Why do we want to travel and have holidays?

Hi guys, I'm off on another holiday this week - this time I'm spending a week in the Tuscany region of Italy. After an epic 11 day journey through the country of Georgia in January, I changed my plans slightly as I was planning originally to go to Ukraine in February. Oh I have always wanted to go to Ukraine in winter (not in summer, as it gets crazy hot there and I'm no good with the hot weather) but I did think it might come across as way too similar. After all, I mostly spoke in Russian to communicate in Georgia and I visited a lot of Eastern Orthodox churches - I would be doing much the same thing in Ukraine. So the decision was taken to leave Ukraine for next winter and instead go to Italy as I've been there many times, but given that it is such a fascinating country one can always go back and visit a different part of Italy. I was last in Italy when I visited Rome in 2015. I will spend a week there this time, visiting the cities of Pisa and Florence before going up to the ski resort of Abetone then returning via Pistoia and Lucca. This will give me a good mix of big cities, some of the most iconic Italian landmarks (cue cheesy pictures of the Leaning Tower of Pisa for Instagram), some stunning mountain scenery and quaint little Italian towns. It is an ambitious schedule for 7 days indeed! I am using mostly AirBNB for my accommodation and thus hope to be speaking as little English as possible on this trip, using only Italian.

Now I have this friend - let's call her Silvia (not her real name), she went on holiday recently to a resort in Spain where she basically put her feet up and set on the beach most of the day relaxing, either reading trashy magazines or simply using the hotel wifi to watch videos on her iPad. It was an all inclusive resort as well, so that meant she didn't need to worry about her meals - all she had to do was go to the buffet restaurant within the resort and she would have a wide selection of food to choose from for each meal. Oh and of course, she gets plenty of beauty sleep whilst on holiday. Not that I want to judge Silvia, but I find that kind of holiday quite pointless - she has flown all the way to Spain to do very little at a hotel, if all she wanted to do was to relax away from work, she can just do that at home - now that would have been a lot cheaper! If you're going to go all the way to Spain, why not get off the deck chair and go sightseeing, explore the nearest town or city and experience some Spanish culture? Well, this is what she said in her defence: Silvia has a very stressful job and often works very long hours, she is often sleep deprived and under a lot of pressure to meet strict deadlines. That is why when she is finally on holiday, all she wants to do is relax and rest, even just getting enough sleep is a luxury for her and that is why she is less inclined to see every single tourist attraction. It is easy for me to judge Silvia of course, given that I have the luxury of earning a lot more than her whilst working far fewer hours compared to her; I get far more hours of week every week on average compared to her and so I do plenty of relaxing already when I am supposedly at work. But if I had to work as hard as Silvia, I would have a different attitude when it comes to my holidays.

I remember when I was a student, my parents did take us on some holidays but everything had to have some kind of educational element to it. I remember going to the Batu Caves near Kuala Lumpur as a child and my parents were insisting that I pay attention to the tour, because it may be useful in a science exam at some stage. Well, I don't think I actually used any of the information I gleamed on that visit in any exam, but I enjoyed the visit nonetheless and did return in 2013 as an adult. I did the same guided tour and even though I no longer have to take any more science or geography exams ever again, I wanted to learn for the sake of learning. I suppose trying to educate your children is a pretty good motivation to go traveling, but there came a point when even I as the youngest child had completed my formal education so my parents were free from the burden of having to educate us. I'm afraid what then happened was that they defaulted to the kind of holiday that could be best described as 吃喝玩乐 ('eat drink play enjoy') - that's a Chinese phrase to describe a kind of traveling where you're only interested in hedonistic pleasures as opposed to trying to do anything that involves physical effort (eg. mountain climbing, skiing or hiking) or intellectual engagement (eg. visiting a museum or an art gallery). So that's exactly what Silvia wants to do on her holidays - all she wants is to relax by the pool or the beach and then eat loads of nice food whilst using as little physical or intellectual effort as possible to get through the holiday.

This is quite different from what I want to do when I travel abroad - I want to learn all about the country I am visiting, especially the language and I would spend many hours learning the language before I go on holiday - that shocks Silvia, because studying a language like that sounds like just the kind of activity she hated as a student and the last thing she would associate with going on holiday. Likewise, when I mention holidays that involve a lot of physical activity, Silvia would also say no on the same basis - you see, she works in retail (in a famous London department store) and is on her feet all the time, running from department to department, she doesn't work in a desk-bound job. We joke that she would never need to join a gym as she gets just so exhausted at work already and they give her a free workout everyday. So she already gets plenty of exercise on a daily basis anyway, thus for her, a holiday needs to be something totally different - hence her choice of more relaxing holidays. Now I have a Finnish friend who works in investment banking, she spends her days in the office mostly sitting at her desk and when she goes on holiday, she seeks adventure that would be totally different from her office routine - so recently, she went off to France to do a circus camp where for a whole week near Toulouse, she attended circus school and spent all day training and learning, at the end of the week, they will perform a show for a small local audience. This is not to make money of course - in fact she pays a lot of money to attend the circus camp, but it offers her something refreshingly different from her daily routine in the office and thus it is a perfect holiday. So that's right for my people like my Finnish friend, but I simply cannot imagine Silvia doing something like that.

Oh and then I have this other friend - let's call him Don. His idea of a holiday is to go somewhere like Miami or Ibiza and go clubbing all the time. He would start out in the late afternoon or early evening drinking at the bars by the beach, then go to a club where he would dance all night and usually get really quite drunk - stumble out when the sun rises, collapse into bed and then wake up in the late afternoon when it is time to do it all over again. He would do this for a few days before stumbling his way back to the airport for the flight home. Don would never ever visit a museum or some ancient Roman ruins whilst on holiday - he's just not interested. But then again, Don's justification is that he works in a very stressful environment as a doctor - he is always on call, he doesn't get enough sleep and he certainly doesn't get to go out like other people on his days off because he is always trying to catch up on his sleep. So for him, going on holiday is simply a chance to release a lot of the stress he faces at work and whilst I think he probably can find better ways to try to cope with the stress he faces at work, you can see why he wants to go out partying whilst on holiday because this is simply not the kind of thing he gets to do in his normal life. Whereas for the rest of us who have a better work-life balance, we certainly have the time and energy to go clubbing this weekend if that's what we choose to do with our weekend - someone like Don simply doesn't have that luxury unless he's away on holiday in Ibiza or Miami and they can't call him back into the hospital for an emergency. His circumstances are very different from mine and so I don't judge him for his choices - though I can't help but feel that he's missing out on some great aspects of traveling that I enjoy the most.

I remember this conversation I had with my father after I visited Oman, one of the things that tourists often do in Muscat is visit the Sultan Qaboos Grand Mosque. It is quite an experience and there are English-speaking guides who will show you around and talk to you about Islam - they're not trying to convert you, they just want to show some hospitality and teach you a little bit about their religion. I found that a truly wonderful experience but my father was puzzled, he didn't understand why I was visiting a mosque for he had never ever set foot in a mosque before. In his mind, that's where Muslims worship, we shouldn't disturb their place of worship. He asked why I wanted to learn about Islam - like, was I contemplating converting to Islam? I said no, I am committed to atheism but that doesn't stop me from wanting to understand more about Islam because I like learning about the world around me. He then asked if I had to work with a lot of Muslim clients and my answer to that question is actually no - I have some Muslim clients but they're in the minority; I could tell that my father just couldn't understand why I wanted to have that knowledge about Islam, if I couldn't directly benefit from that knowledge (such as by knowing how to do business better with my Muslim clients). Well, I believe that knowledge makes me a better person, a more interesting person to be around and by the same token, if I was truly ignorant about one of the world's major religions - that would make me quite a detestable character. So I was definitely making myself a better person by learning about Islam, though my father just couldn't see it that way. Once again, it felt too much like 'studying for an exam' for him to appreciate why I would want to do something like that whilst on holiday.

Could I learn about Islam say from Wikipedia, without even leaving the comfort of my living room? Of course I could, but it wouldn't be the same kind of experience as I had in Oman. There are different ways of acquiring knowledge and certainly, speaking to my guide in the mosque in Muscat left me with a far deeper impression as it was more memorable experience compared to say, me simply reading an article on Wikipedia in my living room on a rainy Saturday afternoon. I'm afraid with this current generation, the internet has stopped them getting out of their houses and exploring the world. Thus it goes way beyond simply seeking knowledge but it is about how you feel about new experiences. I remember when I was young, going on a plane was the greatest adventure ever - whilst all the passengers would already be settling down to the inflight entertainment or resting, I would be that kid who was still staring out of the window because I was so amazed that we were soaring above the clouds. Thus I find it really sad when older people lose that sense of wonder when they start bitching about airports or travel - for example, my sister and her husband were kind enough to take my parents on holiday to Macau and the flight back to Singapore was quite late, that meant they had the entire day to enjoy themselves there before heading to the airport but it also meant arriving in Singapore after midnight. My parents were so upset about getting home late and complained for days after that - my reaction was, if that's the way you show gratitude for a holiday, nobody is going to want to take you anywhere in the future with that kind of attitude. They chose instead to focus on the small inconvenience of returning home rather late rather than reflect on all their fun experiences.

Yes of course, there could be all kinds of inconveniences that we have to put up with when we travel - I'm not fond of having to wake up in the middle of the night to go catch a very early flight. I also hate it when my flight gets delayed but the worst part of traveling for me has got to be jet lag. It seems to affect some people more than others but good grief, I really suffer from it. Sure it takes time and energy to plan a trip but I'd like to think that the new experiences I have when I travel make it all the hassle worthwhile and that is why I keep on traveling. I love being surprised, I love encountering the unfamiliar - let's take one important aspect of traveling for example: food. When I was in Georgia, I encountered a local candy called Churchkhela - it is made of walnuts or hazelnuts dipped in a gooey, gummy sweet jelly (usually flavored with grape juice or sometimes pomegranate juice). It is one of the more tastier foods I had in Georgia since the quality of the food there was generally quite poor - but nonetheless, I was particularly intrigued by it since it wasn't something I could find in London and it was precisely for that reason that I wanted to try it. Sure, I've tried loads of strange foreign foods that I didn't like - such as Hakarl in Iceland (good grief, that was foul), but once in a while you will stumble upon something awesome like Churchkhela which will take you by surprise. Now, contrast that with my parents who will only travel abroad on guided tours which will promise that most of the meals will be in Chinese restaurants - they are so completely closed minded and have no desire whatsoever to have any new experiences, even when it comes to food.

I find that kind of mindset really quite tragic - do you mean to tell me that you think you've tasted everything there is in the world out there and you have no desire to try something unfamiliar that may turn out to be totally delightful? Even if I had sent some Churchkhela to my family in Singapore, my parents are probably going to turn their noses up at it and refuse to touch it solely on the basis that they are unfamiliar with it. If you think that's an exaggeration, allow me to share with you an episode where we took my father to a lovely Vietnamese restaurant in Singapore to have their beef Pho (Vietnamese beef noodle soup) and my father thoroughly hated it even though I couldn't find anything wrong with it apart from the fact that is wasn't exactly the same as his favourite beef noodles in Ang Mo Kio which he has been eating for over 20 years. It just feels rather tragic that he has gotten to the stage in his life where he is actively rejecting everything new or unfamiliar and clings on to things that brings a sense of comfort and familiarity. I do wonder if this is just what old people do - my parents don't understand modern technology and get easily confused by our modern gadgets. We would take simple tasks like sending a text message or looking up a train schedule online for granted but for someone like my mother it would seem like quite a daunting task. Nonetheless, on my travels, I do see a lot of old people too and they have no intention of slowing down even into their later years. Thankfully not all old people turn out to be like my parents.

I remember chatting to this old man called Richard who must have been in his mid-70s at Heathrow airport last year when my flight was delayed - he told me an extraordinary story about how he used to go to Syria in the 1970s and back then, it was a peaceful and beautiful country. Whilst few people spoke any English there then, the locals were extremely hospitable and friendly towards any foreign visitors and he had the chance to see all these incredible places in Syria - unfortunately, it is a country now that has been ravaged by a civil war that has gone on for so many years and I do wonder if it would ever be safe again for me to visit Syria in my lifetime. Richard was off to the Golden Triangle for a trekking holiday - he was flying to Bangkok where he had a connecting flight to Northern Thailand. I asked him why he was off to the Golden Triangle and he said that he remember trekking there years ago when he was a lot younger; he would like to go there for trekking again for one last time, before he was too old to do a trek like that and he was still in good enough health for now. Yes he did come across as a bit of an eccentric old man but I simply loved his enthusiasm to go out there to explore the world and do all these crazy things. Richard told me that he had no children and because he had worked hard all his life, he had retired with a tidy sum of money in the bank and he intended to spend it all on adventurous holidays in the most beautiful and exotic places in the world. As I got up to walk to my gate, Richard shook my hand and he quoted Abraham Lincoln, “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years."

This is why I want to keep exploring, keep having that curiosity to want to try new things, to accept new challenges and learn about new cultures, countries and languages - I definitely don't want to turn into my father, I'm sorry but it is pretty tragic how he has turned into an old man who is terrified of the modern world and clings on to things from a few decades ago. There are a lot of old people who are like him unfortunately but certainly, people like Richard have proved that you can indeed grow old without turning into a bitter, grumpy shadow of your former self. Going traveling is one way that takes me out of my comfort zone and I actually relish that - be it tackling a black piste when I am skiing or trying to converse with someone in a language like Russian in Tbilisi, I simply love that feeling of proving to myself that I can do something which is clearly challenging. But oh dear, contrast that to my father - you see, I know he can speak some English (he did study it in school and he was forced to use it to some extent when he was working as a teacher) but he is very reluctant to use it not because it is really that bad, but because he hates to be taken out of his comfort zone and he doesn't want to look bad when he makes a mistake in English. I think it is sad when people allow fear and the lack of confidence to hold them back - is my Russian perfect? Hell no, far from it - it is my 15th language (yes I speak 14 languages more fluently than Russian) and I make a lot of mistakes when I speak Russian but do I care if people notice my mistakes? Hell no, in fact most people can clearly hear that I am struggling in a language I don't know very well and are usually very encouraging when I try to speak Russian. I believe in the kindness and goodness of people: I've met so many wonderful people on my travels especially when I can speak the local language (even if I am struggling on in it).

It is vital that we do take ourselves out of our comfort zone every now and then to ensure that we grow. If you spend an entire day skiing and not fall down once, it doesn't mean that you're a great skier, it means that you're not challenging yourself enough and you will never improve. I have a table tennis table in my living room and modesty aside, I am pretty good at table tennis and I often invite my friends over for a table tennis party. However, I always try to invite my good friend Alex (yes we have the same name) over for these parties as he is the best player I know - I can never ever beat him as he is way better than me. For me, it is not about winning the games I play, I know that if I were to defeat a very inexperienced player, then there's really no glory in a victory like that. However, when I play Alex and he thrashes me game after game - I know that I am improving all the time, for every game I lose to him, I am becoming a better table tennis player. He takes me out of my comfort zone and makes me a better player; whilst playing with my other friends whom I can easily beat may be fun, but that is never going to help me improve my game. Thus I believe that the same principle applies in life - we should always be challenged all the time and kept on our edge: in school, at work and yes, whilst on holiday as well. It boils down to whether you want to take every opportunity that life gives you to become a better person, or if you are already perfectly content with the person you are today and you have no desire to change.

What is the alternative then? It is far too easy to convince yourself that flying is unsafe, or that a terrorist attack may strike at any time - there are probably plenty of reasons why you probably shouldn't travel somewhere. But here's how easy it is to try to talk yourself out of traveling: I remember when my nephew was very young, my sister wanted to take him to Penang for a long weekend and my mother was vehemently against the idea. Her justification? My nephew may get lao sai (diarrhea) in Malaysia - I just rolled my eyes and asked her, "what makes you think he will get lao sai in Penang then?" My mother said that he has gotten diarrhea before and that's when I had to point out to my mother that everyone has diarrhea before, that's really no big deal and that shouldn't stop anyone from traveling. It's a minor inconvenience when it happens but it isn't life threatening. Yes part of the fun of going to a place like Penang is enjoying the wide array of delicious street food and whilst there's always a small threat of getting an upset stomach from the experience, that shouldn't stop you from taking a calculated risk. So for example, if I can see that a hawker stall is very popular - then I know that the food there hasn't made all these people sick, so it would probably be pretty safe to eat and I would avoid the hawker stalls which have little or no business. This is called making a simple risk evaluation to decide if something is safe and we do that all the time in life, so we are not giving in to blind panic every time there's a possibility of something going wrong. Sure, I may not get it right all the time but over the years, I have learnt to trust my judgement.

Furthermore, you have to look at the alternative: if you had kept my nephew at home that weekend, he would have probably just watched TV or played computer games - my mother didn't have any special plans for him to have made that weekend fun, educational or special. I would thus apply a simple evaluation exercise to judge the situation in this case: first we look at the pros in terms of what could be gained in terms of my nephew having fun, having new experiences that can be educational and enjoying quality family time on this trip. Then we compare it to the cons in terms of the risk of something going wrong: such as getting food poisoning on the trip, being a victim of crime or simply encountering bad weather (hey I wouldn't go to Penang during the rainy season which is from the end of August to the beginning of October). If the pros outweigh the cons, then they should go to Penang. If it is the other way round, then they ought not go. Then we compare the two alternatives, would my nephew have a better time in Penang or if he had stayed at home that weekend - which option would be far more fruitful, educational and fun for my nephew? Obviously, despite the small risk of something going wrong, of course traveling is always the right answer. This is merely me going to each options, evaluating the risk versus the reward in every decision in a rational manner - whilst people like my mother are so negative and pessimistic that she is always thinking about the worst case scenario. Gosh, imagine growing up with a mother like that - that's the kind of crap I had to put up with. This is why I rebelled against that kind of negative mentality and am traveling so much these days, to make up for what I had to put up with during my childhood.

My father has retired over 20 years ago and he has spent most of that last 20 years watching TV at home because that's what he defaults to if he is making no effort to try anything new and is determined to avoid anything unfamiliar. If I may be brutally blunt, he's literally waiting for death to come whilst watching hours of vapid Chinese light entertainment on TV - that's not the way I want to spend the last 20 years of my life. Rather, I want to be like Richard - the quirky old man I met at Heathrow airport, still having these incredibly exciting adventures all over the world even in his old age. My father's behaviour is tragic result of giving in to that kind of negative thinking and pessimism - you could place the blame on us as his children for not trying hard enough to try to change his way of thinking, but I could see the way he reacted with spite and anger when my sister took him on holiday to Macau, then our default stance is to simply let him do what he wants (ie. watching TV all day and doing very little) since he hated every moment of traveling and would complain about it for weeks later as if my sister had wickedly done something maliciously to deliberately torture him. If that's the way he thanks my sister for spending so much money on him, would anybody ever dare to try to take him on holiday ever again? It just gets to the point where we think there's far more to be gained by letting sleeping dogs lie - by letting my father have his way and if he just wants to sit on the sofa all day watching TV, then perhaps the path of least resistance to avoid any more conflict and strife is to just leave him be whilst the rest of us get on with our lives - hence I going to Italy this week.

So there you go, that's it from me on this topic, what do you think? What are your priorities when you go on holiday? What are you looking to get out of your holidays? How do you enjoy yourself on your holiday? Why do we want to travel, why should we visit a country halfway around the world? Do you just want to relax when you're on holiday or do you have a very packed schedule trying to do as much sightseeing as possible? What should we get out of the experience of traveling abroad? And what about the issue of old people traveling - do you encounter old people when on your travels and what are they like? Do share your thoughts and experience by leaving a comment below - many thanks for reading.