Three thoughts from this week from the world of showbiz

Hi there - apologies for the radio silence on my part. I have had a super busy period, being picked up at 5 am from my home everyday and working till 9 or 10 pm every day, getting no more than 5 hours of sleep a night. It has been a super exhausting shoot schedule but I would like to share a few thoughts with you, from the world of showbiz.

Another day in the office: on set!

What is your self-worth?

I had recently talked about how I had very low self-esteem as a child and this continues to affect me in adult life despite me projecting a very brave and confident front. Sometimes, I am not even conscious about how low my self-esteem is and I risk underselling myself because I don't believe that I am worthy. Let me show you an example of how it manifested itself recently on this shoot, as I undervalued my contribution and worth.

I had originally auditioned for one of the lead roles in this ad - they were looking for three Chinese guys who were handsome, good actors, bilingual in English and Mandarin and could also do awesome kungfu fighting. Well, I scraped through the acting audition and had to do a second audition where they tested my kungfu and wire work skills. As it turned out, I aced the kungfu and wire work audition but I was rejected on the fact that I was too old and didn't have the right look they needed - hey, I know what I see when I look in the mirror. I am a balding 38 year old guy, I am under no illusions that I am some gorgeous, beautiful supermodel. Look, I heard about this through the grapevine okay - I assure you nobody told me, "hey you're so old and ugly." They were a lot more formal and tactful than that.

If your self-esteem is low, you could undervalue your worth.

It then turned out that they couldn't find anyone who both had the gorgeous, handsome good looks as well as the right kungfu skills - so they picked three actors on the basis of their fine looks and each of them would have a stunt double. Two of the stunt doubles were extremely experienced kungfu experts from China (one was flown in from Shanghai, the other one is already based in London), both of them have done plenty of stunt work and I am the third stunt double. I was really quite surprised as I have not done that much stunt work (I am more of an actor who can do physical stuff, rather than a stunt specialist per se), but I was offered the job based on the performance I had put in during the kungfu and wire work auditions. Incidentally, I was the only actor in that audition process who passed the kungfu and wire work audition, I was the only one who met the super high standards of the stunt choreographer (who has worked on a number of James Bond films amongst other very high profile projects over the last three decades).

So when it came to deciding how much I was going to get paid, I was offered the same contract as the actors, not a penny less. Well, I was over the moon with that offer and said yes immediately. I thought I was getting a good deal - then I found out that one of the other stunt guys (the Chinese guy based in London) was getting paid more than me. Well my first reaction was that it was unfair - we're basically performing more or less similar stunts, so why is he being paid more than me? It turns out that he is being paid more than me for two reasons: firstly, he is playing a duo role, as a performer and also as a stunt advisor, assisting the stunt choreographer. Secondly, he is on the stunt register (this is a register for qualified stunt people in the UK, which I didn't bother training for as it is a long and expensive process). It is common practice to pay qualified professionals more: compare a teaching assistant to a qualified teacher, or a carer to a qualified nurse - such is the way it is: more qualifications will often get you a higher pay rate for the same job.

The casting process is often very complex.

Okay, fair enough, I accept the explanation and didn't challenge it - it comes with the territory. In showbiz, this is common place. Just pick any film and I can assure you that the different characters are offered different contracts: some will be paid more, some will be paid less and I guess it is up to my agent to get me the best possible contract (the more I get paid, the bigger his cut). I accepted that my agent must have tried his best in this case and this was the best possible scenario and the fact that someone else managed to get a better contract is irrelevant (even if that fact does bother me, admittedly). But it does demonstrate just on how much stuntmen should be paid for the work they do!

I guess the moral of the story is that I didn't feel I deserved to get paid as much as the actors who were selected for their good looks and I was jolted out of that way of thinking when I realized one of the other stunt doubles was being paid more than me. For the last few days, us stunt doubles have been working out butts off on the shoot whilst the actors merely step in for the close ups and look beautiful for the camera - but they are reliant on stunt doubles like me to make the action sequences look amazing. Who deserves to be paid more? I am being paid for my physical skills, not just for my looks - and I guess there is a certain amount of pride associated with working like that.

Is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?

I had an interesting conversation with the other stunt guy - the one who was flown in from China just for this shoot. Now I have so much respect for this guy, his kungfu is amazing and he is a very experience stunt man at the top of his game in China. However, he doesn't speak a word of English and he is reliant of one of the Mandarin speakers (including myself) to communicate with the rest of the team on this shoot. You see, these kungfu experts from China spend most of their time training when in school, he went to some kind of Kungfu/Wushu academy where he barely studied at all.

He is a shy guy who doesn't say much, but sometimes he would ask me questions about England which I would gladly answer. Some of his questions do indicate that he is quite ignorant about the West and it isn't surprising given his lack of a formal education. We have had some pretty interesting conversations. Please understand that there is no judgement on my part here - he has become stunningly good at a skill which has enabled him to get well paid work, so the fact that he doesn't speak English or know much about the West hasn't hindered his career at all.

I can still perform gymnastics tricks despite being in my late 30s.

So the other day, he asked me how long I had been doing stunt work - so I told him how I got into acting after leaving a career in finance. He was astonished at my story, he told me, "You are educated, you went to university, you had a good job, you speak so many languages, you're obviously very intelligent - why on earth would you want to do stunt work like me? We work so hard, we risk getting injured, the directors make such demands on us - they want us to perform the impossible... We never get famous like the actors, I have been in so many big movies in China and my face has never appeared on the big screen because I am just the stunt double for the big star. It is a hard life. If I were you, I would not choose to do this. If I could go work in an office everyday, I would."

I contemplated his words and I suspected that he thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. I had been on both sides of the fence and I have even blogged about it - but I guess the simplest answer to his question is simply, "because I can." How many bankers can actually perform stunts the way I do? Likewise, how many stuntmen can hold down a day job in the world of financial services? I suppose we're expected to use our brains or brawn to make a living - well, what do you do when you have both? Why should I be forced to choose? I love the fact that I have both brains and brawn and hey, the pay for stunt performers is pretty good in the UK and I'm having fun.

Is an office job superior to a stuntman's job?

I also feel that perhaps my colleague imagines that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence - after all, he is already very good at what he does and has built himself a career as a stuntman. I know of many struggling actors who would be insanely jealous at the number of movies, TV programmes and commercials he has worked on. He ought to be more proud of what he has achieved, rather than think about what other people who have achieved. Who knows, maybe this guy has a self-esteem problem as well - which is a shame, as he should really be so proud of himself.

Who is Luke Lee?

Now given how complex the casting process was (which I explained at the beginning of this blog post - how they ended up getting the beautiful actors stunt doubles), one of the actors originally selected for one of the roles of the male leads was Luke Lee of Singapore. I met him briefly at a costume fitting and we talked a little. Two days later, we were informed that Luke is no longer a part of the project - I don't know if he decided to quit or if he was 'sacked' - either way, Luke's replacement from HK is a really nice guy: tall and complete with boyish good looks. I would love to find out why Luke was 'replaced' but I am not sure if I will ever find out. Given the amount of money they are offering for that part and how high profile this project is, I think it would be unlikely for Luke to want to quit - but that's me speculating.

Anyway, Luke claimed to have done loads in Singapore and to be fair, I have looked him up on google and found this on Wikipedia. So yes he has done some things in Singapore but I have a feeling it was a 'big fish in a small pond syndrome'. This would have been his big international break, to be involved in a huge international project, working with a huge name in the industry. So for my readers in Singapore, is this guy really a big shot in Singapore? Have you even heard of him? I must admit, I've never heard of him - but then again, I don't live in Singapore. Do let me know please.

Who is this Luke Lee person? 

So that's it from me for now from the world of showbiz. I will keep you guys updated - speak to you soon. Ciao!