Part 1: Limpeh debunks some NS myths

Okay let's get started, these are probably the top ten statements I have heard Singaporeans say over the years about NS. Please note that this is not in any way a criticism of the SAF - so if you're from MINDEF and reading this, relax lah. In my previous piece, one of my readers pointed out to me that Singaporean women know precious little about what Singaporean men have to go through in NS so this is a piece that is primarily aimed at Singaporean women: mothers, grandmothers, aunties, sisters, girlfriends and classmates, this one is for you ladies.

Here is the list of top ten statements to kick us off:

1. NS will make me/my son/my boyfriend etc grow up and become a man. 
2. NS will be a fun time, filled with adventure to do things you won't otherwise get to do in civilian life.
3. NS is a great time of learning, to pick up skills that you won't otherwise learn in the classroom.
4. NS is a great time for making life long friends, as you have this incredible shared experience. 
5. NS will make my gay son straight. (I kid you not.) 
6. NS will teach me about team work and leadership skills.
7. NS can encourage social cohesion as you make men from different backgrounds work together. 
8. NS will teach me/my son/my boyfriend discipline.
9. Singaporean men look forward to reservist activities as it's like a holiday - they are paid generously for their time, they get to catch up with old friends and it's often a welcome break from a hectic job.
10. NS fosters a sense of patriotism and makes Singaporeans more loyal to their beloved country. 

Let's start with the first five myths in part one.

Myth no. 1: " NS will make me/my son/my boyfriend etc grow up and become a man." 

Verdict: 50-50, half true. 

Let's deal with the half that is true first. NS represents the first time the Singaporean boy will be away from his parents and this will force him to get used to the fact that his parent, grandparents and possibly maid(s) are not there to help him. He would no longer be able to yell, "Mum! Where are my shoes?" This immediately forces him to become more self-reliant and develop a sense of responsibility when he realizes that he has no one to depend on but himself. But hey, not all Singaporean boys are hopeless spoilt brats - some are already independent and responsible long before they enlist. 

"Mum! Where did you keep my shiny leather shoes?!"

However, growing up involves a lot more than learning how to perform a variety of tasks (eg. shining one's boots, keeping one's bunk clean, wearing one's uniform neatly etc). It boils down to the fact that a soldier is given orders to obey, which he does so without questioning or why he is doing it. In fact, one of the key features of military discipline is following orders without asking stupid questions. So if the brain is effectively shut out of that process, the soldier is merely in auto-pilot mode as he performs these tasks routinely. Now compare that to an athlete who wakes up every morning at 5 am to train for the Olympics because he CHOSE to do so, rather than because the whole platoon gets up at 5 am every morning.

Quite frankly, the soldier's experience in the army is not all that new. Take wearing a uniform for example, well all Singaporean students do that anyway so it's nothing new. Adhering to routines and following orders - is that so different from what teachers do with students in schools anyway? And as for the more domestic tasks like keeping one's bunk clean - heck, one should be doing that at home anyway. The environment may be new - the tasks demanded of the soldier however, are not new. 

Given that there is so little decision making involved and that the soldier is practically on auto-pilot all the time, one must have very realistic expectations in this department. Indeed, if one is merely following a routine in auto-pilot mode, then by that same token, it is so easy to go back to one's civilian's ways once you take the soldier off auto-pilot mode. It can feel like one is merely on a factory conveyor belt, being processed through this system and when you are dropped off at the other end, you realized that none of the decisions were yours, things just happened to you. Such is the NS experience - it lacks the opportunity for one to make decisions, take initiative and decide one's fate. That's why it cannot be compared to starting a small business or backpacking across Africa if you want to talk about experiences that will nurture one's character and make one 'grow up'.

Just follow your orders, don't ask stupid questions.

So yes, there is some growing up associated with this new experience in the boy's life - but hey, keep it real, don't expect any miracles. If you really want to grow up and become a man, heck - you don't need to go to the army for that. Look, loads of guys are already very mature and sensible by the age of 18 before they even enlist - why? Because their parents raised them to be sensible, responsible and decent people. As parents you've had 18 years to teach your son how to become a man - if your son is 18 but still acts like he is 12, then don't expect the SAF to step in and rectify the situation. This has far more to do with the quality of parenting the young man has had in the first 18 years of his life than whatever the SAF could do for him in the short 2 years. Get real. Parents - do your job.

Myth no. 2: "NS will be a fun time, filled with adventure to do things you won't otherwise get to do in civilian life."

Verdict: 90% False, 10% True, probably untrue for the most of you.

Again, different people will have different experiences in NS depending on their vocation and assigned units. Some of you may end up with extremely boring jobs, some of you may end up with jobs you hate and the lucky few may actually get to do something they like - it's a lucky draw really. Just remember that you have absolutely no say in your vocation assigned.

How many of you are going to get to fly helicopters or even ride in one whilst in NS?

If you're thinking in terms of 'fun' and 'adventure' - then you're really barking up the wrong tree with the SAF. You should really remember that at the end of the day, the SAF is a functioning military with a serious job to do - it is by no means a holiday camp. They are not obliged to entertain you or make sure you have a good time - on the contrary, you are there to serve and do a job. If there are aspects of your job which you find amusing or interesting, then good for you - but that is really a bonus and should be treated as such.

Really, if you want fun and adventure, get real: this is the kind of thing you need to pay good money for - such as paying for an exotic holiday in a beautiful country. My friend Max just came back from Morocco where he traveled into the desert and it was a fun adventure for him - but he paid a lot of money for that holiday and that is how the world works. The SAF is not a holiday camp and you're a soldier there, not a tourist. Get real. Some of you may travel to places like Taiwan or Thailand for overseas exercises, but it is hardly a holiday, hell no. You're there for a military exercise, not to party at a holiday resort. It's hard work - if you want a holiday, then get real: you need to pay for it. The more money you pay, the better the holiday. Fun and adventure doesn't come cheap and the SAF is not going to give it to you for free. 

Myth no. 3: "NS is a great time of learning, to pick up skills that you won't otherwise learn in the classroom."
Verdict: 80% True, 20% false, probably true for most of you.

I have talked a lot about the people skills I picked up whilst in NS. However, it was not as if there was some kind of HR course I attended whilst I was a soldier - no, these were just skills I figured out along the way. I was thrown in the deep end and it was a sink or swim situation: I learnt to swim pretty fast. Many of these people skills that I picked up then are still applicable today for me in my working life. I suppose I would've probably picked them up as a working adult anyway, but the army was a good training ground for me to learn through trial and error without too much at stake.

Nonetheless, because these are things that one is expected to learn along the way (rather than being formally taught), some Singaporean boys will be 'blur' and not learn anything if it isn't spoon-fed to them or even shoved down their throats. These are the 20% who will learn nothing.

Limpeh learnt a lot about working with others in NS.

And let's be realistic here: unless your vocation is in the same industry as your professional career, nothing you've learnt is going to be applicable in your working life - there are virtually no transferable skills you can take away. The only silver lining is for male Singaporeans to prove that they have done something outside the classroom, this is vital for fresh graduates who have yet to have any work experience and are looking for their first opportunity. Otherwise, it's pretty much a waste of time and it's up to you to make it worth your while, for example, by indulging in distance learning in your free time. Why not learn a foreign language that way?

Myth 4: NS is a great time for making life long friends, as you have this incredible shared experience.

Verdict: 75% False, 25% True

I know some of you will disagree with me especially if you have made great friends in your NS days, so hear me out. We have had at least 18 years of growing up in Singapore before we enlist in NS, so by the time we show up at CMPB for our first day, we already have a clear idea of what kind of people we'd like for friends and that is unlikely to change much during our time in NS. There is a big difference between getting along with people we have to work with and actually liking them. I learnt to get along with everyone I had to work with (is there an alternative?) but did I like them? Hardly. I disliked most of them intensely.

Are these two soldiers still friends today? I doubt it.

NS may throw us together with people whom we're unlikely to want to socialize with outside the artificial environment of the SAF and working together with them could be an interesting experience that opens our eyes. However, the moment we book out for an evening or weekend, we often simply revert back to our old civilian ways prior to enlistment. One is often most comfortable with one's own kind: so your typical English speaking A-level JC types would naturally feel more comfortable with someone just like themselves whilst your typical Hokkien peng would be far more inclined to hang out with other Hokkien pengs. There's the say: birds of a feather flock together, it's a very basic social instinct.

So if you meet someone from your own social class in NS, then sure the opportunity is there for you to form great friendships if you're working together. I was learning French via distance learning whilst I was in NS and when I actually found someone in my camp who was totally fluent in French, his name was KC. Naturally him and I became best friends and today, we're still good friends and he runs his own IT consultancy in New York today. I still remember doing prowling on guard duty with him and we would chat entirely in French as we patrolled the grounds of the camp. But the fact is, we would've been good friends anyway regardless of where we'd met. each other given how much we had in common. I worked with many Hokkien pengs in my unit, I spoke Hokkien fluently and even got many of them to really like me whilst I was there - but did I have any desire to see them socially a day after I ORDed? Not a chance. I reverted to my civilian ways the moment I was given my pink IC.

The bottom line is this: go in with realistic expectations. The NS experience is not going to change the way you make friends - in fact, you're going to befriend pretty much exactly the same kind of people you socialized with prior to your enlistment. Still, chances are - you will probably make some good friends along the way but you'll be amazed how many people you will never ever talk to ever again the moment you ORD. I ORDed in 1997 May and today, I am only in touch with one person from my NS days, the above mentioned KC.

Myth no. 5: "NS will make my gay son straight. (I kid you not.)"
Verdict: 100% False.
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Yes, I kid you not. I had this friend in my camp, let's call him Lee. Lee is gay, very gay indeed. Him and I became good friends and he told me that he came out to his mother before enlistment and she said, "Never mind, when you go to the army, NS will make you straight." Oh groan. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Lee's mother thought that being gay was associated with being effeminate and a sissy - so if Lee was marching in the army, wearing that butch camouflage uniform, shooting with rifles, handling weapons of mass destruction and exercising with other men, it would make him more butch and in turn, make him desire women instead of men.

"Go to the army and they'll make you straight!" 

Guess what? Lee did all that. He was in a combat unit and was extremely active - he was tall, handsome and very well built. He wasn't effeminate in the slightest - he simply desired cock. 2 years 4 months of all that butch combat unit macho stuff and Lee was still as gay as ever. I still remember his words, "I told my mom about shower time - it was like, wow there are cocks everywhere. Chinese cocks, Malay cocks, Indian cocks, I don't even know where to look. She nearly fainted."

I have heard a saying once (I think it's Japanese or Greek in origin but I am not sure), it goes like this: when all you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail waiting to be hammered. It means that when all you have is this one solution, you hope that it will solve whatever problem you may have. Now loads of parents in Singapore have all kinds of problems with their sons and they hope that somehow, these problems would just go away and disappear after the son serves NS - that the SAF would somehow step in and resolve whatever issues they may have. I have to say once again, get real parents, get real.

Having the son occupied with NS for 2 years may distract them from the problems at hand, but at the end of the day, the SAF is not going to solve your problems for you - it merely provides a distraction for you to delay facing those issues for 2 years. That's why Lee's mother still has to reconcile with the fact that her son is still gay after NS and issue she wasn't prepared to deal with before he enlisted. And for your information auntie, Lee's gay because he was born this way, he was born gay. It's not a lifestyle choice, it's not something he chose to do to piss you off, you need to educate yourself about human sexuality.

Mind you, turning gays straight was never ever part of the SAF's agenda. Ironically, the SAF is quite gay friendly when you compare the SAF to say the US army. Even in my time, gays could quite happily sign the 302 disclosure and 'come out' to the SAF and their sexuality would not be an issue - in fact, recently, some of the restrictions on the duties for 302 personnel have been relaxed even further. I guess it may be because the SAF needs every man they can get at this stage and they can no longer afford to give the 302s special privileges like not staying overnight in-camp. So yeah, the SAF is quite cool with the gays. How progressive of them indeed.

Click here for part 2: http://limpehft.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/part-2-more-ns-myths-debunked.html