Who do you blame if you can't pick up hot white chicks?

Hello again everyone. It's funny how I get so worked up when I follow the infamous and controversial Alvin Tan on Facebook - now he is a friend of mine and I respect him but gosh, he does seem to attract the worst losers from Malaysia on his Facebook page. Today we shall deal with a controversial issue: who do you blame if you can't pick up hot chicks? So to kick us off, allow me to cut and paste what Alvin Tan said on his Facebook page: "Waittt... i just saw this short, ugly Latino guy dressed like a bum and not even groomed (literally no better than Malaysia's typical Mat Rempit) pick up a hot, slender white girl. And she seemed to like him, and he probably got her number, because she took his phone for a while. ‪#‎CannotBrain‬"

Well, there were a few random comments, then it evolved into a discussion about whether a Malaysian guy (ie "Mat Rempit") could pull off the same thing in Los Angeles and pick up a really hot white woman. Along came this Malaysian guy (also living in America) who said no and  knew exactly whom to blame for the situation: the portrayal (or castration - in his words) of East Asian men in Western media. Here's a screen shot of the comments he made on the issue:

So okay, let me respond to this because I have heard this before: you're telling me that you can't pick up chicks because of some movie that Bruce Lee or Chow Yuen Fatt has been in many years ago? Or it came down to whether or not Jet Li actually kissed Aaliyah in a second-rate movie that (let's face it) not that many people actually saw? Come on, Romeo Must Die had a 6.0 rating on IMDB, which means it was probably okay, it wasn't that memorable and will become a such an iconic classic that it will affect the lives of millions of Chinese people around the world. And for those of you who didn't see Romeo Must Die, let me tell offer you another reason why Jet Li's kiss with Aaliyah was cut: here's how the movie ends. 

"At his father’s house, Han (Jet Li) engages in a brutal fight with Kai, enduring burn injuries to his hands to kill Kai and finally avenge Po. He confronts his father, knowing now that his father had his own son killed "like running over a dog in the street" for no other reason than that he was interfering with a business deal. He tells his father that he will answer for his crimes, either to the American authorities or to the other Chinese families. As Han walks away, his father commits suicide with a handgun. Han finds Trish (Aaliyah) waiting for him outside and the two walk away from the house together." - (This synopsis is taken from the Romeo Must Die Wikipedia page.)

So this Chinese guy Han has just had a traumatic time, killing his nemesis to avenge the death of his brother, sustaining horrific injuries in the process. Then he confronts his father and his father promptly commits suicide by blowing his brains out. Let's just say Han is having a pretty bad day at the office. What do you do after you see your own father blow his brains out? I would say that making out with your girlfriend would probably be somewhat inappropriate, unless you're some kinda sick pervert who gets turned on by the sight of your father's brains being splattered on the walls behind his corpse. Nah, I would say that a kiss at this point would be rather tasteless and awkward - a normal girlfriend would comfort Han at this stage or tend to his wounds, rather than make out with him. It wasn't some racist plot to make East Asian characters asexual for a Western media, rather, you needed to look at how that scene ended to realize why the kiss would be somewhat inappropriate. Heck, Trish (Aaliyah) walks away with Han in the end - what more do you want?

As for Selfie, the ABC TV series, well guess what? The ratings for this show have been so dismal that it was unceremoniously canceled midway through series one - that's right, ABC announced that there wouldn't be a series 2 for Selfie on 7th November 2014 despite the fact that only 6 out of 13 episodes had been shown to that date. It is hardly a TV series that has turned out to be so popular and influential that it would impact the lives of Asian people around the world - no actually, some people saw it, most didn't and it would be forgotten in a couple of years.

Whilst this Malaysian guy didn't specifically talk about Selfie - here's the point he is probably getting at by citing it twice: in Selfie, there is a romantic relationship hinted between Henry (the male Asian lead played by Korean-American actor John Cho) and Eliza (the female lead played by Karen Gillian) but despite the hints of a possible romance, it is never explicitly shown. The two never kiss, make out, have sex, get married or anything like that - no. And that is why our Malaysian friend thinks that Asians in Western media are being portrayed as asexual and are 'castrated' for a western audience. Allow me to offer an alternative explanation.

The theme of Selfie is social media and the effects it has on the people who are addicted to it - it is not a romantic comedy about how two people meet and fall in love. Let's face it, there are zillions of movies and TV shows about a man and a woman who initially can't stand each other eventually falling in love - it is a very stale and old format that has been around for decades. Selfie is trying to deal with something that is current: social media, not something that has been around forever: romance. Selfie would have never been commissioned as a TV series if it didn't offer something new and original - that is why the crux of the relationship between the two leads Henry and Eliza are centered around the way they relate to social media and how it affects them differently, rather than the stale old formula of "oh they can't stand each other at first but they eventually fall in love and we have a happy ending."

In any case, in episode two "Untag My Heart", Henry starts looking up his ex-girlfriends on Facebook. So it is clear that Henry is not asexual, but has had several girlfriends over his life time. Indeed, by episode 6, Henry starts dating Julia much to Eliza's annoyance, hinting at sparks of jealousy so clearly, he may be single but he is dating (and not asexual). Oh and Julia is white, played by the very beautiful white actress Allison Miller. So actually Selfie is hardly portraying Henry our Asian lead as an asexual man - quite the opposite. If anything it is breaking new ground when it comes to portraying Henry as an older (he celebrates his 40th birthday in episode 8), successful, well-groomed, witty, media-savvy Asian professional who is hardly conforming to any Asian stereotypes. Furthermore, the fact that nothing actually happens between Henry and Eliza suggests also that he is portrayed as unattainable. He is simply too good for her - he chooses to date the glamorous Julia instead of Eliza, who had come begging for his help after having become the subject of an embarrassing viral video.

Don't forget that this whole story is based on My Fair Lady whereby Henry is your modern day Dr Higgins and Eliza is your modern day Eliza Doolittle. In the original My Fair Lady, Dr Higgins laments Eliza's dreadful Cockney accent and declares as a bet that he can turn her into a lady in just six months by teaching her to speak properly. So clearly, in the original context, they are not social equals - Dr Higgins has a far superior social position than Eliza who is the subject of mockery in the early part of the story. Furthermore, My Fair Lady also ends ambiguously, by the end of the story, Dr Higgins is very fond of Eliza indeed, but no, nothing really happens between them at the end of the story and the audience is left wondering if anything ever will. It may be a messy ending, but it is actually quite realistic.

Such is real life for you. Haven't you been in a situation whereby you felt some sparks of mutual attraction between you and a friend, but it never really led anywhere because you are just not entirely sure if the other party wants to take it any further? I certainly have - there are times when you are not entirely sure if you are reading the signals properly and you just don't want to make a wrong move by imposing yourself on the other party when s/he is just being friendly. It has nothing to do with the colour of my skin or racism - it simply boils down to the fact that people can be hard to read at times and when we are unsure of the situation, we do hesitate. It is human nature here and it applies whether you are black, white or Asian. Hence what is portrayed in both My Fair Lady and Selfie is actually very realistic - in real life, how often do you get perfect Hollywood endings where everything falls into place and the couple get married and live happily ever after? No, real life is a lot messier and ambiguous than that and I would actually prefer a TV programme/film that does depict the messiness of the reality we all have to deal with.

Furthermore, I have blogged a lot about fashion. Call me shallow but I do care a lot about clothes, I like to dress nicely and I do judge a person by the way they dress and present themselves. I have also been explicitly clear about how Singaporean (and by that same token, Malaysian) men have no style whatsoever when it comes to the way they dress: I have termed this the 'Towkay legacy'. Having also worked in the world of sales, I realize just how important one's image is when it comes to selling anything - such is the very shallow nature of sales: why sabotage yourself by dressing badly for a sales presentation? Likewise, I also place a lot of emphasis on the way we talk - quite specifically, I truly value the art of being eloquent, witty and articulate and I have blogged a lot on this topic as well.

Who are you going to blame?

The point I am driving at is that we should take responsibility for our own self-image. If you want to be a Romeo or Casanova and flirt your way around the world, then do yourself a favour and create the right image (clothing + presentation + communication) that will get you the best possible result. Spend more money on nice clothes, make sure you know how to dress nicely, spend money on fixing your teeth and hair, take lessons to learn how to become articulate and eloquent - there is just so much you can do in terms of improving the product if you are really that keen to win this popularity contest. And as for this Malaysian guy on Facebook who bitched about the portrayal of Chinese guys in the media, well I had a look at his Facebook pictures (let that be a lesson about your Facebook privacy settings) and let's just say that he doesn't strike me as someone who takes any pride in his appearance - bad hair, chunky glasses, no fashion sense to speak of and whose fault is that? And he wants to blame Western media instead of taking a look in the mirror? Duh. Someone badly needs a makeover.

However, if you do try to chat up this hot chick and she brushes you aside, remember: it has probably something to do with you. Maybe you had bad breath that day, maybe your hair was in a mess, maybe you came on too strong, maybe she thought your approach was creepy, maybe she didn't like your chat up line, maybe she hated the way you dressed - there could be a whole range of reasons why she said no to you that has absolutely nothing to do with the portrayal of East Asian men in American TV programmes and films. And here's the good news: if the fault lies with you - say you dress like a sad loser, then it is quite easily fixed. Simply get the help you need to fix your image and the problem is solved. But if you admit defeat before even trying, if you insist on believing that your chances of chatting up women are doomed because of the way the movie Romeo Must Die ends, then oh dear, my friend, you're so totally barking up the wrong tree. Please take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others oh when things go wrong.

As for the unattractive Latino guy who picked up the hot slender white lady, who knows? We all can't have the same taste, we all find different kinds of people attractive. One man's meat is another man's poison. So maybe Alvin found that guy unattractive but that's just his opinion. Such is the world we live in - just don't get too shocked when someone else (like that hot slender white lady) disagrees with you. The most important thing though, is to have faith in your own self-image and not to play the victim's card when you encounter rejection.

At the end of the day, there are all kinds of Asian men out there - there are asexual Chinese guys who look like virgin losers who will never get laid unless they paid for it, then there are über sexual Chinese guys like Alvin Tan who are obsessed with sex. And there's everything in between - guess what? Most Americans actually know that because the exact same spectrum applies to the general American population. You can't make any assumptions whether someone is sexually active or not. I once had a very religious German colleague who told me that sex before marriage was a sin and that even masturbation was sinful (like he doesn't even look at porn), he was determined to be celibate until he got married. Now it was not like this German guy was ugly or fat, it's not like no woman would ever want to sleep with him - on the contrary, he was tall, blonde and actually quite handsome but chose to be celibate and asexual because of his religious beliefs. Like he could be sexually active and have a great sex life, he chose not to do so.

Some people are sexually active, others are not.

Thus a sensible and reasonable person would simply treat each person as an individual and get to know you, understand what your attitudes are towards the issue of sex rather than make silly assumptions based on the portrayal of some character on TV or the way some movie ended. Oh please. Need I remind you that those characters you see on TV and film are fiction - these are not even real people but the figment of some writer's imagination. If someone is dumb enough to make generalizations about all Chinese people based on what they've seen on TV or film, then would you even bother with anyone that stupid? No, that's your cue to walk away and say to yourself, "I'm not wasting my time with anyone that stupid. Duh." And that's what we must do when we encounter stupid people.

So that's it from me on this topic. Let me know what you think, please leave a message below. Thanks for reading.