That's why I find it strange when I visit my family in Singapore as they now have maids - goodness me. I guess it's primarily because of my autistic nephew so it's important to have a maid to help out around the house and keep an eye on him. Since my sister and my brother-in-law are in good jobs, they can easily afford a maid and the maid goes wherever the kid goes - and so when my parents are taking care of my nephew, the maid goes over to my parents' house.
Their maid is Indonesian and she is just absolutely amazing - she speaks English fluently and a little Mandarin, which kinda helps as my brother-in-law's parents speak neither English nor Malay. The fact that she is English speaking means that the quality of her social interaction with my nephew is actually quite good and this is so essential for an autistic child. Her English is mostly self-taught as is her Mandarin and you can tell that she is an intelligent woman who was unlucky enough to be born into poverty in Java, that's how she ended up as a domestic maid in Singapore.
Anyway, I am pretty shocked by the way I see maids being treated in Singapore. My brother-in-law barks orders at his maid and doesn't even give her eye contact - and I'm like, hey she is taking such good care of your son, can't you get lead look her in the eye when you talk to her? I have worked alongside Filipinos, PRCs, Indonesians, Uzbek, Kazakhs, Pakistanis, Africans and people from all over the world when I was in Dubai - the ultimate expatriate destination. Limpeh is FT okay? Limpeh knows what it is like to work in a country far away from your home town - so when I see someone like a maid, I don't think of them like "oh they're here to serve the Singaporeans", I just see them as someone I share something in common with. The fact that I am working in finance today and she is working as a maid is just a question of luck and fate - I was lucky to have been born in Singapore whilst she was unlucky to have been born in a poor village in rural Java.
Groan. This is what makes me so angry and upset. The desire to feel loved and have social contact with friends is a very basic human instinct. Without this social contact, one can feel very, very lonely. It must be already so difficult for a maid to leave her hometown to come and work in Singapore, to then try to minimize her opportunities to have social contact with others whilst in Singapore on the off-chance that she may end up having an affair or moonlighting - no, that's not acceptable. The maid is a human being with human needs yet you Singaporeans treat them like pets who need to be kept on a leash. Shame on you for not recognizing her basic human needs. If a maid chooses not to interact with say, other maids - that's her choice but the choice must be given to her to do so and denying her that choice is downright inhumane.
It seems that all these Singaporeans all use the same excuse - ie. if you treat the maid with any kind of respect, she will take advantage of the situation, become lazy and demand more time off, more benefits, go and find a lover and get pregnant. I think that's pretty awful - to simply assume the very worst of people, but then again, this is not the first time I have come across this attitude from Singaporeans. I have said in two recent posts how I find it extremely distasteful the way Singaporeans behave in a downright racist manner towards white expatriates in Singapore when they assume the very, very worst of the white people in Singapore. http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/swiss-ft-vs-singaporeans.html and http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/global-pay-scale-index-singapore.html
If anything, my experience in the army has taught me a thing or two about respecting one's fellow human beings. Now I witnessed some pretty awful bullying in my time in the army and have been subjected to some of that bullying myself in the first few months for not better reason than because I was an English-speaking A-level student who had a scholarship to a top British university. I learnt pretty quickly to conceal not just the fact that I had a scholarship, but pretty soon, I pretended that I could barely speak English and would come up with the most grammatically incorrect broken English and speak in Hokkien instead to literally try to act as stupid and 'blur' as possible. There you go - that's an environment where one is never rewarded for being intelligent but the golden rule as to keep your head down and not get noticed and if that meant acting stupid, then so be it. I despised that kind of bullying - it is the lowest of the low and the SAF was full of all these assholes who acted in a consequence free environment, free to bully those of lower rank for nothing more than the amusement of their sick, twisted minds. That made the environment in the SAF so toxic and to be fair, a lot of that goes on in the military all over the world. It is not a Singaporean thing - it is a military thing.
I'd like to think that witnessing this kind of bullying would make you more empathetic - ie. you know what it is like to be bullied, so you do not do the same thing to your maid. Belittling another person like that does not make you a better person, it just means you probably have a really small penis and the only way you can feel like a man is by bullying your maid. Frankly, it's fucking pathetic.
(This reply is in 2 parts. I feel enough needs to be said in response.)
ReplyDeleteHi LIFT, just like it upsets you and us over how inhuman Singaporeans treat their maids, it likewise frustrates me too, that we could end up becoming associated with such monsters..
Just because we do not trumpet how well we've really treated our maids past and present, as the 3rd, 4th or 5th family member (as the kids came along),
We've had the privilege of having 4 maids so far serve with us.
The first 3 were Indonesians ladies who did their contract worth of 2 years.
Our current is Filipina and going on strong into her 5th year with us.
We have paid their salaries on time all along (as well as all that levy nonsense).
We've kept them well fed (according to their tastes and religious requirements), housed them adequately with constantly sufficient rest and off-time.
They have their own excellent network of friends throughout the neighbourhood (where they share woes of more unfortunate, worse-treated members).
We have had to endure an earlier maid who treated my wife with silent resentment, despite our many humble attempts to dialogue with her.
Our son admitted to us later — that she triggered his serious fall as a toddler, which left him bleeding on the scalp and 8 stitches on the head, from Kandang Kerbau Women's and Children's Hospital Accident and Emergency — after she had finished and returned home.
Yet during that time, unaware of the true cause, we did not blame her, and worried that she had to miss dinner because of his serious fall.
We also have had another maid who simply refused to follow through with do-able instructions, yet when we dialogued with her, she would keep breaking down to cry, say "Sorry Sir/Ma'am", and get right back to doing it her own way, all wrong despite repetitions step-by-step.
We lived harmoniously with her, despite all that for most of the 2 years.
I hope you understand that we have no need to prove ourselves as good employers.
But I come right out to clarify our example, since I feel there is a need to.
—
Our family was in Tasmania, end-2006, and a more elderly Caucasian couple hosted my younger brother and us for dinner, with our maid too, of course.
We'd paid without complaint, of course, for her costly visa to join us in my brother's holiday after his graduation there, plus pages and pages of paper application to the Australian embassy and even a written undertaking that we would take good care of her, since the great country does not have a practice of maids at work, etc. etc.
Over that dinner, the gracious lady host repeated her veiled disapproval of our having maids, while our then-maid was enjoying that same delicious lamb, on a table of her own while feeding our older boy.
She also mentioned something like "Australian and New Zealand women work very hard", with the unfortunate worst implication, intended or unconscious, that my wife and I were less than that competent parents.
(End of Part 1 of 2)
(Part 2 of 2)
ReplyDeleteWithout explaining too much else, what is the worst that could happen without our able domestic helpers all these years?
At worst, my wife, whose health has always been touch and go down the years, would collapse physically and mentally, just with me alone with growing children.
I wouldn't be able to even earn any income, part-time, temporary or otherwise, my hands full with handling the fallout from her frequent collapses.
Of our children, one has developmental difficulties socially and with formal schooling.
The other is so intensely active, that at Perth customs coming home early last year, despite 2 women restraining him, he escaped and dashed from one end of the departure hall to another.
That prompted yet another (insensitive) comment from an older immigration lady, about my wife and maid needing to take care of him better.
And anyone reading, kindly don't respond to the tune of "then don't get married / have children".
Don't stoop so low and insult yourself thoroughly.
Many of you are after all the product of your parents' sacrifices, especially your mother's, often made knowingly and willingly.
And so this is our generation, we've made our decisions, stuck through it, and intend to continue.
Goodness knows how much Singapore needs parents who would give their lives for their children, and not parents who give up their children's lives to 'success'.
Or non-parents who give up on bringing forth the lives of their children.
And one of our decisions for our children, has been to hire a live-in family assistant, and consistently treat her as one of our own.
It has made us financially poorer down these long years, but emotionally and spiritually wealthier for the experiences.
Observing my wife without favour down the years, she has been a model employer down the years.
We still get calls from our former employees asking to come back and work with her, but of course, we're bound by contract and personal obligation to our current one.
Often, we notice that we serve our children and maids better than we serve ourselves.
—
And oh, by the way, we did not wait for the government to 'mandate' the compulsory weekly off day.
Despite NO such contractual obligations, we have allowed them first a monthly day off, and now 'illegally', fortnightly for
our current maid, whenever she wants one.
And here's the truth, employer-haters: she shudders at the physical and emotional cost of taking weekly days off!
The horrible crowds at Lucky Plaza, the constant pay-and-pay for everything on her own, while on outings.
So she's told us that fortnightly is the most she can bear, considering that staying home (OK, the second home here in
Singapore) is so much quieter, more peaceful (and far less expensive).
We don't want her to lose her hard-earned money on money-squeeze Singapore, through the cruelty of off-day outings,
especially whenever she says she does NOT want to.
After all, she can and does frequently bring our very active younger boy down to spend lunch and dinner time with her
friends, at the neighbourhood park, at the void decks, gathering and talking and de-stressing, with her network of fellow
worker friends.
Some older women downstairs disapprove of such social interactions, but they're not her co-employers.
She has family and children back home, and from parents to parent, we can understand.
(End)
Hi Alan, thanks for the long story.
Delete1. I think one needs to separate 2 issues here. OK there's the competency of the maids but there's also the issue of behaviour. Some of these maids are plucked out of remote, rural villages so some of them would not know how to use a microwave oven for example - some learn quickly and are bright, whilst others are slow. I have heard plenty of stories before - including one where the maid seemed to think it was okay to pee into an open drain in the park as that was what people did in the village. But what bothered me was the way Singaporeans seemed to have this assumption that "if you're not strict with them, they will take advantage of you and behave badly". I don't think all maids are like that - sure there are some who are indeed badly behaved but surely one can tell pretty soon if such tough disciplinary measures are necessary ... I'd like to see maids in Singapore being treated with a bit more respect and this day off thing does go a long way to reinforce that.
I also think fundamentally, it's just the attitude of some employers - I don't know, I guess it's easy for me to waltz in as the friendly uncle who speaks Malay and can chat with my sister's maid like a friend and cook with her, having fun in the kitchen or playing with my nephew together. I am not responsible for her, I don't pay her wages etc.
LIFT, thank you for allowing this 'long story' comment through, for deeming it worthy of the words used and its sincere intent.
DeleteYes, I definitely join you against the patriarchal yet immature and unwarranted attitude that certain local-employer black-sheep have, against what are essentially FT requested to work in our nation.
(If one does not think maids are foreign talent, then try doing all that daily work non-stop for 2 years!
And that's how our housewife mothers have felt all these years.)
It is also paranoid and negative, a lowly and ignoble state of mind unfit for so-called 'world class' S'poreans.
I suspect many of us here were brought up this way by our parents, they by theirs, and all of us were 'educated' by our just-as-patriarchal government.
Being talked down to, being deemed incapable of thinking and doing better for ourselves.
And since we don't dare to speak up and take our authorities to task for such overbearing attitude ("We consult the public, but WE make the decisions [not you]"), we take it out, like any good bullies would, on those similarly unable to talk back to us.
I understand that's the vicious cycle of family abuse: abuse victims become the abusers unto their offspring.
But rather than indifferently wait to be pushed by the government wielding its patriarchal cudgel once more, we cannot run away from the responsibility to do right, within legal means, for those who deign to work as our employees.
All I'm trying to say in my 'long story' is: "Look, we found our way to be decent, and over 8 years too; its your turn, if you have not been doing so, you naughty-naughty!"
Hi Alan,
DeleteI don't quite understand something, probably because I've never personally been a maid-employer. If the maid wants to save money on her day off, instead of hanging out with friends and spending money, can she rest or sleep at her own allocated space, or read a book, or watch TV, etc, in her employers' home? That is, basically getting 1 day's rest from her household responsibilities without being kicked out of the employers' home.
> all of us were 'educated' by our just-as-patriarchal government.
Yup. The "elites" abuse populace viewing them as no-better than animals ("spurs not in their hides"), and in turn, the populace abuse the maids ("they are lazy"). It's a defence mechanism called "displacement".
I would also reckon that for the Chinese, it may also have something to do with the historical practice of "slave maids" ［妹仔］, i.e. young girls from poor families sold by their parents to be slave maids for the rich households for the rest of their lives. These maids are considered as part of the household's assets (i.e. objectified). Although the practice has died off (and is obviously illegal now), the mindset of some (especially elderly) Singaporeans unfortunately still have not adapted to modern values of equality and human dignity. I have personally observed that within my extended family in Singapore. There is just no talking them out of their paradigm.
Yup, I see WD's point. Surely the maid can just chill at home, have a lie in, read a book or take a walk rather than go to 'chiong' Orchard Road (which costs money of courese). I have seen my sister's made just sit down and read the newspaper (or a magazine) during her time off and relaxing like that and no one will be asking her to wash or clean something when she has her reading time cos we recognize that it's her relaxing 'off' time.
DeleteHi Winking Doll (and LIFT),
DeleteHonestly, for our maid to chill out her day at home with us is emotionally difficult, and practically impossible for everyone.
Maybe this analogy might help: are people comfortable chilling out at their workplace on their off days?
In full sight of employer and co-workers?
This is even so for a family of young dependents.
If our younger toddler boy vomits, would our maid eye us instead, with a silently understood; "Hey, you're his family, not me, it's my day off, so clean up the bloody mess, since you can't touch me?"
The nature of her job has been, so many days in a week are intimately tied to family needs, especially young ones, that it becomes difficult to suddenly disconnect in family presence for a day, and start behaving temporarily as only a rental tenant, or even a stay-in guest.
At what time does a live-in assistant switch off and switch on again?
Midnight to 23:59?
So by familial social necessity, she can only really go 'off', in mind and body, from the time she leaves on her outing to the time she returns.
Even so, she offers to buy back dinner for us on her way home, which we're constantly grateful for.
It takes nerves of steel to insensitively chow down your meal at home, while the rest of your employers' family are scrabbling about hungrily to put together their next meal.
My wife and I are mindful of the unrelenting hardship upon our maids, unable to really switch off as long as our home is also her workplace.
This is why there are stretches of time when she is free to do her own thing, once her chores are done and there are no immediate things to attend to.
While we go easier on her daily cleaning, on the off days as she prepares to go out to meet friends or on her fortnightly study course, she achieves more peace of mind by at least completing her basic sweep-mop-clean bathroom, especially for her shared room, kitchen and toilet.
She does not have to wait for meagre off days to chat with her friends, or to send her many messages, especially after the little one falls asleep and stops pestering everyone, and even while she is at work.
We do not stop her liaising closely throughout the neighbourhood with her network, as long as she does not mess with negative influences.
She also buys what she likes to cook, eat and drink, and sometimes brings in her own Filipino foodstuffs, even to share some with us.
The equivalent of that in a typical office workplace, is to allow one's employees to use Facebook at will, or otherwise communicate frequently with family and friends outside the company.
I understand that not all great and enlightened companies afford their employees such a natural human right of freedom, in the name of corporate culture and commercial security.
My mother-in-law frowns on our respect for our maid, chiding us for being too lax with her, and threatening us with dire stories of maids gone astray.
But it's been 8 years, and we've experienced a variety of good and bad, first hand, which should count for even more.
Finally, we don't think ourselves as a saintly family.
We're aware many local families are even better than us, we're thankful for that, and we hope the nasty ones do better for their maids.
Hi Alan,
DeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. For what you've shared, your family is one of those who are "kinder" to the maids based on Singapore norms. Nevertheless, there are huge cultural and legal differences between the norms in Canada and Singapore.
Canada's Human Resource directives on Live-in Caregivers (a.k.a. maids in Singapore), point 4.7 regarding hours of work, states, “While some latitude may be expected, the work schedule cannot be flexible to the point that the caregiver is on call 24 hours per day. Employers must be aware that overtime must be paid to the live-in caregiver in accordance with provincial/territorial legislation."
http://www.hrsdc.gc.ca/eng/workplaceskills/foreign_workers/lcpdir/lcpdir-4.shtml
In short, live-in caregivers in Canada have work hours stipulated in the contract. Beyond which, either he/she gets overtime if he/she is willing to help, or the live-in caregiver has every right to say, "it's beyond my work-hours, so I'm not doing it". The employer cannot demand, or even pressurize, the caregiver to work beyond the agreed hours. If the employer terminates the live-in caregiver's contract because of it, he/she will be in legal hot soup with the Canada's Human Resource dept (i.e. equivalent of Singapore's Ministry of Labour).
Sample live-in caregiver contract:
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/work/caregiver/sample-contract.asp
Here in Canada, it is hard to apply for a live-in caregiver, a.k.a. maid. Immigrations have tight control and the employer has to justify the need for even one maid. I have heard of families being turned down.
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/work/caregiver/apply-who.asp
And the newly arrived live-in caregivers (a.k.a. maids) have rights.
http://www.labour.gov.on.ca/english/es/pubs/is_fn_esa.php
Thus, I agree with Sarah's observation that somehow Singapore has progressed materially, but not in terms of social conscious and human rights.
Dear Winking Doll,
DeleteThank you for sharing about Canada's ways with live-in caregivers.
It continues to be meaningful, learning from everyone their first-hand experiences with where we cannot go to live.
We started doing that with ANZ, and now I'm glad to hear from another part of this beautiful world.
With time, I suspect Singapore will approach the way that the West handles these labour concerns.
People outside of local families will rejoice at our approaching enlightenment in such areas of human rights.
They will also continue to frown more and more in disapproval, until their furrowed foreheads ache from all that constant wrinkling, at our loud protests against what is surely universal improvement for all!
Were it that easy.
I strongly suspect the way ugly local families nastily treat their domestic help, is an extreme and negative displacement of how we feel we have been largely treated here by our bosses, the government, the establishment, the powers that be.
Since by and large we cannot directly respond against them for a better way of life, some of us worse examples take it out like bullies on those in our purview, who are just as unable to fight back.
Bullies are insecure; they are themselves often descended from abuse.
Before anyone starts frowning in horror at my assertion, consider Anorexia nervosa.
Yes, that mental disorder in which usually girls and women starve to death, infamously Karen Carpenter.
One aspect of research shows that Anorexia can happen with children whose parents over-control them and expect too much from them.
Unable to disobey, they hurt themselves in areas where they still have control, such as their own diets, in response and to draw attention to their suffering.
You might want to draw the parallel, as I have, between that disorder, and maid abuse.
Some of us can't hit out against that powerlessness, so we hurtfully hit out at those we still control (maids/diets).
Where do we go from here then?
Maid abuse is but one symptom of the complex socio-economic-political dysfunctionality of Singapore.
As with symptom complexes, start curing unflinchingly at the root causes, and the good will naturally follow.
This is something that frustrates me too. What happened to human rights in our country?? Empathy?? Seems like the people here have forgotten they exist, forgotten that their helpers are like themselves, humans.
ReplyDeleteDo they ever put themselves in their helper's shoes and imagine what it's like to work 24/7 for years? It's ridiculous they can come up with excuses like "I need my maid on Sundays, I need rest too". They get their rest and their helper gets none?
I can understand that Singaporeans are striving for better lives for themselves and their children, thus the need for many of them to hire helpers. They work 5-6 days a week, 8-12 hours a day. Yes it's tiring. I don't believe they should be treating their helpers any worse than their jobs are treating them.
I think there's something inherently wrong with our society, and it's going downhill. The pursuit for material wealth and success along with an increasingly expensive environment and relatively low purchasing power has clouded the minds of many.
I agree - that's why I try my best, when I am in S'pore to show my sister's maid that I treat her like a human being and a friend. Sigh.
DeleteI do wonder about the whole issue about quality of life though - what kind of quality of life do Singaporeans have when they work such v long hours? Yeah you have money but no time to spend it. What's the point? Surely a balance can be struck between earning decent money and having the time to do other things in life.
Hi LPFT,
ReplyDeleteJust a small point on your BIL not seeing eye to eye with his maid (as in, no eye contact :p) I have the same attitude as well. And not because I treat like a commodity but rather, I try to minimize my contact with her to prevent potential 'scandals'. Not sure if this come across as sense to you but I observe similar behavior among the males in families with maids.