But this was never going to happen. I remember when I was 15 - my English teacher in secondary school got us to write an essay on football: love it or hate it. I think I was one of only two or three boys in my class who wrote an essay about why I hate football - the rest of the class went with 'why I love football'. That's a basic part of me that will never change - the fact is, I didn't come to the UK as a young child, I arrived here in 1997 for university, at the age of 21, as an adult. At that age, I was already an adult with 21 years of character building, with a lot of opinions (such as about football culture amongst other things) already hardwired into my brain.
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| A lot of my opinions were already hard wired into my brain by the time I turned 21. |
Nonetheless, I have changed in many ways since moving to Europe and I am going to use a simple food analogy to explain this process. As a child in Singapore, I had very limited exposure to cheese as my parents were not fond of it - I remember these tasteless, bland slices of processed cheese used in cheeseburgers and cheese sandwiches. When I first went to France in 1997, I remember encountering a huge cheese board after dinner where there were at least fifteen different kinds of hard and soft cheeses. I tried each and every single one of them - it was the first time I had encountered most of these cheeses and I was forming a new opinion each time I popped a morsel of the cheese into my mouth. I liked some of them more than others and was particularly fond of Brie and Camembert.
So I was prepared to form new opinions about new experiences that awaited me in Europe (eg. I totally fell in love with skiing) - but as for football, I have encountered in a lot during my first 21 years growing up in Singapore, so I already had a very clear and strong opinion on it by the time I first set foot in Britain. So whilst I am more than happy to embrace new experiences (such as French cheeses that I have never tasted n Singapore), I am unlikely to change my mind on issues which I already have a pretty strong opinion on before I have ever set foot in Europe.
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| Cheese, caws, fromage, kaas, queso, syr, fromaggio... |
Thus the things that define me today are a mix of things that I already liked doing before I left Singapore and new things that I have embraced here. For example, I loved writing when I was in Singapore and blogging allows me to reach a huge audience. I liked gymnastics as a child and I still train many times a week. Whilst I may have developed a liking for new things I have encountered in Europe (such as French cheese), I never stopped liking the things I liked a a child back in Singapore. Likewise, I still dislike the same things I disliked when I lived in Singapore.
Let me talk about some of the things about me which have changed. I did become a lot more confident and independent once I left home - I suppose this is the equivalent of being thrown in the deep end of the pool and learning to swim very quickly to avoid drowning. There's no way you can survive living on your own in another country if you are dependent on your parents in a domestic context for daily household chores - cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping etc. I have told this story before on my blog and I will tell it again: I had a neighbour who didn't last a year in the UK because she found it impossible to cope without her maid and mother. So she gave up her place at a top British university mid-way through her first year, moved back to Singapore and applied to NUS, where she started all over again.
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| If you're going to jump into the deep end of the pool... |
I have also learnt a lot about coping with life in Europe - I have acquired a great deal of knowledge and new social skills, particularly after I have entered the working world. Again, this is one of those do or die situations: either you adapt to your new environment or you fail. I'm sure plenty of Singaporeans undergo that same change when they enter the working world in Singapore - you simply learn to adapt to the challenges of your new environment: you grow and change as a result of that experience, but you do it your own way.
But really, so I would say that I have grown rather than have changed. Now I would like to use a gardening analogy to illustrate this point: when a young lemon sapling grows into a mature lemon tree, sure the tree looks very different but it still retains the same characteristics as a lemon plant. The young lemon plant will not and cannot grow into a durian tree or an apple tree - the same way I hated football as a child and I still hate football today because I am still me.
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| A lemon tree cannot produce one of these. |
So there you go - that's my short little piece for today. I have lived in the UK for 17 years but even if I lived here for 71 years, I will still hate football culture. I will always hate football culture and it's got nothing to do with me not assimilating, it's me being true to myself. I think the bottom line is that we're all unique individuals who cannot easily be defined by our nationality, ethnicity or religion. It is a fallacy anyway to treat any group - British people, Chinese people, Singaporean people etc - as if they were a monolithic entity. If you have lived in another country, let me know how the experience has changed you (or not). Feel free to leave a comment below - thank you for reading.
Well, I have been lurking around this blog for ages; your views are definitely a refreshing slice to general negativity about living in Singapore and its social issues.
ReplyDeleteHaving lived in Australia for almost a decade, my views about politics have gradually changed. One that was once coloured by religion and "family values" to one that is greatly influenced about gender equality and social issues concerning marriage equality and the freedom to express yourself.
Apart from gaining basic life skills (e.g. cooking and driving), I understand that networking (not gaining educational qualifications) forms the basis on getting new opportunities in life. My views might have been said to have changed from a collectivist viewpoint to one that emphasizes individualism.
Hi there cruxie faye. Thanks for your comment. I think our views evolve and change, we gain new skills to adapt to our new environments but we all do so in our own ways. I've always been a liberal in my social attitudes so naturally I found myself naturally seeking allies with others with similarly liberal attitudes - I think that's what moving to another country allows us to do: we start on a fresh slate and we get to build a brand new social network. Whereas back in Singapore, our social networks are determined by our families and the schools we went to. That's why going to another country is always interesting because whilst it does give us a chance to redefine ourselves, we may end up with the same social patterns if we end up seeking out the same kind of friends we are comfortable with.
DeleteI have lived abroad for ten years - in the UK and Switzerland - and seen how there is a real alternative to what Singapore society dictates what is the path to success - it is a rather narrow one and reserved for the top 5 per cent who lord it over others; while the majority are left behind. Rightfully so everyone has different talents and degrees of intelligence but the govt has failed to bring out the best in everyone. The education system just seems to churn out drones instead of independent thinkers so vital as we redefine ourselves as an economy. The top down approach in all aspects of life in Singapore is delibatating and I have embraced thw philosophy of independence and individualism in the UK and CH. I am raising my kids with that mindset. I am Eurasian - was raised by my English grandad (I come from a family of colonials - my ancestors worked for the East india company with Raffles) and my half Irish grandmother, so I have always felt technically English/british (my mum is Chinese but staunchly refuses to speak mandarin - her dad was an English educated primary school teacher). I faced a lot of opposition and discrimination while in school here especially from my peers from Chinese speaking homes who could not understand my ability to speak my mind, express my views and disdain for govt policies. My best friends were either Malays, babas or indians - people who were also subjected to some form of discrimination and who were more liberal in their thinking. When I left to study in London - everything seemed to click - I finally felt apcepted and felt at ease with the people and its culture! So I am fundamentally English even though I carry a Singapore passport. For goodness sake I must have been the only kid to have afternoon tea at 4pm daily, eat oats porridge for breakfast, watch British comedies and documentaries, listen to the BBC radio service daily, exposed to Biritish music, eat pies etc - I could go on. I went out with Singapore guys but felt they were too molly coddled and a little too close their mother's strings to me -that made me uncomfortable. Their mums thouhht little about me in turn (I.e perception that Eurasian girls are bad, naughty etc - they preferred their sons to go out with a Chinese girl instead - I think the guys saw me as a trophy girl anyway and not as a person). I ended up marrying a nice English guy from a little village and have three little ones. Living back in Singapore now as I want the kids to pick up Mandarin and to have a strong base in maths and science. But we are planning to go back to the UK in future. Good for them to formulate balanced views of both cultures.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda, did you read my blog post about me being Eurasian as well? http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/im-black-im-white-im-asian-am-i-panda.html
Deletehttp://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/my-dna-analysis-results-are-in.html
http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/158-angmoh-just-spoke-to-my-parents.html
Oh yah I read those two entries a while back - I am not surprised - I think the Chinese in Singapore look very different physically and act differently from PRCs. There's probably a lot of mixing about going on and some skeletons in the cupboard....... BTW, where did you get that DNA analysis done? I am curious about myself since I recently also uncovered that my -greatgreat-grandafather came from Romania and that I am actually part Jewish. Now I know that I am one of the few vestiges of colonialism in Singapore - the blood of almost of all the races that congregated on this little isle (with the exception of Indian I think) flows in me. Shame that all the places I grew up have been bulldozed/altered beyond recognition - there are few things to anchor me in SG for the long term. My (British & Australian) aunts who were born/lived/grew up in SIngapore in the 1930s-1960s would be shocked if they ever returned - the SG they knew and loved is long dead and buried.
DeleteI did that DNA test as part of the Rio 2016 Olympics PR campaign - it's a project called We R No Race: basically, it's trying to prove to the people coming to the 2016 Olympics that we're all a bit mixed even if you think you're 'Chinese' or Irish or Indian or whatever box you wanna tick, in your blood, it's a lot more complex than that because your cultural identity is not quite the same as the DNA you have inherited from your ancestors. So whilst my parents may have been brought up to be 'very Chinese' by their parents, they still had some European blood in term. Given that I have 2 grandparents who were adopted, we know very, very little of their background, so it could have been either or both adopted grandparents who had the European blood.
DeleteSome of my friends who got the DNA testing just turned out to be quite pure, like 99% white or 98% black African etc - but my results were interesting to say the least.
Then again, that just gave me an opportunity to find out more about my late grandparents - my cultural identity is not determined by my DNA results.
Heh. There is value in being consistent. But a foolish consistency etc. Do you not find that over time, you change and become a different person? And that what you once disliked, you now like; what you once liked, you find puerile?
ReplyDeleteI found that over time, I learnt new things, had new experiences, accumulated new knowledge - thus I became wiser of course, but that doesn't change me per se. I'm like the lemon plant growing from a lemon sapling into a lemon bush and finally into a lemon tree. These new skills, experiences, knowledge etc - represent the new branches on my tree that I am growing. I would change from a lemon tree to a mango tree or pear tree.
DeleteYes indeed. Ah well, vive la difference etc. I'm quite happy being a different person than when I was young. From being a tree to perhaps a pelican.
DeleteAs long as you're happy.
DeleteThanks to Facebook, I am able to see what has become of a lot of my friends from school and sure people grow and evolve but they don't turn into someone different: ie. turn from a lemon tree into a mango tree or pelican... I have this friend who has turned into this super successful businesswoman - I see that as her growing into a lemon tree with loads of beautiful ripe fruit hanging on her branches because I saw all that potential for her success when we were in JC because she was so good with people.
Very happy thanks :)
DeleteAnd well. Heh. Heaven and earth, philosophy etc.
Hey LPFT, I remembered you spent some time in China.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I am graduating soon, and have accepted a position in Shanghai.
Was keen to hear your thoughts on working in China.
Of course, your meter may vary, but it could be fun to hear about your experience.
Good luck. In a nutshell, here are some key points for you to bear in mind.
Delete1. There is a huge culture shock - on the surface you may find Shanghai quite modern but scratch beneath the surface and you will find PRCs very different in many ways and making friends will be difficult. I remember how I got along with all my PRC colleagues over the years (I learnt that from NS, always get along with people you have to work with) - but then again, I did make 2 very good PRC friends over the many years; especially one of them. But they were both educated abroad (one was educated in the UK the other in Oz) so even though they were PRC, they had more in common with me.
2. The standard of public hygiene is shockingly poor. Remember that case of the PRC woman allowing her child to pee in public at a food court in Sentosa? Be prepared to encounter incidents like that all the time, left right and centre in China, in the most inappropriate places. It's gross - but you'll get used to it.
3. You will need to seek out other expats for your social circles - there are so many expats in a place like Shanghai and you will end up having a very international social circle.
4. The good thing about Shanghai is that it is a big city and you'll have plenty of choices in terms of what you wanna do in terms of your social life - you'll be able to find like minded peers whatever you're into.
5. Your Chinese will improve - naturally!
6. You'll learn to appreciate the 4 seasons - though it really doesn't get that cold in winter in Shanghai, unlike up north in Beijing and beyond.
7. You'll become numb to poverty. You'll see construction workers working at midnight, doing all kinds of hard work on construction sites and you may wonder for a brief moment, why are they working at midnight? How long have they been working (since morning? on shift work?) - how much are they paid? But with China's construction boom being fueled by migrant labour from the countryside, there is no shortage of cheap labour in Shanghai and right next to the skyscrapers and luxury malls, you will see a LOT of poor people.
8. Good for you. Spread your wings, see the world. All the best for your new job.
The dislike of football really rings true with me. I've been encouraged to watch it since boyhood and have always found it tedious. I've been in the UK and Ireland since 1982 apart from a few years doing NS and working in Singapore and have always disappointed my Singaporean buddies with my great, dark pit of footballing ignorance. My Irish friends here thankfully maintain a similar interest in the 'beautiful game' as me.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! Thanks for your comment Ian - glad we see eye to eye when it comes to football!
DeleteHaving lived away for almost 28 years, I can safely say that I am quite a different person. I look at things from both sides now. I am a lot less self-absorbed and more critical of life. I don;t believe in absolutes. I think people are capable of good and evil. Living in Singapore, everything was black and white. Now, I see that there is so much grey in the world and in people. Why? Because I think for myself rather than the government/media/mom/friends tell me what or how things are. I have changed so much that I no longer have much common interests with old friends. I am also the same in some ways. I still love reading (although my genres have changed), and I still love tennis and beautiful things. People evolve over time. Environment factors play a huge factor as well.
ReplyDeleteI quite agree Di. Always the most insightful as ever. Personally, I think I have come to realise after living abroad that there's more to life then just grades, and subsequently earning money to buy the next big thing or keeping up with the Joneses. For a sizable number of people in Singapore, that seems to be their prime focus now - earning status through possessions - to the detriment of their health and relationships. Life is to be enjoyed/savored and you have to be thankful for what you've got. I believe that venturing overseas has also given me the ability to emphatise better with others and to acknowledge other points of view besides your own or those bandied within your social circle, and to understand how important it is to retain your individuality, dreams and your identity in the face of naysayers. I have not changed fundamentally - but I think having gone abroad and experienced a different way of life - I am now more at peace with myself and I can now truly be myself and not what society wants me to be (Singapore's education system tries to mould you into a worker drone - but I resisted). Probably because my eyes have opened and now I am aware of the futility of trying to compete in the rat race. What matters most to me now is relationships - those with my family and my closest friends. And that what keeps me going and what keeps me sane & happy.
DeleteI like Alex's analogy of the lemon tree not ever being an apple tree. It applies to my changes. Fundamentally, like you, Linda, I have no changed even though in my previous comment, I said I have changed much. I should have said that I have EVOLVED. And I agree that not having to keep up with the Joneses is very satisfying. I really do not care what they think of my old car and small home. I'd rather spend my money on experiences than material possessions. Like this spring, we'll be travelling to Zhihuatanejo and Mexico City. I can't wait for my son to experience the culture and sights of a different culture and life. That is more important than that country club decal on my windshield. Sane and happy --- yes, that is a good goal!
DeleteAaaah, I know that reference from Shawshank Redemption/Family Guy :) Zihuatanejo !! Wow! Time to brush up on your Spanish!
DeleteOmg! You are the only one who caught on. Yes! Shawshank Redemption. Andy Dufrene's coastal village on the Pacific. I have been wanting to go because of that show. 19 years he plotted to escape. "Tunnel of shit" to freedom. He is my hero. I have watched that movie many many times. Love it.
DeleteHave fun! Sounds like an incredible place to visit. I was planning to visit my friend in Peru this summer but he may or may not still be there come summer as he is not really coping very well there. Still have no idea what big adventure I am planning for this summer but I will go somewhere.
DeleteI believe that most of our like and dislike will be more or less fixed by the time we are in our 20s. However, the 2nd generation of immigrants might be more influenced by the environment as compared to the 1st generation as they are raised there from young.
ReplyDelete