Let's talk about quitting and quitters again

Continuing on our theme of Singaporeans who have left Singapore, I have read another blog post written by a Singaporean expatriate in Melbourne, addressing the issue of quitting and quitters. The phrase quitters has been used a lot by Singaporeans to refer to those who have left Singapore to work/live abroad. The assumption is that they had failed in Singapore and left as a last resort - this assumption is wrong of course, because it ignores the fact that it is far easier for Singaporeans to establish themselves and climb a career ladder on home turf, with the support network of family and friends, than halfway around the world where you have nobody there to help you. But the people who use such language are never logical - they have never ever considered what it is like to work in another country, what kind of difficult challenges they may face and most of all, they assume that every Singaporean's first choice is to live and work in Singapore. After all, we all have a range of different criteria that will make us happy and successful in our lives.

Is leaving Singapore going to be a good or bad choice for you?

But let's talk about the subject of quitting since I had a conversation about it yesterday at the gym with my friend - now we have a mutual friend (let's call him Zac - not his real name) who has recently quit gymnastics. Zac showed a lot of talent and promise as a young gymnast and clearly had the potential to go very far in the sport. Thus I was surprised to hear that Zac had given up on gymnastics and of course, I was keen to find out why. I found out that Zac didn't get along with his coach and rather than look for a new gymnastics club or coach, he simply gave up on the sport. Of course, I thought that was the wrong decision as Zac had sacrificed the opportunity to achieve great things in gymnastics when he decided to stop training. I only hope he finds something else worthwhile to do with his time, now that he is not training. But we'll see, we couldn't persuade Zac to change his mind.

There's this other gymnast in my club: let's call her Wendy (not her real name). She was a so-so gymnast as a teenager, but had become disinterested in the sport. Even when she was at training, she would constantly have her mobile phone on her (sending texts, taking calls, sending tweets, etc) even though the coach would scold her for that. Eventually Wendy quit gymnastics and we found out later that it was mostly because she found herself a new boyfriend and would rather spend her free time with her boyfriend than train hard at the gym. In Wendy's case however, whilst she wasn't totally terrible as a gymnast, I felt that she was at best slightly above average in terms of her talent and it was no big loss that she gave up on gymnastics since she was never ever going to rise to the level of a champion or go to the Olympics in any case. So, gymnastics was for her, at best, a fun way for her to keep fit.

Do you have what it takes to excel in gymnastics?

So let's look at these two case studies of Zac and Wendy: they both made the same decision in quitting gymnastics but the circumstances were quite different. In Zac's case, I thought that it was the wrong decision as he had missed out on a brilliant opportunity to achieve something great in the sport since he was extremely talented. But in Wendy's case, I simply shrugged my shoulders and thought, great - that frees up on more place on the programme for a younger gymnast who is more interested in working hard. The moral of the story is that you need to judge each person who quits on a case by case basis: is there going to be a great reward for the person if s/he didn't quit, stayed on and persevered? In Zac's case, the answer is yes, most definitely, given how brilliantly talented he was in gymnastics. In Wendy's case, the honest answer is no, as she really wasn't that talented in the first place so she may as well pursue something else which she may be better at or at least enjoy more.

Oh and a further note to Wendy's case - well, thankfully, there is a happy ending to this story! It turns out that her new boyfriend is in fact an actor and he managed to introduce her to the industry. Upon his recommendation, she attended an audition for a movie and managed to get a minor role in a film alongside some big names from Hollywood. So instead of being a mediocre gymnast who will never really go that far in the sport, she is now an actress and who knows where this first role in a movie will lead her now that she has had the opportunity to work with some famous A-listers. What is clear however, is that she is having a lot of fun, she is happy and enthusiastic about acting - that was something we really never saw when she was at the gym, where she was neither achieving that much or enjoying herself. By that token, we all agree that unlike Zac, Wendy had indeed made the right decision to quit gymnastics.

Zac and Wendy had different circumstances despite making the same decision.

Now let's apply the Zac vs Wendy analysis to Singaporeans who have left Singapore to work abroad, the key question is this: what are they giving up in leaving Singapore? There isn't a simple answer of course, as each person's circumstances is quite different. If the person leaving is giving up an incredible opportunity to achieve something amazing, then certainly leaving Singapore is a questionable choice. However, if leaving Singapore is going to make you better off, richer, happier and more successful - then it is a no brainer, what are you waiting for? This is not an easy question to answer as we don't have a crystal ball to predict the future: will you be happy and successful if you move to Australia, for example? Indeed, whether or not you will be successful in another country depends a lot on whether or not you have the right education, training and skills to land you a good job abroad.

However, there is one part of the equation that you have a lot more certainty about: your future in Singapore. If you are already happy in Singapore, then you have little motivation to want to leave. Why would you want to leave a place which has been so good to you? But if you are already very unhappy in Singapore, then what have you got to lose by leaving? It would not be that different from Wendy's decision to quit gymnastics - she wasn't having much fun, she wasn't achieving that much, she had little incentive to stay. But as for Zac, he was enjoying gymnastics, he was actually achieving quite a lot - then yeah, quitting was a definitely bad decision for him; but the circumstances for Zac and Wendy were so different, so it frustrates me that many Singaporeans often generalize and make assumptions about people who leave Singapore, rather than consider each individual's circumstances on a case-by-case basis.

What kind of future will you have in Singapore, are you happy there?

So if someone is leaving Singapore, the question really is to consider what he is 'quitting' and more importantly, what he is leaving for. There are times in life when quitting is the best thing to do - I've had a friend who was stuck in a job she hated. She felt she was stagnating, she didn't get along with her colleagues and boss, there were other things in life she had wanted to pursue but she was afraid of being able to find a better job if she left her current job. I helped her explore her options and got her applying for quite a few positions which suited her professional interests and skills - when she finally quit the job she hated, she felt such a sense of release and happiness all at the same time. In Chinese, we would use the phrase 脱离苦海 to summarize that feeling when she finally left that wretched job. Likewise, I had another friend who had emerged from a divorce recently, her marriage simply didn't work out and when the divorce finally came through, it was another 脱离苦海 moment. In life, we can't always expect everything to work out properly, but we can choose to make things better by walking away from a bad situation and seek greener pastures.

Then of course, you must look at the other side of the equation if you are talking about quitters quitting - that is about those who do stay behind. What kind of amazing things are they achieving for Singapore in the name of nation building? What outstanding achievements can they boast about? What have they contributed to Singaporean society? What can they be proud about? The truth is that the vast majority of Singaporeans will struggle to answer those difficult questions - they have not done anything that amazing for Singapore, nothing on their CV would even mildly impress gatekeepers in small companies, they most certainly wouldn't be able to win a scholarship based on their mediocre track records and if I may be blunt, they may have lived in worked in Singapore for many years, but have contributed nothing of significance or value to Singaporean society especially if they're reduced to driving a taxi after being made redundant at the age of 40. If "not quitting" yielded such poor, disappointing results, then oh dear, these people have well and truly wasted the most productive years of their lives in Singapore with so little to show for it.

Would you end up as a washed up 40-something driving a taxi in Singapore?

Thus by that token, I don't believe you should be judging people by whether they have chosen to "quit" Singapore or stay in the country of their birth given just how many Singaporeans in their 40s and 50s have achieved so little they should be hanging their heads in shame and embarrassment. Great, you've expressed your patriotism by living in Singapore and contributing so little to the country you're supposed to love. Let's be pragmatic here: I judge people by what they have achieved, not what country they live in. And if you've done plenty for Singapore society, if you can categorically list the things that you have contributed to your country's well-being, then good for you - but if you can't, then shut up, go stand in the corner and hang your head in shame before going back to driving a taxi.

At the end of the day, you owe it to yourself to make yourself happy. Making others happy doesn't always make yourself happy - so if you do want to quit Singapore and seek greener pastures abroad, then I wish you all the best. Consider your options carefully and I hope you make the right decision - but if you're already miserable in Singapore, then it's a no-brainer: I say, leave already. Oh, like you should have left last year already. Many thanks for reading.

I found greener pastures abroad - will you?