So he was stripped of his scholarship ... so?

I was asked to respond to the latest news about sex blogger Alvin Tan being stripped of his scholarship - I don't think I have that much to say, but since you've asked me, I shall respond. Oh and thanks to the person who has tweeted by previous post on the Alvivi scandal - it has now become the 4th most popular article of all time on my blog.

Now firstly, this move by NUS doesn't surprise me - I'm surprised they didn't do it any sooner. After all, it does seem highly unlikely that Alvin Tan will return to NUS and complete his studies there in light of recent events. If he had been that keen to complete his law degree there, why did he take a hiatus from his studies to set up his own business - which has nothing to do with law? When he told reporters in interviews that he has no interest to pursue law, that was NUS' cue to cut him loose, terminate his scholarship. It's like a relationship which has broken down beyond the point of no return - it's just a question of which party proposes the break up first. Not that it makes that much business - but maybe there's a certain triumph to be had to be the one who says, "I'm dumping you! You're not dumping me, I am dumping you!" (Hands up if you've been there before.) In reality, once you break up, it makes no different who dumped whom for the result is the same - but it's human nature to want to be the one who gets in there first and do the dumping.

If NUS didn't dump Alvin, he would've dumped NUS.

Alvin could have done more damage control if he had wanted to keep his scholarship as the scandal broke... but he didn't. Obviously, he couldn't care less and being a bright guy who has read the small print of his scholarship, he knew that NUS/MOE could not make him pay back the money from his scholarship. The worst they could do was terminate his scholarship and expel him from NUS and if he wasn't interested in completing his degree, then what difference would that make? Education Minister Heng Swee Keat has described the behaviour of sex blogger Alvin Tan as "reprehensible and unbecoming of a scholar - sticks & stones Minister Heng. Does Alvin care? I don't think so.

Frankly, I think Alvin's timing is rather bad - after all, he should have finished his degree before deciding to start his own business or become a porn/media star. He has not only wasted 2 years of hard work - but has given up a year's worth of scholarship (which is worth a lot of money). Good grief Alvin - all you had to do was to keep your head down and finish that last year, at least you would've walked away with a degree. That would've been the pragmatic thing to do. Even if it wasn't what he wanted, it would have at least pleased his parents.

Alvin has wasted 2 years and walked away without a degree. 

Yes I have a degree - but is it relevant to what I do for a living today? No, it is totally irrelevant - but the fact is, I managed to get myself a scholarship and it was the chance to get a degree at a top British university. To be honest, by my second year, I was already half wondering - what the hell am I doing here? What kind of job am I going to get? I did enjoy my time at university sure but was the degree useful? Well, I guess the use was limited - being a scholar there sent the right messages on my CV: it made me look intelligent. But hey, that was based on my A level results and everything I had done up till that point, rather than what I did at university per se. Surely it was the fact that I was offered a scholarship that mattered, rather than whether I actually accepted it or completed my degree.

I do admire Alvin's guts though, in choosing the decision to walk away from a degree that isn't right for him and start his own business. It takes a certain amount of chutzpah to make a decision like that - you have to be very garang indeed. Too often we look for reassurances from the system or people around us to make sure that we're doing right - as students, we want to get good grades to prove to our parents, our teachers, our peers and most of all - to ourselves that we are indeed smart. Then when we get out into the working world, we still seek this approval from our bosses and colleagues - when we get it, we are so happy, when we don't, we feel discouraged.

It is natural to want to seek approval to assure ourselves that we're doing well.

I am just as guilty as everyone else when it comes to that - recently, I had a really bad day at work when a colleague doubted my ability to do a difficult task. That upset me of course, as I knew I could do it - with ease. So I got in touch with Ellie - an ex-colleague who knows exactly how good I am at and how I would be capable of doing such a good job. I wrote her a long email and then I waited for her reply. It took her about two hours to reply and she couldn't have been nicer and more encouraging. (Thank you Ellie.) Reading her email made me smile and feel so much more confident about my ability to handle the challenges I was facing.

It was only a few hours later that I thought, hang on - what if Ellie didn't reply to that email? Or what if Ellie wasn't that encouraging? Why am I so dependent on her for my self-belief, my self-worth and self-confidence? Why did I need her to tell me those nice, encouraging words before I could allow myself to believe in myself? Why am I so insecure and dependent on Ellie giving me permission to trust in my abilities? Surely I know what I am capable of, I didn't need Ellie to tell me what I can or cannot do.

Surely I know what I am capable of ...?

Don't get me wrong - I think it is important for us to talk to our friends when we are down and I am always there for my friends when they need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. However, we should also learn to become more emotionally independent when it comes to believing in ourselves and stop seeking approval from those around us. That is why I am amazed at how Alvin Tan can walk away from this scholarship as this scholarship is a big endorsement of his ability by NUS. He is actually saying, "no thank you, I don't need your endorsement/approval, I'm going to do my own thing." Wow. That takes a lot of balls.

If we spend all our lives seeking the approval of others, trying to please them - when will we ever get round to pleasing ourselves and doing what we want? Perhaps that is the lesson we can take away from the Alvin Tan episode. I'll be very interested to see what he gets up to next - this young man has such potential and will go far. It does sound like he can probably do with taking a nice holiday for now and relaxing a little away from the limelight, now that it's over. What do you think? What lessons can we learn from this episode? Leave a comment below, thanks!