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| Let's talk about parenting |
I just found out that his son is disabled and all I can say is stupid is as stupid does. To make it even shorter, angmo guy is a wanker. Instead of worrying how to properly bring up his son, he is mouthing off. This bloody wanker of a human being hasn't woken up to the fact that he is a dad and if this is the case he could move to mars and I'll still be very worried for his son. His son has obstacles in life that nobody else will ever have.His wanker for a dad has no clue and therefore will not be adequate enough when the time comes to teach him the things that he would need to get through life. Angmo didn't start being ignorant yesterday and I don't think he will start clueing himself about what a shit hole he would have to help his son climb out of whether he likes it or not. Limpeh do you have any idea what kind of disability it is? I'm just curious to see just the magnitude of the problem that angmo still hasn't wrapped his head around on behalf of his son...Also, disabled or not, kids will follow your example. And what is the wife role in all of this exactly? Letting wanker do as wanker wants because he brings in the dough?
This whole thing is such a clusterfuck...remember the part about how children learn from what their parents do? The Singaporean kids will learn how to be prejudice/racist/discriminatory against anybody that does not conform to their idea of "normal" worse, they can't hold a decent conversation cos the parents never did. Face, meet hand and welcome to Singapore. Angmo earns more in one year than my dad earns in many years, is more lowly educated than said angmo, but i'll still choose my dad over this clueless guy any day. Makes me angry that people like him get a free pass to become parents just because "you cannot prepare yourself to be one like you do for an exam." As this wanker has shown, to be a decent human being with the ability to exercise self-control is a pretty good indicator of how well you will be as a parent.
Allow me to start by saying that it is pretty random what kind of baby a couple can conceive, you never know when a baby is born if the baby is going to turn out to be a super genius, future sports champion or a child with a disability or a combination of all of the above. Neither my sister nor my brother-in-law are disabled or autistic, yet my nephew is autistic. There are plenty of parents who are not disabled who have disabled children - it is something that changes their lives radically and I am going to accuse my reader Muchopunk of having unrealistic expectations about the standards of parenting. Time for a dose of reality methinks.
Many people assume the very best of parents of disabled children - they imagine hat they experience of having to deal with a disabled child will make them more patient, kind, tolerant and compassionate because these are the very qualities you need to deal with a disabled child. In real life, this is never quite the case. Some parents with disabled kids cope well, others don't and there's everything in between. Having a disabled child doesn't always change the parent per se - if a parent already has these qualities: patience, kindness and compassion, then the parent would cope a lot better than the parent who doesn't have those qualities.
The fact is, by the time someone becomes a parent, they are already an adult and would have had at least 20-something years of building a certain kind of character/personality. This character that they have will shape the way they cope with a challenge such as bringing up a disabled child - rather than the other way around. There is a Chinese saying, 江山易改本性难移 jiāng shān yì gǎi běn xìng nán yí. It is a Chinese idiom which translates as "the rivers and mountains may change, but not one's essential nature" You can't change who you are, or to borrow another English idiom, a leopard will never change his spots.
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| My life's circumstances may change, but I will still be the person I am. |
There are individuals who naturally have these characteristics in their personality: kindness, compassion, patience. These are individuals who will naturally be drawn towards professions where their personality would be best be put to you. I wrote a piece last year about a couple Anna and Fred in Scotland - they are retired teachers who have decided to become foster carers for autistic children. Such are the kind of individuals who naturally become excellent carers for those with disability whether or not there is any disability in their immediate families. For the record, neither Anna nor Fred have disabled family members - they are just naturally caring people who were attracted to the idea of fostering autistic children. Likewise, banking tends to attract people who are motivated by greed and want to become rich fast; that is why Anton Casey is a banker whilst Anna and Fred are foster carers (and not the other way around).
It is pretty clear from Anton Casey's behaviour what kind of person he is - having a disabled child is not going to change his character much. Rather, it is his behaviour that will determine what kind of father he will become. Here's my take on the issue: do you know why so many of us default to assuming the very best of parents of disabled children? It makes it easier on us to look upon them as somehow 'blessed' by the disability, rather than the blatant injustice that life has inflicted on this family. "Look at this young family, the child may be disabled but they are so happy, they are such an inspiration. They are just like the rest of us, they are no different." People are so keen to celebrate families with disabled children because that is what we're conditioned to do. Celebrating them somehow relieves us of the moral responsibility to try to help them, it allows us to ignore those families who are struggling and unable to cope.
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| The personality you have determines what kind of parent you will become. |
Another very practical implication about having to bring up a disabled child are the associated medical costs: it is very expensive indeed to care for a disabled child. There is always something else you can get for the disabled child: more therapy, more technology, more treatments - the list is long and these are rarely ever provided free of charge by the government just because you have a disabled child. For example, there are so many different kinds of therapies for autistic children in Singapore - one is only limited by one's budget when shopping around for these therapies. And to be fair, my nephew has benefited a lot from some of the best specialists in Singapore who have helped him so much. The therapy sessions were expensive, but fortunately, as a family, we could afford it.
This brings me to another point: such therapies are carried out by specialists who are experts in their respective fields. My sister and brother-in-law are not doctors, they are not trained medical professionals. There are certain things that they simply cannot do for their autistic child - there are things which have to be left to doctors, therapists and specialists who have years of experience, dealing with autism. For things like that, all my sister and brother-in-law can do is pay for the therapy sessions as those are functions they cannot perform as parents.
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| It is frightfully expensive to care for an autistic child. |
Pardon me for stating the obvious - but if your child is seriously ill, you take your child to the hospital and let the doctor treat the child. You do not try to treat the child yourself if you are not a doctor. By that token, a disabled child needs parents with deep pockets, to pay for all these medical bills. Welcome to the real world - you can't pay the bills with love and goodwill. The hospital wants your cold hard cash, not your love. By that token, a rich wanker-banker father who has a lot of money can provide very well for a disabled child - a poor loving father who cannot afford the best doctors in Singapore cannot provide for his disabled child. I'm sorry if this sounds rather un-PC to point this out, but such is the reality of life in Singapore for disabled people. The government is not going to help you, so I hope you have rich parents. By that token, Anton Casey can pay for any therapy his child needs - a luxury that most parents of disabled children in Singapore don't have. That makes Anton Casey a good father in the context of Singapore.
As for children learning from their parents, good grief. Talk about high expectations and setting yourself up for disappointment. Let's get real here - many parents out there have plenty of flaws in their characters and are probably pretty poor role models for their children. Are they bad parents? Probably - but have you asked yourself why they are bad parents? This is probably a reflection of their characters which is a function of who they have been all their lives - parenthood doesn't change people radically. Parents adapt to the changes that children will bring - but you're being wildly optimistic if you believe that the responsibility of parenthood can turn a bad adult into a good parent. Get real - that's never going to happen. A bad man who has a child is simply going to be a bad father, what? Were you expecting some kind of miracle to happen? Duh. Get real, please.
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| Parenthood cannot turn a bad man into a good father. |
The people who make good parents were good people before they had children - they would still be good role models for other young people in their community even if they never have kids. And there are some people who have such major flaws in their characters that they probably shouldn't be parents, but if they should have kids, they are not going to change overnight - no, they will simply be bad parents. And there are plenty of bad parents out there.
You know, we can have major events changing the circumstances of our lives - but we cope with those changes in our own way, our choices are shaped by our personalities and thus different people will react to these changes in different ways. Parenthood is one such major change - but different people cope with the challenges of parenthood in different ways: to assume that all parents would automatically desire to set a good example of their children is naively optimistic.
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| Different people cope with parenthood differently. |
As for me, I never got along with my parents as a child and we only really started to establish some kind of relationship after I had turned 30. I am the person I am today because I fought tooth and nail with my parents and was especially rebellious - I can only conclude that the generation gap was way too big for either party to deal with and that was why we had so many conflicts. Will Anton Casey be a good or bad father? I don't know - but I wouldn't be so quick to judge. I had an extremely conservative and traditional Chinese-Singaporean upbringing which led to a terrible relationship between me and my parents; the fact is you cannot simply follow one formula and expect to become a successful parent. I suppose my parents did succeed in bludgeoning me through the education successfully (so that part turned out fine) but failed to establish any kind of meaningful rapport with me in the process (total epic fail).
Muchopunk, you and I probably have the same kind of traditional Chinese-Singaporean parents but you clearly have had some kind of rapport with your parents whilst I have none with mine. My parents have never committed any kind of heinous crime or have become a social pariah the way Anton Casey has - but yet here we are, the fact that we have any kind of relationship at all is because of my efforts to try to reconnect with them in recent years. If I hadn't made the initiative, they would probably be quite happy to ignore me for the rest of their lives. All I am saying is that you don't need to become some kind of terrible criminal before you get labelled a bad parent - you can fail as a parent in a far less dramatic manner, such as the way my parents and I didn't get along for so many years.
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| Is there a formula to become the perfect parent? |
In any case, please let me finish by quoting my reader Di Talasi:
Muchopunk, what has his parenting skills got to do with this controversy, and how are they relevant? You might as well say that he goes not go to church, or that he does not recycle, or call his mom often. Singaporeans bullied him over his poor judgement, and have shown the children of Singapore that you deal with disputes by condemnation and death threats. "Son, if someone says something about you that you do not like, go tell your teacher and your friends. Then together with your friends, you attack this person with condemnation and death threats. Atta boy!" Yeah, Singaporeans are much better parents than Anton Casey. Sure. Sure. If it makes you feel better than yourself. Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. Anton Casey is obnoxious. Singaporeans are thugs. See the difference?
Anton Casey may have made a mistake, but I would never assume that he is a bad father. What goes on in the Casey household is a private matter for their family and unless one has the chance to see up close how Anton Casey and his son interact, it wouldn't be fair to jump to any conclusions. For the record, I never expected my parents to be a perfect role models - they are human like everyone else and makes mistakes, like everyone else. I just wish they took a bit more interest in me when I was growing up, that would have been nice and that's all I wanted. Fuck being perfect role models, they're human for crying out aloud. I can love and accept them for all the flaws they have, I just needed them to love me back, that's all. As usual, feel free to respond and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.
I don't disagree with anything you have said and I certainly don't think that just by becoming a parent, suddenly you can become a better human being.
ReplyDeleteIf you have money, you can get doctors to help.But what about the parts that the doctors can't help with? Then who exactly do we expect the kid to turn to when he needs help?
My comment was written on the assumption that if banker-wanker knows what it takes to be deemed successful, just as your parents knew that being highly educated is the way to success, and as you said, parents of disabled children may at times be put on the pedestal; don't you think a smart guy like banker-wanker ought to know how not to draw more attention to himself and his family?!... focus on doing whatever it takes to help his son succeed in life even if his son may grow up to hate the methods he used to get him there someday....
Thank you. Being a parent doesn't automatically make you a better human being, being a parent of a disabled child doesn't automatically make you a saint - that's simply putting parents of disabled children on a pedestal without looking at the evidence.
DeleteThere are things that doctors can't help with - but again, money can solve a lot of those issues. I look at my nephew for example and money has solved a lot of those issues in terms of 24-7 childcare. Fortunately he is 11 now and a lot more sensible, but in the past, we needed a maid to follow him around everywhere as you just couldn't leave him alone and trust him not to get into trouble. Having the money to pay for that maid whose job is to look after him solved a lot of the problems - and as for the parts that professionals and hired help can't help with, well - what can I say? My parents were motivated to try to discipline me, keep me out of trouble and what was the result? Nothing worked because the more they caned me, the more I hated them and wanted to defy them and eventually we stopped talking. See? Even very ordinary low-profile Singaporean parents can get it wrong, so there's absolutely no guarantee that following a traditional formula of Singaporean parenting can be successful.
Be careful what you say about a parent not drawing attention to himself and his family - you're almost suggesting that disabled children/people are shameful and should be hidden from view of the public. That's just wrong man. I'd like to think that most (decent) people would not make fun of a 5 year old with Down Syndrome - but then again, this is Singapore we're talking about.
As for your last statement, I am aghast that you could come up with something like that. You're talking about me - I had parents who were so focused on trying to make me succeed in life I grew up hating the methods they used and I rebelled against it to the point my relationship with my parents totally broke down by the time I was like 14. I think I would have gladly made my own way in life, found a way to be happy and do what I needed to do one way or another without my parents making my childhood a living hell from all that beating and caning whenever I wasn't perfect in primary school. Don't get me started - they had good intentions but all the wrong methods to the point where they got it so so wrong.
I don't condone Anton Casey's actions and it is clear that he made a dumb mistake - but my point is simple:don't assume that ordinary Singaporeans are good parents either. There are so many ordinary Singaporeans who are crap parents and the fact remains that there are plenty of very bad parents out there, they just keep a low-profile.
I almost expect parents to be bad, rather than good - so when I meet a good parent, I am pleasantly surprised.
That last statement I make applies to me as well you know? I absolutely hated what my parents do to me sometimes e.g. pushing me so hard that I was the only person from primary school to university in my cohort to have a physical disability. That's 20 years of isolation/segregation, left in a school system not made to handle students like me. Maybe I'm lucky that I'm able to leave and let leave more than you do. I'm not saying that you are wrong for being angry with your parents.
DeleteFor your case, you felt you would have been better off if left to enjoy life and find yourself. But for my parents and I, we had no such luxury, we didn't know what to do and had to think up of something quickly and that was exactly what my parents did My entire family was thrown into turmoil because of me. Can you imagine what kind of stuff my mum had to hear just because she gave birth to a kid like me? They were doing something for that back in the 80s very few people did and today, I would have to continue with life knowing that I have to go through life so differently. As for drawing attention, back in the 80s/90s you would be caught dead with your disabled child on the MRT. But that's exactly what my parents did. We were just going through life as we must. It's not that we are ashamed. Far from that, we, I knew from a very young age that if I wanted as much control over the very bad circumstances I found myself in, the best way is to keep myself out of the spotlight which does not equate to being hidden from public or being ashamed.
All in all, while I thank my parents I don't like them either. I hate their methods but understand their intentions so I'm not in anyway trying to anger you with regards to your situation with your parents. I'm just trying to say, you do what you have to do till you figure out that nobody wants you to be doing what you did/do anymore. Therein, lies the uncertainty of parenthood. I have a love-hate relationship with my parents and that's not an easy feeling to go through life with.
If my dad isn't so busy working, had some time to talk about Anton Casey I'll be very interested to hear what he has to say. Alas, my dad's not good with words and given his experience most probably thinks to himself AC dug himself his own grave.
I get that you get what I mean. I'm just really sad that his son had to be dragged through something like this.
(Continued)
ReplyDeleteI might have been presumptuous thinking what I thought and may be dead wrong about wanker-banker being a bad parent, but like I said, he may not know what kind of parent he wants to be, but he's a smart man judging by his job, he must know that behaviour has given me the ammunition to even suggest that he is a bad parent. His job might require him to be an asshole and good for him for playing the game by that set of rules. Being parents to a disabled child as my observation tells me, is a very different ball game. His stupidity runs so deep as to not be bothered with giving people the impression that he looks like a good parent. You might think why care so much about what people think? Again, I can only say my experience tells me disabled parents have a lot stacked against them. Other parents either pity them or put them on a pedestal. And if banker-wanker doesn't know how to control himself, he's going to make his son's life very difficult at some point in time. At other points he might find himself isolated from all the other parents.
Get what I mean?
I couldn't care less if he hates our transportation, hates poor people or what have you but to bring unwanted attention to your innocent kid who has more than enough problems on his plate....is plain stupid. I understand that a lot of bad parents, like your's limpeh, did what they had to do based on misguided but good intentions....banker-wanker's? I fail to see what his comments/actions do for his kid. All I see is that he doesn't understand that he is playing a different ball game, with a different set of rules and so, he pays the consequence rightly or wrongly to have his son dragged through the mud.
Lastly, I did not say that Singaporeans are better than foreigners.I stated very clearly that Singaporean kids and parents alike cannot hold a decent, civilised conversation because they haven't learnt how to which is why they bash and condemn him like a mob.
And to this end, banker-wanker's inability to keep his opinions to himself tells me that he would not have the ability to keep himself in check should somebody say nasty things about his son to him. See what I'm trying to get at? Y'all might think it's blind obedience to keep your head down, shut up and keep moving but I suspect many of you don't understand just how much more self-control it takes to go through life as a disabled person and as a parent of one. When you have so much on your plate, it is prudent to pick your battles and banker-wanker has stupidly set a fire at his own front door step.
To conclude, a lot of what I say works on the presumption that all parents want to be the best parents they can be in life. Some do it wrong, some to it right but I've yet to see one that aspires to be the worst parent that they can be.
I just don't understand why banker-wanker does not get that if you give people ammunition, they will use it against you. They wouldn't care if there was an innocent disabled kid standing in the middle of it all. They don't care that in the banking industry, everybody behaves badly and as such are less like to feel offended by very bad behaviour.
To do what banker-wanker has done outside of work, apologise and then expect the Singaporean mob mentality to suddenly realise that we should leave the kid out of it is naive on his part. It just doesn't work that way. The remarks my parents must have heard back in the 80s won't suddenly disappear or cease to hurt him or his kid just because it is 2014 you know? The worse part is, my parents didn't piss of anybody, banker-wanker did.
Listen muchopunk, everyone thought my parents were the model parents of Ang Mo Kio. They were teachers and they had raised a son who was academically brilliant, a triple scholar and brilliant at sports who then went on to establish a successful career. Only my readers of my blog actually know that I don't get along with my parents - we've only really started making up since I turned 30 and that's mostly because I relented with age and became more forgiving. There's that high profile case of that Violinist Vanessa-Mae (half Thai, half Chinese-Singaporean) who has totally broken off all ties with her Singaporean mum because things just got so bad to the point where the mother confirmed that she has not spoken to her daughter in years.
DeleteSo what would you rather value? The world seeing you as good parents or actually having a good relationship with your child? Because I can tell you that everyone in Ang Mo Kio who knows my parents sees them as wonderful parents - but I don't. I see them as people who had children because that was what was expected of them but they never really understood what parenting entailed and what was required of them. So please, for crying out aloud, who gives a flying fuck what other people think of you as parents - that's so superficial, so shallow. The only thing that should matter is the quality of the relationship between the parent and the child - nothing else.
And no, I don't get what you mean because once again, why do other parents even come into the picture? Who gives a fuck about other parents? Like really, fuck the other parents. (And yes, I am very sore on that point as I am speaking from experience.)
You also make the wrong assumption that everything a parent does is about the child or for the child or should be seen in the context of the parent-child relationship. Good grief. As I got into my teenage years, I felt like my mother was trying to spite me by taking ZERO interest in anything I did - she was giving me the cold shoulder when it came to anything that got me excited, passionate or happy. I used to take everything so personally, like "she chose to do activity ABC instead of spending time with me, therefore she is doing it to spite me." Hell no. She wasn't trying to spite me, she just couldn't give a shit about me. She was like that before she got married, she was like that before she had children - she wasn't going to change. So please, you are very, very wrong in imagining that this entire episode had anything to do with his son - Anton Casey is carelessly ignoring the needs of his son, that much is true, but if you imagine that he had deliberately dragged his son into this - then you're wrong. It wasn't intended at all. You're reading waaaay too much into it.
As for parents who get it wrong, I don't see parents who aspire to be the worst possible parent - there are just those who really are not that interested in their children. They neglect their children or focus on the wrong parts of their children's lives - and they end up getting it wrong all the same and the children (like me) still suffer at the end of the day. Let's get real here. People end up as bad parents because they don't have the skills to become good parents but they still have children because that's what their families/society/community expects them to do. Then years later, they find themselves in a situation where they are not even on speaking terms with their own children after getting it so wrong for so many years. Duh.
For the point about other parents. I wish I can properly explain to you what I mean. If you get the sociological concept of the self and the other, the in-group/out group, put them in the context of being a parent to a disabled child, you will find the prospect of being in the out-group very unbearable. Imagine you are say 30 years old, suddenly you have a kid and because of that kid you find yourself very much an outcast then even if you did give a lick what people thought before, now you do. That's hoe strong the sense of belonging is. It drives people to do a lot of crazy things. Why do you think there are so many people bashing AC? It's because your concept of being an in-group member can and is questioned if you don't give people the impression that you subscribe to XYZ values.
DeleteIt's quite frustrating trying to explain myself here given that I'm the only person here with first hand experience as to how I think, act and live life as a disabled person. In my dreams I'll like to insist that I'm as normal as anybody else. But as you can see, even my viewpoints are coloured on the basis of me being disabled. ...if you don't understand where I'm from, chances are it's due to my very different and at times extreme life experience.
So yeah, to all your readers out there. Please take note. My comments are written as they are because of my experience not because I think you're wrong or that I'm trying to invalidate your opinion by simply saying you don't know how difficult life as a disabled parent/person can become.
As for parents getting it wrong, I completely agree with your point about them not giving a shit. I might just be reading too much into it as you say. I guess I feel so strongly about this is because I wish AC would have given a shit, gave it a 2nd thought before posting that photo up. But his AC and look where he is now in Perth doing whatever that he is doing and will continue to do.
DeleteMy point is that it is not about his son, it is about AC himself - AC was thinking about himself, not his son when he put up those photos. He was trying to be funny and his son was just something he used as part of the joke.
DeleteHe is the kind of parent who thinks about himself first rather than his child - this is particularly bad kind of neglectful parent who fail to consider the needs of the child; so yes that's a failure on his part, I do concur.
Anton Casey's child has been reported to have Down Syndrome.
ReplyDeleteIf this is confirmed, DS being a severe intellectual disability, Muchopunk's rantings become pretty shameful, and a sad testimony of his intellectual capacity and the quality of his education.
Anton Casey's behavior is not acceptable, but neither is the name calling and labeling of the non Singapore races and nationalities. Foreign Trash - Chao Ang Moh - Barbi... these words are common and used long before Anton Casey.
I agree Alice - can I just point out that Muchopunk is disabled too, I've read his/her blog in the past and I can't recall exactly what kind of disability but s/he is writing from the point of view of a disabled person in S'pore.
DeleteI have cerebral palsy and luckily or unluckily i'm on the high functioning side of things. Anyways, if the son really does have down syndrome, then I'm very sorry my rantings become a reality of life that Anton Casey has to deal with--and dealing with it does not involve putting his son's face on Facebook. If he had quoted his son and said he agreed, I could still make some excuses for him and laugh it of. Problem is, this guy didn't had the decency to leave him out of it.
DeleteI didn't get a free pass growing up and I still don't get a free pass to behave badly just because I have CP. Neither do my parents. I'm suspecting people out there, especially those who decided to put his personal information out there, will not give him or his son a free pass. The guy has proven himself as a person with such bad judgment, me calling him a wanker is the least of his problems.
Also, I respect your right to disagree with me, but please do read my comments above to see where I'm from. I called a spade, a spade and gave reasons why. I would think that qualifies as more than a rant now.
I respect your right to have whatever opinion you want of Anton Casey, I merely dispute some of your unrealistic expectations of the way a parent-child relationship works.
DeleteAlice, where do you get your information from? From family friends of the Caseys?
DeleteI've googled and found nothing linking his kid and Down syndrome. People say that his kid has DS but only as an insult.
Somehow I feel that LIFt and muchopunk are talking about different things. LIFT is after AC. He is not analysing it sociologically or even at the parent-child level. Muchopunk may have a sore spot about the latter due to his upbringing but lets put things into perspective. This platform is about AC, the person. Anything more would be considered, to me, off tangent, side-tracking.
DeleteFox - how many parents who have children with Down Syndrome would broadcast it on the internet, "hey my child is disabled with (insert name of condition)". No, even if your child is disabled, it is a private matter, medical records are confidential. You can't google someone's private medical records for crying out aloud.
DeleteAnd even if the kid is not disabled and Singaporeans are calling the kid disabled to bully the kid, I say these people can go to hell - picking on a 5 year old kid, that's pathetic.
And thanks Matthew, that's a very sensible way to look at it.
> different people cope with the challenges of parenthood in different ways: to assume that all parents would automatically desire to set a good example of their children is naively optimistic.
ReplyDeleteI agree. From my observations of parent-child relationships amongst my friends and my experience as a paediatric nurse in acute care and also as a paediatric home nurse, not everyone respond to parenthood in the same manner.
Parenthood suddenly inspiring a person to turn over a new leaf and become a better human are stuff from thug-at-emotional-heartstrings movies. In reality, most parents honestly have a mixed-bag of feelings -- from being tired/stressed-out caring for the infant round-the-clock to post-partum depression, to the joy/pride of parenthood, etc.
Hi WD. Exactly, parenthood doesn't change people that much - that's simply being unrealistic, it can change people for the worse in fact if they simply cannot cope with the challenges parenthood presents. I have observed my sister and brother-in-law up close before my nephew came along and after - and quite frankly, neither of them have changed fundamentally in terms of their personalities and they have both brought something quite different to the table in terms of the way they are nurturing my nephew simply because they are very different people, personality-wise.
DeleteWe can't have it all. Not all of us have this kind of combinations - Above-average intelligence, supportive family, powerful relatives in the corporate/political world, rich parents, good education and good looks. Anton Casey's son in this case ticks the only 2 out 6 (honestly I don't think someone with down syndrome is able to enjoy what SG education system have to offer and make use of the money to help himself to look good.)
ReplyDeleteI maybe can only tick 1 out of 6 things I listed there, which the only thing I can enjoy is good education. I come from a poor family background and frankly speaking, I don't think my parents makes good example. One has paranoia disorder and the other often makes a mountain out of a molehill and always compares me to others. I would also say that I am ugly as well, but I believe that I can solve that with make-up, a trip to the hairdresser and a shopping spree for nice clothes. But hey, I do not have any disabilities (I believed) and I know how to surround myself with people I believed that can make good examples for me and the person I want to become. I wish to become more diplomatic and tactful when speaking, so I observe how people speak so that they do not offend the other party.
Learning how to survive in this world is often through trial-and-mistakes, bruises and scars. I hope this episode wakes Anton up on the importance of caring for other's people feelings so that his son will not end up like him.
Groan. I'm disappointed in you Luck - I would've hoped that you've at least read my post and learnt the basic principle that people can't change and won't change. Anton Casey will never change - that's the person he is. He will learn to be more careful in the future in terms of not being caught when he wants to say something stupid like that and not jeapordizing his job in the future - but if you expect him to reform and change, you're dreaming. That's not the way people's characters work - a leopard can never change his spots. You are who you are and Anton Casey is simply not a very nice person to begin with - if you expect him to change for the better, you're naively optimistic I'm afraid. Sorry if this is harsh, and I know you're a young person - but you have so much to learn about the way people are in the big bad world.
DeleteCriminals who go to jail don't reform and become better people - they just learn to pick their crimes a bit more carefully and not be caught in the future as nobody wants to end up in jail. That may mean that they choose to not commit any crimes ever again since they realize that the price of being caught = jail, but in terms of reforming their characters at a fundamental level? Nah, that ain't gonna work.
The fear of being punished is a great motivator to stop a person from re-offending, but that is not the same thing as reforming his character.
I don't think that not all people will not change, quite a number of have some experience that leads them to change something fundamental about themselves. I used to have an idealistic approach to relationship and how "love can conquer it all". Now I find it BS and I better have expectations for my partner and stay out of relationships that is doomed to fail. Okay maybe people like never will. Some people don't realise what is wrong with them, and become defensive when handed criticism. (I am one of them, lol!)
DeleteI believe that the environment can change people, if I surround myself with nice and confident people, I become just like them. Almost all the friends I have are people who share their food, helps to clear the plates and people are just there for you 24/7 to help in the area they are strong at. I guess this is probably why I am optimistic about change in Anton Casey. He works in the financial industry is probably not a nice environment to be and probably there's no nice people there.
I'm afraid you're in for a rude awakening when the bubble bursts. Yes, people can change, and yes, environments shape you to some extent.
DeleteThe thing is, very few people change, and usually only after extreme, extreme trauma. Rarely for the better. And environments shape you far less than you shape them to suit yourself.
Ultimately you are who you choose to be. If you choose to hang out with nice people, good on you. It makes it easier for you to be the nice, confident person that you want to be. It doesn't mean you've been reformed from a nasty horrible person into a nice one -- because otherwise you'd just choose to hang out by yourself. Like me. :D
I am going to go back to relevance. A person can be a jerk, a womanizer, or in Anton's case, a big-mouth. He can still be a good parent. Not a perfect parent, but a good parent. Who are we to question Anton's parenting? He may be a bad parent, or be may be an ok parent, or be may be a great parent. That is for his family to decide. Not us. Those seemingly good parents like Alex's and my mom, were NOT good parents in that as adults, Alex and I still lament how our parents never understood us nor gave us emotional support that we much needed. Muchopunk, do not judge until you know all the facts. Just because I am a shark at work with a big mouth, it does mean I am a bad parent at home. They are quite separate. And yes, when you have a disabled child, money is EXTREMELY necessary.
ReplyDeleteAll very good points Di, as usual.
DeleteI have never believe in falling in love over the net. But now I do after reading your articles.
ReplyDeleteReally? LOL. I am glad my writing inspires you :)
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