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Thursday, 15 November 2018
Q&A: Getting a tattoo - yes, no or negotiable?
Hi guys, I got an interesting question from one of my readers on an older blog post and it was about a discussion he had with his parents about getting a tattoo. His parents are vehemently against it but he thinks it is a fairly harmless way to express his identity. The reasons why his parents are against the tattoo are as follows: firstly, you'll regret it - you'll think it looks cute or cool for a few years then you'll change your mind eventually but you can't get rid of it. Secondly, you'll be mistaken for a gangster who has tattoos. Thirdly, it doesn't look professional - it could adversely affect your career prospects if you show up for a job interview with a tattoo. And lastly, the human skin will eventually sag as one gets older - my reader's body may be a taut canvas of human skin now and a tattoo may look great for now, but once the skin stretches and sags, it will look all wrong. So he has asked me for my opinion - he was rather tempted to just go get it done without telling his parents, but he wants to know what I think first. Well then, I shall attempt to do this topic justice.
Personally, I don't have a tattoo as I am mostly afraid of the pain - let's not forget that aspect of acquiring a tattoo. But I am also concerned that I may change my mind at some stage about the tattoo and there are non-permanent alternatives that I have used before. I remember shocking everyone with the 'tattoo' of a dolphin on my right arm, only to reveal that it was non-permanent - I achieved the effect I wanted, it only works once and then people just get used to the fact that you have a tattoo. There is a huge market right now for non-permanent tattoos and the quality is great, the beauty of it is that you get to try different designs rather than be stuck with one for the rest of your life. The same principle applies to piercings as well, it is the thought of permanently altering your body that puts me off the idea totally. Whether or not you might change your mind is a personal choice, I've met people with tattoos they are perfectly happy with and others who have changed their minds - the worst example was my friend Adam who went to Spain on holiday, got drunk and then decided to get a tattoo done. The tattoo was in Chinese characters as he thought it looked cool, but of course Adam doesn't speak Chinese and I'm like, dude do you know what it says? And he was like of course, it means 'courage and strength' or something and I'm like, no it doesn't and you should have seen his face. To be fair, it was a bunch of Chinese characters that meant nothing when put together - but why was he getting a Chinese tattoo in Spain when he was drunk?
As for the second allegation of tattoos being associated with gangsters, I think we can dismiss that. Yes there are certain cultures which are very anti-tattoo such as in Japan for example, where you could be refused entry into a public bath or onsen spa if you have visible tattoos as that is associated with the Yakuza mafia. But there's a huge difference between having a discrete, small tattoo which can be easily covered up or having one on your face (yes I've met people with tattoos on their face) which is really a statement! I had a colleague who had a tattoo on her upper right shoulder, so there's no way anyone can see it unless she deliberately wants to show you that tattoo or if she is on the beach wearing swimwear. Certainly nobody in the office could see it when she was fully dressed in the office, so it never caused any issues in the workplace. Furthermore, the design of the tattoo is a important factor - the mafia are not going to go for rainbows, teddy bears and pink hearts - so if you have say the tattoo of a sunflower or a cute kitten, no one is going to mistake you for a member of the mafia and if they do, then they're clearly very stupid (in which case, who cares what they think). So unless my reader decides to go for a very extreme form of tattoo in the most visible parts of his body, nobody is going to bat an eyelid and there is absolutely no risk of anyone mistaking him to be a member of the Yakuza!
As for whether or not having a tattoo will be a problem say in a job interview, it depends on where the tattoo is. I would definitely steer clear of anything on the hands and anything above the neck, basically you need to make sure it is in an area which can be concealed by normal clothing. I have a colleague who has tattoos on his arms, I didn't see them until one particularly hot summer's day when he turned up in the office in a T-shirt and I was surprised as that was not what I was expecting - but nonetheless, he would not usually show up at work in a T-shirt like this, so it was something he could easily conceal in a more formal situation. I did once encounter someone in my client's office who had a tattoo on his neck that went all the way to the back of one of his ears - I found that disconcerting because I couldn't see all of it, I could only see the top of what seemed to be an elaborate design but the rest of it was beneath his collar on his back. In my opinion, he could have whatever tattoo he wanted on his back as no one would see it, but he was deliberately being provocative in drawing attention to it by having it extend up the back of his neck like that. It was a curious choice to say the least but as I barely knew the guy, I pretended I didn't see it and just ignored it. Besides, this was my company's clients - they are buying from us, we're not buying from them so I was on my best behaviour as they were our customer. But of course, such a provocative choice of a tattoo like that is bound to illicit a reaction in the corporate world and so that is ill-advised.
Moving on to the last part about the saggy skin when we get old: yes at some stage our skin will sag with age. Growing old is a fact of life of course, but different people will deteriorate and descend into decay at different rates - a lot of it has to do with how well you take care of yourself as you get older. Do you exercise regularly? Do you have a healthy diet? Do you get enough sleep - say averaging between 7.5 to 8 hours a night? How much alcohol do you consume and do you smoke? What about the environment you live in - is pollution a problem or is the air you're breathing nice and fresh? Are you generally quite relaxed and happy or are you very stressed all the time? And if you were to fall ill, do you have access to quality medical care that will make sure you are on the mend quickly? These are all the many factors that will determine how fast your body ages: I've seen some people in their 30s in terrible shape because they simply don't take care of themselves, then I've seen some people in their 50s and 60s who look absolutely fantastic. So rather than focusing on the worst case scenario, why not focus on the challenge of keeping our bodies in good shape and ageing gracefully, preserving our general health and skin tone? And if you are going to be overweight and saggy in your older years, then you're already unattractive - that tattoo isn't going to make things any worse in the bigger scheme of things.
But if I may ask another question that your parents didn't ask: why do you want a tattoo? Now I didn't get the chance to ask my reader this question mostly because I have only thought about it now so I will run through a few common answers. Some people want tattoos because they have seen famous people show off their tattoos and they think: that's so cool, I wanna be just like them. So many famous celebrities have tattoos: David Beckham, Lady Gaga, Adele, Justin Beiber, Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez, Beyonce, Demi Lovato, Rihanna, Miley Cyrus - just to name but a few! But if you think that Ariana Grande for example is cool, would having a tattoo like hers make you as cool as her? I'm just going to point out that Ariana Grande is an amazing singer who has given us some incredible hits, we remember her for her music not so much for her tattoos per se, though I do accept that her tattoos are part of her pop star image. Some people may claim that having a tattoo will make them special, set them apart from everyone else: but then again, all you're doing is going to a tattoo parlour, picking a design from a book and lying there for an hour or two whilst the tattoo artist works on your tattoo. The person getting the tattoo is just the passive canvas, you've done so little in the process: it is the designer of the tattoo and of course that tattoo artist who are the ones who have expressed the most creativity and individuality through their work. If you want to stand out from the crowd and make a statement, it's going to take a lot more than a tattoo to express your individuality. Go make a funny Youtube video, start a blog, design your own clothing, perform stand up comedy, go write and record your own music or if you must get a tattoo then at least design it yourself.
But allow me to introduce a case study: let's call this lady Paula (obviously not her real name). She had a difficult childhood and didn't get along with her parents, she wasn't exactly a good student in school and generally had a problem with anyone in a position of authority over her. Furthermore, Paula was bullied in school for a variety of reasons: she didn't know how to fit in, she lacked the social skills to make new friends and was a social outcast who kept to herself. She resented the pretty girls in the school who often went out of their way to make her feel bad about her appearances. Conditions were right for Paula to rebel and it started with one tattoo - it made everyone from her teachers and classmates in school to her parents freak out and that pleased Paula. After all, she never got along with any of them and making them freak out somehow gave her a sense of glee - so she decided to provoke them by getting her belly button pierced, again they freaked out, predictably so. Paula never ever had this kind of control over her relationship with these people before - when she was younger, she tried to make friends but she could never get them to like her. She had tried to make her parents proud of her but she failed to ever truly please them. But now, she wanted to provoke them into freaking out and guess what? She had totally succeeded in doing so and that gave her a sense of satisfaction she never had before, so she decided to keep on doing it as she found it fun. Fast forward to today, Paula is covered head to toe in tattoos and piercings including on her face - oh you can only imagine what it is like for her to go through a metal detector.
So in Paula's case, yes you can clearly see why Paula had felt a desperate need to rebel because she was deeply unhappy and struggled to form good relationships even with her own parents. However, what she did not realize was that two wrongs don't make a right - she managed to provoke and alienate a lot of people in her life with her more and more extreme tattoos and piercings, but doing all that failed to do the one thing that she really wanted: build relationships with people who are willing to be her friends. Besides, the people in her life went from, "Paula, oh my goodness what have you done to yourself?!" to "oh geez, here we go again, that's exactly the kind of thing Paula would do". The people her eventually failed to get shocked anymore and fast forward to today, she is literally running out of surface area on her body to pierce or tattoo. So in this case, instead of rebelling by having tattoos, there was actually a lot Paula could have done to try to fix the relationships in her life such as with her family members or indeed try to find new friends in her community with whom she could have built meaningful friendships with. But no, instead she decided to rebel and the question I want to ask her is whether or not it was all worth it, was it worth turning your body into this current state just to rebel and provoke those around you? Why spend so much time and energy trying to provoke people when you should have been focused on making yourself happy and successful? Often people who want to 'rebel' need to take a look in the mirror and fix the problems in their own lives first, rather than just rebel for the sake of rebelling. Getting tattooed clearly didn't solve any of Paula's social problems at all: no, she was barking up the wrong tree with permanent consequences.
Okay so that's my short piece of getting a tattoo. I'm not here to tell you it is okay to get it, it's not my permission that you need but I hope I've given you enough food for thought to make a rational decision about whether or not to get the tattoo. What do the rest of you think? Do you have a tattoo and do you absolutely love your tattoo? Would you like to tell us about it, like why did you get it? Was it painful? Do you regret it? Leave a comment below and many thanks for reading.
As a mother, the thought of my child marring his beautiful skin with a permanent tattoo is just too painful to consider. I do not associate it with "gangsterhood", but I just do not see beauty of it. I am conservative in many ways.
Hmmm. Interesting. So allow me to put this hypothetical situation to you: say this happens when your son is 20 years old and he says, Mum I'm going to get a tattoo - I'm just telling you so you won't be shocked or overreact when I come home later this week with the tattoo. What would you do? Talk him out of it? Negotiate for the tattoo to be as small and discrete as possible? Go with him to the tattoo studio? Get angry?
What would you do as a mother, bearing in mind your son is already 20 at this stage.
A tattoo is a symbol of personal expression. Why the older generation have bad impression of it is simply because back in the day tattoos were mainly used by secret society members as a means of identification. Which is also why you would see so many prisoners or "bad poeple" with tattoos.
But that is all in the past, trying to change peoples perception of it is almost impossible. Look at China, females of all ages are getting tattoos because it is fashionable and there is no traditional stigma against it. My spouse is a tattoo artists and is making good money because of it.
I would probably get angry with him for his stupidity. Then cry and guilt him. Then negotiate for it to be small and inconspicuous. Then go with him to make sure it is small and inconspicuous and not something stupid, like a snake or naked woman. I would hold his hand as he gets his tattoo to show my support even though I do not approve. I would still love him even though I would be disappointed that I have failed to impress upon him that tattoos are dumb.
Thanks Di, for the mother's point of view. I agree with the part about inconspicious, make sure it can be covered with clothing say on the shoulder, as in the case of my colleague, so even if she was wearing just a T-shirt, you still can't see it. Then I think it becomes something special that you show people you're close to rather than put it on display for everyone to see, like you're trying to make a statement. Mind you, I met a friend yesterday who has plenty of tattoos and piercings and for her it was like, yeah I got my nipple pierced for my 18th birthday she said nonchalantly and I wasn't expecting that at all...
@Di, in the grand scheme of things I would say that your son getting a tattoo is the least of your worries. At least he didn't get addicted to crack or heroin. Or get someone knocked up.
Just educate him well so that once he reaches 21 he would trust you enough to tell you when he wants to do something crazy, like go skydiving or backpacking around the world. So a small tattoo is really the least of your worries.
As for what I think about tattoo, I would get one if Singaporeans were more open minded. But I work in healthcare and it could hurt my job prospects. Also I donate blood every month and can't afford to differ for 6 months after getting a tattoo.
But I wouldn't stop my spouse from Getty one. It her mother who doesn't approve though.
Actually, I am trying to convince him to go skydiving with me! I wish we could afford to backpack around the world as well. At least Europe. Those things don't bother me as much as the thought of him getting a tattoo. Is it as bad as drugs? Of course not. I can't believe having a tattoo could hurt your job prospects, though. That is wrong.
Aaah Di but it depends on where the tattoo is. Is it say on your shoulder or upper arm (which can be easily concealed by a shirt) or is it somewhere conspicuous like on the face or neck? A big tattoo on your back is not visible at work (well not unless you're a lifeguard who wears shorts at work!) but a small one on your face will draw attention.
And when you do come to London Di, remember I will put you and your son up :)
Hi I am a A Level student and would like to seek your opinion on these 2 universities in UK. I have received conditional offers from King's and Uni of Warwick for the undergraduate program (Accounting and Finance).I understand that in UK,Warwick has better reputation compared to KCL (from The Student Room forum). If location is not a priority, which university would you recommend? For KCL, it is a new course with the first batch starts in 2019. Since my parents are funding my studies, I am trying to find out more to make the best decision. Thanks.
1. There's the actual ranking on the league table and there's the general impression that we have. Currently, Warwick is ranked higher than King's but in the past King's was ranked higher than Warwick. What tends to happen is that there's a band of like 10 or so places where a university will move around. Oxbridge will always be 1 and 2 then the rest of the top ten is fairly interchangable. So if a university slips a few places in one year, I wouldn't bat an eyelid as it may climb a few places the next year.
2. It is highly unlikely though for a good university in the top 20 to suddenly find themselves ranked 85th. You need some kind of massive scandal or catastrophe to trigger that - what's more likely to happen is you get a university like Loughborough which keeps climbing, slowly and gradually up the rankings year on year whilst nudging some of the older universities down the ranking each year.
3. So in my opinion, yes Warwick is currently performing better than King's, but King's does have a long and good reputation, so neither options are bad at all, it's kinda nice to be in a position to have 2 good options to choose from. I wouldn't say that one university has a better reputation than the other - I say they're both good but it depends on what you wanna base it on: historical factors, alumni or strictly just current rankings.
4. Location is an issue though, have you looked up where Warwick is though? It is small & quaint, tourists come by and take photos but holy crap it is boring. Shops close so early at like 5 pm sharp and there's little to do (but to focus on your studies, hey you might like that). London will offer you a lot more in terms of a more varied social life and cultural experience, but more to the point and I can't stress this enough: you're allowed to work up to 20 hours a week as a student whilst you don't need to meet this quota of 20 hours, at least in London you have a much wider choice of meaningful part-time work you can partake in whilst in a smaller town like Warwick, it is slim pickings and you may not find anything challenging that will teach you anything useful.
OK I hope I have given you food for thought - let me know what you think.
As a mother, the thought of my child marring his beautiful skin with a permanent tattoo is just too painful to consider. I do not associate it with "gangsterhood", but I just do not see beauty of it. I am conservative in many ways.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Interesting. So allow me to put this hypothetical situation to you: say this happens when your son is 20 years old and he says, Mum I'm going to get a tattoo - I'm just telling you so you won't be shocked or overreact when I come home later this week with the tattoo. What would you do? Talk him out of it? Negotiate for the tattoo to be as small and discrete as possible? Go with him to the tattoo studio? Get angry?
DeleteWhat would you do as a mother, bearing in mind your son is already 20 at this stage.
Many thanks Di! :)
A tattoo is a symbol of personal expression. Why the older generation have bad impression of it is simply because back in the day tattoos were mainly used by secret society members as a means of identification. Which is also why you would see so many prisoners or "bad poeple" with tattoos.
ReplyDeleteBut that is all in the past, trying to change peoples perception of it is almost impossible. Look at China, females of all ages are getting tattoos because it is fashionable and there is no traditional stigma against it. My spouse is a tattoo artists and is making good money because of it.
Wow, I never knew what your wife did for a living, that's pretty cool!
DeleteOK Choaniki, may I invite you to respond to Di Talasi's comments please since you two obviously have very different views about tattoos?
DeleteWhich one? She made 2 comments.
DeleteThe second one below please.
DeleteI would probably get angry with him for his stupidity. Then cry and guilt him. Then negotiate for it to be small and inconspicuous. Then go with him to make sure it is small and inconspicuous and not something stupid, like a snake or naked woman. I would hold his hand as he gets his tattoo to show my support even though I do not approve. I would still love him even though I would be disappointed that I have failed to impress upon him that tattoos are dumb.
ReplyDeleteThanks Di, for the mother's point of view. I agree with the part about inconspicious, make sure it can be covered with clothing say on the shoulder, as in the case of my colleague, so even if she was wearing just a T-shirt, you still can't see it. Then I think it becomes something special that you show people you're close to rather than put it on display for everyone to see, like you're trying to make a statement. Mind you, I met a friend yesterday who has plenty of tattoos and piercings and for her it was like, yeah I got my nipple pierced for my 18th birthday she said nonchalantly and I wasn't expecting that at all...
Delete@Di, in the grand scheme of things I would say that your son getting a tattoo is the least of your worries. At least he didn't get addicted to crack or heroin. Or get someone knocked up.
DeleteJust educate him well so that once he reaches 21 he would trust you enough to tell you when he wants to do something crazy, like go skydiving or backpacking around the world. So a small tattoo is really the least of your worries.
As for what I think about tattoo, I would get one if Singaporeans were more open minded. But I work in healthcare and it could hurt my job prospects. Also I donate blood every month and can't afford to differ for 6 months after getting a tattoo.
But I wouldn't stop my spouse from Getty one. It her mother who doesn't approve though.
Well said, many thanks Choaniki.
DeleteActually, I am trying to convince him to go skydiving with me! I wish we could afford to backpack around the world as well. At least Europe.
DeleteThose things don't bother me as much as the thought of him getting a tattoo. Is it as bad as drugs? Of course not.
I can't believe having a tattoo could hurt your job prospects, though. That is wrong.
Aaah Di but it depends on where the tattoo is. Is it say on your shoulder or upper arm (which can be easily concealed by a shirt) or is it somewhere conspicuous like on the face or neck? A big tattoo on your back is not visible at work (well not unless you're a lifeguard who wears shorts at work!) but a small one on your face will draw attention.
DeleteAnd when you do come to London Di, remember I will put you and your son up :)
I wonder if Obama has a tattoo? I digress.
DeleteYes, to London, to London, … it's going to happen!
I've checked. No he doesn't have one.
DeleteHi I am a A Level student and would like to seek your opinion on these 2 universities in UK. I have received conditional offers from King's and Uni of Warwick for the undergraduate program (Accounting and Finance).I understand that in UK,Warwick has better reputation compared to KCL (from The Student Room forum). If location is not a priority, which university would you recommend? For KCL, it is a new course with the first batch starts in 2019. Since my parents are funding my studies, I am trying to find out more to make the best decision. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHi there, for what it's worth here's my opinion.
Delete1. There's the actual ranking on the league table and there's the general impression that we have. Currently, Warwick is ranked higher than King's but in the past King's was ranked higher than Warwick. What tends to happen is that there's a band of like 10 or so places where a university will move around. Oxbridge will always be 1 and 2 then the rest of the top ten is fairly interchangable. So if a university slips a few places in one year, I wouldn't bat an eyelid as it may climb a few places the next year.
2. It is highly unlikely though for a good university in the top 20 to suddenly find themselves ranked 85th. You need some kind of massive scandal or catastrophe to trigger that - what's more likely to happen is you get a university like Loughborough which keeps climbing, slowly and gradually up the rankings year on year whilst nudging some of the older universities down the ranking each year.
3. So in my opinion, yes Warwick is currently performing better than King's, but King's does have a long and good reputation, so neither options are bad at all, it's kinda nice to be in a position to have 2 good options to choose from. I wouldn't say that one university has a better reputation than the other - I say they're both good but it depends on what you wanna base it on: historical factors, alumni or strictly just current rankings.
4. Location is an issue though, have you looked up where Warwick is though? It is small & quaint, tourists come by and take photos but holy crap it is boring. Shops close so early at like 5 pm sharp and there's little to do (but to focus on your studies, hey you might like that). London will offer you a lot more in terms of a more varied social life and cultural experience, but more to the point and I can't stress this enough: you're allowed to work up to 20 hours a week as a student whilst you don't need to meet this quota of 20 hours, at least in London you have a much wider choice of meaningful part-time work you can partake in whilst in a smaller town like Warwick, it is slim pickings and you may not find anything challenging that will teach you anything useful.
OK I hope I have given you food for thought - let me know what you think.
5. Forgot to ask you, do you have any other offers apart from these two?
Delete