? |
As for getting married, that's fucking laughable. Even if you are straight (which you are not), you still have to find a woman who's in love with you and wants to marry you to do that - what makes them think that they can pressure you into doing something like that? What will they get out of it - a sick thrill to know that they can bully you into doing something that you hate, just to demonstrate how much control they have over you? Look, with relatives like that, who needs enemies? And what is wrong with you Bram - instead of standing up to the bullies in your life who don't give a shit how miserable they will make you, you are afraid of them? Whether you want to come out to them is really not important, if they are not gay-friendly, then I suggest you don't - but by the same token, you need to realize that as an adult, you can do what the hell you want with your life and you need neither their approval nor their permission. So when are you going to grow up and assert yourself as an adult, rather than whine like a 5 year old kid? To be honest, the latter is fucking pathetic - no you're not going to get any sympathy from me: I'm just going to ask you to grow a pair of balls and become an adult quickly.
6. Why the fixation with America when there are other countries?
I wonder why you are fixated with moving to America - as a young student you probably haven't traveled around the world as much as I have. There are so many countries which are gay-friendly: a LOT more gay-friendly than America in fact. You are aware of the fact that Obama has ensured that gays can get married in the US - but did you know that in many other countries around the world from New Zealand to the UK to Canada to Belgium to Spain to the Netherlands to Sweden, gay marriage was established long before they were even debating it in America? Perhaps you've watched loads of Hollywood movies and TV from America to make you think that America is this wonderful paradise (and it is - I'm not disputing that at all), but it is notoriously hard to move to America and this will be made even harder for you should Trump win the next election. Other countries like Australia, the UK, Canada, New Zealand, Taiwan and a whole bunch of European countries have more relaxed immigration rule and hey, they are all even more gay friendly than America is. Open your eyes and do some more research - you may not be able to move to America, but there are plenty of other very good alternatives available for a very fulfilling life as an openly gay man elsewhere.
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There are plenty of countries which are even more gay-friendly than USA. |
7. It is not the country of university that matters - it is the quality of the degree.
You asked me, "I would also like to know if a degree from a Singapore or a degree from America is better for a job in America and what I should do to increase my chances of securing a job there." Well, America is a very big country with a lot of universities: if you were to include both private and public universities, the current figure stands at around 4800 - I can't even give you a definitive figure as it is growing all the time and people often dispute what to include on that list. Take those degree mills for example, should they be on that list or should they be excluded? What about universities which are so awful they are practically like degree mills? So amongst these 4800 universities, some are extremely prestigious like Harvard, Yale, MIT, Caltech, Stanford, Princeton, Columbia - there are also plenty which are so awful they are not taken seriously at all. If you can get into a top American university (we're talking top 10 ranking here), then of course that's useful. But if you end up in a university that is so far down the rankings, then you're wasting your time and money. There are international league tables which HR recruiters use to establish the quality of the candidate and they also have quite complex tests to evaluate all candidates these days, so your degree is but one small part of the equation when it comes to applying for a job.
8. Beware of your parents' advice on topics they know nothing about.
You said, " I really want to move to America despite the discouraging comments from my parents about how introverted I am and how moving to America is really bad for me. " Look, I don't know your parents so I am going to be talking about my own experience, okay? Do my parents have an opinion about me moving to the UK and giving up my Singaporean passport? Sure they do. Did I listen to them? Of course not, I politely disregarded anything they had to say on the issue. How can I put this without sounding disrespectful? I have been very lucky to have had an excellent education, as a triple scholar, I have accessed the very best education in three countries (Singapore, France and the UK) and have since had the opportunity to work lucrative contracts in many parts of the world. This has opened my eyes to a lot of things in this world, given me a profound understanding of what it means to live and work in another country, adapting to another culture, working in international teams with colleagues from all over the world. My parents are from another era, they are much older - they never had the benefit of a good education (they lived through the Japanese occupation of British Malaya in WW2 as children, what kind of awful education did you think they had, in that context?) , life was very tough for them when they were young. They had very limited opportunities as a result and I am very lucky compared to them: they ensured that I had a good education so I could do a lot more with my adult life.
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I have had a wonderful education, thanks to my parents. |
Now that I have gotten that out of the way, allow me to therefore explain that my parents don't know much about life in the West. My dad doesn't speak much English at all, so he wouldn't even watch TV programmes in English. Thus his understanding of Angmoh countries is extremely limited and shallow. Likewise for my mother, whilst she has a decent command of English, she doesn't take any interest in media from the West - so she would never sit down and watch a Hollywood movie or read an American magazine. In fact, my dad's impression of the West and Angmohs is very much based on his interactions with the British soldiers who were stationed in Singapore and Malaysia before independence - and that's going back many, many decades considering that independence was granted in 1963. I don't know how to say this delicately, but when it comes to my life in the West, my dad really has no idea what the hell is going on most of the time and he often makes the most ridiculous assumptions.
Let me give you an example: some years back, I didn't get along with a colleague and we had a lot of problems (that's another story for another day). So when I told my dad about the story, he just assumed that it was because she's Angmoh and I'm Chinese and it was racism. My dad has never ever worked with a white person before, so that's the first thing he assumed - and I had to explain to him that she wasn't racist - she may have been a nasty, scheming, dishonest bitch but that didn't make her a racist person. It was possible to be a downright horrible possible person without actually being racist. But no, my dad just couldn't get his head around that - he couldn't see beyond skin colour and that is a reflection of his very limited experience with people from the world beyond Singapore and Malaysia. He's also very conscious of the fact that his English is limited- hence he is always suspicious and assumes the worst when he cannot understand conversations which take place in English. It's not because he is experiencing any kind of racism - he's simply paranoid. I've given up trying to challenge his paranoia a long time ago - what's the point? Sigh.
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My father has some strange ideas about the world. |
Having lived and worked in so many countries around the world, I have learnt to see past skin colour pretty quickly. The fact that I speak ten languages also means that I have often managed to get past language barriers in a way my dad never did. Thus you are far better off asking someone like me for advice on this issue, then to ask someone like your parents. Have they ever lived and worked in America or another country before? Let's put it this way: if you are learning how to drive and you need to ask someone for advice to prepare for your driving test, would you ask someone who is an experienced driver or someone who doesn't even have a driver's license? How can I put this delicately: you're wasting your time and totally barking up the wrong tree by talking to your parents about the issue as they are simply not in a position to offer any kind of meaningful advice or information to you.
Another problem that I have encountered with my parents is that they tend to see the world from their own point of view and are unable to consider things from another person's point of view (especially mine). Let me give you a simple example: my dad thinks it is a bad idea for my to live and work in Europe because he can't speak English. There's no typo in the sentence above: my dad is ignoring the fact that English is my first language, French is my second language and my Mandarin sucks bad. But he's so incredibly shortsighted that he cannot bring himself to try to see things from my point of view: that's why he is only able to offer advice from his point of view. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound disrespectful to my father - but that just means that he's simply not in a position to offer any kind of useful advice to me. And when he does, I politely listen to what he has to say whilst dismissing it - knowing full well that he is simply unable to offer any kind of advice that could possibly be of any use to me. My father is not that highly educated - it is not his fault that he is unable to offer my useful advice, but I am respectful enough not to rub that in his face.
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Are you able to see things from another person's POV? |
And OMFG, I never ever talk to my parents about any medical issues as they know so little about medicine, biology, physiology and the human body in general - they come up with the most ridiculous bullshit every time someone mentions anything to do with health. Now I just accept that they are so ignorant about medicine because of their education and I do not berate them for it - I just ignore what they say and I do not get into an argument with them. Trust me, I have once tried to correct my dad when he came up with the most ignorant bullshit and he got really defensive - and I was like, you know what? It doesn't matter, I don't need to rub your ignorance in your face dad, I don't need to tell you just how wrong you are. As long as you don't start poisoning yourself by self-medicating, that's good enough by me. I can live with the fact that my father is totally ignorant about modern medicine.
So Bram, what do your parents know about America? Have they ever studied there, lived there or worked there? Or do they (as I suspect) know virtually nothing about America and are just discouraging you because they don't want you to leave Singapore? My guess is that your parents know so little about America and they are mostly talking utter bullshit based on nothing more than ridiculous assumptions and racism. I don't want to make it sound all bad - maybe they want you to stay in Singapore because they love you and want to keep you around; but you must be prepared to accept the fact that you're going to be a lot more highly educated than your parents one day (I'm surprised that day hasn't already arrived) and you will have to get used to the fact that your parents' advice may be less and less useful the more educated you become. Now, as a well-educated man, you have plenty of resources to find useful information on any topic under the sun: you do not need to default to your parents' advice, especially when they are not in any position to offer any kind of useful information. I'm sure my readers can offer you loads of very useful advice too.
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You need to speak to a lot more people about this Bram. |
Is moving to America going to be bad for you? I don't know because I don't know you personally - but take this as a project and a challenge from me: find out for yourself what living abroad is like what it means for a person like you. Accept that your parents are at best misguided in having spouted so much ridiculous bullshit and ignore what they have said: after all, being introverted has little to do with whether or not you will thrive in America. Let's be practical here: whether or not you will be okay there depends mostly on whether you will have a good job there and that will be the basis of your work permit (which enables you to reside in America). If you do get a good job in America, then you have little to worry about as you will be rich and successful. They only give out work permits for highly skilled migrants who command a very high income. If you can't get a good job there, then you won't even get a work permit and you're either going to have to look elsewhere or accept that you're going to be stuck in Singapore.
At the end of the day, there's so much information out there available - you've taken a step in the right direction in reaching out to me. Don't stop there, reach out to more people, read more blogs, speak to more people who have moved abroad and find out about their experiences. Why limit yourself to talking to people around you - just because you can talk to them in person doesn't mean that they have any useful information to offer. Migration is an extremely complex process and unless you have seriously contemplated moving to another country, you have little need to understand what the complex rules are: there is a pretty darn steep learning curve for you in terms of the amount of information you need to digest: you have your full two yeas of NS to get through that huge volume of information.
Okay, I've written a lot and I shall stop here. Let me know if you have any further questions. Many thanks for reading.
Wonder if I am the only one having a sense of impending deja vu as to where the discussion is going to head to.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha - why, what were you thinking? Where is this heading to then Weiping?
DeleteWell... The "I want to migrate overseas but have no idea how(not enough research)" and "I have a degree and therefore, companies should employ me" discussions seem to be coming back. Should have just dumped links to previous discussions. The only thing new is the homosexuality tolerance thingy. That said, as far as I know of in Japan, there is not much discrimination towards homosexuals just that the general populace are just more curious as to how family planning in such homosexual families is being done. It is now treated like a forgotten popular topic for discussion as people really do not care much about LGBT as long as they are not a threat to the rest of the society.
DeleteThat aside, how is the weather in Brussels? Where are the travel vlogs/pics?
DeleteI am leaving for the train station in 20 minutes! I am going today!
DeleteJumping in on this because I've just heard of two gay Singaporean men who came to America to study and married their American partners. A bit of a coincidence, though not necessarily a pattern... Aside from going the university route, why not try and get a job in a multi-national company and posting in the US of A.
ReplyDeleteOr go to community college and transfer, work on a post-grad or research fellowship etc OR the universities in SG that are affiliated with American universities - SUTD, NUS-Yale.
Hi Ling Ling, I also know of this former classmate of mine who went to the US to study and she really wanted to settle down there, but failed to make the marriage thing work - she did have a boyfriend who liked her enough but wasn't ready to settle down. Trying to use the marriage route to stay on in the US after your student visa runs out is a possibility of course, but it is dependent on you finding a willing party who wants to marry you.
DeleteAs for the two other methods you suggested: job in MNC and transfer is harder than you think - I have a regular reader Choaniki who explored that route with his old job but it turned out to be nearly impossible despite him being very good at his job. He gave up and is now retraining as an X-ray technician to get on that skilled migrant list.
As for community college transfers etc: a student visa is not a long term solution as it doesn't lead to any kind of settling in the US. Once your student visa runs out, you're back to square one. This guy is looking for a more long term, permanent solution to settle in the US.
Bram is in a much better position than AD. At least he's doing well in and concentrating on finishing his current course. And if it's good enough to land him a spot in NTU or NUS. Good on him.
DeleteYour comments on scholarships sounds harsh, but it is hard truth and I agree along with your other points.
Going to an overseas uni isn't the only way to experience being overseas if he really wants that 'trial period' if he knows where to look. What about exchange semesters? Or things like below?
Skilled Recognised Graduate (Australia)
https://www.border.gov.au/Trav/Visa-1/476-
Work exchange (New Zealand)
http://www.immigration.govt.nz/migrant/stream/work/workingholiday/singaporeworkexchangeprogramme.htm
Thing about migration though, what's left of his diploma + 2 years NS + degree is a long time. What we think will get him a skill those countries want now, may not be the case by the time he graduates. But at least STEM fields will probably still be in demand, and switching between related engineering fields is not as hard as trying to going into an engineering degree with a non science/engineering diploma.
Hi LIFT, yup, both ways are hard (will focus on the going-alone methods!) and isn't it rightly so? It won't be handed to one on a platter and it's not a matter of going through steps or exams - it's like making your own luck - the story of the person who seems to be "lucky" enough to be offered a dream posting but had the hard work and smarts to actually be in the right place at the right time.
DeleteThere are visas for post-grad or post-doc researchers - learn about the research areas which are hiring "FTs" e.g. pharma, data science, language... Plus policies vary from state to state and rust belt/dust belt states have more opportunities than California. Well, one has to decide if living in Wyoming is better than in Singapore...
@a(abunchofnumbers)
DeleteYou don't get my point do you? I am saying that there are push and pull factors when it comes to immigration. Look at the Syrian refugees: they are being pushed out of Syria because of the civil war destroying their countries. They are not leaving because they think that life in Germany is so good or anything like that. They are being pushed out. Like I said, if life in Singapore gets so bloody awful for Bram, then he will wanna get out - he won't care where he ends up, he will just wanna be on that first plane out of Changi airport. Likewise, if he really loves his American dream so much and he thinks that he won't be totally happy unless he is a New Yorker, then it doesn't matter how good (or bad) his life is in Singapore, the pull factor of New York is what is going to make him leave Singapore and move to New York.
Perhaps I am speaking from experience, but I didn't need to have left Singapore before I knew at the age of like 12 that I would only be truly happy in the West. I don't think it's a question of finding out whether or not you're going to like life in America or adapt to the culture there - whether or not you can thrive in another country boils down to something a lot more basic: being able to get a good job and earn good money. If you are a yellow-banana like me and have a clear preference for Western culture, then really, it's a no-brainer about moving to the West.
@Ling Ling - hold your horses, the guy has still yet to complete poly (and NS) and you wanna talk about post-grad/post-doc? That's like what, 7 or 8 years down the road in a best case scenario? You forget how young this guy is.
If it's regarding the 'trial period', perhaps I don't get your point.
DeleteBut my previous comment (although probably very unclear from the way it was written) was written in context of saying to Bram that the NTU/NUS route can still get him a bit of the pros of getting an overseas degree (especially if he does not get a scholarship as you mentioned) through paths such as an exchange overseas or one of the recognised graduate routes I previously mentioned (If a bit of time in an overseas country before the jump is that important to him).
And the local uni route costs around 1/2 to 1/3 in school fees alone compared to studying as an international student or even in a private institution in Singapore and he gets the support of his parents for that.
And he still gets that important degree which puts him in a good position to migrate in the future.
The STEM part is just a bit from my own poly->uni experience. Unlike JC, Poly doesn't actually provide you will the skillset to take on any course you like in Uni, eg. if you are a non-science/engineering diploma holder, you are pretty much screwed when it comes to getting into a STEM degree in the future.
As for the final paragraph, Immigration law changes all the time, it was one thing when I started Uni, another by the time I finished, and still a bit different now that my brother is in Uni. What seems like the sort of skill his intended destination wants now now may not be by the time he finishes his diploma + NS (3 years or more) and again after University (another 1.5-ish to 3 or 4 years more).
OK perhaps maybe I wasn't addressing you directly, as much as I was addressing Bram - but my point was that Bram doesn't need to know exactly which country he wants to move to before being sure that he does want to leave Singapore (ie. push/pull factors vis-a-vis Singapore). That's all.
DeleteI really don't see the point about a "trial period" abroad because, LOL, it is a forgone conclusion that Bram is going to love it so much. What are the chances of Bram not liking it? Pretty low, IMHO. So if we can assume what is going to happen in this case, why bother making him do the trial? Why not just skip that step? I have a feeling he is only wanting to do that trial because of all the misinformation and misleading bullshit he has been fed about the West from his ill-informed relatives + parents.
Thanks for the exchange.
Likewise, thanks for the exchange. Will agree with you on the enjoyment part.
DeleteWasn't put out as something he has to take, but a perk that is there if the local uni option turns out to be the most realistic way forward.
Sometimes you have to play with the cards you're dealt.
But if the key factor for him is his sexual orientation , and he wants a country that allows him to get married and adopt children, than somehow what I'm getting here is that this may be the overriding factor. Singapore is unlikely ever, or in the near future to relax its laws on this issue, so if this is the key push factor for him, then all the others (jobs, taxes etc) might become a sideshow which he can make compromises on to fulfill his own happiness.
ReplyDeleteI think he's just running away from the problem - he's not out to his parents and he thinks that by living several time zones away, he will never need to face those difficult questions. That is a cowardly approach to the issue IMHO - He should just face his parents and get the coming out over and done with - his parents deserve his honesty and who knows? They may be gay friendly, or not - but regardless, I am sure they don't appreciate their son lying to them.
DeleteHi, its me again, well, to address this situation, my parents are not gay friendly, especially when I was somewhat outed to them for a something that happened years back and I went back into the closet. I will eventually have to come out to them and tell it to their faces, which is going to be very a difficult one as I need to make sure that I finish my diploma (without getting emotionally affected) and that I am also the only son. Despite the fact that there will definitely be an uproar, they will eventually come to terms with my sexuality. The important thing is that I need to make sure that my timing is good enough if I want to get them to come to terms with it and understand why I still want to move out. So no, I am not trying to run away from problems but I simply fear the fact that if I screw up the timing and everything goes wrong and I will be facing even more possible problems. I mean, I will eventually get outed so it would be better to come out to them, give them time to understand and come to terms with it and possibly let me have an overseas education...as for now, I really do not have time to think and plan out since I have almost no rest for the next 2-3 weeks.
DeleteAlso, regarding my degree, I am planning to take up mechanical engineering, as engineering is of my interest and is what I've wanted. I will also probably work in the aerospace sector (I've already thought of this quite a while back).
I'll try my best to reconsider whatever you've pointed out to me as soon as I can. Meanwhile, I may not be able to reply due to my tight schedule. By the way, I appreciate the honesty that you've shown. Thanks for the help.
Aha welcome to the conversation Bram. Allow me to make a few points for you please:
Delete1. Few people actually have gay friendly parents and the fact is, you have to learn to cope with going through life without actually trying to win/gain your parents' approval all the time. It takes a lot of self-confidence to be able to say to yourself, "as long as I am happy, that's good enough." I get the impression that you're trying to win their approval - and that's hardly necessary for you as an adult.
2. I laughed out aloud when you said, "went back into the closet". Please lah, as we say in Singlish, you already pichiak lobang (or in Mandarin 露出马脚) - you didn't give me any details about what that incident was a few years ago, but if it has made it clear to them that you are indeed gay and not straight; then just because you've not sat down on have that difficult conversation with them doesn't mean that they are convinced that you are a 100% heterosexual lusting after women and not men. Please lah - just because your parents are not talking about the tricky issue about your sexuality doesn't mean that they are under any illusions that you are straight. For Asian parents, any issue concerning sex & sexuality is hard for them to talk about - for starters, they don't even have the vocabulary to understand some of the more complex concepts to do with sex and sexuality. Now if you come to me, I am a sexually active man who lives in London - yeah, I can talk about sex with you for hours and I know plenty about sex for us to have a very interesting conversation. But your parents probably know so little about sex & sexuality that they are simply not in a position to have a conversation with you about your sexuality - for instance, do they even know what two gay men can do to each other during sex? Probably not. But does that mean that they believe you are going to get married & have kids when they already know you like men? Come on, who are you trying to kid?
Let me give you an analogy. I have a friend who's fighting cancer. I find it very hard to talk to him about his fight with cancer and so I allow him to bring the topic up if he wants to otherwise, I don't want to broach the issue. So far, we haven't talked about it - but just because I've not uttered the words 'CANCER' to him doesn't mean that I am unaware of his situation/condition. I have simply chosen not to talk about it. I can't "forget" that he has cancer, the same way your parents cannot "forget" that you're gay. They may be conservative, but they are not stupid.
3. Your parents are adults - they will be able to deal with coming to terms with your sexuality their way. You don't need to worry about them. You, on the other hand, come across as an extremely immature overgrown child who is not prepared to deal with life as an adult. I would like to see you exhibit a more mature attitude rather than the current way you're behaving.
I do worry about you getting advice from other people elsewhere though - if someone posts something stupid here, I will approve the post then 'scold' them for being fucking stupid. That way, it is clear we know the difference between good and bad advice. But if you were to go to some forum or ask random people, you don't have uncle Limpeh here as a moderator to help you filter out the good advice from the stupid bullshit.
Hi Bram, I am not approving your latest post as I know you don't want the rest of my readers to see your email address. I do not enter into private correspondence with my readers via email. We have a good group discussion going on here and what we discuss may benefit others who may come to my blog and even if they do not participate in the discussion, they may read the information and take something useful away. I have found that my more popular blog posts from years ago still get plenty of hits because people still find the information useful.
DeleteBut if you and I have a private conversation, then who's going to benefit from it apart from you? So I ask of you please: I wanna help you - but don't be selfish, do not monopolize my attention: instead, let's talk openly here in the comments section and make it an open, group discussion.
As for the issue about being child-like in your interactions with your parents, then I'm sorry, I'm not the kind of person to hold your hand and be nice. You've not lived away from your parents, you've not served NS, you're probably around 19 or 20 years old but you still effectively living under your parents' roof and abiding by their rules because you have little or no say, as you're totally dependent on them for everything (financially, to begin with). There are so many ways you can win the trust of your parents - trust me, I look back upon my transition from a child to a teenager to an adult and it wasn't an easy process but I've gotten to the point where I look at my parents and feel like handling them delicately, like children, because they don't understand the modern world the way I do. If you're looking for sympathy, you've come to the wrong place. I only have practical advice.
Alright, thanks for the clarification of what you meant. I was afraid that I was already giving so much details about myself but your intentions seem reasonable enough, so just to let you know, it is not my intention to monopolize your attention.
DeleteAbout sympathy, I've seen a few of your blog posts (including your advice to AD long before I wrote this to you) so rest assured, sympathy is not what I'm looking for, but rather something that helps me in the long run.
Bram, I am happy to invest as much time as it takes to help you - as long as you're happy for us to do it in a way that will enable others to stumble upon this information on the internet and benefit from it as well, okay?
DeleteGrowing up is never an easy process, but I am sure we will help you with this difficult transition from childhood to adulthood. Heck, nobody wrote a manual on this and we're somehow supposed to figure this out on our own despite it being so confusing.
For you Bram:http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/what-makes-you-adult-and-no-longer-child.html
DeleteThank you for devoting so much time and effort in helping me while I couldn't reply at all due to my hectic schedule. I've read the post but I'll take a bit more time to absorb the post about being an adult
DeleteI'll talk a bit about the going back into the closet:
DeleteI was outed at the age of 12/13. This means that I was really young when my parents found out. My dad actually sat down and had a talk with me about the situation, and since I was still a prepubescent kid, I had no way to explain to them, so the conversation become one that was "oh no wonder gays have AIDS", and he actually still thinks that I am now straight because I did manly things like watching a soccer match and that being gay is "just in the brain and you can change it" which is really, really, really ridiculous. You are actually right when you said that my parents can't confirm that I am straight. I've felt that many times. I still need to talk to them again after coming out because I basically caused the whole mess myself. And to clarify, they know what gay men do during sex.
Bram, everytime you mention the word 'busy' or hectic, I'm going to reply by reminding you that us adults in the big bad working world think that the childish bullshit crap that you do at poly is meaningless, useless and you're a fucking childish idiot by imagining that what you do there has any impact on your future in terms of eventually moving out of Singapore - stop being such a fucking childish kid; do you honestly believe that people are going to give you a job based on what you do at poly? Don't make my anus laugh. Nobody gives a fuck. Like seriously, it's fucking child's play. I'm as interested in your bullshit there as I am in your primary one maths homework - that's how fucking unimportant your poly bullshit is. Sorry for being so fucking rude, but someone has gotta tell you to wake the fuck up and smell the fucking coffee. Grow up, you childish kid.
DeleteAs for your parents, okay, guess what? You have homophobic parents who are going to be pretty nasty about the whole gay thing. You're just going to have to go through life without yearning for their approval. I've loooooong given up trying to get my parents' approval as they are not educated enough to understand 90% of the stuff I do in my professional life, but that's cool as I have plenty of peers who do give me that kind of support and approval and their opinion matters far more to me than my parents'. You know, life isn't fair and it can be pretty fucking tough, but you'll just have to get used to it. I'm sorry if I don't have anything nicer to say about your homophobic parents. You're not going to be close to them when you grow up, especially if you do move abroad.
And that's life.
Hey LIFT, I wana get in touch with you via email to discuss a site that I have been building. It's nothing sordid, just a little side project that I have been working on - a 'migration advice' blog of sorts that corrals advice on migrating from Singapore into a one stop portal. It was inspired by your experiences, your interactions with wannabe migrants like AD, etc. Don't worry I'll definitely credit you!
ReplyDeleteHit me up at coralislander888@gmail.com. I didnt know how else to get you but through the comments section. Feel free to delete this post after reading it.
Hi there, I'm off to Brussels on holiday today. I'll chat with you when i get back, ok? Thanks.
DeleteI have an aunt who lives in the US, and from what I understand, I think there are some things you need to consider:
ReplyDelete1. Green Card
Becoming a Permanent Resident takes some time; it took my aunt about 8-9 years. Without permanent residency, job security may be an issue.
2. Driving
The US is much bigger than Singapore, and some parts of the city may only be accessible by driving - not because there isn't public transport, but because bus / subway stops are few and far apart. Also, while the US has more to offer in terms of outdoor activities, e.g. fishing at lakes / hiking, those places can be some distance away. So you need to be able to drive; make sure you can do that before going over, otherwise it might be inconvenient. Cars are much cheaper, so affordability usually isn't an issue.
3. Shootings
Mass shootings are an issue in the US because Americans are constitutionally entitled to carry guns. So safety may be an issue; I know my aunt is concerned because she has young children, and some relatively recent shootings have affected schools.
4. Poorer neighborhoods
In Singapore, you can't really tell the difference between wealthier and poorer neighborhoods, but that's not the case in the US, where the differences are quite stark. There are ghettos in the US that you have to watch out for; the crime rate is high, and it's generally unsafe to walk around, even in broad daylight.
5. Discrimination
While employers won't deny you the job if you are genuinely qualified, there still is some subtle discrimination going on (which might change for better or for worse after the elections). Getting acclimatized to the cultural norms (e.g. what to do in social situations) will take time, and it's not something you can necessarily pick up from American TV.
Hope it gives you something to consider.
Hi Abigail, allow me to respond to your 5 points as someone living in the UK. Different country of course, but I have traveled a lot in the US and know what it is like to live amongst Angmohs.
Delete1. Green card: it takes a LOT longer to obtain permanent resident status in the US compared to other countries (Canada, UK, Australia etc) because of their more stringent immigration laws.
2. Driving: valid
3 & 4 Guns + crime: don't be fixated on shootings, there is a whole range of crime issues that you should be aware of and gun crime is but one part of a bigger problem. I don't know why Singaporeans are so obsessed with guns and imagine that there are mass shootings everywhere you go. I am going to respond to 2 points at the same time because it is very much related to where you go: there are poorer, unsafe neighbourhoods where crime rates are much higher. But that's the same in London where I live - and duh, like open your fucking eyes and don't be an idiot. Stay the hell away from trouble - if you know a neighbourhood is unsafe, don't go wandering down there alone in the middle of the night looking for trouble. I have always lived in safe, respectable neighbourhoods in London and have had no trouble in terms of crime here. That's mostly got to do with the fact that I am relatively rich and can afford to live in nice neighbourhoods. Poor people have far fewer choices as housing is expensive in respectable neighbourhoods.
So really, I don't think anyone is dumb enough to wander into a ghetto looking for trouble and get shot. If anyone is really thaaat stupid, then I think they deserve to get shot.
5. I disagree. You can face all kinds of discrimination within Singapore and discrimination is a fact of life no matter where you go - if you were to read my last article: http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/you-cant-level-playing-field-so-what.html that's about Singaporeans complaining about the discrimination they face in their home market. If you think that by staying in Singapore you can avoid discrimination, you are so wrong. Why are Singaporeans so obsessed with Angmoh vs Asian discrimination? My Singaporean-Chinese sister faces discrimination in the workplace because she is a woman - it's old fashioned sexism at work here.
Rather, learning to deal with the complexities of office politics goes a lot beyond getting acclimatized to cultural norms. And guess what? You have to learn to deal with that issue even if you choose to work in Singapore. Nobody should be goondu enough to go into the big bad working wold like this blur sotong, who acts like a bull in a china shop, totally oblivious to office politics - even in Singapore.
Sorry if i sounded harsh, I just wanted to offer my POV and I just happened to disagree with you.
*typo: "big bad working WORLD"
DeleteSorry.
From Abigail's 5 points, you can pretty much sum up Singaporeans' worldview... what about healthcare? That's the biggest issue for me and most ppl living here. There's no GP clinic that's open 'til late for you to pop in when you need an MC. A doctor's appointment takes at least 2 months to make, even if you have insurance... the trauma centers are pretty good round here though... but ibuprofen is available over the counter. And that's not a sweeping generalization!
DeleteAbigail, as someone living in the west, here is my input:-
DeleteDriving --- hardly a reason not to live in the states just because you have to drive farther to get to certain places. Also, you would try to live as close to your work as possible. Schools would be those in your neighborhood. You shop and run errands in your neighborhood. Many neighborhoods even have hiking trails. How close are the hiking trails in Singapore? How close are your lakes and rivers and cabins to your home? Where are your mountain retreats in Singapore? Close by? I think not. I am not talking about those chalets you rent to get 50 relatives together for a weekend of mahjong and bbq. That is as "get-away" as most people get. Oh, and those short trips to neighboring countries to shop. Quite sad, imho.
Guns --- I was in Seattle last summer. Guess what? Not a gun in sight! No mass shootings either. Friends just got back from Palm Springs and LA --- everyone came back safe. Don't get paranoid. You can't live in paranoia. If you do, your life will be a miserable one.
Ghettos --- why would you come to the west and live in the ghetto? Why even go near the ghettos? I wouldn't even hang around the seedier areas of Singapore, so why the ghettos?
Discrimination --- I have advice for anyone wanting to live here --- be respectful, be assertive, be good at what you do. The problem with the PRCs globally is because they are socially inept. Idiots like them are bound to get discriminated by the locals anywhere. As for social norms, well, you learn. For example, it is quite the norm to swear in my staff room, but when I was visiting Singapore recently, my sister said there was no swearing at her workplace. For someone like me, it would mean more therapy sessions, but ok, I wouldn't swear if I were working there. You learn.
I find that many Singaporeans come up with the most asinine reasons not to leave Singapore. One reason being the food. "I need my char kway teow!" Seriously, you would give up all the other valid reasons to get out of Singapore for char kway teow? I actually read that years ago in the ST when a local was asked why he wouldn't leave Singapore. Dumbtwit! Having said that, ... right now, I am hankering for some popiahs! LOL!
Di - as for the idiots who use char kway teow as a reason to stay in Singapore, my response is this: Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I am amazed that some people are motivated by such basic needs - it says a lot about what simpletons they are.
DeleteHaha perhaps there was a miscommunication; I meant to draw attention to the cultural shock that those new to the US might face re: issues of safety / discrimination. While there are unsafe neighborhoods everywhere, I think Singapore is different in that there are no ghetto-like communities that you have to avoid. So someone who has always been able to wander around all parts of the city at all hours of the day would have to get used to that. Moving out of Singapore would mean losing that option. Same thing with the gun issues: not that there are mass shootings everywhere in the US, but that you have to become more alert and more prepared (than you would be in Singapore) because there is a higher risk that they might happen.
DeleteAnd while discrimination is everywhere in the world, it does seem to be a bigger issue in the US than in Singapore. I wasn’t talking solely about Americans v. Asians, more of the manner in which discrimination exists, and that discrimination in the US affects Hispanics / Blacks as well. Anyway in the US, the Americans v. Asians issue is much less prominent than the systemic racism against blacks. Compared to Singapore, prejudice might surface more frequently in the US: the fact that someone like Trump is winning in polls despite his racist remarks on Mexicans ought to say something about the open and blatant discrimination that people are allowed to get away with. There are no censorship laws in this area, and prejudiced Americans have no qualms about sharing their bias publicly. So it might be a culture shock for a Singaporean used to Bello/Takagi-style prosecutions to witness / experience such discrimination, because of the strict laws in Singapore on sedition (though enforcement is another issue), and the general tendency to at least pretend to tolerate other ethnic groups.
As for office politics, anyone would definitely have to grow up and learn to work with people. But to a certain extent I would say that it might be easier to get used to in Singapore, since there are fewer cultural unknowns. If the boss is a Singaporean Chinese businessman, a Singaporean might more or less know what to expect, having interacted with other Singaporean Chinese before, e.g. you probably wouldn’t make the mistake of sticking chopsticks into the rice bowl at a company event. In this sense, though there are non Singaporean Chinese employers in Singapore, the chances of such an employer being your boss (and in turn, having to accommodate such a boss) are much higher overseas than in Singapore, and all this would apply to colleagues as well. And of course you would have to find out about the local politics; the Democrat-Republican divide and the presidential system, whereas you would already be familiar with the parliamentary system and politics in Singapore, having grown up with it. You have to learn to respond to conversations on politics in a manner that doesn’t alienate your hardcore Republican/Democrat colleagues. You can’t live in the US and remain ignorant about past and present political leaders, the Civil War, policies like Obamacare, America’s involvement in the Syrian war etc.; becoming a US citizen means #BlackLivesMatter will also become more than a trending hashtag to you. Basically, there's more work to do for someone who chooses to move abroad. It’s not a walk in the park and should only be done after careful consideration. America is a big country, and you should narrow down your selection to a few states that you like (and think about inter-state travel as well); New York isn’t the only state with opportunities. Some policies differ amongst states, and the attitudes of the locals are also different, e.g. in the Bible Belt.
Hope that clarifies what I was trying to say: not that issues of driving / safety etc. should dissuade Singaporeans from moving, but that Singaporeans can expect them to be different from what they are used to.
Abigail, hello - please allow me to respond to your points.
Delete1. I don't think I have ever wanted to wander to all parts of my city during all hours of the day - the fact is, I have always been either in full time education and employment: thus my day is busy. I do not spend my days getting totally lost, wandering without aim or direction in my city. In any case, the only time when I did feel that I was on the wrong side of the tracks was in Hanoi once - I was a tourist, we had a few free hours to wander around and shop, so my friends and I wandered around and left the old town but we took a wrong turn and realized we were in the wrong side of the tracks: it was a quiet looking road, no shops were opened and a group of young men were lingering in front of a closed shop staring at us foreigners. What did we do? Well, I realized that pretty quickly, turned around and left the area - returning to safety as soon as possible. That was in Hanoi, a city I didn't know, I was a tourist and even then, I had the common sense to deal with the situation. If you're talking about people with no common sense to even deal with the most basic situations - then who are you gonna blame?
Let me give you an example: in my primary school, there were some Dumbcane plants - as you know, these plants have pretty leaves but are poisonous. The teacher warned us, "don't touch that plant, it will make you sick." So all of us normal kids did not touch the dumbcane plant - but no, this goondu kid had to go rub the dumbcane all over his arms and broke out in his horrible rash. The teacher screamed, "what were you thinking? Didn't I tell you NOT to go touch that plant?" The kid said, "I wanted to find out what would happen if I played with the dumbcane."
OK in such cases, the teacher couldn't protect the kid from his own stupidity. The mother of that goondu kid had the audacity to demand that the school chopped down all the dumbcane plants in the schoolyard because of what happened - in hindsight, I'm thinking: the dumbcane isn't the issue here, the kid is dumb, you can get rid of the poisonous plant, you can't protect the kid from his own stupidity.
In life, there are always going to be situations where you need some common sense to protect yourself: if you move to a new city, then it is your responsibility to get to know which neighbourhoods are safe, which are unsafe, where you should live, which route you should take to work etc. You can't go in like a bull in a china shop and expect the government to protect you from your own stupidity. That's what being an adult is all about. As an adult, I don't demand that the government chops down all the dumbcane plants - a warning will suffice for me, really. You're talking about people who are so fucking stupid they lack basic common sense and will get into trouble by wandering into the wrong neighbourhood? Abigail - I have to inform you that 99% of people are not that hideously stupid: most of us know how to apply something we call 'common sense'.
As for gun crime, there's nothing you can do to be 'prepared' for it - if someone is gonna shoot you, then what are you going to do, learn how to dodge a bullet? No, if it is gonna happen, it is gonna happen. There's really little you can do about it - apart from learning to avoid neighbourhoods which are unsafe. See what you have done? You have just contradicted yourself Abigail: on one hand, you want people to be more alert and prepared to deal with gun crime (that's good advice) on the other hand, you want goondu idiots to be able to wander anywhere in the city without applying any common sense at all about personal safety?! The only way to be prepared to deal with street crime is to know where you are going and avoid bad neighbourhoods! This isn't rocket science like I said.
part 2:
DeleteAs for discrimination - you have this 'the grass is greener where I am' mentality, discrimination happens in all shapes and forms in Singapore - such is the nature of politics, of humans. Just because you are from Singapore doesn't mean that you are going to be able to cope with it any better if it happens in your backyard. The only thing I would say is that you need to be careful about selecting a reputable employer to work for (so that they will have good HR practices to deal with discrimination) and learn how to deal with the situation when you do face any kind of discrimination. Once again, a healthy dose of common sense goes an awful long way - and you're defaulting to people with zero common sense. Have I met discrimination in the UK? On a few occasions yes - but did it occur to you that each time, I was able to respond in a robust way, deal with the situation very effective and emerge triumphant? I didn't just cry and run back to Singapore - hell no, I dealt with the situation and got what I wanted. Guess what? I have common sense. That's all I needed, a lot of people do have common sense you know.
3. Once again, I think you're wrong about the cultural differences. I'm a total yellow banana: first language English, second language French, third language Welsh, fourth language Spanish and my Mandarin suuuucks bad. I don't know enough about Chinese culture to feel at home with a Chinese business environment and I certainly wouldn't have a clue what to do with my chopsticks. No, I am far more at home with Angmohs because I think and feel like one. Was I brought up in the West? No, I was brought up in Ang Mo Kio by a father who doesn't speak a word of English. Yet somehow he brought up a kid who totally rejected everything Chinese and chose to be as white as possible. Don't make any assumptions about getting along with people on the basis of culture - as I think back about my relationship with my 2 previous bosses: both were Angmohs but they couldn't have been more different people and my getting along with them depended more on me understanding how each individual functioned, what each individual's character was; rather than an understanding of 'Angmoh' culture per se.
Bro, there was no need for your wall of text. Her observations are obviously from a second hand perspective. Remember the Great Singapore Social Network I mentioned some posts ago? Her comments are a classic case of oversubscribing to it.
DeleteI am trying to cure stupidity one person at a time! (I know, I know...)
DeleteI give up. Wandering anywhere at all times of the day? Why?! You have Netflix in the States. No need to wander. Lol.
DeleteAbigail, the factors ought to he job prospects, health care, education system, government policies, etc. Not the existence of ghettos and guns. If you think Singapore the embryonic safety nest you make it out to be, you should stay put. Seriously, it's a whole other world out there. An exciting world for some. Scary for others.
Alex, be nice now.
Abigail has never ever lived in America before, that's why she's putting together the most stupid, bullshit, dumb-ass arguments. Like who the hell walks out of his/her house, wandering aimlessly at all times of the day? Seriously? Who?!
DeleteI am dedicating my latest post to the sheer stupidity of Abigail.
For Abigail: http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/the-dumb-cane-in-garden.html
Delete@Abigail, there are technically ghettos in Singapore. One of it is in Geylang. Bunch of dilapidated pre-war houses used to house poor migrant workers. Gangs and vice are rampant there as are illegal viagra-like drug peddling. I'm speaking from personal experience since I used to live there for several years. Goes to show that even locals are ignorant about their own country.
DeleteHaving said that I practiced commonsense and it ended up being an uneventful time for me there. Simple stuff like avoid dark alleyways and not going out alone after 9pm. I've seen lots of angmos staying there during my time even single females so I'm sure they know how to stay safe.
Well I've studied and worked in San Francisco for the past 6 years. You've said your education is engineering and you're gay, so the Bay Area would probably be one of your more popular choices.
ReplyDeleteSo let's discuss the most important thing - cost.
Renting a studio in SF is 1.8k minimum, in the worst area of town.If you're lucky and find a room in a rent controlled, it would still cost at least 1k.(Including utilities). It would cost more in the South Bay because all the tech companies are there and you'd need a car so that would cost an addition 600 per month(because you're under 30, insurance is more.) Tuition would likely cost you another 100 grand IF you go to the lower tier. Say you're very good and get into Stanford they have lowered their tuition and have scholarships but I don't see how you can escape 100k for living expenses for your entire education.
If you managed to come here and afford everything however I think your chances are good. First of all, you've chosen a STEM major (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math), so that alone gives you 36 mths to work. Say what you want about the government, they made a deal with the US to give us SGers the H1B1 visa which allows us another 3 years worth of work visa. You have to be seriously very unlucky or incompetent to not be on the path to green card or citizenship with 6 years allowance, especially when you're an engineer.
I know Limpeh tends to be very harsh about the quality of the degree and believe me my art degree from a degree mill did cause some problems but I find that on the West Coast pedigrees help but it's not as crippling if you don't have one. If the work visa isn't an issue, competing with Americans really isn't hard. Be smart, be observant and work hard. Socialize to keep up to date with the latest tech and learn on your own, anything they teach in the colleges here is easily history by the time you graduate, it moves pretty fast here.
And seriously? You're worried your relatives will force you to get married? That even a thing in Singapore?
Bay, even if you have achieved all that without a scholarship or a degree from a top university, you still received quite a lot of money from your parents to help you through at least your undergrad degree - correct me if I am wrong. But that route isn't even open to Bram - the guys isn't going to get a cent from his parents to study in America, so just because you've gone down this path doesn't mean the same route is open to him: not unless you wanna sponsor him.
DeleteAs for the whole relatives forcing him to get married - I don't believe it either. It's bullshit lah. His relatives probably don't care enough about him to go through with the ridiculous process of finding him someone to be his bride (like what, some village girl from a remote province of China) and forcing him to get married? That sounds like a pretty complicated plot - are his relatives so free? If I was his relative, it would be so much easier to just turn my back and say, "you're gay? None of my business. I'm not getting involved in your life. I'm busy enough with my own."
Precisely, why the fixation on certain (Western) nations like those in Western Europe and North America? Why not East Asia? I have many of my peers who are swooning over no other places on Earth but the West. They prefer to subscribe to Orientalist notions, social media and some Straits Times press reports to justify how non-Western nations are worse off than the Western counterparts (and Singapore), when they have not even lived in these places. Not China because our press has been saying how bad the pollution is and how barbaric the locals are. Not South Korea because everyone judges you based on your appearance. Not Japan because the Japanese work for terribly, inhumane long hours. In contrast, they romanticise the West: freedom of speech, welfare benefits, low working hours and so on. As if every place on Earth does not have its own pros and cons.
ReplyDeleteTaiwan is the most progressive Asian country when it comes to gay rights. Bram should think about Taiwan too. But you know what? I doubt he will. He likes America. It's not for us to tell him where he should move to.
DeleteI'll try to give my reason for this: I've already thought about Taiwan and the other countries that LIFT has mentioned. America appeals to me due to the diversity unlike Taiwan, which is largely homogeneous. Obviously Taiwan is the best when it comes to LGBT rights in Asia, but I do have many other reasons to want to move other than the fact that I'm gay. Obviously every country has its pros and cons. I've chosen America due to a few other factors, I know that it's hard to move there but that's the place that appeals to me the most. I was actually interested in Canada a few years back (although not as much as America) but I've read somewhere online that it only recognizes degrees from Canada. I really don't know if its true or not since its the internet. Do give more of your opinions if you disagree with me.
DeleteFor fuck's sake Bram, another face-palm moment here.
DeleteThe internet is full of fucking idiots spouting bullshit rubbish like Canada not recognizing degrees from outside Canada. That is one of the most fucking stupid statements I have read. Are you really that fucking stupid that you cannot detect bullshit when it hits you in the face? If it smells like shit, looks like shit and guess what? It is probably shit. Canada would recognize degrees for immigration purposes from any reputable university.
Are you really that fucking stupid or gullible Bram?
Let this be a lesson to you - don't believe anything you read on the internet, it is full of FUCKING STUPID IDIOTS spouting fucking stupid bullshit about stuff they don't know anything about.
Some crazy idea for your reader maybe?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cbc.ca/beta/news/canada/manitoba/winnipeg-hazim-ismail-refugee-hearing-malaysia-1.3521172
"Gay, atheist student from Malaysia has refugee claim accepted"
Aiyoh. seriously?
DeleteScholarships are not given out within Singapore. Many universities have programs for international students. You don't need to be that much of a high flyer to get them. Say if you did a very interesting project even at Poly that has potential to become a PhD thesis, you'll get one. Just look at Hawkings- for most part of his thesis they were weak but his black hole theory was so good he got his PhD just based on this section. Most of these overseas scholarships do not come with bond. A friend of mine basically got sponsored by his Uni to do PhD after finishing his honours year- yes basically he skipped Masters simply because his honours thesis had that sort of potential and he came from a poly background too. There are a lot of smart people who are deemed not good enough by our MOE but went on to become very successful overseas. All you need is someone who can see your worth. Don't ever stop knocking.
ReplyDeleteI got my scholarship from my university in the UK. I chose not to accept a scholarship from a Singaporean organisation as I didn't want a bond to serve when I completed by studies.
DeleteHowever, what are the chances of some poly project being interesting enogh to become a PhD thesis? Get real. The guy has to complete poly, then he has to get his BSc or BA then he has to do his masters before we even start to talk about post-grad qualification. If anything is going to be of interest, it will come from his time at university - probably towards the end of his first degree or whilst doing his masters. The thought that anything from his poly days being of interest to anyone is fucking laughable. You remind me of something really ignorant that my mother said, when I got my first job in banking, she said that it was because I did S paper at VJC and I fell off my chair laughing. As if anyone in the working world gives a flying multicolour fuck about what I did at VJC. They don't even give a fuck what I did at university, only a Singaporean teacher like my mother can actually be deluded enough to believe that anything we did at JC or poly can be of any value or interest to anyone in the real world. This is the first time you're posting anything on my blog Jealousis, but from that statement, you sound pretty out of touch with the real world. Is Bram capable of doing something great that could be the basis for a PhD? Maybe, who knows - but is it going to come from his poly work? No fucking way!
Listen, let me speak as a triple scholar who has spent time at some of the world's best universities as a fucking scholar and this much I can tell you: university will change you. It will teach you so much. You will mature so much, the demands of producing top quality research there are unforgiving - your tutor will fail you if you fail to deliver their high standards. I thought I was a bright student at VJC but when I got to university, I had to shift gears so many times to keep up with the best. By the end of my time at university, the quality of the kind of work that I produced in my final year was vastly superior to my second year, which was in turn superior to my first year world - which in turn made anything I did at VJC look like kiddy-childish-baby rubbish. Maybe Bram will go on to university to do something great there, but to judge him based on his poly work is laughable at best because that's not even degree level for crying out aloud. When I was at VJC, I didn't think that "this is the best work I am ever going to produce", no I knew I was going to improve so much more at university - and sure enough, I did.
Furthermore, yeah a few people went down the academic route and became successful - but I don't recall Bram saying anywhere that he wanted to do a PhD or even a masters degree. All he wanted was to live life in New York as an openly gay man, marry a gay man and then adopt kids and live life as an openly gay man. He never said anything about PhDs - so why are you even barking up that tree? Firstly, he never said he wanted to go down that route - secondly, very few people actually go down that route. Millions migrate successfully to the West every year, but the number who go down this route is tiny. Most just qualify as highly skilled migrants. Heck, I'm a highly skilled migrant - I'm a fucking scholar, even if I don't have a PhD.
I can see your well intentions in helping Bram, but allow me to add on to what Alex has said. As someone who just went through the PhD application cycle, I could not think of any schools that will accept applicants into their graduate programs without a bachelor's degree. Even though he might have an interesting topic for PhD thesis from his poly work, we have accept reality that schools are still looking for people who meet the basic degree requirement. So that suggestion is irrelevant as Alex mentioned.
DeleteIf Bram cannot obtain financial support to fund his overseas university education, like some people have said, given his decent current poly GPA, I suggest he should enrol into a local university first. Bonded overseas scholarship is an option, but even he does get one, he still have to come back to Singapore to serve his 5-6-year bond, which I think he doesn't want. It isn't the end of the road even if he enrols into a local university. Four years back, I have several offers from top UK universities, but I cannot afford to accept them due to my family financial situation and I did not want to be bonded. I (reluctantly) entered a local university, but after a couple of months I told myself to make the best out of what I have. There are tons of opportunities in local universities: not just overseas exchanges but overseas internships, language courses, seminars and so on. The point is to be open to all forms of possibilities, keep a close lookout of opportunities and seize them when they come. Do not be passive like the rest of your peers. I have friends who took language courses like Japanese, leverage on the on-campus career advisory service and are now (enjoying) working in Japan as computer engineers after their graduation. This brings me another point, which is to look out for countries that will accept your degree or expertises, as Alex has mentioned. Do your homework, go to career networking and related events and talk to many people. Use your time in NS and university to learn more about your strengths and interests. Getting into research-based PhD programs is one way to leave this country, but research is not for everyone and doing a PhD is not the only way to stay overseas. Just keep seizing any opportunities hat come along your way, be it overseas internships or student-led startup opportunities, and who knows you might find a way after graduation to work overseas.
My main point is that what is more important is not whether you get into an overseas or local university, but if you are more independent and open-minded than your peers in seizing any opportunities that come along your way, willing to take charge of your life and learn more about yourself while in school.
Hi Marvin, thanks for backing me up. I think that Jealousis is talking about a one in a billion chance of one of Bram's projects in poly being good enough for a PhD - yeah fucking right, one in a gazillion more like. Bram never suggested for a moment that he was this super brilliant Einstein-like genius - he was totally unrealistic about being able to get a scholarship abroad, but that still doesn't suggest for a moment that he is a genius. The chances of him turning out to be a genius is pretty darn low - come on lah, just because you have decent grades in poly doesn't mean a thing. Let's see you thrive in the real world and see if you can get a job - I refer you to the other posts by the readers here who are struggling to get a half-decent job in Singapore. It is pretty tough out there right now for young people and competition is intense. You think you have good grades? Big deal, so do the others - what else do you have to prove that you are a genius worthy of a scholarship?
DeleteBut my point is simple - it is not rocket science to migrate to the West. Simply embark on a career that will place you on the skilled migrant list and tick all the right boxes: that could be as simple as training to become a nurse. Heck, loads of Filipino nurses move to the UK because we need qualified nurses in our hospitals. And none of these Filipino nurses have a PhD. Most don't even have a degree. Why are you Singaporeans so obsessed with paper qualifications when really, the working world is all about supply and demand? There is a demand for nurses right now - by that token, Bram can almost guarantee his passage to the West by switching to nursing.
PSC scholarships probably needs you to have a perfect GPA and tons of extra-circular activities work. I am getting only 5 hours of sleep every night and I often wonder how do those with 4 H2 subjects/H3 subject cope with all that workload and extra circular activities.
ReplyDeleteAnd another thing is that PSC scholars needs people with 11 academic units, which means around 85%~ of JC students are cut away from it as they only have 10 academic units. I am actively trying for a scholarship as well -juggling a community project, voluntary work, exercising daily, tutorials, external events and planning to create an app soon so that I may have a chance to stand out. You might want to try this, creating an app etc allowing people to post their confession anonymously, or a safe place to share their feelings etc and hopefully that thing will become popular and you will definitely outshine those ACS and Raffles kids. I am aiming for a rather low end kind which doesn't need me to have 11 academic units.
I have no sports like Limpeh to show off to the peoole interviewing me, I only have my laptop to learn new skills and attempt to stand out from there.
Hi Dakota,
DeleteYeah, I was pretty harsh about telling him that he has no hope in hell for a scholarship. Let's face it, the system in Singapore does favour those who take the A level route - nothing wrong with taking the poly route IMHO, but if you want a scholarship, you've already reduced your chances by going down that route.
I'd love to find out more about your app akota.
As for my sports, some people were easily impressed by my achievements and when I sensed that they weren't, I had to repackage it as, "I get straight As without studying - whilst my friends are studying in the library, I am training in the gym and yet I get better results than them. That tells you just how brilliant I am - think of what I can achieve once I retire from competitive sport and my brain is all yours." LOL. You need to have a bit of that kind of arrogance in order to convince people to give you a scholarship.
I am intending to make an app where people can share their confessions/frustrations anonymously. They do not need to register or provide emails, they can immediately use it. In real life, we cannot talk about my struggles that openly (etc, being gay/atheist in an ultra religious family, unplanned pregnancy, failing university) as there will be bad consequences once we share our feelings but we want people to listen to us...to understand and accept us. To have a listening ear in times of depression and feel safe.
DeleteAnother thing is that polytechnic wasn't designed to prepare one for university, but rather work.
Nevertheless, just looking at the ACS and Raffles students makes me wonder if they're humans or mutants- they not only have emotional maturity, they have good brains too. Maybe I lack time management, hahaha.
I think Bram should just go into NUS/NTU and work for a few years, marry into the US of A and forget about scholarships.
Unless Bram wants to work for the SG govt, there's no point striving so hard for a scholarship. He needs to think about the opportunity cost involved, like his sleep, health and personal time to do the things he like.
DeleteHe can apply for financial assistance or get a bank loan - but he will not get back his time wasted on the futile task of doing extra for his CCA/external events. I have been there too many times before - doing useless things that did nothing to improve myself in a tangible manner.
Hi Dakota, that app idea sounds amazing. Good luck with it.
DeleteAs for marriage - he needs to find someone who wants to marry him first! Not as easy as you think.
But I really think he is barking up the wrong tree with a scholarship - it ain't gonna happen.
Hi Limpeh,
ReplyDeleteWhile you said that employers will hire capable people and not decide on nationality, I feel that is not the case. From my old internship company which closed down, they hire many Filipinos to do work. I am not sure how much cheaper, but the work can be done by anyone. And at my current internship company now, the whole legal and IT team are made up of Filipinos. I mean it's not for a lack of capable IT people or lawyers from NUS, it's just to cut cost.
This company is also really getting on my nerves. They even want to squeeze money from intern, think of ways to make me OT with no pay (overall a few hundred dollars a month), guilt-tripping me to come to work earlier than contract, giving me the bulk of stuff to do (because they are understaffed). Worse, make empty promises about converting me and later I find they just want to keep me as intern forever.
Yeah Aurora, stop picking and choosing what you wanna hear. I also said time and time again that there are a lot of shitty companies out there run by fucking idiots and if you happen to work for one, then it is time to run for the door. Use the fire escape if you must, but get the fuck outta there as soon as fucking possible. Are you a slave? Are you prisoner in that fucked up company? Who's keeping you there against your will? Some nasty Filipino pimp or gangmaster who won't let you go? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you so blind you can't find your way out?
DeleteYou wanna end up like this Singaporean loser? http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/the-encore-eservices-assault-and.html
Like what the fuck is wrong with you Aurora? You get no sympathy from me. Quit this job the moment you read this, if you have an ounce of self-respect. You're being a fucking idiot for having stayed there for as long as you have. You should have quit a long long time ago. I can't stress this enough - if you're fucking stupid enough to stay in that kind of environment, then you deserve to be gang-bang by a bunch of pinoys on a daily basis. You get what you deserve. And I don't apologize for being so fucking rude - you need a wake up call. You like being fucked by Pinoys? Good, then stay where you are.
@Aurora, Why do you think that I have nothing but dismal and disappointment for most offices in Singapore and take up positions overseas? How operations are conducted in Singapore escapes common business sense. I simply cannot fathom the reasons behind keeping incompetent arses in the company who does not produce any form of value for the company. The fact that the internship company that you mentioned, closed down should serve as a guideline as to if companies have such hiring practices, it will not survive for long. That should serve as a warning sign if you are looking for job "security" because why would the job be still there if the company closed down.
DeleteLimpeh,
DeleteDon't jump to the wrong conclusion. I didn't say my team was made up of Filipinos, I'm doing Finance and it's still skewed towards ang mohs. But for a local Computer science grad, that would affect him badly. I can't say it's not my problem. Plus, the CEO is not Filipino. He's European. Cutting cost is what every CEO does. Secondly, most jobs aren't perfect unless you work in Google or something. My company certainly wasn't beating me or what, they simply do it in a very naggy, guilt-trip kind of way: Oh we need you, you're so talented, capable, please help us more. We can't afford to pay you etc. I'm "only" staying cause of my contract, and I can't leave before 3 months or it will look bad on my resume. Internships must last a few months to show you learnt something. Actually besides the OT, I do learn stuff ok.
In fact, I would rate it as an average internship (among my 5 internships). It's ok. And that's the problem. With the bad economy, everyone says I should count myself as blessed for having an internship in the first place. Plenty of people are lining up. I don't have the bargaining power here.
I'm sorry if my language was very offensive Aurora. I meant to say something to jolt you into action but some of the language crossed the line. But I meant what I say. The onus is on you to quit, if you have relaized that your employers are bad people. I have said this before and I will say this again: the world is full of bad people Aurora, when you meet them, you must run the other way. You are still giving me stupid excuses to suffer at the hands of bad people. I can't make it clearer: you need to quit today regardless of the consequences.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI feel your pain Delia. I totally agree.
DeleteLimpeh,
DeleteJust because you are very in-demand doesn't mean that I am like as sought after as you. I'm just an average Joe. Everyone thinks I'm picky, my friends tell me they got worse internships. They would get pissed at ME for wasting this.
1. Things are subjective. How do I know if it's something I can reasonably tolerate=eg other companies will be like this too. The company might seriously think they themselves are ok. They didn't break any law. Imagine if I quit and they write to the news. I don't think Singaporean readers will feel very sympathetic, they will think strawberry generation can't stand OT.
2. I can't quit everytime the going is tough. I hate NUS doesnt mean I drop out. Nobody likes a quitter?
I don't think you find it very easy to understand what a student thinks. Yes Im ambitious as hell, but I try not to burn bridges on a bad note. I just want to know whether it's really I'm picky or overreacting or it's really bad. I only worked at 5 places before, not much to compare. If I'm a boss, why wouldn't I cut cost? Limpeh would you really act blunt with employers who keep a nice facade and keep on placating you?
Limpeh,
DeleteI had to agree with Aurora on getting into the bad company when we are the average Joe.
If you are the high flyer or the in demand type, it will be easy for you to jump ship.
During the 7 years in Singapore, I had jump ship for 6 times. Currently on my 7th job which is in the design and built industry.
When the economy is bad, should we be picky of the company and be unemployed for 6 months or grab any opportunity that we can land even if the company is bad?
Aurora,
DeleteI am going to have to disagree with you - just because you don't think you're above average doesn't mean that you deserve to be treated like crap. You sound like a battered wife in an abusive relationship with a horrible husband who treats you like shit - but when people ask you to leave the abusive husband, you say, "I am only average looking, if I leave this man, who will marry me? Who will want me? So I shall stay in this unhappy marriage and accept that I don't deserve to be treated any better."
There are loads of people who are not that spectacular in terms of credentials, but they are very happy in their work place because they have nice bosses who treat them with respect. By the same token, do you know that there are also people who are highly educated, highly qualified/skilled, yet they are still treated like crap because they work for assholes? Thus it has little to do with how skilled/talented/educated/qualified you are, but rather the quality of your relationship with the people who employ you.
I'm sorry to hear that your friends think that you deserve to be treated like crap - IMHO, your friends are shit and with friends like that, who needs enemies? Even I as a blogger, am telling you, as my reader, that you deserve to be treated with dignity, fairness and respect - it is a shame that your friends think, "nah that's Aurora, she deserves to be treated like crap." I'd tell your friends to fuck off.
There's a difference between quitting when the going is tough and quitting when it is clear you're working for a bunch of assholes. You're talking to a former national champion gymnast here, you think I won so many gold medals in my sport without putting up with extremely tough training? Do you know how many bones I have broken along the way just to get to where I am in the sport? But I trained hard and put up with the hardship and pain because I knew I had what it takes to be a champion and it paid off: 3 times national champion, traveled the world taking part in gymnastics competition and that brilliant performance in gymnastics led to 3 scholarships as it proved how special I am. Yeah it was worth it. What you're telling me is that you are working for a bunch of assholes who treat you like shit - where's the pay off? Where's your reward for putting up with this crap? Sounds like there isn't - so you're suffering for nothing.
It does sound like you've been given a LOT of bad advice and that has led to a low self-esteem, so you actually believe that you deserve the crap you're getting. In contrast, I actually have healthy self-esteem.
Kelvin, I typed my reply for Aurora before I read your post - the same message applies. I know of people who work for relatively low-level positions (a friend who works in a gym, another in a shop - neither are paid much) who are treated with respect by very nice bosses. Why? Because their bosses are nice people. Are you telling me that in Singapore, people naturally treat low-paid junior members of staff like crap just because that's the culture there? Geez. What is wrong with Singapore? Are there no nice bosses left in Singapore?
DeleteI've interned for a downright unethical HR firm that practised racism in their hiring practices. There I had an old hag bitch team leader who refused to believe I was sick when I had obviously been coughing very badly at work for a WEEK, and always refused to let me use the shared computer which I needed to do my basic duties.
DeleteI had also worked for a nice start-up company with very nice colleagues and bosses before. So no, it isn't the same everywhere.
Thank you Delia. That's my point exactly. Just because you don't have a degree from a top university doesn't mean that you deserve to be treated like crap. I have said this so many times before - there are terrible bosses, horrible people with disgusting HR practices all over Singapore and of course, by that token, there should also be nice people. There is no correlation between the level of your qualification and how well/badly you are treated. All you can do when you realize that the people you are working for are shitty is simply to walk away and find somewhere better to work. If you have enough self-respect and self-esteem, you wouldn't allow yourself to be treated like crap.
DeleteOh yes and might I add, I was 19 then and even then I had the good sense to run away from that recruitment firm at the first given opportunity. My bond was for 3 months, they threatened to fire me at the end of my second month and I happily accepted the threat. LOL.
DeleteI just think Singaporean youngsters should stop "rewarding" toxic employers with our labour thinking that any kind of terrible treatment is acceptable so long as the work comes with prestige and a good pay. There are many employers out there willing not to treat their interns/entry-level employees like crap, you just need to look hard enough and buff up your resume with the relevant skills to increase your chances of getting accepted.
Guys, sorry I simply could approve your comments on my phone whilst away in Belgium. I am back now and have quite a few responses to you - will get on with that soon.
ReplyDeleteTry the green card lottery. This is a legitimate lottery run by the US govt to distribute green cards but you need a degree to up your chances. Google it online.
ReplyDeleteLinda, by that token, you may as well ask Bram to buy every lottery ticket available to mankind. The odds of winning any kind of lottery, including the US green card lottery, is very low. The fact is there are ways he can migrate to the US (along with other countries in the West) that do not depend on having enough luck to win the lottery. I prefer to rely on hard work, following a formula that can work - rather than sheer good luck, if something means that much to me.
DeleteOh my god. This immigration system sounds pretty screwed up but at the same time, it tickles the curious part of me to want to try and apply, go through the process just for the kicks.
DeleteI'm jumping back into this - it's got a life of its own! It's funny how @abigail talks about responding to "hardcore" partisan colleagues, probably from her own experience? I think being in SG affects people, yes the expat can be condescending to the local or maybe it's something that we SGporeans interpret, in our self-loathing manner. It's not socially acceptable to rant about politics ("Lee Kuan You? Lee Kuan Me!") to colleagues - yes, the elections are on and it's all the news has to say (except a pause for Brussels) but in reality, no one talks about it. Most Americans don't even vote!
DeleteAs for crime, at least people don't walk around with their heads in their smartphones.
Poly vs JC - Polytechnic was originally meant to be a vocational institute, along the way, some poly students got into universities but the A-levels involves doing the General Paper which many students did not want to do, because it involves critical thinking and reading, not only skills application. I was hoping that our young friend Bram, if he's so intent on pursuing the academic route (that's the lie of meritocracy) would try to find out more about the potential pathways by preparing for post-graduate studies, the way many high schoolers here prepare for college admissions ~
DeleteWell yes Ling Ling, that was what I was thinking: if this guy is so obsessed with his GPA and wants to score a scholarship based on his good grades (rather than any other aspect of his life to prove his worthiness), then why didn't he go down the A level route as that would greatly increase his chances of getting a scholarship? Given that this is the path that the brightest students tend to win scholarships for top universities take, why did Bram go down the poly route then? OK I'm sure somebody is going to pipe up and say that some poly students do go on to get scholarships, nothing is impossible: I'm just puzzled at Bram's rather odd choices. If a scholarship is what you want, then you do whatever it takes to maximize your chances - you don't shoot yourself in the foot by taking a more challenging route and have the odds staked against you thus.
DeleteHi LiFT - I feel I should qualify my statement, it's not so much the "lie" of meritocracy, which is also the basis of the Amurican Dream, but rather the myth of meritocracy. Yes, some people make it through whatever circumstances but in the SG system, one grows up thinking that if you do A, B, C, you will achieve X, Y, Z. Every SG citizen is privileged - we have heavily subsidized education and healthcare, and housing (I'm not going into the right to own property) and has anyone seen a heavily pregnant young woman panhandling on a highway exit in SG?
DeleteAny place larger than Singapore is going to be messy: I think Johor Bahru is as scary as Chicago. A population who is contained within 240 square kilometres, is bound to turn out neurotic to a certain extent. Interstate travel to see more of the same thing? Don't you think many Westerners would want to live in a place where they can go to Bali/Phuket for not much money, hire live-in help for a few hundred dollars?
DeleteHi Ling Ling, I tell you what I think is brilliant about Singapore (which was true when I was living in S'pore in the 1980s and 1990s, not sure about now): hope. There was this naive hope that there is indeed social mobility - that it doesn't matter how poor your family is or what your background is, that if you study hard, things will get better for you (and your family) and you will have a brighter future. Whether or not this hope was based on reality/evidence is another question altogether, but without hope to begin with, people don't try as hard. In the UK for example, there are people from the wrong end of the social class system who think that they will never ever access social mobility and they cannot hope for a life better than their parents'. At least in Singapore, people have hope - and that's a powerful motivator. I don't know how much hope young Singaporeans have these days though, perhaps you can tell me.
DeleteHI, it's me again. I am really busy these days so I really can't do much but read everyone's comments. I'll try to reply to the points one at a time
DeleteI chose the poly route due to many reasons:
1. JC requires humanities to be taken into consideration for O'level students: As a secondary school student, my humanities were my weakest subject and I wasn't able to do well enough to enter a good JC due to humanities
2. I was highly recommended by my parents to take up polytechnic as I do better with a modular system and that I am better with my hands on skills.
3. I wasn't thinking of the scholarship thing until my parents told me to get a local university education (Don't get me wrong, after you've pointed out how ridiculous my idea is, I think that I'll not rely on getting a scholarship due my ridiculously weak chances. In other words, I won't keep my hopes up about this. I'll discuss more on what I'm getting here on another comment regarding what's the best path I can take to move out of Singapore)
Regarding why I'm obsessed with my gpa: I was already in a polytechnic when I realized how wrong I was with my decision, so I am trying as best as possible maximize my chances to move overseas as much as I can with what I have. From what I've read, a degree will increase my chances of getting a green card. Do correct me if I'm wrong in any aspect.
I've also seen the green card lottery about a year or 2 back but after you've also pointed out the chances, I think I'll shift my focus to a more reliable path
I don't think the choice of the JC is that important - there are plenty of people who went to pretty average JCs but worked really hard for their A levels, then got the grades that allowed them to access an excellent university. But let's not dwell on that since you've already made that choice.
Delete2. The problem with taking advice from your parents is that whilst they may know you well and they are quite simply, there - are they the best people to give you advice? Is the advice that they give you always the best? I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but your parents may be giving you loads of terrible advice. My own parents gave me loads of terrible advice - I politely smiled, nodded and then ignored them. Why? They are not that highly educated, I am more highly educated than them - I take away the fact that they care enough about me to try to give advice but then I realize the onus is in fact on me to seek more useful advice from more reliable sources when my parents are indeed limited by their lack of education/professional experience and so are in no position whatsoever to offer any kind of useful advice.
3. In so many words mate, you have no hope in hell of getting a scholarship. You're better off training to be a nurse and that will allow you to work in practically any country in the world as nurses are so much in demand. You don't need a scholarship to become a nurse. Loads of people work abroad and move to new countries without becoming a scholar. You don't need a scholarship to make that happen - not that you're scholar material anyway. Sorry to be blunt, but someone has to tell you the truth, okay?
4. Read my other piece about becoming an adult - your obsession with your GPA is a very, very childish trait. Grow the fuck up. You think anyone is going to give a fuck about what kind of childish kiddy projects you do at poly? It's not even degree level - nobody gives a flying fuck, it's so unimportant it is fucking laughable bullshit that I wipe my ass with after I take a poop. Again, sorry I have to be so fucking rude, but someone has to tell you the truth, okay? Your poly projects is as relevant to the working world as your primary one maths homework, ie. nobody gives a flying fuck. Why you are so obsessed about useless, stupid, childish BULLSHIT, sigh - it's a sign that you're incredibly immature and a kid really. A more grown up adult would be able to put it in perspective and realize, dude, none of your poly bullshit means a thing in the real world. Wake the fuck up and smell the coffee!
As for a degree - any fucking idiot with enough money can buy a fucking degree from a lousy university. It won't help you in the real world if you have a degree from a crap university, but I had this massive face-palm moment when you said that a a degree will increase your chances of getting a green card.
Dude. You need to get a work permit in America - that means you need to get qualifications in a job that is in demand in the USA to justify issuing that fucking work permit. OK? Nobody gives a fuck how many degrees you have, nurses don't have a fucking degree but they jump to the front of the queue because the US needs nurses. It is about having the right skills to get the right career you want - the green card is not about rewarding people who are smart and have degrees.
There are millions of people applying for the green card lottery and about 50,000 are issued per lottery. Your chances of being one of the 50,000 is so ridiculously small, you're better off buying all the lotteries in the world and hoping to win a decent prize. For fuck's sake, forget the fucking green card lottery. If moving to America means so much to you, would you wanna take your chances in a process that depends on nothing but luck?
DeleteI can't stress how much it irks me when you say "I'm so busy blah blah blah" - yeah right. Like you're the CEO of some big corporation making billions of dollars. Dude. You're in poly. Nobody gives a flying fuck about the stupid childish idiotic fucking bullshit you do there. Open your eyes and look at the real world for crying out aloud.
LOL, Alex, we should really just apply for the lottery just for fun, even if we do win it, there is still the remaining administrative procedures before one can get the green card. So maybe just for the kick, and trying to find out what exactly goes into the lottery. We can pull out anytime we want... I think so.
DeleteHi Weiping. If you really wanna move to the USA, would you rely on a method that delivers such poor odds for success? It's like if I wanted to buy a new house, would I buy a lottery ticket, hope that I win first prize, so I can afford the new house? No, I would use a more down to earth method to find the money and I wouldn't leave things to chance like that. The key feature about any kind of lottery is the element of luck/chance involved.
DeleteHi again.
DeleteFirst of all, I apologize for saying those words. I wasn't thinking much as I was depriving myself from sleep (it was my holidays so no, I am not doing anything about school and it's pretty obvious that my projects aren't going to matter at all in the working world, who cares?)
Second of all, I have forgotten about the scholarship (Yes, I didn't know how scholarships work back when I wrote my initial message to you) and the lottery, my chances are weak as heck.
Thirdly, about nursing, I need to do more research about how it works since it is a pretty alien profession to an engineer in training like me.
I still want to do well in school without that obsession which I have lost, engineering is still something that I really like and I really want to take pride in something of my true interest.
I actually approached you because I realized that the people I talked to weren't gonna understand where I'm coming from and that they are very satisfied with what Singapore has for them. Took me two years to muster up the courage to take action towards what I want.
There are Americans who would love to be Singaporeans. Someone I know was contemplating it because of the US taxes (just married an Sgporean). They decided to work in SG and retire in the US even though he can earn a lot more in the US (work in US, retire in SG/M'sia seems smarter to me - that's when you need healthcare and don't want to deal with weather/distance) But then again, these are the people who think Penang is *dangerous* and Malaysia is a mess.
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