On the issue of Asian migrants integrating in the West

OK the same Singaporean blogger has left a rather ignorant comment on one of my previous blog posts and I wanted to ignore it but then I realized, hey I have heard other Singaporeans make the same ignorant comment before, so why don't we talk about it on my blog? Firstly, here's the comment he left, "No matter what you do, you will never ever integrate with the ang mohs. Becos its a fact that you are Asian. " 

Firstly, LMFAO. I'm not some kid who has arrived in the UK one week ago, I am a 37 year old man who has been living in Europe since 1997. I have spent a good 16 years in Europe already and I already know by now whether or not I am well integrated in the UK. I can look back at the last 16 years: I have a good job with plenty of professional contacts to rely upon, I have an active social life involving both the arts and plenty of sports. I do not at any time pretend to be anything I am not - I do not pretend to be white, I have achieved everything I have done so far just by being the rather stubborn Ah Beng I am. I don't need some random Singaporean suaku to lecture me about what white people are like after having spent this much time in Europe, thank you very much.

Limpeh is an Ah Beng in Europe. 

Let's talk about the issue of integration then. Firstly, it is a total fallacy to treat Angmohs (white people) like they are a monolithic entity that you can somehow integrate with by becoming white or becoming like them. Amongst Caucasians, there are North Americans, Europeans, Antipodeans and even those in places like Namibia, Chile, Argentina and South Africa. Amongst the Europeans where white people originate from, you have Germans, Greeks, Norwegians, Russians, Italians, Dutch, Spaniards, Czechs, Estonians, Swiss, Albanians, Irish, Bulgarians, Belgians, Romanians, Latvians etc. Even in the UK, you have the the Scots, the Welsh, the English and Northern Irish. Within England, there are very clear regional identities amongst the English and even within a city like London, there isn't one concept of what it means to be a Londoner when you have such diverse groups living in close proximity in a big city like that.

Guess what? The exact same thing can be said about Asians in Singapore! There isn't one concept or simple definition of what it means to be Singaporean - in Singapore, you have such a vibrant mix of different kinds of Asians: Chinese, Malays, Indians, Filipinos, Vietnamese, Indonesians, etc. Even amongst the Chinese, you have that huge divide between the local born Singaporean Chinese and the recent arrivals from China. And then you have further divisions along the lines of the different dialect groups. Heck, just because you're Asian doesn't mean that you'll successfully integrate with Singaporeans - integration is far more complex than having the right skin colour!

Can you integrate and get along with those around you?

So let's run with this misguided notion of trying to "integrate with the Angmohs" - there isn't one notion of what it means to be an Angmoh or British for that matter. There are plenty of British born non-white citizens who are black, Middle Eastern and Asian. These people are 100% British and participate actively in all areas of social life, business and politics - it is their nationality and cultural identity that defines them as British, not the colour of their skin. There are a significant number of black and Asian politicians active in the government - people like Baroness Oona King, Baranoess Sayeeda Warsi, Keith Vaz and Sadiq Khan just to name a few. The fact that many of these non-white ethnic minority politicians can win elections shows how white voters are happy to embrace a non-white candidate to represent them in politics, we are very progressive as a nation by that aspect.

I get very uncomfortable when Singaporeans make an implied assumption that white people are inherently racist (which is completely untrue, of course) and that they only want to allow other white people into their social circles (which again, is completely untrue). The fact is in modern societies, we no longer define our social identity on the basis of race, ethnicity or skin colour. We've stopped doing that for over 40, maybe 50 years already. Society was very different half a century ago, when people didn't travel as much back then, people were a lot more ignorant back then and most importantly, people were far less likely to speak a second language then. People were unlikely to have friends from another country or culture and often only socialized locally with others in their local community. Fast forward to 2013, thanks to modern technology, we are far more enlightened modern generation who think global and are far less xenophobic in the way they perceive their cultural identity, especially if there is no longer a language barrier to stop us from communicating and connecting with someone from another culture. Ironically, some Singaporeans have all the latest gadgets money can buy but they have an attitude stuck in the pre-internet days of the 1980s.

You may have an iPhone but is your attitude up to date? 

Think about the way we make friends in 2013 - we tend to seek out individuals whom we share a connection with, be it professional (that's all those Linkedin groups for you), recreational, cultural or a combination of all of the above. You don't just befriend someone just because you speak the same language or if you're from the same hometown/country. Heck, think of how many people out there have siblings they do not get along with - being familiar with someone doesn't guarantee that you will automatically like them.

The way Gangnam Style has totally gone global last year demonstrated how our modern generation no longer defines our cultural identity according to our parents ethnicity or culture, but by global trends in the age of the internet. Aren't we incredibly fortunate as the generation to have all this technology at our fingertips to approach the world very differently from our parents' generation? Isn't it utterly and totally amazing? How can you have all this amazing technology yet not let it influence the way you relate to others in the world around you?

Now think about the friends you have, the people you hang out with, the people you chat to on Facebook - why do you like them as friends? Why do you want to spend time with them? Why do you enjoy their company? Is the answer ever, "because they are Asian" or "because they are Singaporean" or "because they are Chinese"? Hardly! Human relationships are far more complex than that! Let me share with you a Facebook status from a good friend of mine who is a Lebanese lawyer and also a talented musician - he plays the ukulele! (See the photo below if you don't know what it is.)  He is off on holidays today and this was his Facebook status update from Heathrow airport:

Check-in lady - "Is that a fiddle or a banjo?"
Me - "Heh neither, it's a ukulele."
Check-in lady - "Oooh, you planning to serenade the other passengers?"
Me - "No, with my ethnic background I find it's best to keep a low profile on planes."

Ukulele = it's like a small guitar

I like him very much because that is the kind of funny things he would say to make me laugh. He is a great joy to be with and we are able to connect just because we're on the same wavelength when it comes to humour. We have enough in common to have been good friends for about 14 years because we simply understand each other. Does it matter that he's from Lebanon and I'm from Singapore, that he's Arab and I'm Chinese? Who gives a shit? Why should that matter? We share enough in common for us to enjoy each other's company and as for where we are different, we allow that difference to both fascinate and educate each other. I feel sorry for those who are afraid of this cultural difference, because this is the kind of variety that makes our world such an interesting place to explore.

Here's the key thing about making friends - I never demand my friends to be just like me. I never said to a friend, "If you want me to like you and befriend you, you have to speak my language, act like me, talk like me, behave like me, in fact you have to be a carbon copy of myself before I will accept you." Hell no, that's so egocentric. And for the record, the vast majority of my friends here in the UK are white - and they will be appalled by any notion that I have been 'accepted' by them because I have integrated sufficiently well. No that's not how it works, they have chosen to be my friend because they like me for who I am. In any case, in a city as cosmopolitan as London, there is a huge mix of different nationalities and cultures here - we treat people as individuals. We like them, reject them, adore them, loathe them, befriend them, avoid them etc all as individuals - why? We never judge a book by it's cover, hence we never base our decision to like a person on their skin colour.

Would you judge a book by its cover?

Besides, the world is full of wonderful, eccentric, unconventional, quirky characters - like my Lebanese lawyer friend who plays the ukulele - why would I want to deprive myself of the opportunity to meet someone radically different from myself? I think I might be a bit bored with someone totally identical to myself. 

Are there people who believe that you should only make friends with people who are very similar to yourselves? Yes there are - one such person was my late paternal grandmother. She objected to my father's marriage to my mother on the basis of the fact that my mother is Hokkien and not Hakka, like my father. The fact that my mother was not only Hokkien but unable to speak Hakka was unacceptable to her. (Well, they all spoke Malay, so at least they could still communicate effectively.)  She wanted my father to have picked a bride who was identical to her - yes that's my grandmother for you, she was egocentric enough to believe that she was the perfect example of the ideal bride, so she wanted my dad to marry a woman just like her. And of course my dad defied his mother and went ahead to marry my mother because he was truly in love with her and he wasn't prepared to let his mother mess his life up like that.

My grandmother didn't want my father to marry my mother.

Do people like my late grandmother still exist today? Of course they do - thankfully they're in the minority. Just avoid them if you run into someone like that.  Having lived and work in so many countries, I have realized that once you peel away the very superficial differences like our skin colour or the different languages that we speak or cultural customs, guess what? We share far more in common than you think in our shared humanity, it's incredible. I feel sorry for those who choose to focus on the differences rather than this shared humanity. Why? Goodness me, why?

The sad truth is that many of these Asians who focus on the differences are assuming a stance of mutual hostility. They are racist and hate white people and assume that white people must hate them too (which is not true actually). Others have such low self-esteem that they just assume that others cannot possibly like them, that's why they just default to the assumption that they will be rejected if they tried to integrate in a new country halfway around the world - such people probably don't have that many friends in Singapore to begin with, so what are the chances of them being more socially successful halfway around the world in a different country? They don't have the confidence that they will be liked or even accepted simply by being themselves. Making friends, sustaining quality relationships both professionally and socially is an art form - that is why some people are very popular at school whilst others turn out to be the quiet kid who sits in the corner and never talks to anyone.

There's always that quiet kid in the corner that nobody talks to...

By that token, some migrants who come to the West will blend in effortlessly, whilst others will stay on the periphery of society after many decades - it all boils down to the individual's ability to adapt to new situations and some people are just better at it than others. Trying to imply that white people will never accept Asians is wrong because it completely misrepresents the situation. It is up to each individual to develop meaningful social and professional relationships wherever he is - whether he chooses to remain in his hometown or start a new life halfway around the world.

Ultimately, I know that what makes me a unique person is my experiences of having lived in both the East and the West (and the big in between, the Middle East). Having those experiences makes me so much more insightful compared to some Brit who has spent all his life living only in England. Yes I do feel like I have a sense of superiority over people like that and I will never give up that sense of superiority (you know me). I don't want to be like everyone else because I know I am better than everyone else. So sue me but that's the way I feel!

Yes Limpeh has spent time in the Middle East. 

You don't need to be just like everyone else to be liked and embraced by the British public - quite on the contrary, the Brits have always warmed to somewhat unusual, eccentric characters who are larger than life characters. Such is our culture - we value individuality and celebrate non-conformity. Take Tulisa Contostavlos (formerly of N-Dubz) for example, she is hardly your average English lady. She is of Greek-Cypriot ancestry, she pushes the boundaries with her music and was even involved in a sex-tape scandal that went viral as well as a drugs scandal just this month. Did being unusual in so many ways affect her fame? Hardly, she was a judge on X-Factor and is now focusing on her solo career as a singer. Susan Boyle is another great example of a lovable British oddball. She's not got the looks to go with that voice, but she is still loved and embraced by the British public. (Can you imagine a Singaporean Susan Boyle, like a fat 50 year old spinster from Bukit Batok with the voice of an angel? Not gonna happen.)

And Simon Cowell - that man's a legend, I would love to do what he does - to sit there and make cruel remarks at people and get paid loads of money for it. I could go on: how about Gordon Ramsay, who is far more famous for his foul-mouthed tantrums than his cooking? He's a huge celebrity. Oh and there's George Michael who has stumbled from scandal to scandal - numerous drugs related arrests, gay sex in public toilets, crashing his car whilst driving under the influence of drugs - oh the list of his misdemeanors is pretty long . And what do we do? Do we reject him as a pop sar? Hell no, we got him to perform at the closing ceremony of the 2012 Olympics as one of our cultural ambassadors.

And you want more whacky oddballs that the British public have totally embraced? How about Pakistani fishmonger Muhammad Shahid Nazir ("Mr £1 Fish") who scored a big hit with his song "£1 Fish" which went viral last year. Have a listen to it in the video below - you will either love it or hate it (or at least scratch your head wondering how the hell this became a big hit on the UK charts last year). You get the idea (how about our sports 'hero' Eddie the Eagle as well) - as a nation, for better or for worse, we like and celebrate oddballs who are not afraid to be different and are by no means perfect. This is in sharp contrast to East Asian cultures where conformity is the social norm is emphasized and those who are different are faced society's collective disapproval.

 By that token, I am a private citizen here in the UK. I am quite content being myself here in Britain. People can like me or hate me, I am who I am, take it or leave it. I am glad I live in a society which gives me the liberty to live the way I like. I can be different, I can be unique, I can stand out from the crowd and that's perfectly alright. In any case, when I learnt Welsh (I am now fluent in Welsh), I didn't do it to please or impress the Welsh people - hell no, it was something I did and accomplished for myself, not others. I'm not that desperate to please others around me nor do I crave their approval - I'm far more interested in pleasing myself really.

In London where I call home now, I have found quirky, eccentric like-minded individuals (like my ukulele playing Lebanese lawyer pal) who like me for whom I am. They would never try to change me, they like me the way I am. I am Limpeh, that foreign talent who has worked in all of those different places all over the world, shaped by my unique experiences and my friends love me for being me. Now that's a great feeling, when you can just relax and be yourself and be loved by your friends. It is most liberating indeed.

The Brits love quirky, eccentric, larger than life characters. 

Let me finish by putting this to you Singaporeans: do you have good friends who are from a different ethnicity? If you are a Chinese-Singaporean, do you have good friends who are Malay, Indian or Filipino? Would you ever say, "I can never accept you no matter how hard you try to integrate because you're not one of us", or would you simply judge each individual by his/her merits? How do you feel about racist people who reject people from another nationality, culture, religion or ethnicity? How would you like to be at the receiving end of such bigotry?

You know, I thought my late grandmother was utterly ludicrous in having that kind of prejudice against my mother for being of a different dialect group - I would've thought that this kind of petty bigotry would have been gone by my generation, but I guess I was proven wrong by this really ignorant statement left on my blog by that Singaporean (tut tut, what a disgrace). As usual, Limpeh is always keen to find out what you have to say about the issue, you know the drill - please leave a comment below, thank you very much.

Limpeh with my panda Bui @ Youtube HQ London.