Limpeh is botak, I am balding - so what?

Hi guys, allow me to get something off my chest. Now you know I don't have much of a relationship with my parents - we barely talk and it is mostly my dear sister whom I speak to on Skype. Once in a while, my parents would wander in and out of the screen and join in the conversation, but they rarely ever bother sitting down and talking to me - like, they're just not interested in catching up with me the way my dear sister is. I would automatically switch to Mandarin or Hokkien out of courtesy when I see my father or mother appear on the screen and sometimes my sister has to tell me that I can switch back to English as they have walked away and I am still speaking in Chinese. My dad also has a very poor memory in his old age and forgets that he has said something to me before, thus he keeps repeating himself. Here's a picture of me taken very recently in Denmark, where you can see how totally bald I have become of late.

See how the sun reflects off my bald head in this photo!

So last weekend, when we were Skyping, he noticed that I am balding. Let me explain, this ain't anything new! I have been suffering from hair loss for the last five years or so and have finally given up trying to grow my hair this year. I now shave my head as it looks plain stupid when the hair is just refusing to grow on the crown of my head and my hairline is receding. I have lost count of the number of times my dad has said this, "Use ginger juice to stimulate your hair growth." And each time I reply, "I've tried and it doesn't work. Nothing works. I am balding very aggressively." I have to give my dad the benefit of the doubt that his memory is failing in his old age, but it is hard to swallow each time he says something like, "Alamak, 你的头发掉的很厉害!", as if he is seeing it for the first time. And I'm like hello? Have you not noticed that I have gone bald a few years ago - like do you still remember me as a kid with a full head of hair? Why do you act so surprised each time you see how bald I am these days?

Then out comes the suggestion about using ginger juice (again), like for the 100th time. And I thought, good grief, not again! So I decided to try a different tact this time - not that it matters because my dad doesn't listen to a thing I say anyway, he never did when I was younger and now that his memory is failing him, it is in one ear and out the other, but I said it out aloud for myself anyway. I pointed out that there are no simple cures for male pattern baldness which affects over half of the male population, And even if you were to go for some of the more expensive treatments, there are no guarantees that they can reverse the hair loss: in some cases, they can only slow down the hair loss process or have no effect whatsoever. Even if you do have a hair transplant (as done by Wayne Rooney, Robbie Williams and Elton John), there is really no guarantee that it will last a lifetime and someone like Elton John probably has to go back to his plastic surgeon from time to time for more plastic surgery to maintain that luscious, full head of hair at his age.

Looking very, very bald next to Hirzi and ihs glorious quiff

I could spend a lot of money, time and effort trying to reverse my hair loss but I have chosen acceptance: I am bald, so fucking what? Who needs hair? I embrace my baldness, shave my head and get on with the more important things in life. I don't want to waste another moment worrying about the fact that my hair just isn't like it was, I have far more important things to focus on right now. Think about it: if I had £100,000 to spend (say if I won the lottery), would I rather invest it wisely, go traveling around the world, donate it to a worthy charity or would I spend it on hair treatments (that may or may not work)? Likewise, I could think of so many things I would much rather do with my time than to worry about my baldness: acceptance is the simplest and most sensible solution when it comes to balding.

I think that it is pretty shallow for a man's self-esteem and self-worth to depend so much on his hair: there are plenty of men out there who are bald such as tennis player Andre Agessi, British actors Mark Strong and Jason Statham, American singer/rapper Pitbull and of course, American porn stars Johnny Sins and Adam Russo.  These are men who got over the fact that they're balding and just got on with life, achieving great success in their respective fields. Being bald is only a problem if you let it bother you and I've decided to embrace it, so it no longer bothers me that I am bald. Think about all the other people in this world who are worried about their looks: think about people obsessed with their weight, their hair, their complexion or any other part of their appearance. How much more can these people achieve with their lives if they just accepted their bodies for what they are and just got on with doing the things they are great at? Please allow me to quote American comedian Margaret Cho on the issue of our bodies and self-image: 

I can’t look at those women’s magazines anyway. I love fashion, but I look at the pictures of skinny models and they’re wearing clothes I can’t even fit on my fingers. And I look at that and I think, “If that is what a woman is supposed to look like, then I’m must not be one. I must be some kind of fat imposter. I feel bad.” How much time would I save if I just let myself walk by a plate glass window without sucking in my gut or throwing back my shoulders? And I saved 97 minutes a week. I can take a pottery class!

Was it easy to embrace my baldness? No, it wasn't. I was in denial for several years as it crept up on me, bit by bit, I used to try to grow my hair out so I could comb over the top, at one stage I even had a really long fringe which I could manipulate to cover the bald parts. I had even used this product called GLH (Good Looking Hair) which is actually pretty good - it is a spray paint that sticks to your hair and covers up the bald patches, giving the impression that you do have a full head of hair. For a short term, quick-fixm cosmetic solution, it is absolutely brilliant.  I used to depend on GLH just to get through important events when I felt I needed to present myself with a full head of hair in order to look my best. Then from about 3 years ago, my haircuts got shorter and shorter until I just started shaving my head this year. I felt that I had gone through such a journey to deal with my self-image issues as I lost my hair and I just wanted to share that journey, my story with my father - but will he listen? Nope. He has never really listened to anything I've said in the last 39 years of my life (hint, I'm now 39 years old) and even I know that things aren't about to change - and that is why I get frustrated when he keeps suggesting that I use ginger juice to try to get my hair to grow again.

I have appeared on German TV with very, very short hair this year.

Anyway, so even if I can't share this journey with my father, I can at least share it with my dear readers whom by know, probably know me a lot better than my own parents. Although to be fair, my mother did say something constructive this time round: she said something like, "he has already accepted that he is bald, just leave it, don't rub it in because he is okay with it." At least my mother and sister understand how I have come to terms with losing my hair. How about that, she actually got my father to shut up about his ginger juice just this once. My dad just couldn't let go and that's his problem - he doesn't like being told to shut up by either myself or even my mother. Anyway that's why I can't really speak to my dad - sometimes I feel that it is not even the language barrier, it is this double generation gap that I can't even begin to understand how his mind works. Thanks for listening to my rant - I just needed to get that off my chest!

PS. Here is my latest 2015 showreel, so you can see how my hair has gotten shorter and shorter over the years.