Q&A about travel & holiday nightmares

It's the weekend so let's deal with a simple question that's not too challenging about travel. I was asked, "Limpeh, you have posted many interesting photos, stories and vlogs about your travels all over the world and you're a very seasoned and experienced traveler. I was kinda surprised to hear about your accident in Indonesia and how badly wrong things went for you there - was it just bad luck or do seasoned and experienced travelers like you get into trouble like everyone else too? Was Indonesia the only bad experience you've had - are there other stories of things going wrong that you care to share with us here? Thank you very much, I love your travel stories!"

Well how can I refuse - yes of course I've had things go wrong for me. I pride myself on being quite well prepared in most cases, I always make a valiant effort to learn the local language(s) before I go traveling, I do a lot of reading and learn about the country's customs and culture and I always make sure I am very observant when I am abroad. With Indonesia, I put my hands up and admit that I got it wrong - I was foolhardy in believing that I would be fine as I do speak some Malay/Bahasa Indonesia but it would take a lot more than that to avoid trouble as a foreign traveling independently in Indonesia when you stick out like a sore thumb as a foreigner. I had underestimated the obstacles I would face there and overestimated by ability to deal with what I would encounter. Here are some other stories of when I had made stupid mistakes whilst traveling and hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes.

My kids and I have traveled widely all over the world.

Lesson: 1 Always check and double check the time of your flight

Back in around 2005, I missed a flight. Yup, I actually missed a flight at Heathrow airport because I had misread my plane ticket. The flight was for 11 am and the flight time was printed as 1:20 on the e-ticket: ie. the duration of the flight was one hour twenty minutes. But for some reason, my eyes fixated on the 1:20 and I had assumed that the flight was for 1:20 pm and I didn't double check. When I turned up at the airport, I was told that my flight had already left and I could rebook for the same flight the next day. It was only at that moment that I realized I had made a terrible error.

Because this was for a long holiday with connecting flights and we had places to go, people to see etc - I decided to pay for a full price ticket with an alternative airline (ouch) and that was an expensive error. The flight was to Budapest in Hungary and the full price one-way ticket cost more than the return flight that I had booked over the internet weeks ago. Moral of the story? Always check and double check the departure time of your flights - put down a reminder in your diary/outlook calender the moment you book the flight. Do not rely on your memory - we're human, we can get confused and make mistakes. That is an expensive mistake you don't want to make!

Lesson 2: Don't let any animals into your rental car

Another bad experience was in 2004 when I went to stay with my buddy JRS who was working in Ibiza, Spain. JRS had two dogs and I love his dogs - I had rented a car in Spain so I didn't think twice about asking JRS to get in the car with his dogs so we could drive out to the next village or to the beach. It was a beautiful experience, I had such fun playing with his dogs and I didn't think anything about the dogs dirtying the car. JRS was meticulous about his dogs - he keeps them very clean and they are spotless. When I got back to London and checked my credit card bill, I got a shock!

The car rental company had slapped on a 200 euro surcharge for cleaning dog hairs off the car seats - and I contested that charge, I said okay, yes there were dogs in the car but what did you have to do? Vacuum some dog hairs off the seats and you wanna charge me 200 euros for that? That's simply not reasonable. Anyway, we had a super long argument (in Spanish may I add) and it boiled down to the fact that I had signed a long 'terms and conditions document' which did specify no animals/pets in the car and I had broken that clause, which gave them the right to slap on that 200 euro charge and since they already had my credit card details with the booking, they could take that 200 euros without my consent. Ouch. Moral of the story? Do not allow animals into your rental car, even if they look clean.

It doesn't matter how clean or cute the dog is...

Lesson 3: Never let your valuables out of your sight, even for a moment

For the next story, we're going way back to 1992. This was in Indonesia. I was representing Singapore at a gymnastics competition in Jakarta when we were having our lunch at a fairly nice hotel restaurant - there was a buffet lunch and we had our bags on the side of the table whilst we wandered back and forth, not really keeping an eye on our belongings. When I checked my bag after lunch, my camera along with some money had been stolen from my bag - the thieves must have been super efficient because the bags were only a few meters away from us but we didn't pay attention to the waitresses clearing empty plates and glasses away from our table. Moral of the story? When you're in a country like Indonesia, you must always keep a very close eye on all your valuables at all times!

Lesson 4: Always keep calm when dealing with weirdos

Now let's fast forward to 1999, I was a student in Paris then and whilst nothing bad actually happened, I was quite shaken by what happened. As I was coming out the Metro station late one night, this drunk grabbed hold of me. Like he put his arm around my shoulder and with his other arm, he held my other arm by the forearm. My first instinct was to use violence to kick, punch and fight him to get him off me - but then I thought, maybe he is harmless and that would be an overreaction, let's see what he wants. So I asked him, "Bonsoir. Qu'est-ce que vous voulez?" He asked me where I was going, I said I was going to see my friends and they were waiting for me.

Oui, Limpeh lived in Paris as a student.

I gauged from the way he was talking and the way he reeked of cheap booze that he had been drinking for a while already and was pretty drunk. He then asked if he could go with me, I said no, you don't know my friends, leave me alone. He then asked me for some money to get something to eat and drink - I told him I had no money. I remained fairly calm in my voice even though I was just waiting for the moment I had to either resort to physically shoving/pushing him away (he was slightly bigger than me) or start screaming for help. It was late and there weren't that many people about, so I wasn't sure if screaming for help would have been any good at that point. So I reckoned my best bet was to reason with this guy and convince him that he was not going to get what he wanted from me.

I felt that he was too drunk to be physically threatening - he was so inebriated that his reflexes would be too slow in a fight, but then again, I wasn't prepared to find that out for myself and take the risk that maybe he was one of those drunk people who could handle himself in a fight. So I talked to him, I asked him his name, I asked him where he was from, I asked him where he lived. He volunteered a lot of information about himself and actually answered all my questions - but all this while he kept asking me for money. And I kept saying no, I am a poor student, I have no money for you. Why are you asking a poor student for money, why don't you ask a rich man for money?

I have fond memories of living in Paris.

I then saw a worker from the Metro station walk towards us and I shouted to him, attracting his attention. I told that worker that this man was drunk and needed help. The worker replied, "Oui, J'arrive!" ("Yes, I'm coming!") Realizing that I had managed to get myself the help I needed, the drunk let go of me and said, "Bonne soirée" (Have a good evening) He then walked away quite quickly - I was then told by the worker from the Metro station that he was the local drunk who often harassed people coming out of the station late at night and was fairly harmless. He was more of a beggar - an aggressive one at that - but he would not have robbed me at the end of the day. It was only at that point that I realized that my hands were still shaking and I had actually been quite afraid all that time, but I did well to contain my fear and not freak out. Moral of the story? When confronted by a stranger, never freak out - deal with the situation calmly, engage them and show them that you're in complete control of the situation.  I have had another story of getting hopelessly lost in Brest, France in 1997 which I have written about here. 

Lesson 5: Plan your route, always have a reliable map, don't run out of fuel

In fact, I have a few stories about getting lost and finding my way back again, but the most worrying one has got to be in Germany in 2000 when we missed a turning on my way back from Luxembourg to Frankfurt and nearly ran out of fuel somewhere deep in the Black Forest (yes as in the cake) and we nearly ran out fuel in the middle of nowhere. We asked a local where the nearest Tankstelle was and had to drive about 10 km on a nearly empty tank to get there. That was a nerve wrecking experience. The same thing happened to me in Bali  in 2013 where I found out that you could buy fuel from a warung, out of a little plastic bottle. Moral of the story? Always keep your petrol tank well topped up, never take any chances - you don't want to run out of fuel in the middle of nowhere.

Limpeh in Bali, summer 2013

Lesson 6: Beware of food poisoning

There have also been numerous incidents of food poisoning - I'll spare you the details but they were not pleasant. Food poisoning can happen anywhere - it is not just third world countries, contrary to popular belief. I had been especially careful with food when traveling in places like Morocco, Mexico, Vietnam and Sri Lanka but the worst bouts of food poisoning have happened to me in Europe when I had been eating things like sandwiches and biscuits with my hands without having washed my hands properly. Moral of the story? Always wash your hands properly if you're going to pick up anything like a piece of bread or fruit to put in your mouth (or use cutlery if they are available) and always have packets of tissues with you when traveling. Just in case.

Lesson 7: Beware of temperature extremes

When I was in Oman in summer 2013, I actually had problems staying awake during the heat of the day - I had no idea just how exhausting it was doing anything pertaining to sightseeing in the desert heat. So the moment I could sit down, I would promptly fall asleep. Traveling in the desert is extremely exhausting indeed.  Moral of the story? Always be aware of temperature extremes and the effects it may have on your body - hot or cold.

Limpeh in Oman, summer 2013

Lesson 8: Always make sure you have the appropriate clothing and shoes

One of my posts on winter clothing has well and truly gone viral - but even I have managed to get it wrong on a few occasions. When I went to Iceland in December 2009, I was not prepared for just how wet it was going to be. The temperature was just warm enough for precipitation to fall as rain and not snow and my shoes were totally hopeless against the relentless rain - I got quite miserable with wet shoes and my feet got cold as it was about 4 degrees. With rain like that, you need really sturdy waterproof hiking boots that will not let you get cold socks. When I was in Sri Lanka in 2009, I remember how I suffered wearing the wrong trousers on my first day there. The material was just way too thick and my legs were badly overheated, I felt the sweat running down the inside of the trousers and in tropical countries, you really need to wear very light fabrics. I have no idea how people actually wear jeans in Singapore - I couldn't, the fabric denim is just way too thick for that kind of tropical weather. Moral of the story? Always do your research and pack appropriately for the destination.

Lesson 9: Be prepared to deal with the language barrier

What about problems with languages, have I ever found myself in a 'Lost In Translation' situation abroad? Well I have found myself in situations in Eastern Europe where the locals just don't speak any English and it has been a bit of a struggle to say the least with them - you'll be amazed at the reluctance of some older people to even try speaking any English with tourists who don't speak the local language. However, as I speak some Russian, I have always managed to get by in Eastern Europe - using Russian with the older people and English/German with the younger ones.

The one place where the language barrier was truly frustrating was Sri Lanka (a former British colony but you'll be amazed how few people actually speak any English) - trying to use public transport was an utter nightmare as I don't speak Sinhalese. I can't read signs in either Sinhalese (or Tamil, the other official language there) and once outside the capital city Colombo, you have to ask about 6 or 7 people before you can get any simple information like, "where is the bus station?" or "what time does the temple close?" Most locals would give you the vacant stare if you spoke to them in English. I had valiantly studied Sinhalese for 3 months before going there but it was no use as I could not manage more than the basics and even if I could get the question out in Sinhalese, I could rarely understand the reply.  Likewise in Vietnam - there were very few English speakers and even fewer French speakers. Moral of the story? Don't assume that the country you're visiting actually speaks the former colonial language.

Lesson 10: Always have the essentials in your hand luggage just in case

I have had two experiences of my bags not making it when I flew and unfortunately, both experiences happened on skiing holidays. The first was in 1999 when I was flying from Paris to Lyon to go skiing in the Alps and the second was in 2010 when I flew from London to Ljubljana. I always travel with enough of the essentials in my hand luggage just in case something like that happened - and in both cases, the missing bags appeared within 24 to 48 hours, but it was stressful to say the least when shit like that happens. I suppose there's really little that one can do to prevent this. Moral of the story: Always make sure you have the bare essentials in your hand luggage, just in case.

I've had more problems with airports than my skis whilst on holiday!

Lesson 11: Always give your body the rest it needs

Another bad experience I had was in 1999 as well, when I went to New York that summer and stayed with an old friend from NS. On my first night there, I was so excited - it was my first time in New York, I said, "let's go out and paint the town red!" So we went for a nice dinner with his friends, I drank loads of coffee and we went clubbing despite the fact that I had not slept on the flight on the way there. Suddenly at 1 am, a combination of jet lag, fatigue, the heat (summers in New York can get very hot) and an overdose of caffeine all caught up with me at the same time.

One moment I was dancing in the club, the next thing I knew I was vomiting violently in the toilet in the club. Ooh classy. My friend then said, "let's get you some fresh air..." I remember sitting on the side of the road, holding my head in my hands and with my friend there saying, "just let it out, vomit it all out, you'll feel better after you throw up. Can you stand up? No, it's okay, you just sit there..." I couldn't remember much more of that night, but it was not the first night in New York I had in mind. Moral of the story? Don't get carried away on your first day on holiday, there's only so much adrenaline can do. Your body needs rest after a long flight. You may be excited but you're still human.

New York, New York...

Lesson 12: You get what you pay for. And bring earplugs.

And finally, for my last story, I bring you to Madrid in 2001. Now this was way before the days of Tripadvisor and other online travel forums which offer reliable reviews of hotels and guesthouses - we were staying in this quaint little guesthouse in the district of Chueca, it was run by an old couple who spoke no English at all and whilst it was a bit basic, I thought, well it's just a place for me to sleep for the night. The location is great and that's all that matters. There was no air-conditioning as it was a very old building and since it was early summer, it was bearable. It was about 25 degrees at night and it felt like Singapore - sticky but not so uncomfortable that you couldn't sleep after a shower.

Then the nightmare began - the next building was a brothel, a whore house, where prostitutes serviced clients throughout the night and I could hear them go about their business. The moaning, the grunting, the orgasms and the arguing over money ("You wanted me to ___________, that wasn't included in the original price, you have to pay extra for it.") Oh yes,  I could hear it all. When I complained about it the next morning to the old lady who ran the hotel, she said (with a knowing smile), "Aah si, las putas... Cierra la ventana." (Ah yes, the whores... Close the window.) Closing the window helped a little but not enough - fortunately I always travel with ear plugs and with the window shut (damn it got hot in that room) and with my ear plugs in, I could just about sleep till morning. Moral of the story? The next time you think you're getting a bargain for a city center hotel, be warned: you get what you pay for. And always pack earplugs. You never know when you will need them but when you do, you'll be glad you have them with you!

Always travel with earplugs, you never know when you might need them.

So there you go, that's 12 basic lessons for you to bear in mind for your next holiday. Mind you, a lot of it is common sense really, I don't want to put you guys off traveling and having a good time exploring planet Earth. I am still planning my epic adventure for 2014 - more details on that soon. Have you any interesting holiday stories to share? You know the drill, that's what the comments section below is for - thank you very much for reading.