Singaporeans: misery loves company

I would like to deal with something I saw on social media that was sparked off by this whole recent Alvinology & my BBC interview saga. In one of the forums, someone (let's call him Tan) wrote, "That Alex is a quitter, he quit Singapore and ran away when things got hard in Singapore. People like me are not quitters, we stay and fight when the going gets tough. Alvin probably wants to join Alex in the West and take it easy - quitters!!"

That's just one of many comments that were similar - the term 'quitters' was used again and again to describe people like myself who have chosen to move away from Singapore in search of greener pastures. Let's deal with that today. Now the first thing that came to mind when I read that comment was, "misery loves company, eh?" I think that says a lot about the attitude of Singaporeans who are clearly not happy with the way things are in Singapore but don't quite know what to do about the situation. This sounds only too familiar...

I would have been less cynical if Tan had said, "That Alex is a fool, why did he choose to leave Singapore when Singapore is becoming richer and richer - we are the world's third richest country now and our economy is booming and doing so well. Sure things aren't perfect, but if he thinks that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, then he is going to discover all kinds of other problems in the UK or any other country in the West. There are so many great things about Singapore and I can't imagine why he would give that up for the UK."

That may be the attitude of some people in Singapore (and yes, I have met people like that) - but in this case, this was clearly not what Tan wrote. Tan is clearly frustrated with the situation in Singapore, by his own admission, he acknowledged that "things got hard in Singapore" and that the going was getting tough. Why do people like Tan feel a sense of resentment about the way I am not staying to help improve the situation in Singapore? Let me delve deeper into this kind of thinking that is actually very common in Singapore.

Better you than me, no thanks...

Maybe it's in our culture: from a young age, we have had this mentality of 刻苦耐劳 (the ability to work hard and persevere) drummed into our heads, that the ability to 吃苦 (literally, "eat bitter" or put up with hardship) that is celebrated as a virtue. But I think that some Singaporeans may have taken those Chinese concepts just a little bit too literally - think about it, what is the point of all this 吃苦 in the spirit of  刻苦耐劳? What are you doing it for? What is your reward? If Tan wants me to 吃苦 with him in Singapore, then what is my reward for doing so?

Allow me to speak now from the point of view of a gymnast - I spent several years on the national team in Singapore and we had some PRC coaches who certainly taught us the true meaning of 吃苦 there! I remember when we were at Kebangsan University in Malaysia for a competition in 1995, there was this steep hill outside the hostel where we were put up. The PRC coach 张老师 thought it would be a good idea for us to take advantage of that hill and made us run up that hill to improve our stamina - we did it so many times until I vomited by the roadside, then I had to continue running because all I could remember was him shouting at me, scolding me for stopping to vomit. I had to keep running despite the fact that I was clearly unwell. You wanna talk about 吃苦 with a gymnast?

I am still enjoying gymnastics today though I've stopped competing in 2000.

Yes us gymnasts suffer a lot in gymnastics, our palms in particular suffer more than any other part of the body. This is because we have to grip the apparatus with our hands (the parallel bars, high bar, uneven bars, rings) and the amount of friction between the apparatus and our hands often causes the skin to rip, making us bleed. We would end up with calloused palms that were even tougher than the soles of our feet, but we could still bleed quite often during training from our palms. Yes we do wear leather handguards to try to protect the skin of our palms and fingers, but that only reduces the damage rather than prevents it. Elite gymnasts as young as 11 or 12 often put up with more physical hardship than the vast majority of your soldiers in NS. You still wanna talk about 吃苦 with me?

But I pick my battles. There's no point in any amount of hardship and 吃苦 if it is all for little or no reward. If a child shows natural talent for gymnastics, then by all means make the child train hard for you might just turn that child into the next Lim Heem Wei. But if the child has no talent, then no amount of hard work and "吃苦" could turn that child into a champion. So before you ask someone to 吃苦, ask yourself first if you're doing so for the right reason.

Limpeh on the beach at ECP this August.

The same principle applies in the business world.  Let me give you an example - some of my regular readers will know that I used to work in the world of sales years ago and whilst I know that a good workman should never blame his tools, well, it's hard to work in sales when you don't have a good product. I used to work for this company with a great product and back in the period of 2002 right up till 2007, we were all raking in so much in commissions it was unreal. Then when the financial crisis hit hard towards the end of 2007, the company couldn't evolve its products fast enough to suit the changing economic climate and my colleagues were finding it harder and harder to sell the same products in a recession - they were having to work twice as hard to make much less money.

What did you think they did? Did they quit when the going get tough or did they stay and fight? One by one, over the year of 2008, the top salespeople left - the writing was on the wall. It was like rats deserting a sinking ship. It boiled down to this: if they were loyal to the company which had treated them so well over the good times in the period 2002 to 2007, would they be rewarded for their loyalty? The answer was no, the company didn't have enough spare cash lying around to give out pay rises at a time when it was struggling to stay afloat in the midst of a recession. The company's attitude was simply, "look around you, we're in a recession - do you want a job or do you want to be unemployed?" And so they all left and all went on to get better jobs elsewhere. The company actually survived the recession and whilst the bosses there are still the same today, they have a brand new team working there. No hard feelings, such is the working world today - nobody keeps a job for life. Leaving a bad situation or a bad company isn't being a quitter - a quitter is someone who would 半途而废 - someone who gives up halfway. Now that describes something quite different - I know a friend who tried to learn French and gave up as she didn't study hard enough, now that's being a quitter.

Would you leave a company that is struggling...?

So put yourself in that situation - what would you do? Would you stay on in that company even if it was not prepared to reward you for your loyalty or would you leave for greener pastures? And yes, I had already been working part time for that company by then and told them that I would leave upon finishing my last project with them (that came to fruition in October 2008). Did the company's bosses cry over losing their best staff that year? Hell no, they just brought in some young graduates, trained them up and moved on - let's get practical here.

The concept of loyalty shouldn't be celebrated like it is a virtue that should be applied in any and every situation. I have a friend - let's call her Jennifer (not her real name) who had put up with a lot from her husband whom she just did not get along well with. It shocked me that they got married in the first place and those of us who knew her were like, "I'll give it a year..." Her husband took her for granted - he was demanding, he didn't respect her and he was a bit of a male chauvinist pig. They were wrong for each other in so many ways. Should Jennifer be expected to be loyal to her husband under any circumstances? Or would you judge her for being a 'quitter' if she decided to leave her husband because she was so very unhappy being with him?

Should Jennifer be 'loyal' to a bad husband or should she get a divorce?

I am pragmatic and practical in my approach to life: I am not prepared to blindly offer my loyalty to anyone: be it a company, a lover or a country. I would have been far more inclined to have stayed in Singapore and spent my working life in adult there if I knew that my loyalty was going to be rewarded - but looking at the system, I knew that was not going to be the case. Given the preferential treatment that the FTs were getting, I wasn't prepared to stay in Singapore as the jilted lover - so that made it a lot easier to leave knowing that the opportunity cost of leaving wasn't high. It would have only been hard to leave if the opportunity cost of leaving was a lot higher.

On that note, I would like to mention that some Singaporeans had been discussing on the forums and I'm like, woah woah woah. Seriously like WTF people? I have talked so much about why I left Singapore - both in my BBC interview as well as here on my blog, please let me speak for myself. What the hell are you doing trying to contemplate what my motivations are or why I left? Geez. Stop trying to put words in my mouth and let me speak for myself - this is why I am uncomfortable with the attention I have received this week because people I don't even know and have never met start making up shit about me. It's frustrating to say the least - the decision to permanently move from one country to another is a very complex issue that involves so many different factors! So for these people to talk about it as if it is one thing or one factor that made me want to move to the UK, when I read that, I'm like, WTF will you people just let me speak for myself please? What do you think my blog is for, duh.

There are so many issues associated with moving from one country to another.

Likewise, the decision to stay in Singapore is equally complex for those who can leave but choose not to leave. It's rarely just 'loyalty' or patriotism per se, but a complex mix of factors that encompass family, friends, identity, culture, education and employment amongst other things. In any case, even if one does stay out of pure patriotism and loyalty, is this patriotism and loyalty appreciated and rewarded by the government or the society at large? Have you opened your eyes and taken a look around you recently?

Let me ask you this question: what is the point of all this loyalty and patriotism you're expressing whilst the government is busy replacing Singaporeans with FTs and new citizens? Who is there listening to you when you pledge your allegiance to the motherland? Who is there to reward you for all your patriotic pride? Why does the PAP still treat Singaporean males as second class citizens despite their patriotic sacrifice of serving NS?  Think about it. I figured it out way back in 1997 - that's why I am where I am today, in the UK where I am a first class citizen.

Why? Because I'm worth it.

Limpeh... because I'm worth it.