Alvivi have split up - what was the last straw the broke the camel's back?

Hi everyone. I have had a massive spike in traffic to my blog in the last 48 hours and about 60% of that traffic is interested in the latest twist in the Alvivi saga. Yes they have broken up, it is official. Yes, I know Alvin personally and no I have not yet spoken to him about the issue. I am going to offer some of my personal thoughts on the issue since I have blogged a lot about these two since the original story broke back in 2012.

Firstly, am I surprised that they have broken up? Not really - you see, they have been going through a really stressful time with the on going trial and there's a distinct possibility that either or both of them are going to end up with some jail time. Talk about a stressful situation - now they have been rather careful as to what they say to the press since this is an ongoing case, but as you can imagine, when two people get into a sticky situation like that over the whole Bak Kut Teh joke that went badly wrong, surely there must be some element of blame going on. Whose idea was it originally? Did one or both parties come up with the idea? Did one party actually think that it was a bad idea but went along with it anyway? (Will we ever find out what actually happened back then?)

The legal process is dragging on and on and on...

Secondly, it seems that they both have the same lawyer (Chong Joo Tian), but surely an easy defence for Vivian Lee is for her to simply play the "I was naive and I was misled" card and blame the entirely episode on Alvin Tan. After all, Alvin had always been the more vocal amongst the two of them (particularly on social media) and even when there is any communication from Alvivi, I can tell pretty quickly when it is coming from Alvin and when it is coming from Vivian. Surely someone from Vivian's family (or one of her friends) may have suggested the possibility of her pinning it entirely on Alvin. All she has to do is to turn up at court looking repentant and if she plays her cards right, a judge may decide to let her get away with it. Alvin, however, wouldn't have that luxury - there's no way a judge would allow him to blame it all on Vivian. Would Vivian be tempted to play that card to get a lighter sentence?

Thirdly, given how stressful the situation has been since their arrest in July, there are many things that they are not discussing publicly. This whole infidelity episode may be ugly, but it is probably just the last straw that broke the camel's back. There are so many other issues going on - for example, Alvin is still running his business and trying to make arrangements for it to be either sold or managed should he go to jail. All these other issues are adding plenty of stress to what is already a complicated relationship - some couples manage to survive a crisis together, supporting each other through the hard times. Some others fall apart when the relationship is tested like that: Alvin and Vivian never had a traditional relationship to begin with and perhaps they were under a lot of pressure to show to the world that they knew what they were doing and were happy together. That in itself can add unnecessary strain on a relationship, thus in hindsight, this breakup didn't really come as a surprise.

Alvivi being front page news in Malaysia when I was in KL

Lastly, I think the infidelity issue is but a small part of the big picture. Many people have commented that since they are both clearly having sex with others, then what is the issue if either party chooses to have sex outside the relationship (AKA an 'open relationship') since they didn't believe in monogamy to begin with? You see, so many people are so focused on the sex that they become oblivious to the other issues at play here. In this case, it goes way beyond a simple matter of jealousy, it is a question of tact. Clearly, they have no problems with each other having other sexual partners, but it was issue seemed to have been that of one party having "broken the rules of swinging" they have agreed to. Now that could be any other arbitrary rule that they could have set, such as, "you may not have the last cookie in the cookie jar without first consulting the other party if they want to have the cookie."

Let's stick with the cookie analogy for example - if Vivian ate the last cookie without asking Alvin if he wanted it, how would that make Alvin feel? You see, it's not a question of how hungry Alvin was or how much he liked that cookie - it then boils down to a question of communication and trust and whether or not Vivian knew the effects of her actions on Alvin but still willfully went ahead anyway and ate that last cookie. In any case, any couple who have been together for decades will tell you that we all make mistakes within a relationship and we all do stupid things that upsets the other party. Each time that happens, it tests the relationship. This happens all the time in any relationship.

One needs to look at the big picture in the Alvivi case.

If you're the party who has done something wrong, you have to decide if it is worth your while to apologize, ask for forgiveness and try to make amends - or simply give up. Likewise, if you're the party who has been hurt, you have to decide if it is worth your while to accept the apology, forgive and try to worth things out. If the relationship is strong enough, then both parties will agree to try to work things out. But if the relationship is already under a lot of strain for a while, then it may take just a fairly minor incident to be the last straw the breaks the camel's back.

And that's my understanding: these two have been under so much stress in the last six months - this was but the last straw that broke the camel's back. These two young people have made a mistake with the whole Bak Kut Teh episode and are paying a very high price for it. They have been trying hard to get on with their lives whilst awaiting trial, but clearly this has put too much strain on their relationship. So please, if you are trying to understand why this couple have broken up, do not focus on the issue of sex or swinging - instead, you really need to look at the wider picture to understand the context of what they have been going through in the last six months.

With that in mind, they could have just as easily fallen out over a the last cookie in the jar. Will they get back together? Who knows - right now, I imagine they both need some space to themselves after having their break up splashed all over social media and with the ongoing stress of the trial, I don't think it can happen in the short run. The question is however, can either or both of them reinvent themselves outside the context of "Alvivi"? Would it always be "Alvin Tan, formerly of Alvivi" - or has Alvin Tan already created a strong enough brand identity for himself through everything that has happened? Likewise, where does this leave Vivian? Would she continue to stay in the headlines or simply fade into oblivion without Alvin's help? What will she do next (be it on her own or with a new business partner)?

I know that Alvin will bounce back one way or another, he's a maverick. Yes he's made some stupid mistakes along the way (including answering his haters on social media directly, aaargh. Alvin, just ignore them lah, giving them your attention will only fuel their attacks, never feed a troll.)  As for Vivian, please don't underestimate her. Many people have dismissed her as the more naive girlfriend who has been going along with everything that her boyfriend says, but she has grown up a lot in the 15 months since stepping into the limelight, grabbing the opportunity that was presented instead of shying away from it. I see a young woman who deserves a chance and I do hope she gets it.

Let me know what you think about this issue - do leave a comment below please, thanks for reading! Terima kasih.