How do you express your personality through fashion?

I have to thank my reader Ronald for this great question about fashion - you know, whilst I love talking about fashion, I hate to impose my views on others as there are so many ways to look good and create an image that suits you. Everyone has their own tastes and it is important to not only look good to the world around you but to feel happy and comfortable in the clothes that you are wearing. Here's Ronald's question to kick us off on this interesting topic:

Ronald Seah16 January 2014 04:08

Hi Limpeh, I don't understand what you mean by expressing your identity through your appearance. How would you do that?

People often express their personality through fashion.

That is a great question Ronald, thanks so much for that! There are two contrasting motivations that determine our choice of clothing, firstly there is the desire to conform and then there is the desire to stand out. Let's look at the first of the two: to confirm. Now it is quite normal for us to wear what others expect us to wear. A most basic example is for us to wear clothes that would match our gender; if a man wears a dress and high heels, then he would mostly likely get quite a few awkward stares whilst walking down the street. Puzzled little kids may ask their mothers, "why is that man wearing a woman's dress and high heels?" This is because we do not expect a man to wear a dress and whether you like it or not, we are socially conditioned to expect a man to dress a certain way.

There is a huge desire to conform to those around us - you would naturally feel awkward if you turned up at an event and only to discover that you were underdressed for the event (or even overdressed by the same token). We want to feel a part of a team, a part of a community - being dressed in a similar way to those in that group makes us feel like we are a part of that group. This stems back to the time we are students in school, where we visually identify with those around us wearing the same uniform, as opposed to those from other schools who have a different school uniform.

There is an instinctively desire to conform to some degree in group situations.

Naturally, we want others to like what we're wearing, or at least approve of what we're wearing. We don't want people to stare at us as if we have made a terrible mistake by wearing that combination - that is was a crime for the fashion police. No, that is why our decisions in terms of what we choose to wear is often determined by whom we're going to meet that day and what their expectations are. So a lawyer who is going to court to defend a client would have a very different context compared to say, a computer games salesman going to a product launch event targeting teenagers. The lawyer wants the judge to rule in his favour, the salesman wants the teenagers to buy his products - they each want something from the people they are about to meet that day.

Some people are motivated entirely by this desire to conform when they choose what to wear - but what about the people who choose to do the opposite and stand out? They are motivated by a desire to be noticed by others around them - they want others to say, "hey look at her/him, isn't s/he gorgeous! I love what s/he is wearing!" You can find extreme examples of this would be big stars like Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus and Bjork who go out of their way to get noticed at events by being more flamboyant and colourful than everyone else - because they want to be noticed. These big stars thrive on attention and fashion is just another tool they use to get noticed by the media.

Most people who do want to stand out want to do so in a nice way, in a good way. They want to be admired for their sense of style, rather than mocked for looking ridiculous. Achieving this means getting the delicate balance between conforming and standing out just right. It's not as complicated as it may seem, really. Firstly, you need to understand just what the basic expectations are of the people you are going to meet with today. Now you are going to have to meet those basic expectations by conforming to what they will deem acceptable in the first instance before you can even think about standing out. So take for example, a woman is going to a business meeting with some important clients - they would expect her to be formally attired. So that's the basic premise, that's the rule that she has to conform to: whatever she wears, it has to come across as elegant and formal.

However, once she has fulfilled that requirement, she can then select individual pieces of clothing and accessories that will allow her to stand out in a boardroom full of formally attired business people. It could be a subtle statement - maybe an unusual piece of jewelry like a necklace or pair of earrings that has an interesting ethnic design. Maybe it could be a silk scarf with an interesting ethnic design to contrast the rest of the more solid tones of her business attire. Or it could be a more bold fashion statement by trying to be a bit more elegant than everyone else, opting for a piece of retro fashion or perhaps choosing an unusual colour or fabric for one or more of the pieces of clothing she is wearing - as long as it looks formal (remember the rules) and the combination works, then her combination could have a very positive impact on the impression she makes on those at the meeting.

Yes you can express your personality even in the corporate world.

Now putting together a slightly unusual combination to stand out from the crowd is tricky to say the least, that is why many people don't even try to pull it off. Here's a true story, I once had a colleague Jack who turned up at work with the most badly mismatched outfit ever and I just had to ask him what was going on. Jack said that he normally prepared his outfit for the next day before going to bed - but he had forgotten the night before. As his wife was unwell, he didn't want to turn on the lights and wake her up at 6 am in the morning when he had to get up to go to work. Jack couldn't find a torch either, so with no more than his mobile phone's screen as a torch, he stumbled around in the dark, fumbling through wardrobe and this was the (rather odd) result. Oh dear. Poor Jack.

So if you want to look different and stand out from the crowd, you have to make sure you do not end up like Jack with the "I got dressed in the dark" look. It cannot be a random decision to put two contrasting articles of clothing together - it is necessary to decide on a theme. Maybe you want to go for a retro look, perhaps you want to experiment with a bit of ethnic flair or a touch of glamour: it has to be a conscious decision what message you want to convey and such a message could (and should) reflect a part of your personality. Remember, we live in a shallow world where people do make snap judgments about you and your place in society based on first impressions. 

What does your attire tell us about your place in society?

As for what part of your personality you wish to express through your fashion decisions, well that's entirely up to you. I would say that there is an element of window dressing to this - let me give you an example. If you are a florist and you want to let the pedestrians walking by your shop window that you sell fresh flowers, you would create beautiful floral displays in your shop window. If you were a bakery, then you would put your most delicious looking cakes and pastries in your shop window to entice the potential customers to come in. Think of yourself as a shop then - what are your best products and what do you want people to think of when they see you?

So you have to start with the message you want to send to the world around you: what do you want people to think of when they see you? What is the theme? Do you want them to think you are creative? Elegant? Quirky? Sporty? Youthful? Funky? Conservative? Posh? Authoritative? Sexy? I could go on listing personality traits and what people can do is to pick two or more traits that they wish to convey and express both of those themes concurrently in their fashion choices. Take sexy and elegant as a combination- you'll be amazed how many women go for that look in the business world with sleeveless tops, plunging necklines and hemlines which show off plenty of thigh - yet the overall impression is still elegant because of the material and style of the clothing.

What kind of message does your image send to those around you?

As everyone is a unique individual, I cannot tell you what you should wear or what part of your personality you ought to be expressing through your fashion choices. I would challenge you to think about the message you want to send to the world though - too many people default to conformity or worse still, the 'I can't be bothered, I don't give a damn" look. Successfully expressing your personality is a delicate balance of understanding the people you are dealing with and finding out how best to convey the message you want them to take away from your 'window dressing'. Those who have mastered this fine art are usually very good with people in general because it involves understanding your audience and learning how to communicate a message effectively to them, not through words, but through fashion. When it all comes together successfully, not only will you feel great about being able to send out precisely the right message to those around you through your fashion statement, you will also love expressing yourself through fashion.

Let me know what you think about this issue - if you have any questions, please ask away in the comments section below! Thank you very much for reading and thank you to Ronald once again for his question!

Having my hair and make up down on set back in December 2013