Jiat kantang fake accent?

Now I am going to talk about a video that isn't new, but the whole discussion about being 'atas' came up when netizens were discussing about the Diner en Blanc. I was surprised  that there were some Singaporeans who accused those who attended Diner en Blanc as being pretentious, dressing up in white and speaking with a fake 'jiat-kantang' Angmoh accent. Woah. What has attending a dinner event like has to do with one's accent?

French kentang goreng somemore waliao...

Given that Singapore is such a multi-ethnic, multi-lingual, multi-cultural city, why is one's accent such a sensitive issue? Having seen the video below, you will see that there is in fact a range of accents amongst the interviewees.

1st guy: Very Singaporean, no trace of any kind of Angmoh accent. He's totally incapable of pronouncing the TH digraph - that is the litmus test for me.

2nd guy in white suit who shouts "Welcome to de secret place": Totally Singaporean lah.

3rd guy with the horrible black plastic glasses: Again, totally Singaporean. This is the kind of English I would expect from say a hawker or a taxi driver in Singapore.

4th lady with the bean curd and the panna cotta: Again, very Singaporean. She says "favourism". Honey, it's "favouritism".

5th guy: Aymeric Pasquier, French accent.

6th lady with the long hair "the whole controversy is just so..." - okay, I wish she spoke a bit more as she was the only one with a hint of an American accent - but her accent is far more mixed. It's a Singapore + American mix.

There were nearly 900 attendees at the event and that's only 6 people they interviewed - but you get an idea. Now I want to show you another video from the famous Ms Pimptress when she responds to people bitching about her accent. She rocks, I love her vids.

She sounds quite American (with the sole exception of the misuse of the word 'stay' - when she means 'live), but hey, she gets the TH digraph right! Now why are people attacking her for having an American accent? Well, some Singaporeans are ridiculously self-centred. They refuse to see the world from anyone else's point of view. Here's how they think: "If I talk like that, then everyone else has to talk just like me and if they sound different, then there's something wrong with them, like they're faking it."

Such are the kinds of Singaporeans who have the 井底之蛙 "frog at the bottom of the well" mentality. They probably live with their parents, work locally, commute no more than 15-20 minutes from their parents' flat and their mental map of the world is very, very small. They probably don't have any friends from outside Singapore and don't get to travel much. Hence practically everyone they interact with on a daily basis sounds exactly like them - now they do watch television and see white people on TV. So they think, okay, that's the way white people talk, they're nothing like the people I know - therefore when they encounter a Singaporean who talks like a white person, they are unable to work out why they talk like that.

The frog at the bottom of the well.

Can I remind you please that it is the responsibility of the English teachers to teach Singaporean students standard English to a decent standard and the results... vary. Languages are not easy and some students do better than others. An important part of learning English is getting the pronunciation right - standard English is not English with a British or American accent per se, it is simply English that is spoken with the correct pronunciation, without any errors. The moment you sort out all the glaring errors (let's start with the TH digraph), the speaker will sound very different indeed. This is not accent modification per se, but merely taking a step closer to standard English.

A huge factor in Singapore is also the home environment - if a child grows up in a household where the other family members speak very good English, then obviously the child has a head start. But if a child grows up in an environment where everyone is teaching him/her bad English, then the teacher is faced with an uphill task of undoing all the damage - only for the child to go home to that very environment after school everyday where the damage was inflicted in the first place.

So for those of us who have figured out the difference between standard English and non-standard colloquial English - we know when to code switch. It is a skill that is dependent on one being able to speak standard English - not something all Singaporeans are capable of so when they hear us code switch to standard English, they take it very personally because it reminds them of their status in Singaporean society, as the students who fought a battle with standard English and lost.

Now the situation is in Singapore is exacerbated  by the fact that Singaporeans - whether or not they speak standard English - place so much emphasis on academic achievement, hence this crazy obsession with tuition and pushing their kids to work so hard at school. If one were to play by the rules of this game in Singapore and do well, then you should come out of the system with remarkably good standard English worthy of nothing less than an A in any exam the system can subject you to. Of course, the number of students who can achieve that is limited - so many Singaporeans use colloquial English in a subversive manner to challenge the system, albeit with limited effect.

Allow me to use an analogy to show you how this works in practice. Now Singaporeans love branded goods, especially Louis Vuitton (LV). There is an amazing LV boutique on its own island in Marina Bay. Imagine if a Singaporean lady worked hard and used her hard earned money to purchase an LV handbag from that Marina Bay LV boutique. The handbag cost her S$3000 (pretty average price for LV). As she was gointg to her cousin's wedding, she wanted to show all her relatives how well she is doing, that she can afford a S$3000 LV handbag. Now imagine if her relatives took one look at the handbag and said, "You get from Johor Bahru pasar malam izzit? JB pasar malam got a lot of LV fakes, very good copy, look just like original one, only about RM15 (S$6, £3 or US$4.80) - and if you bargain, can discount some more."

An LV bag here can costs thousands of dollars. 

Whether or not her relatives thought her LV was an original or not doesn't matter - the fact is they know she would be insulted at the suggestion that it was a fake, that they are not acknowledging her wealth, denying her the very statement and effect she desired by showing up at the wedding with an expensive designer handbag. It does put the owner of the LV handbag in an awkward position - if she insists that it is an original and flashes the receipt and price tag, then her relatives could say, "Wah, she is so insecure that she has to resort to carrying the receipt and price tag everywhere with her because she thinks people don't believe she is rich enough to afford an LV original." But if she keeps quiet, then she would be giving her relatives the satisfaction of having gotten away with that insult - what is she to do? She can't win either way.

Likewise, when you accuse a Singaporean of 'faking' an Angmoh accent, you are implying that the person in question is doing a rather poor imitation of the way white people speak on TV, rather than having genuinely acquired that accent through years of very hard work, studying the English language. This is exactly the same as the LV handbag analogy - except the currency here is not Singapore Dollars, but man hours of hard work. It takes just moments for one to try to mimic foreign accent - but if you spend only a moment listening to that foreigner (say a Russian person speaking English with a Russian accent) before trying to copy his accent, then no, you're simply not going to be able to reproduce his accent convincingly. But if the Singaporean has spent ages studying the English language to try to attain perfect diction and received pronunciation (RP), then using such an insult in this case would be the equivalent of calling a S$3000 LV original a cheap RM15 knock-off fake from a JB pasar malam.

Did you get your LV bag at the pasar malam? 

Now the acid test is this: can you tell the difference between an S$3000 LV original and a cheap RM15 fake? Likewise, can you tell the difference between standard RP (acquired through many years of very hard work) and a cheap imitation (with little effort invested)? I can and quite frankly, it really isn't difficult - I tend to look out for things like the TH digraph which is a dead giveaway. However, the issue here is whether or not Singaporeans can distinguish real RP from fake ones - but rather, why Singaporeans consider practically ALL Singaporeans who sound like 'Angmohs' fake regardless of the quality of their RP. It then becomes a means to insult someone (just as in the LV handbag analogy), rather than a statement about the quality of their English.

The LV handbag analogy is rather simplistic as there is a very clear difference between an original LV and a counterfeit fake: either it's real or it's fake. When it comes to English, you have many shades of grey between white and black - so on one extreme, you have someone who speaks perfect RP and on the other extreme, you have someone whose English is so bad he would fail his PSLE English exam - and there's everything in between.

Now in the case of Miss Pimptress - her English is very good but not perfect. So on the scale of 0 to 10 - with 0 being PSLE fail and 10 being absolutely perfect, she is probably around an 8.5 or 9. And yet people can try to call her accent fake? That's just crazy. What about someone who's English at a 6 or 7 - ie. not as good as Miss Pimptress but working hard to try to improve his/her English - could you label that person 'fake' because they're trying hard? Are the only people who are 'genuine' and 'not fake' those who score 3 or less out of 10 and speak really bad English? Actually, Singaporean who speak English really badly can be equally fake too. It's not about how good your English is, it's about how honest you are.

Now when Ris Low claimed to be able to speak with a British accent and was an ambassador for the 'Speak Good English Movement' on the Shan & Rozz Show (scroll down for the video), poor Ris attracted so much scorn and contempt from the public. To be honest, she deserved it. On a scale of 0 to 10, she is about a 3.5 or 4 and that's me being generous because I actually think she's quite adorable, but there you go. Watch the clip below and you be the judge. Jump to 2:40 for the discussion on her English. Now in this case, the irony is that Ris Low is blissfully oblivious to just how totally salah her 'British accent' is. Like come on Ris, did you honestly think you sounded 'British'? Aiyoh. Look, Shan and Rozz (the hosts) speak excellent English - is Ris Low totally oblivious to the fact that her English is so much worse than theirs? Could she not hear the glaring difference?

You know what she should've done? She should have chosen to laugh at herself and said, "yeah I speak Singlish lah but so does the rest of Singapore - what's your problem? Who are you to judge me if you speak just like me? Do you speak like an Angmoh? No you guys all speak just like me, so before you judge me, take a moment and listen to the way you speak." So in this case, the 'fake accent' is clear - she cannot possible do a crash course in English and modify the way she speaks in a 'My Fair Lady' style transformation in a matter of weeks. If Ris really wanted to improve her English, it would take a lot more hard work and I believe she can do it - if she was willing to invest the time and effort to improve her English.

Frankly, to avoid putting myself in any kind of awkward situation because of my accent, I would always speak Hokkien, Malay or Mandarin instead of English/Singlish. I am not going to give anyone the satisfaction of questioning the authenticity of my RP, so I would much rather use a different language given how emotive and divisive this issue is. Furthermore, I actually do speak Hokkien, Malay and Mandarin rather well and can also get by in Cantonese and love using those languages. I just don't have the time, energy or inclination to have other Singaporeans challenge the authenticity of my RP. I think these people should spend more time and energy thinking about their own accents and how well they speak English, rather than being a kaypoh about how other Singaporeans speak English.

Essentially, the issue here is that of being honest - we don't like people who are dishonest and cheat, taking illegal short cuts. Whilst we celebrate those who have triumphed through hard work, we condemn those who try to cheat their way to the same results. Take the case of Clemen Chiang for example. Allow me to quote the details of the case here:

"Thanks to a Straits Times expose on degree mills in August in which the report named ('Dr', yeah right) Clemen Chiang as having a PhD from an unaccredited university, these 48 people realized that they had made a wrong decision."

"He claimed to have a PhD in option trading, a rarity in the finance industry here. But when it came to light last year that his doctorate was from the unaccredited Preston University in Alabama, the group of 49 wanted their money back."

Now this goes beyond the snobbery of university rankings here - unaccredited universities are closely linked to bogus degrees mills in America. Quite interestingly, the Straits Times actually listed Preston University in Alabama as a degree mill in 2008 after it uncovered that several Singaporean businessmen have bogus phDs from this university. Of course, Clemen Chiang was exposed as a charlatan and a fraud - don't forget, this is a country where students work their butts off to get good results at school, often with ridiculous amounts of tuition. Thus for someone to purchase a bogus phD from a notorious degree mill in America and then to have the audacity to call himself "Dr Clemen Chiang" - should the reaction from the outraged Singaporeans surprise you? Can you imagine Singaporean parents saying, "If you fail your A levels never mind, we can buy you a phD off the internet. It's as easy as buying something off Amazon or Ebay."

You can buy a degree online but who are you trying to kid? 

By that token, I think Singaporeans would be quite happy to hear a Singaporean newscaster speak RP on TV because they would've assumed that this newscaster would've had years of English and broadcast journalism training to attain that accent - s/he is the genuine article, like the S$3000 LV original. It's not that Singaporeans have anything against people speaking good English per se. Imagine if there was a primary school teacher in Singapore (say a PRC) trying to teach the class English despite barely being able to speak English herself - how do you think the kiasu Singaporean parents would react?

Singaporeans are generally quite happy for others to speak English as well as they do - but the moment someone speaks English better than them, aha, then a defensive mechanism kicks in. They get defensive, they feel threatened and this is how they lash out when they feel threatened. It boils down to this - people tend to use themselves as the benchmark. Is this fair? Does it make sense? No it doesn't - but it doesn't stop them from having this self-centred view of the world.

Does the world revolve around you?

Is this a uniquely Singaporean issue? Hardly. The same situation exists in India - the 1991 Indian census recognizes 1,576 classified "mother tongues". Given that it is impossible to learn all the languages of India, Indians almost always default to English, the former colonial language, as a lingua franca to communicate with another person from a different part of India who speaks a different language. In such circumstances, a local form of English: Indian English is created. Like Singlish, Indian English is quite different from standard English and it can be rather hard for outsiders to understand colloquial Indian English.

Well educated Indians will be able to speak standard English with ease - whilst many simply learn Indian English to communicate with those from other parts of India and would struggle to communicate with foreigners. Thus the same bullshit happens there, with some Indians accusing others of being 'fake' when they speak standard English instead of Indian English. Mind you, the same thing can be said about any other country which has English (or French or Spanish) as a lingua franca amongst its inhabitants - Nigeria, Mali, South Africa, Mexico, Niger, Gabon, Côte d'Ivoire, Jamaica, Benin where there is often a rather large gulf between the local patois which functions as the lingua franca and a standard version of the language.

I don't think Singaporeans would bat an eyelid when they find out that I speak French well - for them, it's like, "okay, so this guy studied French and learnt a foreign language." It's not something they have chosen to do, so the fact that I don't have a Singaporean accent when I speak French doesn't bother them. However, when they hear that I don't have a Singaporean accent when I speak English - oh they get really upset and would accuse me jiat  kentang fake accent, like WTF? Why the double standards here?

Mind you, I speak over ten languages and I collect foreign languages the same way people collect stamps, rare coins or Pokemon cards. I'm focussing on my Welsh now as I am just about getting to the point where I am about to become fluent. I have a group of friends who are hyperglots - these are people who can speak more than ten languages and when I am with them, they put me to shame because they can be fluent in up to 30 languages. Yes there are people who have brains who are simply that gifted in picking up languages - an important part of that gift is the power of mimicry. They can hear something once or twice and then be able to memorize precisely how it sounds instantly and perfectly. It's a rare gift.

And yes amongst these hyperglots are white people who speak Mandarin perfectly. Their Mandarin is PRC-Beijing perfect without a trace of an accent and if you closed your eyes, you wouldn't believe that you are talking to a white person. It tends to be the tonal nature of Chinese that utterly confuses white people when they try to learn Chinese - some of them pick it up much faster than others. It's not a question of how good the teacher is or how hard they work (or even how long they have been studying it) - it is simply a gift: either you hear the very subtle differences in the tones and can reproduce them accurately, or you don't.

Okay, the American guy Tyler in the clip below speaks Singlish and Mandarin very well, though his Mandarin isn't quite perfect yet - but hey, the guy has lived in China before moving to Singapore and his Mandarin is probably better than most Chinese Singaporeans today. I thought this clip was so funny (especially the Singlish showdown - Tyler totally wins!) that I decided to use this clip instead of the one I had originally chosen of another white American speaking perfect Mandarin.

So when Singaporeans see a white person who speaks Mandarin very well, they would usually be gushing with praise at how the white person has done so well in mastering Mandarin to that standard. But oh no, when a fellow Singaporean speaks English with RP without a hint of a Singaporean accent, you pour scorn, hatred and contempt on that person for speaking English well. Why? There seems to be this implicit assumption that all Singaporeans are so freaking bad at languages that they are all totally incapable of mastering RP and speaking English without a really strong Singaporean accent. We've talked about the organizers at Diner en Blanc being a bunch of self-loathing Singaporeans who look down on their culinary roots - well talk about self-hatred. This kind of attitude, assuming that all Singaporeans are incapable of speaking RP English, well that's blatant self-hatred. Why can't a Singaporean master English with RP and then happily code switch between Singlish and standard English?

By all means, celebrate, cherish and love Singlish - and whilst you're at it, celebrate, cherish and love my Hokkien too - but don't indulge in this kind of self-hatred by resenting those Singaporeans who do speak English without a strong Singaporean accent. If you wish to get in touch with your Asian roots, then please, I encourage you to study your mother tongue and if you're Chinese, to make a real effort with your Chinese dialect. You don't get any closer to your Asian roots by speaking English badly - you only make yourself look stupid by refusing to acknowledge the need to learn standard English. If you insist on speaking English with a strong Singaporean accent... well, let me remind you what happened to this auntie, okay? You want to be like this auntie izzit? Alamak. Take it away, Vernon!