Hi guys, there's a word which I am very fond of: chutzpah. It is a word taken from Yiddish around the late 19th century but originated from Hebrew and Aramaic. It means to have the audacity to do something, almost as an extreme act of confidence and bravery against the odds. It doesn't indicate if the outcome is good or bad - it just means that the person in question had such extreme self-confidence in circumstances when that was considered unexpected to say the least. Allow me to give you two examples of chutzpah from history: one with a positive outcome and one with a mixed one. The first one was the 1976 Olympics in Montreal: Nadia Comaneci, a young 14 year old gymnast from Romania showed up and basically she kicked ass - winning three golds, a silver and a bronze at those Olympics. One might have reasonably expected an inexperienced 14 year old girl to be fazed by the occasion or even intimidated by the mighty Soviet gymnasts who were much older and more experience - up till that point, Nadia was relatively inexperienced as she had only attended a small number of international competitions because she was so young at just 14, contrast that to most of the Soviet team who were at the 1972 Munich Olympics. Nonetheless, Nadia defied the odds by calmly performed her routines perfectly and wrote her name in history. It wasn't just the difficulty of her gymnastics routines or the technical perfection in her execution - it was just the way she was totally calm and confident when under pressure, the way she displayed an emotional maturity that one would never expect from a 14 year old that stunned the world. She entered the Montreal Forum sports hall with such chutzpah, as a 14 year old girl and redefined what perfection meant in gymnastics.
In my second example, we're going to talk about a Bulgarian woman Valentina Hasan who went viral in 2008 when she went on the Bulgarian version of Pop Idol (known locally as Music Idol) in which she had to do an audition with four judges. Valentina chose to sing Mariah Carey's famous song 'Without You' without actually being able to speak English - she called the song 'Ken Lee' and the performance was so shockingly bad that the judges were trying hard not to laugh. At the end of that performance, Valentina was asked, "what was that language?" To which she answered, "English." Oh yes, I've been to Bulgaria and it was really hard to find anyone who spoke much English at all, so this didn't surprise me at all. I have seen the full length version of that audition and the judges were really mean and cruel to Valentina, but that is to be expected on a show like this. She did go on to sing a song in her native Bulgarian to show that without the language barrier, she is actually a decent singer but that has been mostly ignored by the public who mocked her for that hilarious performance of 'Ken Lee'. Ironically, Bulgarian Music Idol ran for three seasons from 2007 to 2009 but it was only Valentina Hasan became famous internationally - even the winners from all three season didn't achieve that level of fame outside Bulgaria. We've all seen auditions from that genre of talent shows which were so bad they go viral but interestingly enough, Mariah Carey was showed the performance of Valentina Hasan and asked what she thought that anyone who has the nerve, that courage to stand in front of the judges, knowing that this was going to be broadcast to so many people should be applauded for having that kind of chutzpah. Thus she gallantly praised Valentina for her courage and confidence in that audition, but tactfully declined to comment on that awful performance of 'Ken Lee' that went viral.
So let me tell you something I did recently: I did an audition in Italian which is my sixth language. Let me explain to you how two Italian casting directors found me: there is a database of actors in the UK called Spotlight - on your Spotlight profile, you put your CV down so the casting directors can see what your skills are and your credits (ie. what you have done so far, your professional experience). I chose to include Italian as one of the ten languages I spoke and that's why when they did a search for Italian speaking actors in London, they found me. They are casting for a big budget pan-European series to be filmed mostly in Italy but also in a few other European countries and one of the characters is quite specifically, "British-Asian lawyer who speaks Italian fluently". Now originally, the script had asked for an Indian actor who spoke Italian fluently but then when that search yielded a big fat zero, they widened it to any kind of Asian and then they found me. So they reached out to my agent and sent me a script for two scenes, entirely in Italian where the lawyer is having his Harvey Specter moment with his client, except in Italian. Did I have a moment of self-doubt? Of course and for good reason: I have never studied Italian. I speak French and Spanish to a high standard, that allows me to understand some Italian despite never having had a single lesson in Italian. I picked up Italian very organically: chatting with Italian friends, traveling through Italy, listening to Italian music and watching Italian films. When I am in Italy, I have no problems handling conversations entirely in Italian but then again, I know I am speaking in imperfect Italian. I would mispronounce words, I may also conjugate incorrectly but I know Italians can understand what I'm saying in spite of the many mistakes.
Of course, all this doesn't matter in an audition because they have sent me a script, so all I had to do is to memorize it and perform the script word for word. It's not like a job interview in Italian where I have no idea what they're going to ask me in Italian - such is the nature of auditions. But the other side of that coin is that I have no excuses for making mistakes if I am already given a script: take a word like 'asopravvivere' (to survive) - there are six syllables in that word, which syllable(s) do I stress? If I put the stress on the wrong syllable, would that make me sound like an awkward foreigner who is struggling with the Italian language? Furthermore, when I am so consumed in trying to get the words right, would my performance be as dull as a nervous student trying to get through a difficult Italian oral exam? So fortunately for me, I have a neighbour who is Italian - yup, he is 100% Italian from the Venice region, so he spent some time training me, correcting my mistakes, teaching me how to put the stress on the right syllable(s) in those long Italian words and was even my scene partner in the audition. But what would happen next? Would they then insist on a Zoom call to test my Italian? Would I disappoint them at that stage? When I speak to my friends in the gym in Italian, I would often mix Spanish or French words in the sentences if I don't have the vocabulary in Italian - I would usually get away with it as long as they understand what I am trying to say but I've never used Italian for work before, in a more formal setting where I am expected to speak it to a high standard without mixing it with Spanish or French. Substituting doesn't always work - take the word for 'never', in Italian, it is 'mai', in French it is 'jamais', but in Spanish either 'nunca' or jamas'.
Six years ago, I met Angela (not her real name). Angela wanted to make it big in showbiz, she had attended drama school along with many courses specializing in musical theater. It was her ultimate dream to step onto a West End stage and perform in a famous show like Chicago or Cats. When we met at an event, Angela seemed like a genuinely nice person so we kept in touch. A few weeks later, I came across a casting call and I thought, hey this sounds right for Angela - this is musical theater and Angela wants get into musical theater. So I messaged her on Facebook and told her to try to get an audition for this show - after a few days, she got back to me and told me she chose not to go for the audition as she didn't feel ready. Her excuse was, "but what if I went there and did a terrible audition? Then the casting director would say, that Angela is totally useless, I don't ever want to cast her in anything ever again - blacklist her! That would be the end of my career before it had even begun. I really appreciate you trying to help me but I just don't feel ready yet, I think I need a bit more time to prepare myself, to build my confidence to go for an audition like that." Can you imagine if Nadia Comaneci did that at the 1976 Olympics? Can you imagine if she turned up at the Montreal Forum sports hall and thought, "holy shit, there are cameras everywhere, there are thousands of spectators and there's the mighty Soviet team. Oh I think I'm going to throw up, I feel dizzy, my hands feel so cold and I am hyperventilating. I can't even stand up - never mind perform my routine." Nadia was totally calm because of this wonderful thing called chutzpah.
Fast forward a few years, I kept in touch with Angela via Facebook, I can report that she gave up on her acting dreams and had gone in a totally different direction in her career. That's her choice of course and I wish her well but I think it was a huge mistake: after all, Angela had already spent so much time, money and effort getting so much training - even if she did do some auditions that were as awful as Valentina Hasan's then at least she could have said, "At least I tried, I really gave it my best shot but I failed so I'm walking away now with no regrets." But instead she never even tried, she couldn't bring herself to attend any auditions because she never felt ready enough to go in there and fail. Her fear of failure prevented her from even trying which was such a shame because we never got to find out Angela had what it took to become the next West End star or if she was really barking up the wrong tree. Mind you, even great gymnasts like Nadia Comaneci have had their fair share of falls and mistakes in her career: she was only human of course and there was that brutal fall during the 1980 Moscow Olympics team finals when she was performing a new release skill: a Markelov from a Hecht entry when she mistimed her release, failed to catch the bar and that led to a brutally painful face plant. (See video below.) But without a moment's hesitation, Nadia calmly picked herself up and continued her routine, finishing with a perfect landing on her dismount. Chutzpah is also about having the will to carry on when you do fail and being able to tell yourself, "yes it is okay to fail sometimes, I can live with that - I still believe in myself and have self-confidence after this."
Actually, I have already done all this before - in German. My German is even worse than my Italian, German is my eight language whilst Italian is my sixth language. The first time I was sent to do an audition in German in London, I walked into the room and said, "Guten tag, ich bin Alex, freut mich sie kennenzulernen." (Good day, I am Alex, nice to meet you.) The German director then replied in German and I just couldn't understand what he said and there was this blind moment of panic. Yeah, so right then I did think like Angela - I thought, "oh shit, that's it - I have just fucked up, he's going to think I can't speak German. I will never ever get any work in Germany after this awful mistake." I didn't get that part as I did a bad audition but at least I did make an impression on the German casting directors and no, I wasn't 'blacklisted' for my bad German. It was my third German audition before I finally had a taste of success in Germany and that was playing a lead role in a popular German police drama series. What got me through that was chutzpah - I had never studied German formally, it was entirely self-taught and admittedly I have always found German painfully difficult. Here's the thing: you're never going to get the perfect opportunity delivered to you on a silver platter - instead you're going to have opportunities offered to you under less than ideal circumstances. Less than 24 hours before she was due to compete at the 2018 World Championships in Doha, American gymnast Simone Biles was admitted to hospital for kidney stones. Yet she just brushed that aside and went on to win four gold medals in that competition despite clearly being unwell and without her chutzpah, most other gymnasts would have just withdrawn from the competition, under those circumstances.
Thus I'd rather grab every opportunity that comes along even if it means that I may make a total fool of myself like Valentina Hasan - I am not afraid to fall on my face and fail because the alternative of being too scared to try is far worse. I've met plenty of people like Angela - they justify their attitude by claiming that in avoiding circumstances like auditions, they have spared themselves the emotional anguish of disappointment. That just doesn't make sense to me - Angela gave up her dreams despite having invested years of training because she wasn't prepared to be deal with disappointment, that's just too high a price to pay. Angela feared being 'blacklisted' by casting directors if she had done a bad audition but this was just an excuse cooked up in her head: such a blacklist simply doesn't exist because casting directors know that even the best actors can do a terrible audition - the same way even a great gymnast like Nadia Comaneci can make a mistake and have an epic face plant. I have faith in casting directors and gymnastics judges being reasonable and forgiving: when a gymnastics judge sees a great gymnast make a mistake whilst attempting a very difficult skill, the judge is probably thinking, "ouch, what a shame, I feel so bad for him/her." Even the judges who were quite mean to Valentina Hasan did offer some useful advice to her, such as how she should have made more of an effort learning the lyrics in English before the audition if she had picked an English song for the audition. One of the judges also pointed out that he believed that if Valentina had more time to practice, the performance would have been better but unfortunately she was ill-prepared for the audition. So even these 'mean' reality TV judges were trying to be constructive.
On that note, I shall turn this over to you: what do you think? Do you have chutzpah in your blood? Are you someone like myself and Valentina who will gladly throw caution to the wind and give something a go, even if the odds are not great? Or are you more like Angela, are you actively trying to avoid disappointment in life? Do we give ourselves the permission to try because we trust people to be nice to us even if we fail, or is it more a question of, "can you live with yourself if you try and fail?" Are you thick skinned enough handle failure? Leave a comment below please and many thanks for reading.
This reminds me of how "Crazy Rich Asians" was actor Henry Golding's first ever movie role. He even walked into Crazy Rich Asians entirely by accident. Someone in the production staff noticed him hosting a travel show and told the casting director, who asked him to audition. Imagine if Henry Golding backed out of that by saying "sorry I've never done movies before, I'm afraid I will mess up this big budget production." Henry Golding even said that there are so much more other handsome and talented Chinese/Korean actors who have way more acting experience than him, why did opportunity knock on his door? But audiences loved him, sometimes you just gotta take a risk and hope your talent will carry you far enough even if others have more experience.
ReplyDeleteHello Amanda. I have to beg to differ Amanda - it wasn't his first acting role per se. Golding did do a lot of more low-key TV projects in Malaysia from around 2009 onwards, because he thought his chances were better as a Eurasian actor/presenter in Malaysia than in the UK. Then he started getting a lot of work as a presenter based on the fact that he speaks English better than the local Malaysians because of his English father. Golding was also cast in a film "A Simple Favor" (I saw it, it wasn't great, I wasn't impressed) at the same time as Crazy Rich Asians and he wrapped on Crazy Rich Asians and dashed to A Simple Favor without a break. I only watched A Simple Favor because I thought, hey how nice that they made the white American protagonist have an Asian husband and a half Asian kid, hurrah for diversity in casting. But the film itself was a bit predictable and I wasn't impressed with Golding there. Nah it was forgettable.
DeleteBut I think it's a complete fallacy for people like you to think we compartmentalize actors into "film actors", "presenters", "dancers", "voice over artistes", "musical theater" etc - the reality is far more mixed up. So let me explain how it would work for a performer like Golding (or myself for that matter): we would have an agent who finds work on our behalf and the agent would handle all the paper work. My agent basically called me up and said, "this is a really big audition for an important Italian production - take the time to do the audition properly, they have given you 10 days to learn your lines in Italian so take your time, don't rush it and if you get this it will change your life." Golding's agent probably called him up and said something like this, "Henry, I've got you a big audition for a massive Hollywood production - I know you haven't done this before but you're probably never going to get a chance as big as this again in your life. So just do it and give it your best shot." Golding would at that stage feel very OBLIGED to do as he is told because he doesn't want to piss his agent off because refusing to do it would be questioning his/her judgement and trust me, actors do not question their agents' judgement. Actors get agents they like and trust and that relationship is very important, it is based on trust - so if his agent says, "go for this audition", his default response is, "okay, of course" without questioning the agent's decision, you NEVER question your agent's decision like this even if you do have self-doubt in your head, you stuff that self-doubt away and do the audition to please your agent.
Even if the production staff from Crazy Rich Asians noticed his travel show, what they would have done was this: they submitted Golding's name to the casting director, the casting director then got in touch with Golding's agent with an invitation for the audition - then Golding's agent would tell him to go for this audition and at that stage, it isn't so much about chutzpah but "I will do as I am told because I trust my agent and I don't wanna piss him/her off by questioning his/her judgement."
Furthermore, casting has nothing to do with experience per se: sure an impressive CV demonstrates that you're professional enough to have gotten a lot of paid work with famous director, it shows that you're easy to work with. But that would only get you the audition - whom they finally select is the person who gives the best performance during the audition process. The casting directors would be looking for an actor who can capture a certain quality of that character and they would spend many many hours watching those audition tapes over and over again, maybe even inviting the actors back for workshops and 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc rounds of auditions to arrive at a final decision. But once you get your foot in the door at the start of the audition, all actors start on equal footing - your past experience is irrelevant at that stage, it's then more a question of how good your audition performance is. Otherwise if it is only about experience, why bother holding auditions? Just give the part to the most experienced actor out there and by that token you're going to end up with a cast full of over 50s and senior citizens with a LOT of experience by virtue of their age. No, experience only counts for so much in showbiz, physical attributes like youthful good looks also count and your 21 actor with supermodel good looks hasn't been around long enough to have much experience at all, but your 61 year old actor with decades of experience is unfortunately rather old and wrinkly when it comes to their looks.
DeleteOh I didn't know that experience doesn't count for as much. Usually I think a casting director may prefer a 28-35 year old person for a role of a young person than a fresh 21 year old, but someone who is 21 would probably have the more similar life experience (and better looks) to land the role. Wow roles are more niche than I realize. This is not the same as my world of science/tech where people who have been working on a single algorithm for years are able to make a lot more money for a company than a fresh graduate. In acting, I guess its the reverse or at least more of a level playing field.
DeleteI saw "A Simple Favor" and to me it was an okay movie that made me laugh, but omg Henry Golding really nails the "I'm such a hot guy who is only here as a prize for some straight women to chase" role. I think you can see who their target demographic was haha, female 18-35.
Btw how's memorizing your Italian lines? I guess you just have to sound believable to a native Italian speaker, and that neighbor friend of yours could help with getting the accent right. Will the audition be over zoom because of Corona?
Hi Amanda, experience doesn't count for much in showbiz for the following reasons:
Delete1. Some people start earlier than others, some kids start acting from a really young age whilst some other adults come into acting later in their lives. The earlier you start, the more experience you have - but in the case of child actors, it is often the parents who push them into it. So having pushy parents should be an 'advantage' for accumulating a longer CV.
1a. Everyone knows how much nepotism there is in showbiz - so if your parents know the right people, it isn't that hard for young actors to score some roles to get them started. So we all look at 'experience' with a pinch of salt, knowing that this is a very poor reflection of talent or ability to perform.
2. Then there's the issue of talent. Some people are more talented than others and I was just watching a music video of Shakira singing and dancing at the same time (in Spanish + English) and she was flawless. There's an unreal amount of talent in that woman - she and I are the same age at 44 at the moment. Can everyone perform like Shakira? No, you need some talent to even start training to produce what Shakira is capable of. The purpose of an audition is to show the casting directors what you're capable of - ie. your talent, your skills, your abilities. And of course, at that stage, the talent you display in your audition performance trumps whatever experience you may (or may not) have.
3. Allow me to speak to you in your language (hello scientist Amanda!) - you're trying to quantify ability through experience but in our research. You seem to equate 'years of experience' to a certain kind of score you're using to grade or quantify how good an actor is but no such scale for measurement exists. The fact is all actors are different - it's very hard to say "actor A is better than actor B", that's all so subjective depending on what you're using to measure. The casting process is NOT some kind of examination to try to determine whom the best actor is, but it is actually a very different kind of process: they will start with the script, the casting directors (and many others in the production team) will look at the character in the script - in this case, they were looking for the most suitable actor to play the part of Nick Young, that means they ALREADY have a certain idea of what the character of Nick Young is like and then the audition process is simply finding the actor who most closely matches what they had in mind. They are NOT trying to reward the best, the most talented or the most experienced actor but rather simply find the right actor who most closely matches what they had in mind for the character of Nick Young.
4. The only exception is with A-list celebs - if you cast a super famous actor like Brad Pitt or George Clooney in a film, then the media will immediately be interested in the film and that will make a huge difference to the kind of attention the film will get when it is released (and consequently how much money the film will make). But with Crazy Rich Asians, they didn't have any big A-list names in the cast list.
Part 2 coming up.
5. You also have to understand how actors interact with directors on set. The actor is usually totally passive: the director directs, ie. the director is in charge, the director gives the actor instructions and the actor simply follows the direction given. The actor does not argue with the director by being a diva and saying, "oh wait I have a much better idea about what we could do instead, let's do things my way." No no no - if you do that, you'll probably get scolded by the director who will then call your agent, then you'll get a second scolding. Be told! Shut your big mouth up and just do as you're told! So really, even if you get an actor with four or five decades of experience, that actor is expected to shut the fuck up, keep his big mouth shut, stuff that experience where the sun don't shine and just follow the instructions from the director when working on set. By that token, experience counts for nothing as we are specifically instructed to leave our egos and experience at the door before we step onto the set and shut the fuck up and just obey the instructions given by the director. So even super experienced actors do exactly that - they shut the hell up and obey instructions. Under such circumstances, experience simply doesn't count for anything in this industry - not unless you're as famous as Brad Pitt and can draw a lot of attention to the film.
Delete6. In any case, Henry Golding was already a successful presenter by the time he was cast in Crazy Rich Asians. It was not like he was a scientist working in a research lab in a university with zero experience. He was in a studio all the time, working with cameras and directors, he has so much relevant experience. I would compare this to asking an experienced baker who has had years of experience making cakes to try to bake some cookies - the baker probably would say, "yeah sure, it's slightly different from what I do everyday but you're not exactly taking me out of my comfort zone as this is still baking. I am still in my kitchen working with pretty much the same ingredients like flour, butter, sugar, milk, eggs etc but turning them into cookies rather than cakes." Hence asking a presenter to act is the same thing, you're not taking him out of his comfort zone at all. It's not the same as me asking you (a scientist at a university) to star in a film.
7. Finally, if Henry Golding was anything like 'Angela' who was afraid of rejection at the auditions, then he would have never taken the big step to leave his family in the UK to move to Malaysia to further his career. This is a man with guts, with determination and plenty of chutzpah to establish himself as a very successful presenter in the first place.
8. I did a self-tape audition, so basically I was given a script, I performed the scenes with my Italian neighbour and my husband recorded it. I then sent the scenes over to the casting director in Italy via Wetransfer yesterday and as far as I know, they have downloaded it and are watching it. So it's all done and dusted, completed, nothing more to be done now. A zoom call might be in order if I make it through to the 2nd round of selection but I have no idea if that may happen.
DeleteOh I didn't know the director had that much say in what the actor does, I thought they only said when to reshoot a scene until it was good enough. Here it sounds like the director is like the puppetmaster, and the actor has to do their best to follow instructions while not looking bad on camera. I guess in this case auditions is like going "doll shopping" for the casting director, but each doll has to fit each new role and Brad Pitt can't play a little girl even if he tried. But that being said, the subjectiveness on who fits or doesn't fit a role means nepotism is really easily masked.
DeleteOh and I really hate when Netflix seems to make bizarre choices on what to include in shows because their algorithm told them XYZ is what viewers like. Correlation =\= causation, that is one of the first things we learn in the scientific method. Math is good for maximizing the profit margins of iPhones, but not in making good films. Though some people in the A.I field think its only a matter of time till we can make algorithms to make movies/tv/music without any human input.
I had no idea Henry Golding moved to Malaysia specifically to start his entertainment career. I thought he grew up there and only went to the UK for schooling. But that is pretty gutsy, and I think he made the right move since Asian roles are harder to come by in the UK compared to Malaysia.
Speaking of moving countries to follow your dreams, how do you feel about that Alex? I know you love the UK and don't really like Singapore, but was it hard in the beginning? I've moved twice to follow my dreams because there isn't much of a high-tech industry in Indonesia, but I've had to adjust to culture shock and make new friends twice. Though maybe in your case you felt more free in the UK than Sg because they are more Lgbt friendly, and your parents weren't a lot of help anyway back home.
Btw, from your explanation of the audition process, Angela really didn't have anything to lose by signing up. Either she fit the role or didn't, no hard feelings if the latter. Its not the same as waiting another year to take the A levels if you don't feel you've studied enough to get a good grade.
DeleteHi Amanda, yes the director calls all the shots, the actors simply follow instructions. It is not a democracy where everyone gets a say, no it is like the North Korean regime where the director has final say and nobody is supposed to argue with him/her. It is like that because you're often battling against time - you have like 5 hours to shoot these scene at this location before the sun sets and if everyone wants to try to do something different, then you'll run out of time. So it has to be brutally efficient where the director tells everyone what to do and everyone just shuts the hell up and does as they are told - there's this understanding and if you dare to talk back by telling the rest of the team you want to do something different, then you'll get into trouble. Once in a while, the director will ask the actor for what s/he can bring to that scene and it is only upon that invitation that you can offer your ideas . The last thing an actor wants is to develop a bad reputation as "s/he is really hard to work with." The casting director is guided by the needs of the project and that goes back to the script they are given - even if they come across a stunningly talented great actor, they're not going to create a role for him if he's not a good fit for the role he has auditioned for.
DeleteHenry Golding did work in Malaysia for a while because he stands out as an Eurasian guy with a British accent whereas in the UK, he may have struggled to find as much success. I also know of another half English half Filipino presenter/model/actress who did exactly the same thing and relocated from London to Manila to improve her chances of getting more work. Golding spent a few years of his childhood in Malaysia then moved to the UK, but he didn't "grow up" in Malaysia - he left at the age of 8 for his education in Malaysia but moved back at the age of 21 for his career. So his formative years and his entire education was done in the UK, hence his British accent.
Angela spent over £100,000 and nearly 3 years just training to be an actor, then the thought of facing rejection after rejection at the auditions was too much to take. I don't know what the hell she was thinking, that's a lot of money and time down the drain for a career she had no intention of following through. That's just insane, but her parents were the ones who paid for it all and supported her. Poorer, working class people like me would have never had that privilege.
As for the other question about moving to the UK, I will answer that later.
PS. I think you might have confused the role of the cameraman and the director - the cameraman is purely operating the recording device but s/he would take instructions from the director about how to shoot the scene, from what angle, how to zoom in at the right moments etc but the director is running everywhere, overseeing every single aspect of the shoot from lighting to costume to make up to camerawork to stunts to the performance of the actor to special effects to stage combat etc - the director is the boss who has final say over practically everything, though some directors may not be dictators and would consult the make up expert when it comes to a decision about what kind of make up the actor should have for that scene, often it will be some kind of joint decision: so the director would describe what s/he would like the look of the actor to be in this scene and the make up artiste would then create the look based on the director's wishes and then call the director in to inspect the finished product.
DeleteAnd finally onto your question for moving countries: I'm going to put on my geography graduate hat and use the framework of push vs pull factors. Push factors are the ones that compel you to leave a country (eg. drought, war, famine, high unemployment, volcanic eruption, severe floods, disease, severe pollution etc) and pull factors are the ones that attract you to move to a new country (eg. favourable climate, plenty of good employment opportunities, a safe environment, peace, a clean environment etc). For me, it was always a mix of push & pull factors that got me to leave Singapore in the first place.
DeleteSo there were a few key push factors: a) my appallingly bad relationship with my parents, b) I had a tough time in the army, c) society was very homophobic and the combination of all of those factors meant that I was not happy in Singapore, especially towards the end of my time there which coincided with my army stint. The pull factors of the UK included: a) being faaaaaaaaar away from my parents, b) enjoying life as a civilian and c) a gay-friendly society. Were there challenges in adapting to life in a new country? Of course there were and I'm not saying that was in any way easy, there was a steep learning curve for me of course, but just to be far away from my parents made me so freaking happy that any steep learning curve, no matter how steep, was worth climbing if it meant a life far away form my parents. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel and heartless but I am just being totally honest here and to be fair, I see the way they still try to meddle with my sisters' lives today and it is shocking how they add so little value to my sisters' lives and only make more trouble for them. It was such a change for me when I moved away from Singapore to London - I was a million times happier to be away from Singapore and my parents, good grief, I was so much happier.
Allow me to use an analogy from gymnastics to compare the situation: when a gymnast wants to learn a new skill, the gymnast needs to put in a lot of blood, sweat and tears in order to master the skill. The more difficult the skill, the more hard work needs to be invested in training for it but when the gymnast does master the skill, the greater the reward. If you do manage to learn an extremely difficult skill, you would be proud to show it off on social media, you will impress the judges at the competition, everyone will think you're awesome. Thus moving to a new country for me was like mastering a very difficult gymnastics skill - I know that learning the skill is going to take a lot of blood, sweat and tears but at the end of the day, the reward is also incredible. Having done gymnastics all my life, I have never backed away from a challenge just because of the amount of hard work required as long as I know the reward would be worth it. That's exactly how I viewed moving to London - of course there was a lot of hard work involved to adapt to a new environment and culture, but the rewards have been incredible.
I didn't move to London thinking that life would be 'easier' because it's more gay friendly here, I moved here knowing that it would involve an insane amount of hard work on my part but it would also bring with it great rewards. There was this poster on my wall when I was a kid, "don't pray for an easy life, pray to be tough." There are various variations of that like "pray for the strength to endure a difficult one". I would like to think that I have the emotional maturity and wisdom never to seek the simple, easier option but to pursue the one that would bring the greatest reward in life.
Oh I don't think its cruel at all to not want to be with your parents if they're not nice to be around. We choose our family, our real one. I always hate when people tell me "every parent loves their child" or "every parent is good." If that were true then the world would be so much better, but it clearly isn't.
DeleteI like your attitude! It's not just "I'll go here because its easier", but "I'll go here because the rewards are better even if I have to work harder just to survive. But I'm not here just to survive, I'm here to win." A lot of people I know are comfortable just staying in one place even if they could potentially go further elsewhere. In my case I don't think I would've been able to survive financially in the country I grew up in anyway, unless I worked as an engineer in the oil industry like my dad, but I don't want to. Of course I had to leave behind all my friends and family when I left the country, but not to sound mean but friends and family won't pay my bills or buy me a house in the future. And its not like it's impossible to acclimatize to a new culture, it just takes effort like you said.
Well Amanda, people like you and I can adapt to a new culture in a new country, build up a brand new social network by making loads of great new friends wherever we move to. That takes a lot of social skills + heaps of chutzpah of course. But we're willing to put in the hard work for such a challenge because we know that the rewards are far greater when it all pays off. That's why I do a sport like gymnastics - of course it is hard work (so much blood, sweat and tears) but the rewards are amazing. No disrespect but my sister goes for a yoga class and I'm like, how's that going to be equally rewarding when the instructor is giving her breathing exercises and congratulating her for just breathing for crying out aloud?
DeleteYeah that's the thing, its not rocket science to move to a different country and make new friends all over again, it just requires an investment of time and effort. And I'm surprised that some people just can't be bothered. But it does carry some risk to do that, and effort isn't enough if the odds aren't in your favor(like in the case of your friend Vera, not to be mean though). In your case you went to London on a full scholarship from UCL, so its not like if you couldn't find a job you would have had to turn back and come home.
DeleteLOL yoga. Yeah I'm not one for yoga because it looks like there isn't much of a progression level compared to being able to do crazy tricks in gymnastics, or being able to survive and win a duel in fencing.
Btw I just got rejected from a national scholarship application at the graduate level. You can consider that as my "audition" moment, except there were 2000 parts available and 16,000 scientists auditioning. I feel crap because I can only apply to this thing once in my lifetime, and all the feedback I got was either Very Good or Excellent. But there are other scholarships I can apply to next year even if its not the most prestigious (the money is still the same). I guess this is the downside of chutzpah, losing, like the woman on Bulgarian Pop Idol. But I suppose if I didn't apply I would have lost by default. I have sent my research into journals that have acceptance rates in the 10-15%, and won twice, and thought this would be enough to win this scholarship. I guess its a game of numbers sometimes and I'm not gonna always win, but I have to try enough times to win at least a few victories.
DeleteHello Amanda. Let me analyze it like this: my parents never considered moving to another country for a brighter future because of one problem: my father can't speak English. It's not like he has not had lessons in school, but he was the kind of student who sucked at English - after his last exam in school, he said to himself, "that was awful, I never ever wanna speak English in my life ever again." So he has a mental block about English and indeed any other language - he spent his childhood in Malaysia for crying out aloud, yet on a few occasions in Indonesia and Malaysia, he didn't dare use his Malay and it was me who had to step in and speak to the locals in Malay despite the fact that I had spent more than half my life in Europe and my Malay is extremely rusty. Thus with that in mind, he is better off in Singapore where he could get away with not speaking any English - though this came back to bite him in the butt recently. He turned up in a new car park; the instructions were all in English (rather than in 4 languages) so he didn't understand the rules, parked in a spot reserved for residents and got a big fat fine for that. Duh. That's how bad his English is - he couldn't understand a sign like 'for residents only'. So yes, you need to do a risk assessment and calculate your chances of success, then work out: will I be better off moving to another country or will I be better off staying put in Singapore?
DeleteThere was ZERO guarantee that I would find a good job upon graduation - in fact, my first job after graduation was so awful that I quit within 3 months. Perhaps it was chutzpah leading me to believe that I could find a good job but the reality was quite different, my first job was awful - then I tried a few more which I plain didn't like, stayed in my 2nd job for 11 months just to prove that I can hold down a job and it was only my third job where I stayed for a much longer period like 4 years full time, before leaving that job to do it part time along with a whole bunch of other part time gigs - I then became self-employed and never looked back but it took me nearly 2 years of swimming through rivers of mud before landing a decent job after graduating. The scholarship didn't count for anything - employers were like, "you're good at passing exams and scoring straight As but what are you like in a work environment?"
But hey, like your applications for scholarships, it was pure chutzpah that kept me going. I never had anything handed to me on a silver platter given my poor working class background. But what is the alternative? To give up and surrender, believing that you don't deserve to have nice things in life? Or simply help yourself to a big dose of Chutzpah like that Bulgarian lady on Music Idol who believed that she deserved a chance to try? She knew she wasn't great but all she wanted to do was try and that's all we can do: keep trying.
Lol doesn't SG have "accessibility laws" to print signs in more than one language? I think Brussels in Belgium has a requirement to print signs in both Dutch and French. But its only if the government is involved I suppose, not in a private community area.
DeleteMate I'm really surprised that your UCL scholarship did not help you at all in finding a job. I would think it was a valuable feather in the cap which is why so many people go after it. I guess its main value was that you could attend UCL without worrying about finances, and had plenty of time to study instead of looking for part-time work. Also its nice that employers don't discriminate against someone for not getting a scholarship if they look like they can do a good job making them lots of money.
I'm glad to know that it wasn't all smooth sailing for you and that you did fail a few times but things got better after you kept on going. I know a professor in my university who didn't win this national scholarship in his time even though he went to Berkeley. And he survived and got a great job immediately after graduation, even without the scholarship, so I probably shouldn't dwell on this failure. I guess in your case if you gave up after working in a horrible job after graduation, then you wouldn't be where you are today. Life is short, but it is long enough that one failure isn't all that matters.
Btw Alex what do you think of the Gamestop saga? I think its a classic pump and dump scheme and the only value behind the stock is speculation. Bitcoin's value also mainly comes from speculation, but some of it is actual value since Bitcoin is based on a new technology (blockchain), whilst GameStop adds nothing new to retail. But a lot of people think that they can get rich from Gamestop, even if it relies on pawning off the stock to someone else who will pay a lot for it. I dunno how people who actually work in investment banking view things like Gamestop, but this whole saga started because some banks wanted to short Gamestop and a few people on reddit got together to "stand up for the little guy."
DeleteHi Amanda, firstly, no Singapore doesn't have accessibility laws per se, but the options are as follows: if you provide a sign in English + Chinese, then the Malays for example would then kick up a massive fuss and claim discrimination. Then you add a Malay version, oh then the Indians will kick up a fuss - same story, then you add a Tamil version, then the Hindi speakers say how dare you assume that all Indians speak Tamil when many of us speak Hindi as well, so you add Hindi, then repeat the same process with Bengali etc. There was another big controversy with a shop that put up multilingual signs including Tagalog for their Filipino customers and then the Indians complained as they left out Tamil - so the shop got fed up and removed all the signs, leaving only the English version.
DeleteSo in this case, we're talking about car parks in Singapore. Some are run by the URA (Urban Renewal Authority - a branch of the government) and some are privately run. The signs are in most cases ONLY in English for a very practical information: there is a lot of information to display about the rules and you cannot make the font too small, it has to be big enough for us older folks to read from our cars, rather than have to get out of our cars to walk closer to the sign to read the info (thus causing a traffic jam). So in the name of practicality, the signs are in English only. I'm sure you never think about that in Singapore since you would gladly read and understand the English sign without hunting for a Malay or Chinese version but for people like my dad, this can be a major problem. But these signs at the entrance to some of the car parks are already pretty big (think about how much information they have to contain), if you were to demand that such signs have to be in 4 languages, then good grief, they would be absolutely massive. Certainly in MRT stations, I do see signs in 4 languages but this is more a decision taken by SMRT unilaterally to embrace multi-lingual signs in their trains & stations rather than the law forcing them do that.
No my scholarship did not help me at all. Like I said, it just proves that I was good at studying that's all, it doesn't reflect much about how useful I can be in the workplace - so I had to prove myself all over again in the workplace. And you know, that should be the way: why should any employer assume that a scholar will be brilliant when the scholar has only been a student all this time and has little/no experience in the working world? I did struggle in the first few years upon graduation to prove myself worthy in the working world and I don't think my experience is that unique, few people have everything handed to them on a silver platter (not unless they have rich parents).
As for Gamestop, I know a lot of people tried to play the game and jump on the bandwagon, some made a lot of money whilst others lost a lot. It is scary to see the people who thought they knew what they were doing and then got burnt bad - it's their life savings they were gambling with, not some spare cash they could afford to lose. So I have always steered clear of things like that because it's a case of the more I find out about it, the more I realize I don't know enough about it.
DeleteLol I didn't think that that many people would complain about a simple sign in more than one language. English is the least offensive language to use because its not particular to any ethnic group. And yeah if there were that many languages the font would need binoculars to read.
DeleteYeah this is what I've come to realize in life, just because you won at something before is no guarantee of future victories. Sure it helps, but sometimes the next target is just a different ball-game. Even the best athletes have their off-days I suppose. I was surprised that the World's fastest man, Usain Bolt, actually did poorly in his first Olympics. I kinda wish schools would teach this more, that failure is not the end and pretty normal.
It really was speculation, you had to be in the lucky group that got in on it first and sold before the stock went down. Strangely enough some people are still holding on to their stock and watching the price closely in the hopes it would go up again. Another case that I found was interesting was when a 20 year old committed suicide after the Robinhood app told him he owed 750k USD. His family tried to sue Robinhood, saying they had approved him to buy and sell "options", even though he was a student with no income. Stocks are almost like a casino for regular people, with even worse odds.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/alex-kearns-robinhood-trader-suicide-wrongful-death-suit/
Oh you would be surprised: a Malay or Indian Singaporean would not complain if the sign was only in English but if any kind of preferential treatment was shown to the Chinese by the provision of a Chinese translation of a sign, then they would be up in arms even if they understood the sign in English. It is not about being able to read the sign, but more about making sure you don't look as if you're giving the Chinese any preferential treatment. So either go full on multilingual and do 4 languages or keep it only in English - somehow, all the signs for car parks in Singapore have always been English only.
DeleteAnd Amanda! You're a scientist - so I'm surprised you got this wrong: if we crammed four languages into the same sign, then the font would be tiny and we would be a MAGNIFYING GLASS to read it, not binoculars. I need binoculars to see something very far away (eg. bird watching in the mountains) but it would be useless trying to read something printed in a tiny font. And let me tell you, it really affects us older folks. I'm in my mid-40s, I picked up a packet of food the other day and wanted to read the list of ingredients on the packaging and I struggled to read it as the font was too small. In this case, I would need a magnifying glass to read it, not binoculars.
Language discrimination is one of the lesser talked about forms of racism. I did remember taking a class on ethics where the lecturer mentioned that the Singapore government favors the middle class heavily, and this affects people without much an education who can't speak English (like your father).
DeleteOh crap I did get that wrong! Binoculars have a different focal length to magnifying glasses, and the sign would be blurry if one used binoculars. I don't really work in optics or photography, so this stuff escapes me. That being said, there are apps that can look at a picture of text and automatically translate it. But it's likely someone who doesn't understand English also doesn't know how to use a smartphone. But I'll definitely use this app if I go on vacation to somewhere like Mexico or France since I can't read Spanish or French signs.
Hi Amanda, it's not like my father wasn't taught English - allow me to explain. He went to what was known as a Chinese school, that means all subjects from maths to physics to geography were all taught in Mandarin but he still did English as a second/foreign language for a few hours a week. That system was abolished in 1976 so only older Singaporeans would have even had that option - younger Singaporeans born after 1970 would have by default gone into the current system whereby all languages were taught in English, except for the few hours a week we spent on Chinese/Malay/Tamil. Nonetheless, even within that system, I still managed to learn Chinese to a decent standard whereas my father studied English for years at school only to walk away from that experience with a "I can't speak English, I don't want to speak English" attitude. I'm sure his teachers were awful but that's just a poor excuse to refuse to learn English - he married my mother who was also a teacher, teachers who don't wanna learn are bad examples.
DeleteSince you live in America, surely picking up Spanish would be a useful thing to do? I adore the Spanish language, it is my 4th language and I find it relatively accessible and easy to learn. There are parts of America which are so Spanish speaking - I've been to places like NJ, CA and FL which where sooo many people speak Spanish. I remember a conversation I had with my AirBNB host in Miami. I said, "a lot of people in Miami speak Spanish" and she corrects me, "EVERYBODY in Miami speaks Spanish, some speak English too."
Lol I guess I shouldn't feel sorry for him. What I'm regularly surprised about is that you keep saying in this blog your grandfather was a rich man in Malaysia who sent your father abroad to study, but it doesn't sound like your father is very well educated or even wealthy in adulthood. What happened there? I grew up decently wealthy, but since my father died in my 1st year of university I'm just middle class now.
DeleteI live in the US but I live in the "deep South" part of the US where its 78% white, 17% black, and 2.5% Asian. 5% of the state is Hispanic (note you can be of any race and also be hispanic, ethnicity and race are counted differently here). I guess I just don't have much of a need for Spanish in my area, but I might pick it up and practice when I go back to Texas and see my family. There are many Hispanics in Texas, and also really good Mexican food(I love anything guacamole).
Nooooo Amanda, lagi salah! I NEVER said my grandfather was a rich man. I do have an insanely rich UNCLE. My uncle is in fact my father's older brother. My grandfather wasn't poor, at least he had enough money to make sure that my father and my uncle got an education - my uncle did go on to start a very successful business whilst my dad settled into the job of being a primary school teacher. Again, Amanda: attention to detail! Ditto with the magnifying glass / binoculars.
DeleteSo let me paraphrase your question: so why is my uncle so successful and rich whilst my father is not? My best guess is that this is down to the genetic lottery. You can share the same DNA as your siblings but you can turn out to be totally different. I have a good friend with two kids: his daughter is stunningly intelligent, scholar-genius material whilst his son is borderline retarded with severe learning difficulties. Go figure. Same parents, same DNA - totally different outcome in the genetic lottery department.
PS. It wasn't that uncommon for Chinese-Malaysian families to send their boys to the nearest big city to complete their high school education even back in my father's time Daughters however, were often left uneducated as boys were given priority when it came to the limited amount of money each family had for educating their children. Both my father and uncle were sent to the high school in Singapore which at the time, was part of British-Malaya - his hometown was in Johor state, so it was not technically speaking leaving the country but only crossing the state line at that time. Neither my father nor my uncle went to university, but back in those days, very few people in Malaysia/Singapore went to university so as long as they completed their high school, they were probably more educated than most of their peers. Don't forget, we're going way back to the 1950s here, to pre-Independent British Malaya, which was a British colony in those days. One of my uncles did get sent to a high school in Kuala Lumpur and that was not because it was some prestigious boarding school - no, it was only because my father's hometown was and is still this sleepy little kampong with nothing there but rubber trees, mosquitoes and tropical jungle.
DeleteOh okay so your grandfather had a little bit of money to send some of his children out of their hometown for education, but not the kind of money for a university education let alone setting up his kids for life.
DeleteThat reminds me, one thing people take for granted in the West is education and job opportunities for girls. In Indonesia its getting better and the multinational oil and chemistry companies do hire lots of women engineers, but other businesses not so much. As much as I dislike the lack of democracy in Singapore, I do admit they have developed very rapidly in 50 years compared to their neighbors.
Malaysia or British-Malaya as it was known back then wasn't that poor, like people had a roof over their heads, they had three meals a day, the kids did get some education, people had jobs - I know my grandfather did bring up his kids and made sure they had a chance to get education, even though he wasn't rich. Back in those days, there was only a primary school in the kampong so for my father and my uncle to continue with their education beyond primary school, they had to leave their hometown for somewhere like Singapore or Kuala Lumpur. It has come a long way though, it is a small town today, I have always toyed with the idea of visiting - I've not set foot in my father's hometown since 1994. I doubt I will remember or recognize anything, the bizarre thing is that I recently dreamt that I went to visit there and I was walking up a hill, a road on a slope that somehow I remembered from my childhood visits.
DeleteBut if I may state the obvious, some families were poorer than others, whilst some folks were better off. The key difference between my father's childhood and my mother's childhood was the presence/absence of a father. My father's father was around to bring up his kids, he stayed alive long enough to work & pay for the school fees. But in my mother's case, her father died when she was pretty young, leaving my grandmother as a widow with 7 kids - that's why my mother's family was so tragically poor, she didn't have a father around to help out. He died very young due to illness.
DeleteThat sounds like middle class but in a small town. Thats quite sad, and 7 kids too. Its hard enough being a single mother with 1 child. Do you still have family in that kampong? I figure aside from the sights in the countryside speaking with relatives is another good reason to visit. Reminds me of the time you mentioned you might visit long lost relatives in Brazil.
DeleteHmmm - middle class by 1950s Malayan standards, rather than by our modern standards. Don't forget, folks back in the 1950s were more easily satisfied: no TV, no fridge, you were lucky to have running water and electricity and if you had 3 meals a day and could send your kids to school, you were doing well. If you looked at that kind of life they had in the 1950s and judged them according to modern 2021 standards, then it would be grinding, horrific poverty but in 1950 it was considered pretty okay. Different generations, different standards. My mother's family were well and truly screwed - my grandfather died pretty soon after the 7th child was born. Whilst having many children wasn't unusual in those days, dying that early was: even by 1950s standards, my grandfather died very young. That's why even by 1950s standards, my mother's family were the poorest of the poor in Singapore then, it was a really hard childhood for her.
DeleteYes I still have family in that kampong but have lost touch - I never kept in touch with any of the relatives from my father's side of the family. Big language barrier: they speak Hakka whilst I speak Mandarin and Hokkien, we can meet in the middle and speak Cantonese or Malay, but that was frowned upon - never mind trying to speak to them in English. And no, the relatives in Brazil are too far removed, I fear I may just impose on them. I am too far removed - I am their step-siblings' cousin, how far removed is that? There isn't even any blood relation, the relationship is via marriage. My uncle who ran away to Brazil is not related to me by blood, his wife (my auntie) is because she is my mother's younger sister. So the children fathered by my uncle in Brazil have no blood relation with me, any relationship is tenuous at that point because it is only via marriage.
In any case, I remember the house my late grandmother lived in - that was typical Malaysian shop house: there was a shop unit facing the main road and you would go in via the back entrance, climb the stairs to the house above the shop unit. It was big, at least it seemed big to me by Singapore standards. In Singapore, space was scarce but in the kampong, there was plenty of land and few people, so they could afford to make everything bigger and more spacious. The shop unit used to house the local clinic, they would wash it so clean, scrub every surface so I remember that smell of disinfectant when I went up the back stairs, like you knew everything in that clinic was squeaky clean. But since my late grandmother died, they sold that place - I don't even know if that role of shop houses still exist today, it probably does. Malaysia is not the kind of place where you knock down old buildings to make place for new ones - maybe in central KL they would do that, but in a kampong, you just leave the old buildings and find a piece of empty land to build a brand new building. I'm sure I have some relatives left in that kampong that I actually do have blood relation with, but I must have last met them in 1997 Chinese new year, that was an awfully long time ago.
DeleteAhh okay, your relations are quite far in the Brazil case, and a huge language barrier in the Malaysia case.
DeleteYeah I sometimes wonder if more technology necessarily makes people happier. But nobody would ever ask for a return to the dark ages where a small cut on your hand could be a death sentence. One thing is for certain, housing prices have gone up like crazy even as the price of other goods have gone down. Not sure whether a person would be happier to have a house paid off by the time they're 40 and live without internet and smartphones. Or if they'd prefer to be in debt till their 60s or even 70s, but have netflix and instagram.
That being said, I can't wait to go on vacation again and not have to be glued to the internet just for entertainment. I still remember going surfing in Bali in 2019 with my friends. Just the beach, good food, and good company. My university just announced they're fully reopening in the fall. Hopefully everyone is vaccinated by then and no new covid variants spring up.
My father's family mostly speak Hakka - sure they speak Malay, Mandarin, Cantonese and possibly some English, but they often look at me like I have done something terribly wrong because I don't speak their language. Well my father never ever taught me, so how was I supposed to their his family's language? It's like how I used to speak to my grandmother in Malay and she would reply in Hakka - and I'm like, either we speak in Malay and understand each other or the conversation breaks down here because you insist on speaking the one language I can't speak?
DeleteOh if you want cheap houses, try the countryside - they have that luxury in Malaysia and if I were to give up central London, for the same price of my house, I could buy a plot of land in the countryside, have a huge house + a garden surrounded by a nice high wall. I would literally be in the middle of nowhere though, it'll be a very different life indeed. It looks like I will be able to travel around the UK soon but traveling abroad is still months away - so a domestic holiday might be in order, a taste of the countryside perhaps?