Don't get me wrong, I have a good idea of how much Jeremy earns and let's just say he isn't doing too badly financially - but you are going to need a lot more money than most if you are going to bring up six children in London. I know that his current wife doesn't work - she is a housewife taking care of the children. I don't know if his ex-wife is working or if she has remarried. Just how is Jeremy going to be able to afford to buy everything his children need for their education? Do you have to make painful choices as to which child gets to go for that special summer camp and which child doesn't get to go? Are the children going to have the same chances in life as their friends at school, whose parents can afford to spend a lot more money on their education and development? How is Jeremy going to put away any money for his own pension, given that he is already in his 40s? There just isn't enough money for them all.
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| Can Jeremy realistically provide for his 6 children? |
Jeremy claims that being a father of six children has inspired him to be a better person and he does want to give his children everything they need - that means working very long hours to make sure that he does earn enough to provide for his extended family. Here's the problem though: how much quality time can he actually spend with his children if he is spending so much time working, to make sure he is earning enough money? What kind of relationship would Jeremy have with his children, if they barely get to see him at all because he is working so hard? There are only so many hours in a day left after Jeremy gets back from work - to have to divide those hours between his six children and his wife, how many minutes do each of them realistically get from Jeremy? You do the division - how can Jeremy have any kind of meaningful relationship with any of them with that little time left to spend with each of them?
I believe that if you want to have a child, then that is a commitment you should undertake very seriously and understand what your role as a parent should be. I don't know enough about Jeremy's children so I can't comment any further about his family - but even without anything going drastically wrong, I can see how Jeremy is already potentially letting down his six children and being a bad father by not having enough time for his children. Let's contrast that to the case of Amos Yee, it seems that Amos is an only child yet his parents have totally lost control of him. They seem to have a very destructive, dysfunctional relationship with him where a simple issue like what Amos should wear to court can result in such a wanton display of violence. There is a real sense of desperation in Mr Yee's actions and if he had cultivated a far more meaningful relationship with Amos over the years, then he wouldn't need to resort to beating the crap out of his son to get him to comply: simply using words would suffice - that is what normal people do. Mr Yee, he is your son after all, you need to take responsibility in a sensible manner - not vent your anger on Amos like a crazy, wild animal. If you weren't prepared to be a decent father, then you shouldn't have had a child in the first place.
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| Amos Yee needs to be protected from his father. |
Here's the thing that scares me about parenting: when your child doesn't quite turn out the way you wanted, what can you do? You can't just give up on your child, can you? Yet what do you do when you have a situation like Amos Yee's - I have no simple answers but I can see that the relationship between Amos and his parents have broken down beyond the point of repair. That is a very sad situation as I can see that Amos Yee has a lot of potential, but that talent has been misspent, misdirected and wasted due to his parents' inability to nurture him properly and channel his energies in an appropriate manner. His very troubled relationship with authority is down to his dysfunctional relationship at home - I can relate to that as I have been through the same process myself years ago.
As for Amos Yee's future, I feel so incredibly sorry for him. At least when Alvin Tan got into so much trouble over the whole Bak Kut Teh saga, he was able to plot his escape from Malaysia and make his way to America because he was a resourceful adult at that point. I wasn't prepared to spend my adult life in Singapore but I was able to leave quietly with no fuss via a scholarship to a British university and then simply staying on afterwards. Many people agree that Amos Yee is probably better off leaving Singapore where he can get away from his parents as well as his haters - he has simply made way too many enemies in Singapore and now many of us fear for his personal safety after he was attacked whilst on his way to court today. It started with many Singaporeans making threats to Amos Yee online and now it has turned into a real assault - needless to say, I don't have any confidence in the authorities in Singapore taking any action against the person who assaulted Amos Yee. Responding with violence when you disagree with what someone wrote - does that sound familiar to you? Can the same thing happen in Singapore? Apparently, yes it can.
So that's it from me for now. I do hope Amos Yee gets the support he needs locally and that things will get better for him. He's just a teenage kid after all. Please let me know your thoughts on the issue. Many thanks for reading.
PS. I got so depressed reading the comments on Amos' blog. There are a lot of fucked up nasty Singaporeans out there who deserve to eat shit and die.
ReplyDeleteSigh. Limpeh, I feel totally disgusted after reading those vile comments - especially the hypocritical ones. Really, their mentality is no different from Amos'. The difference is that they are emboldened by anonymity whereas Amos actually has the effrontery to stand by his words. It is worrying to see how Singaporeans can be so educated yet uncivilized at the same time. Certainly doesn't augurs well for the future of Singapore. :/
DeleteOn the bright side, it's a public holiday. Cheer up! :)
But here's the thing: I am quite willing to be forgiving of Amos because he is a very very messed up 16 year old who needs help. Some of those people who posted the vile comments are adults who really should know better.
DeleteI cannot even count on one hand the no. of incidents that have happened in Singapore that made me lose faith in Singaporeans: xenophobia during the Little India riots, during the Filipino independence day incident last year, people defending rape lyrics in army songs, NLB, IKEA... and so I decided to (sort of) disappear from FB and hide from all the shit coming from Singaporeans online.
ReplyDeleteThere's even a video going viral of some passer-by slapping Amos Yee across the face now and nasty Singaporeans cheering on the act in the comments. https://www.facebook.com/thankyouleekuanyew/videos/vb.1557817661146139/1575806976013874/?type=2&theater Gosh, I completely cannot.
Delia, according to a friend who works in human rights groups in Singapore, or at least is affiliated to them, Amos Yee is actually quite close to his mother. I do not know about his father, and whether the whole thing is actually staged from the sound of it, now that Limpeh mentions the possibility of asylum. But boy, that person who slapped him needs to be arrested and taught a lesson because he literally went to do what he did to Amos with every will to harm him, and it was filmed on camera publicly.
ReplyDeletedo amos yee have to serve his national service before seeking asylum aboard?
ReplyDeleteHi Peng Zhong,
DeleteYou don't seem to understand how seeking asylum abroad works. It's not the same as going abroad to work or study. If Amos does so, he leaves Singapore and he arrives in somewhere like America and claims, "I am being persecuted, my life is in danger, I am being assaulted by strangers in the streets and if I go back to Singapore, I will face and unfair trial and be judged as an adult even though I was 16 when I committed the offence in question."
He would leave and NEVER EVER be able to set foot in Singapore ever again.
Part of his argument would be that given the high publicity that this trial has generated, he could say that his life would be in danger if he were to have to serve NS.
I just had this massive face-palm moment when I first read your comment because you are sooooooooooo Singaporean in thinking that you still have to fulfill your NS obligations before you can seek asylum abroad. When one seeks asylum abroad - it's because the situation is so bloody desperate that you must leave now because your life is in danger and you risk being thrown in jail for a long time if you don't escape right now - there is no time to stop to complete your studies, serve NS or even pack your clothes or even say goodbye to the people you love. You just run for your life to escape.
And that is what Amos must do now. Get the fuck outta Singapore ASAP before he gets thrown in jail for a ridiculously long time.
Like seriously, you don't have a clue what seeking asylum is, do you Peng Zhong?
Technically, Amos Yee is eligible for asylum in countries like Australia, Canada, and the USA. I cannot imagine those "blanket party" and "sabotage" tricks that they always pull on people in NS when they do not conform to the culture of the camp or unit. As much as Amos Yee is opinionated and capable of standing by his views, considering the lynch mob's reliance on bully tactics and brutal force, it is best for Amos Yee to get out of Singapore as early as possible, unless there are guarantees that he will be protected till he reaches adulthood. It get so disgusting just reading the news about the slapping and some well-educated people's relish of this.
DeleteI never thought about it this way until a friend told me this before: Amos Yee is actually safer in remand (ironically), considering the lynch mob(s) out there that is out to get him. I have seriously lost most hope in the rationality of Singaporeans as well as their level of intelligence if you ask me. A small minority that is hysterical and irrational to try shaping the views of the majority????
ReplyDeleteHi Limpeh, I've been a reader of your blog for a couple years now, fantastic work:) I think that you've really hit the nail on the head with the notion that his dysfunctional relationship with his authority figures at home is the root cause of his brazen attitude towards social norms and the law. Everyone's dismissing Amos Yee as a crazy kid but no one seems to be considering his problematic familial relationships.
ReplyDeleteLooking through the comments on Amos's blog post about his father, the reactions are split into two conflicting camps; the "conservative" (a very politically correct term) Singaporeans who believe that a parent has free reign to abuse his/her child in the name of discipline, and the liberal Singaporeans who acknowledge a child's right to protection from an abusive parent. Usually, older and less educated Singaporeans tend to be in the conservative camp and younger, university educated Singaporeans tend to be in the liberal camp. Neither side will ever find common ground on this issue of Amos's familial relationships because they have mutually exclusive views on the nature of a parent-child relationship.
For example, regarding your belief that having a child is a big commitment that one cannot take lightly, Amos's father (alongside every Chinese Singaporean parent above 50) probably saw having children as just a natural thing that every person is expected to do. "Do I have the emotional capacity to raise a child" was never a question they asked themselves. Verbal and physical abuse is also seen to this conservative camp as "tough love" that is required for bringing up a child well.
The twist for Singaporean society is the rapid cultural globalisation amongst youth like Amos Yee. (myself as well, and many of my friends in university) Having grown up watching American / British sitcoms and films, I cannot accept the idea of verbal, much less physical abuse from parents. Amos Yee's cultural disconnect with his parents is shared with a lot of other Singaporean youth (and Limpeh yourself as well, from what I've read on previous posts).
@ Delia: wow nice to see you here! I should've guessed you would read this blog, haha
Hi Ching, hope all's well for you! :) Hmm I replied to your comment earlier on my phone, somehow my other comment was approved but this one didn't show up.
DeleteI agree with you on the conservative parents. I find it tragic that in some countries couples have to go through such strict tests just to qualify to adopt a child, yet any tom dick or sally can conceive without thinking if they're suited to be parents. Another thing I have an issue with is the Singaporean mindset that parents necessarily know best. Amos Yee's blog post was depressing and the heartless comments make me very worried for the future of Singapore culture. I hope he gets the help he needs soon.
Hi there Ching Sheng,
DeleteThe situation with Amos' brazen attitude towards authority is definitely closely linked with his dysfunctional relationship with his parents at home. I refer you to this piece which I wrote a while ago explaining how this all begins at home: http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/singapores-benevolent-egg.html
As for the conservative vs liberal attitude when it comes to beating up your child, I would point out that there's a HUGE difference between using beatings as a means of punishment and simply losing your temper and beating the crap out of your child in a fit of anger, venting your rage on the helpless child. In Mr Yee's case (and indeed in my parents' case), it is always the latter - my mother had serious anger management issues and it took her ooh about 1 to 2 seconds to smack me across the face whilst it would have taken her 1 to 2 minutes to talk to me, reason with me and explain to me why I had to do as I was told. She always went for the faster method because she had no patience to bother explaining anything to me, it was just always so much easier just to strike me, silence me and coerce me into doing what she wanted me to do. That's very poor parenting and like myself, Amos has bad parents by that token. It's the shitty truth but that's the real world we live in. Few people would like to face the ugly truth when it paints such an unflattering picture, hence that is why they go out of their way to defend Mr Yee because confronting the truth would reveal something very painful about their own situation.
As for what you said about Amos' father not asking the right questions before having a child... it was the same in my case. I have two older sisters and I had the feeling that my parents would have kept going until they got a boy hook or by crook because all of my parents' siblings had sons and they needed one. That, IMHO, is a pretty crap reason to keep having children - you should have more children because you want to do so, not because your crazy bullshit fucked up culture dictates that boys are better than girls for some bloody stupid reason.
And yes, the culture disconnect with one's parents: http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/the-double-generation-gap.html
My opinion of Singaporean netizens has sunk to a new low. How could so many people be defending that beast of a father, and spouting incredibly callous, narrow-minded rubbish such as (paraphrased) "He deserved it.", "I would have done it myself, but HARDER", and worst of all: "Your father did it because he loved you." The irony was that some of these people even openly admitted that they had been abused by their parents, and claimed that it had made them better people! I honestly, sincerely hope this isn't an accurate representation of Singaporean society at large.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I refer you to the comment I have just written above mate - I totally agree with you.
DeleteThis is so ridiculous and unbelievable! They are heralding a 30 year old guy as a hero for physically assaulting an immature teenager(a lit bit potty mouthed)
ReplyDeleteWhat's more... The courts are trying Amos as an adult, even though he is just 16!. Aren't 16 year olds deemed by Law to be too young to even have sex?
What irony!
Omg, although Singapore is a First World country, the people unfortunately still have the 3rd World pitch-fork mindset. Should the Government ever crumble, it will be angry mob rule for sure.
At least, it's heartening to know that a police report has been lodged against the coward who assaulted Amos. Let's hope justice is served :)
DeleteHe has been arrested. http://therealsingapore.com/content/49-year-old-man-arrested-over-amos-yee-slapping-incident
DeleteBertha Henson, a journalist who runs her own website, iterated her view that she felt happy Amos Yee was slapped. I seriously could not believe it, after she rambled on in her entry about the various views about the slapping. At the point that I read her claim, and how she refuses to even apologize for it, I lost respect for her as a person. She is a mother of children, and there she is advocating such violence???!!!
DeleteThe man they arrested is 49 years old. He attacked a 16 year old child and ran away. I usually would prefer to let the courts serve justice, but man I would love to give this 49 year old coward a taste of his own medicine.
DeleteI feel incredibly sorry for Amos. He is as old as but he has to face so much.
ReplyDeleteI feel very stressed from juggling work and study (because I am in a private school now). It took a lot of courage for me to not choose ITE (because I did badly for O levels) to choose a route to a private school and resiliency to support myself in this path.
Do you realize that Amos is no longer in any kind of formal education at all? Upon the completion of his O levels at Zhonghua sec sch last year, he chose not to continue any further education.
Deletethe lky video and the blog post with cartoon sex drawings of lky and Maggie thatcher had been made public again and amos had stated he would not be removing them till the trial is over. it seems he wants to go to jail . it will be most interesting to see how lhl and the pap deals with the amos situation.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree with you - it does seem to be a death wish of sorts. There does seem to be a huge blind spot on the part of Amos, it goes way beyond ignorance. Look at him - like I don't even think he can survive NS, how the hell is he going to survive prison?
DeleteHe is trying to make a martyr of himself, by making a point that he is being treated unfairly by the system, that he will be screwed by the system - but what is the point of that, what is he trying to prove by 'sacrificing' himself like that ? What kind of martyrdom is this?
I think there are some deep rooted problems at home with his father, but landing yourself in jail to cause your father heartache is simply cutting off your thumb to spite your hand. His actions are self-destructive to the point where one wonders what more anyone can do to save Amos from himself (and the crazy Singaporean mob out for his blood).
I will be talking more about this in my next blog post: akan datang.
I think Amos probably wants to test the limits of the legal system in Singapore and see how far he can be punished for that video and that drawing. After all, he is already ruined in Singapore, has little motivation in life, why not try use himself as an example to test the system, and get the maximum amount of infamy which will let him go down in history?
DeleteHi there Prolalabear - I think it's a pretty crap experiment that Amos is testing right now because I can already predict the results of the experiment. You're right, he is already ruined in S'pore - that's his future we're talking about and he has well and truly ruined it in just a matter of a few weeks, going from minor Youtube sensation to public enemy number one facing a jail sentence.
DeleteIt is a waste as he isn't stupid per se, but extremely foolish. I only hope the grim reality of a prison cell this weekend will make him come to his senses - look at him, I don't even think he has what it takes to survive NS, never mind prison. And right now, he seems pretty determined to go to jail.
I believe that if Amos Yee had kept quiet post-bail, and not posted any more videos or posts, the case would just die down and fade away, the usual way that cases in Singapore surrounding charges involving religion, corruption, and so on usually die down. Think about it, the Kong Hee and associates case with CHC has virtually died down by now, and nothing has been issued in the way of a verdict or ruling yet. But for Amos Yee's case, he constantly tested the boundaries of the law, and even if the charge concerning an intent to hurt Lee Kuan Yew has now been taken off, the other two charges about obscenity (based on that image in his video) and his remarks about Christianity, as minor as they are, are constantly reiterated by his posting of videos and breaking of bail conditions. I just wonder whether his contempt towards the judiciary system in Singapore would not be used further against him this way. Sigh.......he is not thinking properly by now...
ReplyDeleteMy biggest worry is that he is being helped(manipulated) by opposition/anti-PAP figures such as Roy Ngerng and Leong Sze Hian. I don't want Amos Yee to become the next Chee Soon Juan who tried to fight a meaningless and pointless battle against the PAP machinery and end up becoming bankrupt.
ReplyDeleteAlso, his intelligence is way beyond the partisan politics of Singapore. I hope he don't spend his time as an opposition figure. He way too creative for that.
Did the man think he could slap Amos and get away with it? Surely we know as adults that slapping a stranger would land us in big trouble. Otherwise, we would go around slapping everyone who annoys us. In Amos' case, knowing what we know now about him, people in the community ought to help him find his way in life. They should not bring him down. He is obviously messed up. If the community condemns him now as a teenager, what kind of world is that? Shouldn't we look out for each other? He has so much potential that should be tapped. Again, for a world class nation, Singaporeans has behaved horribly callous and barbaric in response to this young man who simply wanted to rebel against his father and his totally dysfunctional environment. If this continues, Amos will go downhill from here on. What a pity.
ReplyDeleteHi Alex. Just back from my 2 weeks of annual holiday getaway and shut off from all things Singapore to keep sane. Shut off all my FB newsfeeds. Unfortunately, news have a tendency to spread quickly. My homestay host in Paris was meeting someone from Singapore for the first time and first thing he asked was if the youtube boy had been released. Apparently the NYT article was circulated widely enough and it was not flattering news for Singapore in Paris - at least to my host.
ReplyDeleteWas in Amsterdam for my final leg of the journey and ironically, it was my Dutch host who informed me on May day that a Singapore kid who made a silly youtube video got punched on the way to court and people actually cheered. He thought only crazy religious militants will open fire like in Charlie Hebdo Paris but he was not expecting physical violence as his impression was that Singapore was a very strict, clean and lawful society. Guess that image was shattered. News spread quick in this social media era and even when I tried to shut off, things have a way of creeping up when you least expected it. Total reminder that even an island state like Sg is no guarantee of news staying "in house".
The Sg populace has relied on state powers for too long to resolve differences. The Amos Yee case simply demonstrated that the ability to think critically and engage meaningfully has been severely atrophied from disuse. I suspect many Singaporeans have unwittingly agreed on giving up their collective rights to free expression in exchange for a police state, that they are more than happy to refer all decisions by escalating up to the state.
While I do agree that people are entitled to their own preference for ethos and pathos, it becomes a totally different issue when they would rather abdicate logos and allow violence to be imposed on others. Freedom of expression is the enabler for discourse, agreement to disagree or consensus building where the society solves its own problems - not at gunpoint, not by police powers, not by legal letters for things you dislike, but through reason and respect (i.e. logos). My experience in this trip simply showed that elsewhere in the world, people do notice that Singapore had projected an image (very negative if I may say) precisely of how narrow the state and people's minds are towards those who disagree and are asserting their rights to express so.
I am at a loss how best Amos can be helped. The pragmatic way is seriously to apologise, lie low and wait for the thing to blow over and make his way out of Sg for further studies if that option is available and palatable to him. The current environment certainly is not conducive and the hoi polloi are not mentally ready to tolerate an intelligent boy who simply has a different way of looking at things. As I mentioned before, Singapore had in 50 years had a more than quantum leap in hardware cum infrastructural development but the social software aspect has lagged very relative to the hardware. Too easy to see Sg as a shiny first world nation when the collective mindset of the masses is still third world. Pity for Amos for showing them out.
Reading the Amos Yee situation as it unfolds, I've realized how much of myself I saw in him. I came to the United States in '96, with a lot of the same personal issues that he's going through now, except I was already an adult. Like him, I was immature, full of rage, and view the world and all that's in it as an extension of my parents. Ironically, I became just like them in my thinking, attitude and behaviors. "Me against the world" mentality? Checked. However, my choice of outlets differ from Amos. All I can about them is that they were reprehensible. I chose to stay in the States because the thought of returning home to live with my parents was unthinkable.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing about this drama that's equally sad is how much the anti-PAP camp is treating Amos as an icon of free speech and civil disobedience against the tyranny of Singapore government, either without regard or being oblivious of the fact that he's still a kid. A spoilt, self-centered, messed-up brat, thinks the world revolves around him, and has no respect or regard for anyone. He doesn't love his parents, but expects them to feed, clothe and house him, and put up with his shit. I've not seen a single post by any of them offering him help or guidance, but are instead egging him on. He certainly enjoys the attention he gets from them, but I doubt he respects them at all. How the government is treating to him is wrong, but that's a separate issue. He's messed-up, a rebel without a cause, focus or direction. From what I can tell, I doubt he will put up much of a fight when contronted face-to-face. Given that he does nothing else all day, I doubt he even knows how to (physically) fight. He's lucky that the worst he got for his troubles thus far is a slap to the face. In the States, he would be an easy target. Voices are louder, people are larger, so are their fists and their capacity for violence. Aggravated assault occurs a lot more here too.
As for the OP question, I believe NS *may* help Amos. I'm reminded of how my cousin who came from an abusive home, parents divorced, and their Dad refused to ever see his kids. He quickly became just like him towards his mother. NS helped him get it out of his system. I'm told he has mellowed since then. NS can show Amos that there are bigger things than himself, that he has to show respect to earn respect, and that he can get all the pent-up emotions out of his system. He can mature and grow from it, but that is entirely up to him. As for moving overseas, there is another possible option: adoption. US law allows American citizens to formally adopt a relative from another country, provided the relative is under 21. Now if he can find someone that'll volunteer to do this, it'll help.
Thanks for your comment. If I may make 2 points please:
Delete1. Firstly, I think that NS may be very difficult for Amos, but it will force him to confront an area where he is shockingly deficient. By his own admission, he had no friends at all in school and is quite happy to be a loner, alone with his thoughts, thinking that he is too smart for the mere mortals around him. I don't doubt that he is intelligent but that's a terrible attitude to have in life as you really do need to make friends no matter what stage of life you're at, no matter where you are: and NS may just force him to do that. Or not. He could just have the most miserable, lonely 2 years of his life in NS and that would make him even more bitter - or he may learn to make friends. Let's see.
2. The adoption route is dependent on Amos having a relative with American citizenship, right? You can't just 'adopt' a stranger with no blood relation at all just to get him into the US just because he is 21 (hence the loophole). I can imagine how many people would exploit that loophole if it allowed you to adopt just about anyone without any blood relation.
Yes, he is just a kid, may mercy be shown to him. He needs help definitely, mentoring program. He must sincerely apologize for his mistakes, but then again if he returns to Singapore, there is no guarantee of his safety. This poor child is truly at wits end.
ReplyDeleteAiyoyo,lets pray for a miracle for this lost, misguided lamb. May there be a peaceful ending to the Amos Yee saga.
God Yahweh bless and keep you child, may He bring you back into His loving arms. Be praying for you and your family. Shalom and Agape.
Amos Yes is just a kid, a misguided and lost lamb. May mercy be shown to him, but then again, it's very risky for him to return. He needs the pardon of the Singapore Government and at the same the support of a mentor.
ReplyDeleteBecause most likely, he will be denied asylum in America. Poor child, he seems
quite repentant. To err is human but to
forgive is divine. He is just a misguided child who needs some guidance, he has pay for his mistakes in prison. It's time for forgiveness and reconciliation. Maybe, a petition be made for his pardon from the government and also a promise on Amos part to reform.
Pray that there will be a peaceful ending to this Sage. May God Yahweh bless and keep you child,Amos. May you return into His arms again. Shalom and Agape. God