Q: To ask for help or not to ask for help

Hello again everyone! Further to the last question when we dealt with about accepting drinks from strangers in a bar, I have received yet another question and once again, I would like to open this up to my readers and see if we can come up with a range of solutions and suggestions for this reader.

"Hi Limpeh, I wonder if I could seek your opinion about the situation I am in. I am a fresh graduate who has been trying to apply for many jobs and so far, nada - nothing, I have not even been able to secure a single interview. It is a depressing situation. My older sister is dating this guy (let's call him BK, not his real name) who is a pretty senior figure in a big MNC. My parents have suggested asking BK for help to get a job at his company, like he can exert his influence, pull some strings and get me through the door since he is a big shot there. But I am hesitating, it doesn't feel right. I really don't want to put my sister in an awkward position just in case BK can't help me and he feels bad, she feels bad etc, that's just a lot of awkwardness they don't deserve and this is my problem, it should not be something that tests their fairly new relationship. They've only been seeing each other for about 3 months - so I don't think I'm in a position to ask him for that kind of help. It's not like he's my brother-in-law. Well, not yet anyway - maybe in the future... 

So. Am I paranoid or am I just too proud to ask for help? My parents have said that all he can do is say no and there will be no hard feelings and we will move on, find another way. 'You don't ask, you don't get'.  But if he says yes and give me some help, then that would be great and frankly, I do need the help. It's a long story but I don't think my degree is going to help me much in today's job market. I think BK is a nice guy and I'm sure he won't mind helping me. What do you suggest Limpeh? Could I ask BK for help? My parents suggested that my sister could bring up the topic, hint at it and maybe he will automatically offer to help, then I don't even need to ask - but that just sounds like such a lame idea. I don't really know what to do. Can you help me please Limpeh? Thank you very much for your help.
-Suarezfan"

OK Suarezfan, I don't have the perfect answer for you - but for what it's worth, let me offer my thoughts on your situation. Firstly, I think it's okay to ask BK for help as long as you're sure what you are asking for. You cannot ask him to give you a job in his company - it doesn't work like that. He could at best tell you when his company is hiring and share the information with you about the position they are recruiting for, show you where to apply and maybe even put in a good word for you with the HR department (or the gatekeeper receiving the applications) - then it is out of his hands, it would be someone else's decision during the interview process and it would be out of his hands. I don't have an ethical or moral problem with receiving that kind of help. But BK would not use his influence to get you a job at his company - that's putting him in a potentially difficult situation in case it turns out to be a bad decision (like if you couldn't perform well in that company), then he would be blamed for a very bad decision. That's why BK has to be careful.

Given that BK has obviously carved a successful career for himself, he could easily tell you where else you can apply for jobs, what other companies are recruiting and alert you to opportunities in the market. He could also help go through your CV, perhaps identify areas of weaknesses and suggests ways you can improve your skills to look better to future employers. After all, that's just asking him for some good advice, you're not asking him for any kind of nepotism or favoritism, so there's nothing wrong with that.

It is noble of you indeed to think about you sister in this situation - it would be unfair to put any pressure on her to try to get BK to help. No, it is best to leave her out of the equation altogether - if she can be of help, then by all means ask her for help; but if it is BK's help you're after, then go directly to BK and just ask him for help. And if he refuses to help for whatever reason, then it's not the end of the world. There are plenty of other people I am sure you can approach for help and advice and plenty you can do to help yourself (by coming to ask me for help, that's a great first step, never be afraid to ask for help). Most of all, be realistic: the best BK can do is offer you some sound advice, really.

Also, be prepared that BK may be unable (rather than unwilling) to help you - some people are very good at what they do but are hopeless at trying to help others or simply lack the ability to solve someone else's problems. It takes a certain amount of empathy to put yourself in someone else's shoes to think about how to solve their problems from their point of view. I remember once when I was job hunting years ago, when I had just left university and was stuck in a job I hated - I approached this older friend for advice. This guy had his own successful company, drove a gorgeous car and had so much money. Yet his advice was crap - he told me about how he started off as an assistant sales manager at John Lewis (a department store) and worked his way up. And I'm like, how's that supposed to help me? Work my way up? How? I don't even work in retail! How is your story even relevant to what I am facing?

With that in mind, feel free to ask BK for help but don't expect miracles, okay? I open this to the rest of my readers, should Suarezfan ask BK for help? What are his options? Please leave a comment below, thanks for reading!