About two months ago, colleague Mark decided he wanted out and resigned. As he left, I was made to take over a lot of his duties. At the same time, another colleague SY had also "scaled back" her involvement with the company - SY used to run quite a few functions. She decided in the summer that she wanted to do a lot less and remains on the payroll, but puts in just a few hours a week and when they have special tasks that they need her for, they turn to her. SY has been with the company for a lot longer than I have, she and I are not just colleagues but good friends too.
But I struggled. I wasn't used to Mark's routine (he was a project manager and monitored the progress of a number of on-going projects). I was more used to being on the marketing and business development side of things - I went out there and procured brand new clients to the company and once they became a client, I would hand them over to Mark. I made a few mistakes trying to do Mark's work as I simply couldn't adapt to the system that he had set up and the handover wasn't done as thoroughly as it should have been. I was confused and frustrated each time I had to deal with something I wasn't familiar with and it often led to mistakes. I would worry that I would get into trouble for having made that mistake and it got incredibly stressful. I was like a fish out of water trying to figure out Mark's job. Add that to the burden of taking on some of SY's tasks on top of everything else I had to do, I was not a happy bunny.
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| The last few weeks have been terribly stressful. |
I have two directors (let's call them A & K) and K was just so frustrated with me not being able to do Mark's job. I told A I had reached the point of no return with the K, I wanted to quit. I couldn't do anything right, I was so frustrated. I pointed it out to A, "I don't know if you watch trashy reality TV, but you see those dysfunctional couples and they're fighting all the time. And as I watch that I think, if you're screaming at each other all the time, why are you still together as a couple? Aren't you better off splitting up?" And that's me, I felt that there was no point in working in a job where the relationship between me and my employer just felt that wrong - if K wasn't going to fire me for being useless at Mark's job, I was going to fire myself. I had painted myself into a corner with no way out.
Well, A couldn't have been nicer - but he did tell me something important: learn to say no. If you're given a task that you can't handle, it is better to simply say, "no, I can't do this." Rather than say yes to it and then make a total mess of it. He also told me that if you keep saying yes, then I'm giving K the impression that I want more responsibilities, I welcome the prospect of new challenges and that I was willing to learn all these new things.
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| One must learn to say no at work. |
"There are two kinds of people in the corporate world," A explained. "Type 1 welcome new challenges, they love learning new things, challenging themselves, accepting new responsibilities because they see it as a chance to grow with the company. Type 2 in contrast do not want new challenges or any more responsibilities - they just want to focus on what they do best. Maybe they only perform one specific function - but they perform that function extremely well. People like that are specialists, content with their skillset. Now are you type 1 or type 2 Alex?"
I thought about it. "I think I am type 2. I know what I am good at and wanna stick to it. The last few weeks has put me in a type 1 situation and I hated it. I couldn't cope. I've been so stressed and unhappy."
"Right then - that's what you need to say," A continued. "You do give people the impression that you could be a type 1 character because you keep saying yes to everything and you're very helpful. We need to know you're saying yes because you want to accept those new challenges, rather than because you're just afraid to say no."
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| What do you do when you can't handle the job you're given? |
A asked me what I wanted. I said I wanted to do "scale back" my involvement with the company and focus on what I do best - less work, less hours, less money. A said it should be fine. I asked him for a few days to think as well, because I wanted to take some time out to figure out what I wanted to do with my life in 2014.
K was the one who started piling work on my shoulders after Mark left and he was also getting me involved in doing marketing stuff for his other companies. Well this wek, I put my foot down finally with him and said, "no I won't do these things" - and boy, K wasn't happy at all initially. I think he was upset mostly with the way I dealt with it - ie. I went running to the other boss, sorted something out with him and then played the, "the other boss said I don't need to do this" card. He felt that I should have spoken with him directly. Let's put it this way - when you work for two people, naturally, you're going to pick favourites. You're going to get along with one boss better than the other - it's just the way perhaps two people are more on the same wavelength and communicate a bit better. It is a lesson of office politics I have learnt as well in this process! Of course, hindsight is 2020 and I could have handled the matter more tactfully.
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| I didn't handle this with my boss particularly well... |
In the meantime, I spoke to SY about my options. She said that, I had to make a choice: this was still a good learning opportunity for me. There was so much that A & K could teach me and the question was whether I wanted to take on Mark's job: more responsibility, more work, it was a chance to grow and learn something new - the question really was what I wanted to do with my life? She did assure me, "if they didn't think that you could do Mark's job, they wouldn't made you do it in the first place. The fact that they made you do it meant that they do think you could do it and are willing to get you to where you need to be, but this journey may be more painful that you're prepared for." Now, did I want Mark's job or not? If not, what would I rather want to do? SY didn't tell me what to do, instead she asked me a lot of questions like, if you didn't work for this company, what would you be doing with your time?
Anyway, a few days passed. I then received an offer for reconciliation from K and an offer to scale back my involvement with the company (as I have requested). I replied that I would stay at least for now but they need to employ someone ASAP to replace Mark. (I know they rejected two candidates already, but good grief, there must be people out there looking for work.) The truth is, I was upset with the way I had been treated in the last month, how stuff was just piled on my shoulders without my consent - but I didn't want to make it about that. It would just seem... petty. And besides, I take responsibility for the fact that I didn't say no when I should have - so I didn't want to play the victim here.
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| No I was not prepared to be the victim here. |
Instead I talked about my new language-learning app that I am building. I had just uploaded my fifth language onto the app and was working on the sixth - I am working with a teach of IT experts and linguists to make this a reality and this is my brainchild. I came up with the concept based on my years of learning foreign languages and am personally coming up with a viral marketing campaign to launch it in 2014. I am in my element here, I am being extremely creative and inventive both in terms of product development as well as marketing the app. I am currently scripting a series of funny Youtube skits designed to drive traffic to the site and am working so hard on it right now.
My regular readers will know that I did a play with the National Theatre earlier this year - but did you know that there's actually very little creativity in being an actor? Hell no. As an actor, you are supposed to do as you're told and deliver the performance the director wants. You get very little say in what you do, every word you say is scripted and even the way you say those words are determined by the director. Now I am looking for an outlet for my creativity and I didn't find that in acting - but I am finding it in this new business venture of mine. I am so passionate about learning foreign languages - so to turn my passion into a business is a dream come true.
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| I have always loved studying foreign languages. |
So I told my bosses that I needed to scale back my involvement with the company because I am busy in my pre-launch stage with this app - I need to have at least 8 to 10 languages available on the app before I can launch it. And after I launch it, the marketing would take up a lot of my time as well - there will be a time when I can say, "okay it is up and running, I just need to maintain it and it will take care of itself". But until then, there is a lot of work to do. I think it puts me in a much better position when I present it this way: that there's something much more interesting that I could go work on - that's what they're going to lose me to if I do leave. I'm not going to leave because of all that crap about me trying to do Mark's job - no, I want to leave to focus on my own business.
Well, so that's where we are right now. They want me to stay, I agreed to stay on for a while yet... My sister said that she is amazed at how far they will go to accommodate me thus. She said, "my only worry is that they'll say anything just to get you to stay for now, but in a few months time, things may get worse... Then what?" My colleague SY actually echoed the same sentiment - until they do hire one more person, we're still effectively 1.5 people down. I told them that we'll cross that bridge when we come to it - but I've reached a new place mentally. Leaving is job is no longer a big question mark - if it did come to that (and that's a big IF), I know what my options are and what my priorities are. The events of the past few weeks has forced me to ask myself a lot of questions and figure out those answers - and now I know where I stand. I am also quite pragmatic. Until I launch my app and website, there is no revenue in the pre-launch stage and I am spending time and money working on it. I do need some kind of part time employment in the meantime to pay the bills, so I don't dip into my savings. Once I have launched the app, then maybe I can think about leaving finance for good, but only when I start seeing some decent revenue from the app.
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| My new app is all about getting people excited and confident about foreign languages. |
Who knows? Maybe this app will be a flop, maybe it will only generate a few hundred dollars worth of revenue (not quite enough for me to retire on) - but I am now very clear in my mind now that I really want to do and if I don't succeed with this app, I'll go on to try something else in the future. I am just enchanted with the way a successful app can reach millions of people around the world: a language teacher can only influence only the people sitting in his classroom, but if I manage to create a great app which can unlock the secrets of learning foreign languages, I will be able to help millions around the world. I am thinking big, I am thinking so big it is scary - that's why I am going down this route.
So there you go. That is where I stand right now. This has consumed me for much of the last week and a half, hence I have not been blogging much in the meantime. I have been working hard and speaking to so many people, thinking about what I want to do with my time, my life and my future. And yes, once I get to my launch stage, I will be telling you guys to go try that app out - but let me get at least 8 languages onto it first.
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| At the back of my mind, I was afraid to make the wrong choice. |
Have you any thoughts about the issues raised in this blog post? Do let me know if you are affected by anything discussed here - I found that what really helped was the support I received from my friends and family. So many people were there for me, to talk to me and to help me figure out the situation. Friends like SY didn't have all the right answers for me, she could tell me, "Alex you need to do this and then that will solve all your problems." No, instead, all she did was ask me a lot of probing questions to help guide me to the right answers I needed - I understood where I stood and made sense of the situation so much more quickly that way, with her questions.
I am so grateful to everyone who has been there for me - and now if I can in turn be there for you the same way, don't be shy. Leave a comment below, you're amongst friends here. Thanks for reading!
Ok, but if your contract said that you were supposed to have XYZ responsibilities, couldn't you fall back on your contract and get paid in full for XYZ rather than a scaled back pay just because you no longer will do XYZ plus ABC work? Could you tell them that they have to get someone in ASAP to do the ABC work so that you can do back to your XYZ work which you can do well. Would that be unreasonable? Then at a later time, when your app project is fully operational and making money, you can quit your job if you so desire. It's just not fair that you should be put in a position to have to get a scaled back pay when the problem centers around extra work. I know you agreed to take it on, but you can say that as it is no longer feasible, they should get someone in. Then you go back to your normal responsibilities. Am I being too simplistic here? I am in a unionized job, so most things as spelled out for us. I know through my husband's non-union job that it's not so black and white out there.
ReplyDeleteHi Di - my situation is somewhat different. I am a contractor to this company and I have a very loosely worded contract because I know these people well (worked for them for 4 years). Is this a bad situation? I acknowledge that it is less than ideal - but let's put it this way. When I do more work, I get paid more. When I do less work, I get paid less. When I work, I log in a daily task sheet which from which I work out my daily rate - some days when I do more work, I get paid more, and some days, I get paid little if I do little. It varies.
DeleteSo when I was doing Mark's job on top of mine, I was getting paid about double my usual daily rate so I was getting financially rewarded for doing two jobs - but I hated it. It wasn't worth the money. Now I am scaling back, I am putting in less hours but getting paid less - which is what I want, ie. more hours to work on my language app.
I was never penalized financially throughout this process - taking on Mark's job would have meant more hours, more money (they're fair on the issue of money). Rejecting Mark's work would mean less hours, less money. I am now saying, "please hire and pay someone else to do Mark's job as I don't want to do it".
I was never in a position where I was made to do more work for the same money - I was offered more work for more money (but as explained, I am not in a position to take that on).
Oh, that makes more sense. Sometimes we seek to please too much. I have a problem saying no myself. Then it comes back and haunts me.
DeleteHaven't we all been there before - have a read of the other comment from today about another guy in the same situation and perhaps you can offer him some suggestions as well?
DeleteHi Limpeh
ReplyDeleteYour app seems rather interesting, although I feel that it is easier to learn foreign languages from a real teacher rather than an app. Of course, you may have some secret recipe that makes it easy for anyone to learn from your app, since you have already learnt so many languages and you know the similarities and differences between the various languages. Good luck for your endeavour and I look forward to trying out your app (I hope there's Spanish)
Hi Ronald, sorry perhaps in my summary I didn't make it clear what my app is - it is to help deal with just one very specific aspect of learning languages. It is not a "learn Spanish/French/Mandarin/etc app" - it is not a replacement for a course (be it online or with a teacher in a classroom), but it is to help anyone who is interested in learning languages get past the early stages of learning ANY language. One of the scariest part of learning a foreign language is when someone jabbers away at your in the language and it goes whooooooosh right over your head and you understand nothing. We have all been there. It is frustrating and scary in equal measure - now this app is going to reduce the amount that goes whooooooosh over your head and increase the % you actually understand. Even if it brings it up from 10% to 25%, you will improve your ability to converse in the language once you understand more and more of the other person.
DeleteSo it's a very simply concept, a simple app, a fun way to learn and I'm not trying to for example, teach you Spanish with this app - that would be reinventing the wheel as there are so many good Spanish courses out there already. No, I am dealing with a far more simply concept/solution here. I don't wanna reinvent the wheel, I am just supplying you a simple device to help your wheel spin a lot more efficiently, get it? :)
Your language app sounds interesting – roughly when will it be available on iTunes?
DeleteEarly 2014 - I have got to load up all the languages (all 10) and then my IT team have gotta sort out the IT side of things (which I don't get involved with - I am the languages man, not the IT man). It is a long road ahead!
DeleteHi limpeh, sorry I didn't realise that you replied me as I didn't receive a notification in my email!
DeleteSo basically your app will be sort of like teaching people how to be better at learning the language?
There you go - you've hit the nail on the head :)
DeleteHey LIFT, it's May 2014 but the universe hasn't heard any news of your language app!
DeleteTechnical problems man... the website/app is ready in fact - but I am waiting for my tech team to monetize it, ie. figure out the best way to place ads on it to generate income so it's not just a free website, but one that will make me some money. I will get them to move their asses to try to do something soon as I've completed my side of the task ages ago.
DeleteHi LIFT,
ReplyDeleteYour post could not have come at a perfect time. Like yourself, I am also a type 2, but am currently in a type 1 occupation. Totally hate it, but I did learn quite a fair bit. Nevertheless, as your friend SY mentioned, it was a painful experience.
I am also unable to say no to my bosses. How do you say no without offending a superior? i've never been able to answer that and was hoping if you can shed some light on this.
Thanks LIFT!
Hello my friend and thanks for your comment. I fully empathize having been placed in the same situation. You need to undertake the following steps right now and let me know how you get on.
Delete1. Speak to a colleague about the situation - s/he would be able to let you know what can be done, what cannot be done, how much flexibility there is within the company. I can't tell you that as I don't work with you - only a colleague who has been there a long time can answer that question. You need to understand where you stand and what the options are.
2. You need to consider life beyond that company - what if you leave? What will you do? Do you want to leave? Can you get another job? What would you rather do? Answer those questions so you do have clear plans in your head as to what you would do next if you do leave.
3. Identify the right person in your company to speak to about the issue - if like my situation, you have a range of possible managers/directors who can influence the decision, then make sure you pick the right person and get him/her on your side.
4. Speak to your close friends about the situation - they know you best and will be able to tell you what you ought to do, I wanna help you my friend, I really do - but I haven't know you for years and don't understand your character, but your close friends & family do and they will be able to offer you insight that I can't.
5. Take a big step back and look at your job situation and ask yourself - is it headed in the right direction? Are you in the right industry? Are you in the right company? Do you have transferable skills from this job that another company would value? If you want a change, what should that be? A change of company or a change of industry? Are you satisfied with the direction you are headed?
6. Lastly, you need to identify the changing point where work started being piled on your plate without your consent. For me, it was when my colleague Mark resigned and I had to cover for him - the solution would be for my company to replace Mark and sometimes, you need to point out the obvious to your employers and tell them, "this is the solution". Surely there must be a triggering point, that marked a change in your circumstances, you need to go back to it, identify it and offer them a solution.
Once you've done all that - you have to decide if you want to try to fix the situation (which I somehow managed to do in my case) or leave the company. You have to learn to say no to your bosses because it is better to say no to a task you can't handle rather than say yes to it and then make a mess of it.
So, I've given you a to-do list. Go do your homework and report back to me. All the best!
Whoa!! That is a long list. Thanks LIFT!!
DeleteBtw, I may perhaps address points 2, 5 & 6 first.
Point 2 & 5:
These 2 points are somewhat inter-linked, in my current circumstance. See, I am intending to make a switch to the field of supply chain management. It will be a very different field from what I am doing now. I honestly believe that this won't be an easy undertaking, as employers in Singapore (imho) are quite adverse to mid-career changes. I'm also currently pursuing a part time degree in supply chain management (I have been following your blog for a while and I understand your stance on distance learning). Add in all of these together, and its clear that it won't be easy for me to find a job in the desired field/industry. Numerous job applications have also been unsuccessful.
Thus, this is main reason why I am unable to simply hand in my resignation letter and move on to another job. Inadvertently, this has also compromised my ability to say "no" because I have to toe the line and secure my ricebowl first.
Point 6:
Honestly, my company is a sinking ship. All top management, save for the CEO, have left the company. It is also facing dwindling revenue due to projects we've lost to our competitors. Hence, my CEO is desperate to secure any projects that he can win. This was the turning point where work started piling up without any regard for my team's capacity and ability to handle the additional workload. My subordinates are already demoralised, I am having a hard time keeping them motivated and I really feel its all going downhill from here on. I doubt that my CEO will be able to get the senior management posts staffed within the next 6 months (5 vacant senior management positions).
Perhaps point 3 might be irrelevant in my context, because there's only 1 senior management left in the company, and all the other middle/junior managers like myself have to deal with the additional work shoved down our throats. While everyone is disagreeable, none have been willing to make a squeak because all of us know that there isn't much the CEO can do about it; he's practically running the show on his own and is facing difficulties handling multiple roles caused by the vacant positions.
As for points 1 & 4:
When my ex-director was still around, we could definitely negotiate with him on the workload and all other matters. Now that he is gone, I feel there isn't much that can be done about it. It's either we swallow all of the additional work so that the company stays afloat, or we don't do anything about it and let the company sink. LIFT, I have been with this company for 4 years and the journey has been extremely challenging. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the experiences I have gained and I honestly feel the management has taken time to develop me to where I am today. I also have subordinates working under me and I feel responsible towards their career development as well. Although I am very much fatigued, I cannot, in good conscience, not do anything and let the company sink/put my subordinates out of job. Yet, I somewhat feel that I will neglect my own career if I stay on and sink with the company. Lots of thinking to do here, I feel.
Some of my classmates are mid-level professionals in MNCs and they have advised me to move on in my career. However, almost all of them have cited my lack of experience in supply chain as a stumbling block in making a career switch. My friends have also advised me to look for better opportunities elsewhere. Alas, if only changing jobs was that easy.
This wasn't intended to be a rant post; more for me to share with you the current circumstances I am in. I am still thinking about what to do in the next couple of months (crucial period on deciding whether to jump, where to jump and if there is a boat to jump). Have been soliciting advice from others. Your will be very much welcome as well :)
Looking forward to your reply on this.
Thanks LIFT!
OK my friend, thanks for coming back to me. Instead of replying to you point by point, allow me to just tell you what I think after having read your post. It seems pretty clear to me that your company is a sinking ship from what you've told me - there may have been good times in the past, but really, those past memories cannot compensate for the situation you are currently in.
DeleteWhat is your financial situation? Can you afford to leave this job and be unemployed for a while whilst looking to complete your degree and get a more suitable job? Nobody said job hunting was easy, but that's no excuse to stay where you are given the way you've described your situation. If you're telling me that you have a whole family to support on your salary, then okay lah, bo pien, you just have to grin and bear it. But if your financial situation permits it, then I say you should just quit and leave the company.
As for those working under you, they're not children. It is good that you have a sense of responsibility towards then within the context of the work place, but their career development is NOT your responsibility. It is their responsibility - besides, what the hell can you possibly do for them in a company that you've described as a sinking ship? LOL. It is like the captain of the Titanic offering the passengers free ice cream after the ship has already hit the iceberg. Whatever you can do for them within the context of your role is pretty much cancelled out by the fact that the ship is sinking. Get real mate. You're not doing them a favour by staying where you are - surely the best thing for them is to get themselves into a better company where they have a greater chance to learn and grow, rather than go down with the Titanic. You cannot help them, you are not responsible for them and telling them to stay with you is probably harming their long term career development.
Whether or not the company sinks or survive is not up to you, it is not your responsibility because it is not your company - you are not the director. Likewise, as for your subordinates, again, they're adults and they are responsible for themselves. I am sorry to have to say this, but you're extremely naive - there's a sense of Stockholm Syndrome going on here. You are feeling sorry for the very company that has put you in such a nasty situation in the first place - why? Not because you actually believe in any of the excuses you're telling me, but you are trying your best to justify inaction. It is far easier to stay and suffer (better the devil you know), then to venture into the unknown (which may lead to a far brighter future).
I'm sorry to be harsh, but you ask for my advice and I am giving you my brutally honest advice. You can decide to stay and try to work things out, or you can decide to go. It is up to you - but do yourself a favour and stop this Stockholm syndrome crap. You've not convinced me one bit that you actually care about this company or your subordinates I'm afraid, it just sounds like you're desperately trying to justify your inaction. Why?
1. You're not responsible for this company - if the directors and CEO have mismanaged it so badly, then it is not for you to save the day. You can't.
2. Your subordinates are probably bright, intelligent, talented people who are far better off working for a company that is not a sinking ship and you will be doing them a big favour by telling them to look elsewhere for a new job. I don't wanna be working for a sinking ship - who would?!
3. Leave lah, just fucking leave lah.
4. Or if you decide otherwise, then march into your CEO's office and tell him that you'r sibeh buay song and he can buy your loyalty if he makes you a director and get a promotion out of it. You can always try to fix the situation rather than just accept any bullshit that comes your way. Either way, be a fucking man about it. Don't be this wishy washy Stockholm syndrome fucking martyr because that's just fucking sickening lah.
Hi LIFT!
DeleteThanks for your reply to my post, and I honestly appreciate your candidness in the advice you've given me.
Resigning without a job is definitely out of the question, as I do have certain financial commitments. So, bo pien here, and as you said, will need to probably bear with it for a while. Nevertheless, I have been on the lookout for jobs for quite some time now. Will keep on doing so until I've gotten a job. Lol, did I come across as being a wishy washy matyr? Never did harbour any such intentions to be one, but nevertheless, thanks LIFT. Your frank assessment has given me another perspective on this matter.
As for the subordinates part, I will heed your advice. I have done as much I can to develop them and will leave them to chart their own careers henceforth. I just can't help but worry for them because we've been working together for 3 years now, and I know that some of them will struggle in a different setting and environment. Then again, perhaps it would be better for them, than to stay on a sinking ship.
Once again, thanks LIFT. Appreciate you taking time to advise me. In the mean time, I do look forward to your upcoming posts. Have always enjoyed your insights on current affairs!
Hi there. There's something that I find puzzling about your relationship with your subordinates - gosh that's a strange word to use, but never mind. I have had people working under me before but as they're adults and so am I, I have always treated them as peers and colleagues whereas you seem to have developed this kind of teacher-student mindset when it comes to viewing your relationship with them.
DeleteI did encounter someone who behaved like that years ago and I had to tell him to back the fuck off - he may be my line manager but I expected him to treat me with some respect and see me as a colleague, rather than someone who is above me. But that's just me, I can't speak on behalf of those working for you - but at the end of the day, if you REALLY wanna help them, you have got to see the big picture for them. All you're doing is giving out free ice cream to the passengers of the Titanic after it has hit the iceberg - can you see just how meaningless any action on your part is?
Sometimes, we all need to struggle a bit to learn - stimulation to improve ourselves comes in all shapes and forms and we all need to be jolted out of our comfort zone in order to get a fresh perspective. What future do they possibly have, staying on a sinking ship? How can you even say that staying on a sinking ship is a better option for them, good fucking grief, as we say in Chinese, zhe yang zi zhi you si lu yi tiao (as it is, this is a one way street leading to death).
Allow me to be brutally frank again: you don't make sense. You're trying so desperately hard to justify doing nothing. You may have convinced yourself - but when I read what you say, I just wanna scream WTF at the computer cos I can't believe the bullshit you're spouting. Please lah. Wake up and smell the coffee lah. I don't know about the guys working for you - but let me spell this out to you clearly.
1. They will be better off working for a computer that is growing and can offer them career development.
2. You're doing them a major disservice by keeping them in a sinking ship - in short, you're stabbing them in the back like a fiend by convincing them that they are better off staying where they are in spite of the total lack of career development there.
3. You should encourage them to think about their future prospects and see the bigger picture, rather than hide behind dumbass bullshit bloody idiotically stupid excuses like "they will struggle in a different setting and environment". Please lah, tolong lah, for fuck's sake, a change of setting and environment is never easy for anyone - not you, not me, not them - but we're all tough enough to embrace the challenges that life throws at us.
How can I put this to you in plain English? You're sabotaging your subordinates, you're stabbing them in the back. You think you're helping them but you're doing the exact opposite. You're not being their friend, you're manipulating them to justify your inactions and cowardice.
Sorry for being harsh again, but somebody has gotta tell you the truth.
Hi LIFT,
DeleteThanks for your response.
Haiyo LIFT, I mentioned that it will be better for them to struggle in a new setting and environment, rather than to stay on a sinking ship lah. Thats what I meant. I definitely didn't say its better for them to stay on a sinking ship.
Quote: "...I know that some of them will struggle in a different setting and environment. Then again, perhaps it would be better for them, than to stay on a sinking ship."
In no way am I manipulating them to stay man. I'm not crazy enough to do that lah seriously.
Well, I dont have a teacher-student relationship lah LIFT. We're peers and I also don't treat them like someone below me lah. Its just that we come from very different backgrounds and some of them aren't exactly fortunate to have both education and working experience lah. Life, and outlook, for these individuals can be quite different. They are content with doing the same thing over and over without any growth or development at all. My ex-director once mentioned that he wanted all employees working with him to grow as professionals and add value to their own careers. I somewhat subscribe to this point of view. Its this group of subordinates that I want to benefit most, and its also them Im most worried about. But of course lah, I am not going to help them by convincing them to stay on a sinking ship. In addition, if I didn't have their future prospects in mind, I wouldn't have bothered putting in effort to develop them in a bid to ensure that they are able to move up their career ladder with added skills and knowledge learned during their tenure with this current company.
Anyways, LIFT, appreciate your inputs man! Some of the things you have shared with me thus far are pretty good stuff, although I feel some of my points were misunderstood. Nevertheless, its all taken in good stride and I honestly thank you for taking time to reply.
Have a good weekend LIFT :)
Hi - sorry if I had misread/misunderstood what you said. I think that when we have relationships with other adults, we can care about them and want the best for them but you have to be able to just have a bit more of a hands-off approach at times. I have a very good friend who just keeps messing up his life by making one bad career decision after another and I know just how talented/smart he is - but I have to be careful not to nag him to death because I don't think he needs that right now, he needs someone to be supportive to get him through all that crap rather than for me to say, "I told you so". Maybe I am doing just that with you now, so I think I need to back off a little as well with you. The only difference I guess is that you came to me for advice, my friend didn't (I just wanted to support him through a very tough time).
DeleteAs for working experience and education - perhaps you have a very Singaporean view of that issue. Perhaps I have a very non-Singaporean view of the issue; I think that in the business world, you prove yourself very different: your tenacity, your problem solving skills, your ability to cope well under pressure, your ability to deal with new challenges, your people skills, how you deal with difficult people at work, how you deal with new people you meet at work etc - the list goes on. These are all considered 'soft skills' that cannot be quantified in a degree from a good university, But that's just me here in Angmohland, where my boss doesn't give a shit what degree I have as long as I have the right soft skills in the business environment - that is what matters, that is what is going to help me do what I have to do, rather than anything my results at school/uni could possibly prove.
So please don't assume anything about your subordinates just because of their backgrounds - I too had a humble background in AMK but I managed to pick up the right social skills along the way that has gotten me where I am today. So please don't underestimate the power of "soft skills" - that's one area you can help your team develop if they are lacking in those skills. Be constructive, develop their skills in that aspect so they will be able to say, "oh my manager taught me such a useful skill that will serve me for life!"